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 hey_suze
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 1
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Don’t want any negativity in my profile Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So, I don’t like reading “ I don’t want” or do this in profiles, but I’m seeing why some do.
Why do some men write “ what’s the point in this no one reads it” well, we do, at least I do and it would be very helpful to you if you did too.
I have a couple of pics with pooches and even have asked if THEY have a pooch we can walk...AND I have no pets in my profile, yet I hear, il walk your pooch with you...
Just read the damn profile...it’s there to help us all out....
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 2
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/15/2018 5:28:05 AM
I’m not perfect so I’m afraid of people who are negative in their approach, they’ll see the worst in me.
I don’t need that in my life.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 3
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Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/15/2018 6:56:27 AM


So, I don’t like reading “ I don’t want”


Pot, kettle. You started a thread with "don't want", then you begin the post by saying you don't like "don't want".

Why would someone who claims they don't want negativity in their profile have "don't" three times within 10 words?

Easy to express oneself without negative words.


One thing that seems consistent with profiles containing "don't do ..." and "no ...". Anyone who reads the profile and isn't eliminated by the gauntlet of "don't" and "no", has ZERO chance of getting a response. For example if a profile says "No smokers, no Harley riders, no Trump supporters, no married or separated, nobody outside the metro area..." People who write such profiles are never interested in anybody left standing.

Using profile photos as tributes to dead pets is another form of negativity.
 hey_suze
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 4
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Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/15/2018 7:12:32 AM
Which was my point...it’s not nice to read, but after getting messages where they either don’t read your profile, or don’t actually take it in, I can see why some do start putting on their write up...not that it makes any difference if it’s not being read, and it is a negative if someone does read it and takes it in.
So no pot or kettle needed here...
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 5
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/15/2018 11:50:26 AM
I like reading profiles, especially if it's someone that's written me - it sometimes can give a little insight about how someone communicates/how they write, their sense of humor, their interests/if they align with mine, if they're an animal lover or not, etc.

I totally get what you're saying, because many do assume that most don't read, so they don't write much/if anything. I know that people that actually read profiles are in the minority, but things didn't always start out this way. Remember 5 or 10 years ago when OLD was not the norm, more people put a focus on actually writing, being creative, witty and engaging.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 6
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/15/2018 1:29:38 PM
I don't mind the negativity. If someone puts in their profile all the bad qualities they don't ever want to see again in a man...it tells me they've dated a lot of men with those qualities. That's what turns them on when they see it in a hot looking guy, and so I don't have a chance b/c I don't have those qualities. Before OLD existed, I used to chase some of these women, thinking they went after loser dudes b/c they were easy to get a date from...why else would someone intentionally date a jerk? turns out, they do intentionally want drama, or a fixer-upper, or someone with poor impulse control and so on. they get something out of that, until it bites them right in the ass.

And if a woman posts she wants a gym body, then I know not to waste my time, either. but then, I've given up on finding someone, so when others see barriers, I see "don't waste your time, and here's the reason why" signs. I understand why some get upset that negativity translates into, "you can't have me".
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 7
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/15/2018 3:23:42 PM
It's not necessarily just about people not reading a profile. People can also read it a profile and ignore what is said. Such as the men that are just looking for sex can ignore disclaimers like "I'm not looking for a hookup or a FWB", "No players" etc and pretend that they are sincere about wanting a serious relationship. OTOH the men that are actually looking for a serious relationship might be turned off by a negative profile from a woman complaining about men or her previous experiences with OLD.

Also when a profile states "No blacks", "No fat women", "No Muslims" etc, I could see some people from those groups reading the profile and still emailing that person to get under his/her skin.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 8
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Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/15/2018 3:55:32 PM

MachIMustangII
And if a woman posts she wants a gym body, then I know not to waste my time, either. but then, I've given up on finding someone, so when others see barriers, I see "don't waste your time, and here's the reason why" signs. I understand why some get upset that negativity translates into, "you can't have me".

Sometimes I pay attention and back away, sometimes not. Depends on a number of factors. One is just how good looking she is. If she really isn’t DDG, and she has been on here a while, she may be ready to settle for a man who will take her out dancing and show her a good time, even if he isn’t skinny.

Women who have been married for 30 years, and then get divorced or widowed, tend to have a relatively high opinion of their market value. They remember when they were young, before they got married, and all of the young men were chasing after them. But life isn’t like that anymore, not unless they truly are in the top 10% of women in their age range. They start off with some very high expectations, and then they learn to lower those expectations, or they settle for having cats and grandkids.

Sometimes what you see on the profile used to be true, but in the immortal words of one of our ex-presidents, “That statement is no longer operative.”

And just in case you think I am being unkind or unfair to women, I went through exactly the same transition when I became divorced after a 27 year marriage. Life has a habit of correcting your false impressions, sometimes very harshly.
 Tyro327
Joined: 4/5/2018
Msg: 9
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/15/2018 4:49:49 PM
No I don't want to read the damn profile I want you to read the damn message.

You see I do enjoy talking to women and I pay attention but let's be serious they need to have something really worth talking about. And if they won't even respond to some guys based on a friendly polite introduction, I have no sympathy for them at all.

Because most of my introductions start with a hello my name is Jason nice to meet you, Would you can spare some time for an inquisitive man who would like to know about you? I only have a few short questions message me back please. Thank you for your time.

Do you see any reference to the lady or her interests no! but I am assuring her I have a few short questions I would like answered about her. Why would I need a damn profile read for any woman to answer a question I might have about her when I know it's not on her profile to begin with? I know this because 99.9% of the profiles don't have it. You want proof what's your favorite meal? What's your favorite colour? What's your favorite flower? If you could spend a weekend with you and a loved one where would it be? And why? How many fingers am I holding up? Sorry just checking making sure your not psychic cause that would ruin everything. Finish the sentence me and you and a...... what's the first thing you think of? What is the most influential event that happened in your life? I got hundreds that have nothing to do with a profile, explain how your profile is important when you give nothing about you on it that I want to know? Lmao

You want guys to be inquisitive about who you are and what you are about, but ignore any message that doesn't show they read your profile. Well then I guess you just missed all the interesting questions I wanted to ask. :-P
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 10
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/15/2018 5:38:09 PM
I hear you OP. This stance appears arrogant, the poster with negativity in their profile acts as if they already have a crowd of admirers knocking on their profile's door.
I like simple old-school profiles. I am BLAH, I do BLAH and I hope to meet BLAH, have a nice day.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 11
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/16/2018 11:51:51 AM
I had to come back to comment, because I stand by the confirmation that most people do not read - even if someone takes the time to list things like: they're a non-smoker, they do not have kids, marital status. Granted, we all know that many people lie and omit things intentionally.

But for the same minority that are honest and upfront, I think it helps, because let's be real OLD is not a cake walk for anyone. As an example, I was getting messaged a few times by the same guy - someone with dreads. I am NOT attracted to men with braids or dreads. I've listed it purposely to try to save someone from wasting their time.

The problem is many do not read and even if some do read, they may figure to try anyway. So reading does help, just as much as disclaimers - people are entitled to their preferences.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 12
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Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/16/2018 1:03:43 PM

I have a couple of pics with pooches and even have asked if THEY have a pooch we can walk...AND I have no pets in my profile, yet I hear, il walk your pooch with you...

I don't get it. You have pets in your profile. Two separate pictures, although one says you miss him (gone), and another with 3 dogs. They're not going to eye the Pets Y/N thing. And if you have dogs that you're tending to in multiple profile pics, one will assume that you very well may have some to play with.

I would just chill out about that. Again, a picture's worth a thousand words -- it's an understandable mixup that one shouldn't get frustrated about. :)
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 13
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/18/2018 11:28:53 AM
The problem is, guys do most of the initial messages, but have no idea which women will be attracted to them... so some just send form letters.

But dating is a process anyway, there are few instant matches - so everybody has to pull weeds to find a rose.

Again, it's just all part of the process.... it takes time to get to know someone.......and even if someone skims your profile, that does not mean they have memorized it at first glance. Welcome to dating - the world's biggest cat-and-mouse game.

Hang in there......don't get caught up in the details. You only need to find one good one.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 14
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Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/18/2018 1:31:50 PM

guys do most of the initial messages, but have no idea which women will be attracted to them...


Ain't that the truth.


Hang in there......


I'm hangin'.


You only need to find one good one.


Indeed.

I've been saying the same thing.....for 45 years.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 15
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/18/2018 1:40:44 PM
"You only need to find one good one."

Let's see: One good one out of about 3.5 billion people (about half of the world's population). How hard can that be?
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 16
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/18/2018 4:02:54 PM
"Sometimes I pay attention and back away, sometimes not. Depends on a number of factors. One is just how good looking she is. If she really isn’t DDG, and she has been on here a while, she may be ready to settle for a man who will take her out dancing and show her a good time, even if he isn’t skinny. Women who have been married for 30 years, and then get divorced or widowed, tend to have a relatively high opinion of their market value. They remember when they were young, before they got married, and all of the young men were chasing after them."

>>>to go off on a tangent, i'm reading an old book on positive thinking. I always wanted to believe that prep work paid off each and every time, b/c I thought that was fair. Work hard, get rewarded. I hated the comment by professional soldiers and sports athletes, "i'd rather be lucky than be skilled". That seemed rather...arbitrary. Hard to plan for luck.

Later I would learn that you can be the best and still get tripped up by bad luck--so they were right. Woody Allen claimed 80% of success in life was just showing up. I guess that means is, take a gamble, and luck may smile on you. But I still wish I had those looks that made such things a sure thing :) Not just for dating, either.

"sometimes what you see on the profile is true"

>>>sometimes, I find younger people claim to want relationships for a variety of reasons, but the one they don't realize is they want confirmation they are hot stuff, or hot-enough stuff, and getting a person of status to commit to a relationship is that confirmation. And not being alone is also very nice.

"life has a habit of correcting your false impressions, sometimes harshly"

>>>boy does it ever! but it can be real fun to watch it happen to others...tho :) I think the German term is schadenfreude.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 17
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Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/18/2018 6:25:54 PM
"Anyone who reads the profile and isn't eliminated by the gauntlet of "don't" and "no", has ZERO chance of getting a response."

I totally disagree with this, because my profile has a few major disqualifiers, and yet I still get the occasional letters - and I usually respond.

Talk is cheap - what's tough is getting a date - and that's what disqualifiers are about. I'll talk to almost anyone for a day, a week, a month - as long as they have interesting things to say. But it doesn't guarantee a date - and often I will state and restate the MISMATCH so the reader is informed I'm not going to be asking her out. But she wants to chat about interesting stuff, I'm still here.
 Kelley300698
Joined: 3/21/2018
Msg: 18
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 4/22/2018 8:25:01 PM
I really don't believe it much matters what you put in your profile. Before anyone will contact you, you must meet their minimum looks, age range, and perhaps height and location. If you pass that, likely they will message you or reply to your message. You can take it from there as to whether or not a relationship develops.
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 19
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 5/15/2018 7:57:54 PM
It really doesn't matter what you put in your profile because most won't read it. I have added things in mine just for some lazy man to message and ask everything that was already stated, and then get mad because I'm obviously annoyed by his laziness. There are also those who-for whatever reason-desperately try to be the opposite of whatever you wrote or message you just to question why you have what you have on your profile. Ex. I state I block men who send "hey beautiful" messages. I've had men message me just to ask me why I won't accept a "compliment". Of course they get some choice words and then I block them. These people don't care.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 20
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 5/16/2018 6:04:16 AM
When people say "read the profile", they mean they expect you to memorize their profile immediately.......... wake up and smell the coffee, it does not work like that, they are also looking at other profiles, you are not the only one here........ grow up.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 21
Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 5/16/2018 7:14:35 AM

Msg 19:
I've had men message me just to ask me why I won't accept a "compliment". Of course they get some choice words and then I block them.


Why do you feel a need to tell them off if you're just going to block them anyway? Be an adult about it.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 22
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Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 5/16/2018 8:30:57 AM
People navigate here differently. If you don't like their approach or lack of attentiveness to your profile then don't respond to them.
Ignore it. Easy Peasy.

Why come here and complain? It's simple and the best advice for OLD is to keep it simple. You never really know someone from what they post on their profile. It can be meaningless or straight up lies. People lie with pictures too. I met someone once and their picture had to be 20 years old.

I met a man here in 2008. He said he was 35, lived in Bellingham, was a single Dad with two autistic sons and a runaway wife/mother that was drug addicted. He told me his name was Scott Reynolds. All LIES. Even his name. A year later I found out his real name and his real situation. He was married, a gambler, neglected his family and lied to his wife about me, lied to me about her.He was living with her the whole time. He also had other woman friends as FWB and no job and he was 42 living in Millbury. No truth at all..

His profile was very alluring, funny and his pictures were great, but what you see and read isn't always what you get. I wouldn't size up anyone based solely on their profile or pictures. Nothing is real until you meet and even then you can't trust someone until you can trust them.

Now.. I want REAL . I video chat, I ask for real names, I google them and if they object to any of it.. I'm off to the next. You see how simple that is?

"Just read the damn profile...it’s there to help us all out..." WRONG. Not always, maybe not even most of the time, but maybe sometimes.
 JGL209
Joined: 5/1/2018
Msg: 23
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Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 5/16/2018 9:42:57 PM
You're cheek to cheek with a man in one of your photos and to me that is negative..


"I have a couple of pics with pooches and even have asked if THEY have a pooch we can walk...AND I have no pets in my profile, yet I hear, il walk your pooch with you...
Just read the damn profile...it’s there to help us all out...."

What!!!?
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 24
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Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 5/18/2018 8:44:45 AM

"I have a couple of pics with pooches and even have asked if THEY have a pooch we can walk...AND I have no pets in my profile, yet I hear, il walk your pooch with you...
Just read the damn profile...it’s there to help us all out...."

What!!!?


Exactly.

Self-Awareness is critically deficient.
 playingindirt
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 25
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Don’t want any negativity in my profile
Posted: 5/24/2018 7:01:06 AM
I never used to state in my profile what I don't want or anything that might make me appear less desirable a potential mate. but the reality is we all have things about us that would not go over very well to someone that might be interested in us if they're the wrong person for you.
example: I'm a very kind person. however a negative is I can be brutal if you harm me. the truth is I can be both.

I don't trust profiles that only state the good stuff.

I think it's better to just be honest and say it like it is and take your chances.
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