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 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 1
Attractive Qualities Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
What are some non-physical qualities that you find to be endearing or attractive? I was thinking of all the people I've known throughout my adulthood that were pretty average in terms of looks or body but something about them shined much brighter than those who'd turn heads just based on looks. There was one young woman in particular who had a beautiful singing voice and knew how to guitar, piano and violin. If I just saw her walking on the street, I wouldn't give her a second glance but watching her sing and play music (something she is obviously passionate about) makes her very attractive. Bubbly, engaging, approachable personalities also get me most times .

Any similar stories/experiences?
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 2
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/17/2018 10:20:38 AM
I greatly admire a person who can laugh at themselves.

A few former patients, who by anyone else's standards should have been extremely depressed, were not in the least.
I administered breathing treatments to 2 women who were in the later stages of MS. One in her 40's the other in her 60's.They never had a pity party and most often had a comedic comeback to something I had said. They made me laugh!

A person who can find humor, where others can only find fault, is very "attractive" to me.
 Tyro327
Joined: 4/5/2018
Msg: 3
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/17/2018 5:33:22 PM
Faithfulness plain and simple.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 4
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Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/17/2018 7:04:22 PM
Some people just have that certain quality. It’s a little like the old joke about art, “I know it when I see it.” Part of it is sharing a sense of humor. Part of it is being nice, not being mean spirited. And for me, personality, intelligence, wit, conversational ability count beaucoup.

There is a woman in one of my Meetup groups that I have known for maybe two and a half years now. I have been strongly attracted to her since the first time I met her. She has “it”, whatever it is. She is a widow, and kept telling me that she wasn’t ready to date, and I respected that. Then, about 3 or 4 months ago, she showed up with a date, and afterwards I asked her (again) about going out with me.

She said that I have a reputation as a player, a serial dater, and she didn’t want to deal with that. I went away, thought about that for a few minutes, and came back with an offer. You agree to date me, and we will be exclusive from this moment until we both agree that it is over, for whatever reason. An offer I have never made before in my entire life, but I was serious.

Which didn’t work, so I’ll probably never try that ploy again. I did mean it, but I’m not at all sure that she believed me. Oh, well.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 5
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Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/17/2018 7:56:56 PM
have a sense of humor, non-judgmental, can deal with sudden changes (aka life), can or is willing to learn how to dance, is friendly or can act as such (in the case of introverts), isn't afraid to take risks, can commit to something (tattoos, care of children, maintain an apt/house, job), has sympathy for others, is someone who may be short on words but when he speaks he releases a "gem", has his own opinions and not of the general public, understands what is important in life (aka what is real vs illusions like social media and the latest trend).
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 6
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Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/17/2018 8:11:48 PM
A goodness, faithful, kindness in treatment to others, Good work ethic.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 7
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/18/2018 7:43:40 AM
Helen Hunt and Mary Louise Parker tend to play characters that just have something about the way they carry themselves that isn't sexy, but sure makes them unique amongst beautiful women. YouTube has plenty of clips to show as examples. Their passion for a subject makes them as neurotic as endearing. But a 400 lb woman who doesn't have MLP's large eyes who acted that way? It wouldn't cause the same result. Physical beauty is nice, but personality and brains are the extra that makes one unique. Also, amongst men, there are times a woman who looks good and has a healthy attitude towards sex, stirs something within him. He might wonder why, b/c her hips are big, but "There's just something about her", and that something is...knowing he won't have to jump thru hoops to get some great sex from her. She's as interested in it as he is.

Susan Boyle may not have won any contests if you just saw her two dimension photo, but when you watched and heard her sing...you were impressed. She had something few did, and that's what made her unique. I once dated a gal I wasn't attracted to (back when I was told I was too picky and should settle) b/c she had overcome a TBI from a car accident, taught herself again how to walk, and gave speeches to experts who said she shouldn't be able to hold a job and run a family (she wasn't married then, of course, but is now and keeps in contact). OK, the fact that she is quite horny (don't know if the TBI helped that) and she's stacked, yeah, that helps :)

Henry mentioned having a rep as a player/serial dater. That can turn some women off, but it can turn some women on. Some women date that kind of a man b/c they know where the relationship will end up (regardless of what they've told people they are looking for). And some of the women are in the same boat, so they don't feel they are going to lead on a guy looking to get married soon. sometimes we're flat out attracted to a person who views the purpose of relationships the same way we do.

An ice princess or entitlement queen is only attractive if you're looking to win over someone unwinnable. An engaging or a talented person is...well, duh.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 10/14/2017
Msg: 8
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/18/2018 7:55:12 AM
Attractive qualities in a mate for me is a whole lot of things.
I had a bad marriage and then a good one. It was the subtle things that mattered to me.
After nearly 18 years together...we still treated each other with respect and honesty.
And we each considered ourselves the 'lucky one'.

I can't remember us ever having a major argument about anything.
We worked well together and took each others feelings into consideration before doing anything.
I knew, he wasn't much of a people person as much as I was...so we compromised.
Maybe, that's the ticket....compromise and respect.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 9
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Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/18/2018 8:54:16 AM
I agree with everyone that a sense of humor is very important.

But one quality that makes all the difference in making a relationship last is EMPATHY.

I don't necessarily mean the SYMPATHY that is needed when you've had a hard day, or face some personal tragedy. I mean that empathy that's necessary to see both sides of issues, to understand what a partner (different gender) has learned to value. And what he/she goes through daily as their own person.

This empathy is what generates mutual respect and understanding. No healthy relationship can survive without it.

I do understand that men are created and socially engineered to have less than women, but it's possible to have enough.

At my age, I don't date just for fun. Empathy is something I silently notice in a man early on -- well ahead of getting serious about him.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 10
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Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/18/2018 9:29:35 PM
I like shyness. It's cute when guys are shy. Much as confident guys can be attractive sometimes they just get on my tits.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 11
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/19/2018 7:29:03 AM
I suspect there may be a difference between what attractive qualities in a stranger turn our head, and what attractive qualities we see in a partner, that convinces us to overlook the tiny little annoyances.

its interesting that humor is attractive to people....since there's different types of humor. Some might confuse sarcasm for humor, until its turned on them. But it makes sense that the person we wish to spend our spare time with....contributes to the fun we wish to have in our down time.

perhaps that gets us back to the differences....what makes us want to tear someone's clothes off and procreate, may not be the same thing that makes us want to go to sunday brunch with them and fall in love with spending time with them. there's that wonderful grey area between "JUST a friend" and girl/boyfriend.

I've known people who said they didn't want a relationship, and I thought, "well, what else is there? Either you're in a relationship or you're having sex, there isn't a middle ground. if you want to hang around after the sex, you're dating."
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 12
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/19/2018 7:56:19 AM
"I suspect there may be a difference between what attractive qualities in a stranger turn our head, and what attractive qualities we see in a partner..."

A lot of it boils down to that mysterious power of instant chemistry. Nobody can define it, but many people claim that they knew instantly that the stranger they're meeting for the first time is the One-no doubt about it. And if that magical feeling doesn't happen within a billionth of a second when meeting someone, then it's a waste of time.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 13
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/19/2018 7:57:08 AM
A sense of humour that matches your own is a big turn on. Kindness turns me on big time too. A guy who I see making time for an elderly person or giving nice attention to a kid gets 10 times more attractive in my books.

MachlMustang11

I've known people who said they didn't want a relationship, and I thought, "well, what else is there? Either you're in a relationship or you're having sex, there isn't a middle ground. if you want to hang around after the sex, you're dating."

I think the difference is exclusivity. If you are in a relationship you are only seeing each other (let's exclude polyamoury in here). Plus sometimes a person is not wanting a long-term relationship and just wants someone to escape with or get a release with from time to time. I still am not sure about the FWB thing though. Sex would be better if you are attracted to someone and want to be with them. If you really don't want to be with the person I think the sex gets worse and worse after a while.
 zsuzsa62
Joined: 1/31/2016
Msg: 14
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/19/2018 9:33:18 AM
Someone who is still moved by the simple things that bring joy or beauty. That child-like quality of being engaged in the moment. Can still find that "joi de vivre", in spite of all the chaos around.
Also, easy going. Isn't bothered by small things, which usually means a person who is secure in themselves.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 15
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Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/19/2018 10:47:48 AM
# 1 ~ sweetness ( a harmonious combination of inside beauty and intelligence )

# 2 ~ empathy ( the capacity for participation in another's feelings or ideas > thank you lulu )

# 3 ~ thankfulness for this brief period of time, life has been given to us ( I am not religious but, have been truly blessed < thank you parents & great country )

# 4 ~ easy going ( a nice trait, as you'll be with me, col )

#5 ~ hard working

#6 ~ intelligence

#7 ~ not being into frivolous money spending - content with knowing the bills are caught up and there is food on the table

#8 ~ great sense of humor ( a must )

 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 16
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Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/19/2018 10:49:34 AM

What are some non-physical qualities that you find to be endearing or attractive?


Mine.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 17
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Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/19/2018 11:08:51 AM
" sometimes they just get on my tits "

yeppers feirene, I can see it ...
we men are so cute , just like lil' puppies , col
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 18
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/19/2018 12:15:14 PM

(backcreek7): #8 ~ great sense of humor ( a must )


That's a switch. It's usually the women who demand that men must have a sense of humor. But do these women have a sense of humor as well? How many women are willing to be the comedian/clown in the relationship instead of the man?
 Canelas19
Joined: 7/17/2017
Msg: 19
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Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/19/2018 1:40:24 PM
Intelligent, Kind hearted, hard working, caring.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 20
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Posted: 4/19/2018 5:49:23 PM
Nice. I like nice people. People who think about others, care about their comfort/feelings. Funny how everyone thinks they're nice but truly nice people, who aren't always benefiting in some way from being nice to others are few and far between.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 21
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/20/2018 10:49:04 PM
On this site, the basics like somebody sane and nice seem to be most important.......... some of you guys are dreamers and watch too many movies
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 22
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Posted: 4/20/2018 11:54:08 PM
Why would she agree to be exclusive to you when clearly she is just not that into you for whatever reason. No wonder the ploy didnt work.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 23
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Posted: 4/21/2018 10:25:11 AM

LetitiaLeGrande
Why would she agree to be exclusive to you when clearly she is just not that into you for whatever reason. No wonder the ploy didnt work.

Okay, that deserves a response. We actually do get along well. I run into her at least once a month, sometimes 3 or 4 times a month. We always talk, and laugh, and dance, and yes, a little flirting as well. This is over a period of two and a half years.

Now, today, I suspect that you’re right, she just doesn’t want to date me. Previously, that was not at all clear. I know for sure that she was not dating, anyone, anywhere, for the first two years that I knew her. How do I know? Because she is the kind of person that tells the truth. She might deflect, but she is extremely unlikely to ever lie. One of the qualities that I like about her.

When she made that statement about me “being a player”, I took her at her word. She meant what she said, she did not want to date a player. Which does not mean that she would date me if I weren’t a player, there could easily be multiple reasons. But there was only one way for me to find out, and I did so.

But that’s okay, really. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And we are still friends.


MachIMustangII
I've known people who said they didn't want a relationship, and I thought, "well, what else is there? Either you're in a relationship or you're having sex, there isn't a middle ground. if you want to hang around after the sex, you're dating."

Which reminds me of the old joke: “Men don’t pay prostitutes for sex, they pay them to leave afterward.”

But, on a more serious note, I think there can be some middle ground in there. And I will disagree with Julystorm7, I don’t think the key factor is exclusivity. I will agree with this statement made by her, and most strongly:


Sex would be better if you are attracted to someone and want to be with them


Which does not always mean exclusivity. I have been with women that I liked very much. Great sex, good times out doing things together, but we both knew that we would never work out in the long run.
 ChorusAurora
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 24
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/21/2018 10:56:56 AM
OP wrote in part:
Sex would be better if you are attracted to someone and want to be with them. If you really don't want to be with the person I think the sex gets worse and worse after a while.


I must be missing something or else I'm really dim...I only have sex with someone I'm attracted to and want to be with. If I really don't want to be with that person why???am I having sex with him???

I don't care if it's in the context of a one night stand, FWB or LTR, if I don't want to have sex with that person I don't~
Much less KEEP having it as it gets more and more distasteful. EU

Is this about having sex just to have sex?
 ChorusAurora
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 25
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/21/2018 10:58:27 AM
^^^Above, it was not the OP who wrote that. My apology<<< ;-(
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