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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > She called to catch up out of the blue..      Home login  
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 sclass7
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 1
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She called to catch up out of the blue..Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I was really into a girl I was volunteering for. I didn't know she had a boyfriend when I met her, but a few months later I found out she lives with her boyfriend and their relationship is off and on for 3 years, while we were at lunch. At one point we were at a bar with some others when I told her I should be the only one she looks at, this was before I knew she had a boyfriend. After I found out she had a boyfriend I pretty much stopped volunteering for her and hadn't texted her for close to five months. She called me a few days ago out of the blue to catch up, I didn't answer the call but called back a couple hrs later, no response. She was hosting a happy hour the other night which I told her I'd be at and we could catch up there, turns out it wasn't the best opportunity to talk and we barely did. After I texted her if she still wants to catch up, no response yet. I'm pretty sure she's still living with her boyfriend. Also I should note that a volunteer friend texted me at the same time she called/texted, so it could mean nothing or something.. Any thoughts on if there's a chance?

I've been told it's a good thing she wants to catch up but I'm not so sure since my volunteer friend texted me within minutes of both times she called/texted me.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 2
She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/19/2018 7:46:08 AM
its a micro chance.

you're more invested in this than she is. If this doesn't work for her in any way, shape, or form, she has a man to fall back on. go, assume that she's just bored out of her mind, and that its springtime and everyone has a fleeting urge to merge (yes, love lives get "Aired out spring cleaning" too, its not just décor that gets a freshing up in spring).

Don't wait to see if there will be a perfect time to ask her out. Be willing to risk losing her, by asking flat out. So far, things have been so flaky between you two, even if she falls out of her clothes, it sounds like she can always go scurrying back to her "soul mate".
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 3
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/19/2018 8:14:11 AM
Friends rarely become lovers. You are in the Friend's zone.

Your best bet is to start off with a clean slate - a new woman.
 sclass7
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 4
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/19/2018 8:29:06 AM

Friends rarely become lovers. You are in the Friend's zone.

Your best bet is to start off with a clean slate - a new woman.


I moved on, for almost six months I didn't contact her..
 sclass7
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 5
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/19/2018 9:00:18 AM

its a micro chance.

you're more invested in this than she is. If this doesn't work for her in any way, shape, or form, she has a man to fall back on. go, assume that she's just bored out of her mind, and that its springtime and everyone has a fleeting urge to merge (yes, love lives get "Aired out spring cleaning" too, its not just décor that gets a freshing up in spring).

Don't wait to see if there will be a perfect time to ask her out. Be willing to risk losing her, by asking flat out. So far, things have been so flaky between you two, even if she falls out of her clothes, it sounds like she can always go scurrying back to her "soul mate".


I think if I asked her out it would just make things even more awkward because she's already got a bf. That being said, I've asked her for coffee way back before I knew she had a bf (which ironically is when she told me she had a bf..)
 sclass7
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 6
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/19/2018 1:08:50 PM
So I texted her again today and she replied "yea! I'd love to" then asked when I can.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 7
She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/19/2018 5:29:00 PM
if you think a bf gets in the way....then why do you think you have a chance? thinking you'll catch her on the rebound? :)

this is a long time gamble, you're probably better off investing this time and energy into a sure thing.

besides, if she does want to step out on her man...she's going to have to have a reason to, right?
 sclass7
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 8
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/19/2018 7:06:36 PM

if you think a bf gets in the way....then why do you think you have a chance? thinking you'll catch her on the rebound? :)

this is a long time gamble, you're probably better off investing this time and energy into a sure thing.

besides, if she does want to step out on her man...she's going to have to have a reason to, right?


Hey it wasn’t like I called. Her, she reached out to me...
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 9
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/19/2018 7:35:48 PM
Dude you're on the backburner. She'll give you a bit of attention till the next guy comes along. You're in the friend zone.
 Llove2LaughToo
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 10
She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/19/2018 7:49:53 PM

Any thoughts on if there's a chance?


I thought you said she has a boyfriend, and it's not you.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 11
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/20/2018 12:23:09 AM
I don't understand why another volunteer calling you around the times she did has anything to do with anything. What does it mean?

Could she have contacted you solely to attend her party, wanting more people to show, so as a friend? All you can do is first start off by asking if she's "available for dating". If she says yes, ask her out, but if this is the same girl you were talking about last year, you just need to look elsewhere.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 12
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/20/2018 1:51:29 AM
STOP. DON'T.
Even IF she broke up with the Ex.
Even IF she lived alone now.
It's 3 years too soon - she will be talking about the Ex every time you meet.
....
Just Let It Go.
 nyx1980
Joined: 3/17/2018
Msg: 13
She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/20/2018 4:18:22 AM
Ah they can turn friends into lovers, and you can also slam lovers back into friends also!!!

I do it sometimes but sometimes it is possible for them to be like me for example i need to be friends first. I was an avoidant EU. But i have properly fallen in love with someone i started as friends. It is also different this guy knows me more then anyone ever has in the undisclosed high amount of relationships i have had. When i date and then move into relationship i just cant do it, and i keep secrets and will not connect mentally and its like i have a double life where with them i am the shell of me but when im away from them i am me, And i tell you this was the only way in, and better then superficial dating. Its real and most people wont get to feel that passion sexually, mentally and both miss each other genuinely not the noise of having someone constantly around you. Most people only date cos they are afraid to be lonely and accept just anyone, this is not the way to happiness :D

Get close dont push for anything, no pressure what so ever and maybe it happen for you too??
 sclass7
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 14
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/20/2018 6:28:58 AM

STOP. DON'T.
Even IF she broke up with the Ex.
Even IF she lived alone now.
It's 3 years too soon - she will be talking about the Ex every time you meet.
....
Just Let It Go.


Why is it 3 years too soon? I let it go for six months, stopping any contact with her on my part until she called a few days ago. I think people are missing that it wasn't me that called her, she called me and we ended up talking last night for almost an hr.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 15
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/20/2018 10:22:57 AM

Hey it wasn’t like I called. Her, she reached out to me...


It does not matter. If you are smart, you would block her and move on with other women who you actually have a chance with. I'm just sayin'
 ChorusAurora
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 16
She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/20/2018 1:23:06 PM

After I found out she had a boyfriend I pretty much stopped volunteering for her and hadn't texted her for close to five months.


I suspect her roster of volunteers has dwindled, she's putting out feelers to beef up her team again.
 sclass7
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 17
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/20/2018 4:01:59 PM

I suspect her roster of volunteers has dwindled, she's putting out feelers to beef up her team again.


I initially thought that's what she wanted to talk about, but she genuinely wanted to catch up, we talked for almost an hr. No ask to volunteer.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 18
She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/20/2018 10:54:28 PM
OP it's common. Practiced by people with less than stellar relationship ethic. They are happy with someone new... or getting bored... or even having problems... and there's always that ex who is nice and always excited to hear from you. If it were genuine interest, she'd step correctly, but it doesn't sound like it. You are way too young to get hung up on a girl who moved on. There are more moving your way.
 sclass7
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 19
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/21/2018 8:48:44 AM
One thing I forgot to add was that when we were all together at a bar she said she had no time for a bf, that was the same night I told her I was the only one she should look at. This was why I continued pursuing her until I learnt she did have a bf. Also does anyone know how I can get around this ten post limit in a thread?
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 20
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/21/2018 10:24:46 AM

.........how I can get around this ten post limit in a thread?


LOL, IF you were slapped with a ten post restriction from a former MOD, to the best of my knowledge you only have one option. Bend over and kiss your current profile goodbye (Delete) and start all over from scratch. Yah I know it sucks!

IF POF sends you a notice, such as: "You can not post yadda yaddaa.............", when you attempt to post, there are occasions you can fool the system, by copying and pasting what you wrote to their notice then apply both to a new post frame.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 21
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/21/2018 12:50:50 PM
You have no chance with her for anything but friends.

Mustang had it right - it's spring, she wants to feel free and adored. She contacted you because she wants the 'sunshine' of a guy she knows is attracted to her but she has valid excuses to not let in any further.
 sclass7
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 22
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/21/2018 1:54:46 PM

You have no chance with her for anything but friends.

Mustang had it right - it's spring, she wants to feel free and adored. She contacted you because she wants the 'sunshine' of a guy she knows is attracted to her but she has valid excuses to not let in any further.


I never showered her with complements, or adored her in any of our interactions. In fact the only time I ever said anything close to complimentary to her, was that she should be excited.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 23
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/21/2018 4:42:15 PM

I never showered her with complements, or adored her in any of our interactions.

I didn't say you showered her with compliments or fawned over her. You said you'd told her you should be the only person she's looking at. You stopped contact with her when you found out she had a boyfriend. You came back when she crooked her finger. And you asked in OP whether you have a chance with her which means you still have interest. You think she can't tell??

Ok, let me stick to your exact question:

Any thoughts on if there's a chance?

No
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 24
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/21/2018 6:36:44 PM
Wait a minute here… We’ve heard all of this before. Same poster, he didn’t even create a new account.

Posted on 10/24/2017



She told me she doesn’t have time for a bf but but told me she has one

I recently met this girl a few months ago who is running for office (won't give too much info on her for privacy reasons). I've been volunteering as well and I think there is something between us. We once had coffee for almost two hrs, we mainly talked about her campaign but it also got somewhat personal. She said she lived with her family then. Some other things that stood out since then - we've been going to community events together a few times, at one meeting I took a flyer for a new restaurant that's opening and asked if she liked shrimp, that was on the flyer, and she said yea we can go. Did I ask her on a date?? (I haven't followed up on that yet). One other case is when a few of us were at a bar, and she said she doesn't have time for a bf and later on that night I told her I should be the only one she's looking at (it was kind of in a joking way but not really). Another instance was at her birthday, where she greeted everyone with like a side, one armed hug but with me it was more, it was the side arm hug but she gave me a kiss on the cheek like full on not just a peck and a back rub (which I reciprocated). This weekend we both spoke at the same meeting and later got together at restaurant. She later dropped that she had a bf on and off for 3 yrs and that she lives with him. So this is where it gets tricky, in our first hang out she said she lives with family not with her bf. I can't find any pictures of her bf on any of her social media, unless she's super private about her personal life. Lastly, the other day was my birthday and she messaged the whole group to say everyone should wish me happy birthday. She also DM'd me on Instagram to say happy bday as well. This is even after our meeting where she dropped the 'I have a bf'.

My thinking is she just said she has a bf is that she really doesn't have time and doesn't want to get involved with me or maybe she really does have a bf and can't keep her story straight, because if she does it doesn't make sense with anything I've said. Also I've never seen this guy at any of her events, even her birthday. Like if your significant other doing something as big as running for office wouldn't you do everything you could to support them? She said he makes the online ads on fb but I guess that's cool :shrug: I'm like 85% sure this guy doesn't exist.

I'm not really sure if she's telling the truth about having a bf and whether I should continue pursuing or not. Any help would be appreciated, especially from women. Thanks!
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 25
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She called to catch up out of the blue..
Posted: 4/21/2018 7:33:53 PM
^^^^ that's why I said if it's the same woman which it appears to be, it's time to hang that up with trying to get with her. I'm usually encouraging about these things but this doesn't look like a good scenario. I'd also like to know why he's Limited in his posting ability?
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