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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Mirror, mirror on the wall...      Home login  
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 KPOL52
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 1
Mirror, mirror on the wall...Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Unhappy, resigned to it, Ok with it, mostly satisfied, completely satisfied, thrilled, elated, I should be on the cover of GQ or Cosmo or something else? Maybe your solution is to have no mirrors any bigger than 12" in the house?

After we have spent 45ish or more years on this rock we call earth, when you look in the mirror, which of the above best describes your thoughts? If none of the first three fit, how do you account for how you feel? Nothing more than luck of the genetic draw? 2 attractive parents or at least one?

Or being careful about what you eat - at least usually, some form of regular exercise, getting enough sleep, NOT stressing over the tiniest bumps in the road. Maybe you laugh a lot or spend a lot of time with friends. Science is pretty clear about the best way/s to retain vigor and youth and sexual appetite and all manner of other things as we age. Genetics is really the only one we have little control over.

Bonus question. You are likely looking for someone similar to how you feel?

Or not?
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 2
Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/5/2018 2:55:37 PM

"Unhappy, resigned to it, Ok with it, mostly satisfied, completely satisfied, thrilled, elated, I should be on the cover of GQ or Cosmo or something else?"


Extremely unhappy! My dating life is over. A quack shave off all the hair I had on top of my head and he left a large pink S scar. One of his nurses laughed and said, "You have my first initial on your head." I didn't think it was funny, but I smiled.

If I had known the outcome beforehand, I would have taken my changes living with skin cancer. It was barely noticeable: just a little discoloration. It's hard for me to believe the cancer spread the entire length of my head and over 1/4" deep.

Grrrr! I don't like being bald. Perhaps I should think about getting a toupee. Grey or white hair - of course.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 3
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/5/2018 4:52:37 PM
Get a Green Fedora.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztA0AJxHqQ8
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 4
Mirror, mirror on the wall...i hope to not crack it, at all
Posted: 4/5/2018 5:43:02 PM
I can honestly say, I never really worried about my looks as much as other people do. They'd spend $80 on a haircut, i'd invest in what was underneath. I always thought that was more important (tho I admit society does not agree). If women want to be more focused on appearance than on personality, then...that's their opinion and they are welcome to it. I like good looks to, so how can I demand anything different from them?

it would be neat to be better looking. but sex isn't the only thing to do in life. Now, being good looking isn't just good for getting laid, it also cuts down on the amount of toxicity from other people. Beautiful people get more breaks in life, according to scientific study. But, if you get breaks in life, do you learn how to deal with adversity? If you can be toxic to someone else and get away with it b/c of your 38DD's, does that help you mature as a person? Sex is certainly fun, but i'm not looking to procreate, so I can find other things to entertain that are in my realm of possibility. does that define success in life?

At least worrying about your wealth is productive--you can work harder and make more money. But you can only comb your hair over so much. Worrying about my looks is like worrying about my intelligence--might as well do what I can with what I have, but the more I worry about what I don't have, the less confidence I have to enjoy what I was born with.
 back_again4917
Joined: 4/9/2017
Msg: 5
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...i hope to not crack it, at all
Posted: 4/6/2018 6:22:18 AM
No disrespect intended Mustang, I’m just curious.

I can honestly say, I never really worried about my looks as much as other people do.

Are you saying that you do not worry about you own looks as much as others worry about your looks, or that you do not worry about your own looks as much as others worry about their own looks?

(I’m pretty sure I know. I just wanted to ask anyway.)
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 6
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/6/2018 7:20:01 AM
I think I look fabulous.
I'm not even going to say "for my age".

I'm careful about what I eat during the week,
when working, but on the weekends I eat what I want.

There isn't anything I'm willing to give up at this point in
my life, food wise, unless of course someone tells me
you'll die if you continue to eat cheese and drink starbucks
tasty beverages, then maybe I'd have to think about it.
I go for walks and I run around at the bookstore and hang
out with my daughters and grand daughter and that keeps
my weight pretty consistent.

I'm not likely to join a gym ever again. I'm also not planning
on changing anything about myself for anyone else. I might
change my schedule, but that's about it.

I'm not really looking for anyone, but then I'm not looking
away either.

I know how I might sound, and I'm okei with that...hahahaha!
Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/6/2018 7:39:47 AM
I'm mostly satisfied with how I look. I have a decent body for my age but I work at it. Spend at least two hrs a day on fitness. I started doing this not because I'm vain but for health reasons.
I notice my hair is starting to get a little thinner, thats part of aging though. I try to eat "right' but do love chocolate so that tends to be my downfall.
Overall, I'm happy with what stares back at me in the mirror, could be worse. Like a previous poster, could have skin cancer or a terminal illness. I think when you get older your priorities shift, looks arent really important to you as they once were. Well, for me, anyway.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 8
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/6/2018 8:43:00 AM
I'm ok with myself despite my average genetics. I had short parents (Father about the same height as I and my mother about a foot shorter).


I'm careful about what I eat during the week,
when working, but on the weekends I eat what I want.


I do the exact same thing Boo. I always end the weekend a couple of pounds heavier and burn it off during the week.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 9
Mirror, mirror on the wall...i hope to not crack it, at all
Posted: 4/6/2018 3:35:37 PM
"Are you saying that you do not worry about you own looks as much as others worry about your looks, or that you do not worry about your own looks as much as others worry about their own looks? (I’m pretty sure I know. I just wanted to ask anyway.) "

>>>that's an interesting question, and i'm not sure I will give the answer you expect :) I was going to say, I don't worry about my looks as much as others worry about their's. But then I thought about the few times in my life (I think this has happened in other mens' lives as well) when a woman tried to help me look better. They meant well, i'm sure, but they wanted me to spend more money on a haircut or clothes than I thought was worth spending. Not b/c I hate myself, but I just couldn't see why (For example) an $80 hair style in the 1980's was going to convince people who had overlooked me, to suddenly notice me. You can put an expensive frame on an average picture, but you won't make a Mona Lisa, y'know? and I wanted people to notice ME, and the words/ideas coming out of my mouth, not my clothes or my hair.

Five years later, at my high school reunion, people who had seemed to ignore me back in HS found me to find out how I had turned out. I couldn't help but ask why, and the general consensus was they respected that I stayed the same in HS, that I didn't chase the fashions or try to be preppy or athletic or whatever. I was what I was, regardless of the response. Of course, being respected for that, didn't mean they thought I would be fun or cool to hang out with :)

I'd love to drop some weight, like most people, but that's for health reasons. if it attracts the babes, that's icing on the cake, but when I was slender before, it didn't attract anyway. The few who chased me, had their own reasons (either b/c I was a senior and they were freshmen, or they were the two underclass(wo)men who dated everyone in my social group...and finally came around to me. I hate being picked last for the team :) ).
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 10
Mirror, mirror on the wall...i hope to not crack it, at all
Posted: 4/6/2018 4:29:53 PM

Five years later, at my high school reunion, people who had seemed to ignore me back in HS found me to find out how I had turned out. I couldn't help but ask why, and the general consensus was they respected that I stayed the same in HS, that I didn't chase the fashions or try to be preppy or athletic or whatever. I was what I was, regardless of the response. Of course, being respected for that, didn't mean they thought I would be fun or cool to hang out with :)


That sounds like Sheldon in Big Bang Theory. That would make an interesting episode-Sheldon or the geeky characters attending a high school reunion years later.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 11
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/6/2018 5:10:45 PM
If I looked in the mirror, I might say "I've still got it". Both my parents were unattractive, but have enough genetic diversity for the possibility of looking better than the parents, assuming a major mutation did not occur.

Looking for someone with a similar attitude would be futile. Women typically are dissatisfied with their looks.

Extremely careful about what I eat. This would be good in a partner.
 BretIAm
Joined: 3/25/2018
Msg: 12
Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/6/2018 7:22:05 PM
I'm happy with the way I look, and look at all the money I save on haircuts! I try to eat right and I exercise. Maybe that has something to do with it.

My mother was 5'8" and my father is 5'8.5". I'm 6'0", so I wonder how tall the mail man or the milk man were. Kidding ... sort of.

If I don't find "the one" that's okay. Since my profile says "Wants to date but nothing serious" I believe that I have reached the acceptance stage. Of course it doesn't help that I'm separated (waiting for my younger child to graduate and move, so no rush).
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 13
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/6/2018 7:33:45 PM

I'm ok with myself despite my average genetics.

CoolDog, you've got above-average genetics to me.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 14
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/6/2018 10:15:19 PM

Posted By: browneyesboo on 4/6/2018 901 AM
Subject: Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Message: I think I look fabulous.
I'm not even going to say "for my age".

I'm careful about what I eat during the week,
when working, but on the weekends I eat what I want.

There isn't anything I'm willing to give up at this point in
my life, food wise, unless of course someone tells me
you'll die if you continue to eat cheese and drink starbucks
tasty beverages, then maybe I'd have to think about it.
I go for walks and I run around at the bookstore and hang
out with my daughters and grand daughter and that keeps
my weight pretty consistent.

I'm not likely to join a gym ever again. I'm also not planning
on changing anything about myself for anyone else. I might
change my schedule, but that's about it.

I'm not really looking for anyone, but then I'm not looking
away either.

I know how I might sound, and I'm okei with that...hahahaha!


Darling, you look marvelous! Absolutely marvelous!
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 15
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/7/2018 1:04:04 AM
Hardest thing I find is that my work (irregular shiftwork - industrial job - casual - no predictable roster) wrecks any chance to have any kind of normal social life. Has been that was for 25 years (except mostly in full-time employment not casual).

As an older person (50 this year!) women on here have kids and will have already one one or many previous partners, and men like myself are just confused because every profile seems fake and women's expectations at the 40+ range seem to be impossible to pin down.

If anything, dis-illusionment is the biggest factor. It's a form of depression I suppose, but all we can do is embrace who/what we are and put the honest picture of ourselves out there realising that 1 percent of men are the 'alpha' type that 100 percent of the women on dating sites want, and alpha types almost never use (or need to use!) dating sites! Kind of knocks the legs out from the horse before the horse has even had a chance to stand up...
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 16
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/7/2018 10:32:10 AM

zonavar69
As an older person (50 this year!) women on here have kids and will have already one one or many previous partners, and men like myself are just confused because every profile seems fake and women's expectations at the 40+ range seem to be impossible to pin down.

Hey, you’re just a kid, do not be calling yourself an older person. Someone very wise once said something along the lines of, “10 years from now you will look back and wish you had taken advantage of all the opportunities you had then, the things you could do then, and can’t do now.”

And let me let you in on an important secret. Yes, women are confused, just as you are. It’s your job to convince them that YOU are what they want. So get busy on that.

zonavar69
realising that 1 percent of men are the 'alpha' type that 100 percent of the women on dating sites want, and alpha types almost never use (or need to use!) dating sites!

I have found that not to be true, either part. First of all, there are many men who are the alpha or leader type, much more than 1%. And I have found that many women do NOT want an “alpha” or leader type. And the older women get, the less they want a dominant male. Most women in your age group are going to want a man who will share leadership responsibilities. Yes, initially, you need to show self confidence, and an ability to make decisions. Non of this wishy-washy stuff,

“What do you want to do tonight?”

“I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

Be the “man with the plan”, but also show a willingness to be flexible, and let her lead on occasion.


MachIMustangII
But then I thought about the few times in my life (I think this has happened in other mens' lives as well) when a woman tried to help me look better. They meant well, i'm sure, but they wanted me to spend more money on a haircut or clothes than I thought was worth spending. Not b/c I hate myself, but I just couldn't see why (For example) an $80 hair style in the 1980's was going to convince people who had overlooked me, to suddenly notice me. You can put an expensive frame on an average picture, but you won't make a Mona Lisa, y'know? and I wanted people to notice ME, and the words/ideas coming out of my mouth, not my clothes or my hair.

Big difference between “notice” and “appreciate”. Think about that one for a minute, and I do believe you will understand my meaning with no need on my part to elaborate.



MachIMustangII
I hate being picked last for the team 😊😊

Neah, not me. I was always happy to get to play. Especially with girls!


CBGB77 (speaking to Boo)
Darling, you look marvelous! Absolutely marvelous!

Damn, you beat me to it! A big “+1” to that.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 17
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/7/2018 11:33:24 AM
Too busy to bother staring at the mirror.

I've never been pretty... heck, even my parents said it was such a good thing I was smart so I'd never have to depend on a man (with the implication that I'd never attract a guy). I had two very attractive parents but, sadly, their genes didn't mesh right for me.

Sure, I use the mirror to set my eye shadow straight and make sure I don't poke myself in the eye with my mascara but I've never used a mirror to gauge my satisfaction or preen my ego. I'd love a large mirror in the house - more light and I could see how the totality of me looks as I'm ready to go out. I'd be thrilled to see if my fashion sense is as good as I like to think it is but that's about as thrilled as I'd get. Not 'I look gorgeous'. It's too alien a concept to attempt.

Am I careful about what I eat? Yes.
Regular exercise? Yes.
Sleep? Usually.
Friends? Occasionally.

Am I looking for the male version of me?
Good question with a far from simple answer.
In some ways, yes and in some ways no.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 18
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/7/2018 11:47:42 AM
LOL I have been ugly for so long, I hardly think about anymore. It just is, why worry about it?
Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/7/2018 8:40:54 PM
My friends my age, we all grovel around in our compliments back and forth and really mean it.

The fallacy in thinking this way is that all the people you know are aging along with you so of course you don't look any older or notice that you are aging daily. Just a sense of sameness.

But, what I do notice is that people in their early 20's keep looking younger and younger. So, if you really think you are beating your age and think you are still looking mid twenties when you are early 30's or whatever, try this: Go to a college frat party. You'll stand like a sore thumb and they will say things like "Yes sir" or "No, ma'am."

Yeah, right, I don't look a day over 35. No, unfortunately I look years over.
 Devilsfan58
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 20
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/8/2018 12:13:56 AM

Darling, you look marvelous! Absolutely marvelous!


I will second that and over the years I think her pictures and looks have become more attractive. Wondering why she is still here!!!!
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 21
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/8/2018 10:14:41 AM
I swing across not OK with it, OK with it and mostly satisfied depending on what's happening in my life.

I was raised to believe I was fat and ugly. It has taken a lot of years to break that brainwashing.

My health is excellent, I engage in both strength and endurance activities, and have good skin tone (looking at my 79 yr old mother this is likely to continue for awhile). The last year, however, has posed some challenges where I didn't take care of my weight so that's what I'm not OK with it but certainly not resigned to it; losing weight is on my agenda for this year.

The thing I find funny on an Over 45 thread is that what I think about my face is the only aspect of my appearance I'm mostly satisfied with and that didn't happen until after age 45. I'd been totally brainwashed I was ugly - not double-bagger ugly, but enough so that the only way I would attract a man would be by brains, sex, personality or income level. So when I started post-divorce dating at age 44, compliments were a cause of significant cognitive dissonance. So much so that I'm actually quite pleased to realize that I've broken through to where I am mostly satisfied.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 22
Mirror, mirror on the wall...don't make me throw you down the hall
Posted: 4/8/2018 10:30:39 AM
"Big difference between “notice” and “appreciate”. Think about that one for a minute, and I do believe you will understand my meaning with no need on my part to elaborate."

>>>Good point Henry, I just meant in terms of being a young adult, where ANY attention--positive or negative--might be appreciated. In terms of maturity, however, being noticed isn't enough, i'd rather be appreciated, and that's the word I should have chosen, you are correct.

"What I do notice is people in their early 20's, keep looking younger"

>>>I never had kids or nieces or nephews, so I have zero reference for young peoples' age. I could be off by 5-10 years sometimes. Of course, body language also helps--does the person stand with confidence, what level of maturity do they reveal in their reactions to stimuli, etc. Age can be measured biologically or maybe by something more. An older person might declare they have a "young soul", but the wrinkles around the eyes suggest their body isn't as young as their soul. and yet younger relatives or coworkers may feel comfortable around that person, due to their actions.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 23
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/8/2018 2:54:16 PM

Darling, you look marvelous! Absolutely marvelous!


LOL, WHY is Boo still here? Oh jeez, There is no "shelf life" in the Forums AND I have heard rumors there are cookies!
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 24
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/8/2018 6:15:09 PM
Did I hear cookies? Oh, those molasses cookies of my youth! When only Crosby molasses would do (does that give me away as a Maritimer?).
As far as the mirror on the wall, it's become as boring as Facebook to me. It used to hold interest for me. I'm not sure when it stopped; sometime around age 50 perhaps when I realized I didn't have it left in me to fight for my looks. I do my hair and make up in the morning and then leave the mirror for the rest of the day until I wash and brush my teeth and hair at the end of the day. I guess I've become a little more focused on what people have going on inside that outside these past couple of years.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 25
Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/9/2018 12:51:18 AM
A year ago I did not like the person I saw in the mirror. That person was not happy. That person cried a lot. I didn't care about my appearance much then. My life with my ex was financially deficient, I hadn't had new clothes in years and my glasses were crooked and in need of replacement and I hadn't had a haircut in years. I look in the mirror a lot these days and I'm such a different person now. I look and think to myself, I'm pretty now and I'm happier, and I generally like what I see. My hair is cut nicely and I wear contacts a lot and I have new clothes. It all makes such a difference in my self-confidence. People seem surprised still when I tell them I'm 34. I've overweight but my weight is distributed well, big boobs and butt. I don't mind my curves for the most part although I would like to be at least 20 pounds lighter. When I look at photos though....I hate photos of myself.
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