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 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I made topic asking who isn't compatible with you, and got some good replies thanks. What i didn't get (and haven't seen this in any other topics so would like to ask) is who do/did you think would be attracted to you? Like did you ever have any expectations of who would be into you and make contact, or you'd contact them and they'd be interested in dating. This kind of ties in with the topic about short guys because there have been some expectations of who should contact who, i'm not really interested in that either although you can discuss what you want here, i'd more like to know who you thought would contact you or even who you think should contact if you'd like to express that.

I honestly expected to get a lot more alternative guys to be into me, especially punks or guys into metal (which i do on other sites tbh so it may be just not many use this one but i also get the normies contacting me on them too). I mostly get guys with no tattoos or someone with a few, who dress modestly and normally and a fair amount of heavily tattooed gym fit guys who i think only want sex. And of course the occasional tattoo fetishist. I definitely didn't expect so many 'normal'/average/boring looking men to expect me to be interested in dating them.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/25/2018 4:13:04 PM
I have definite ideas about who would NOT be attracted to me, or find me to have potential as a mate. I rarely find anyone who I am at all sure WOULD be attracted.

Suggestion for you to consider for what you're seeing, is to recognize a very common set of dynamics on the other end. The guy side.
Specifically, from what I've observed, it is actually very RARE that guys use LOGIC to decide who a good match would be, before making contact. At least, not the kind of logic you are talking about.

Obviously, there are a batch of online guys who just use the splatter-shot technique. Spam as many people as they can get away with doing, and cross their fingers (or other appendages).

But the ones who actually do think and calculate things, might look less for compatibility, and more for susceptibility. That is, they write to anyone who they have the impression will give them a shot, rather than trying to noodle through whether or not it would make any sense at all to do so.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 3
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/25/2018 7:19:47 PM

it is actually very RARE that guys use LOGIC to decide who a good match would be, before making contact.

Thankfully :-) It's all attraction!
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 4
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/25/2018 7:45:10 PM
Who did I think would be attracted to me? Ok-

None.

I used to think that someone would. Then I read the writing on the wall, and decided to just let it slide. I left my expectations behind, and started to grasp living solo. It's sort of discouraging to find out most women really don't give a hoot about me. But as the saying goes-"That's life" and I learned to live with it. But, they also get an unvarnished opinion from me. Some don't like it. Tough cookies. You make ask for some advise. You may not like it, but I don't care. I'm no longer out to impress anyone.
 Kelley300698
Joined: 3/21/2018
Msg: 5
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/25/2018 8:59:04 PM
Who do I think is attracted to me: Except for elite or exceptionally attractive guys, almost every guy I meet, married or single from age 16 to 40+.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 6
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 7:34:58 AM
@purplerider1200 that's a little sad i think, i'm sure there must be someone? Maybe i should ask who are the people who are usually attracted to you and did you think they'd message you on here.


But the ones who actually do think and calculate things, might look less for compatibility, and more for susceptibility. That is, they write to anyone who they have the impression will give them a shot, rather than trying to noodle through whether or not it would make any sense at all to do so.


So basically we look desperate, or approachable, or maybe both? That's not good, lol.

I've noticed the more incompatible guys do tailor their message to me for sure as they mention something on my profile that i'm sure other women don't have (and no not my tattoos) so not shot gunning although some guys will be doing that as well and i think they use the meet me part of the site for that as it's quicker and easier.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 7
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 8:32:39 AM
Who is attracted to me? - all da wong wimins in all da wong places! I am in the wrong town. I am a minority in this town.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 8
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 10:22:37 AM

it is actually very RARE that guys use LOGIC to decide who a good match would be,


I resemble that remark.

I knew I was rare.



Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?


Intelligent women with depth.

Also rare.


I am a minority in this town.


I am a minority in every town.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 9
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 10:32:25 AM

Who is attracted to me? - all da wong wimins in all da wong places! I am in the wrong town. I am a minority in this town.


What's wrong with the women in your town? How are you a minority in your town?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 10
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 11:28:46 AM

Who do I think is attracted to me: Except for elite or exceptionally attractive guys, almost every guy I meet, married or single from age 16 to 40+.


Hahahaha! Ah! Youth!

I thought it would be more driven by what Igor said - what men expected who would be attracted to them. But, it turned out it was really more driven by whom they were attracted to or the shotgun approach, as he said.

The only one where I can be completely sure is my husband, and in his case it was somewhat logic driven, though also, of course, attraction based. I don't think that any sane man writes to a woman he's not attracted to.

He noticed that I had viewed his profile and as a result of a number of sophisticated logical deductions correctly surmised that this had to be so because I had done a search for men with his specific characteristics. Hahaha! This then encouraged him to write to me, which he otherwise might not have done because he lived approximately 200 miles away.

As it turned out, he was not only the kind of guy who I THOUGHT would write to me, originally, (until I was sadly enlightened of the horrible truth), but also the kind of guy who I had HOPED would do so - hence he is now my husband.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 11
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 11:38:09 AM

What's wrong with the women in your town? How are you a minority in your town?


- Dey ain't white - which is fine, but not my type.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 12
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 11:42:48 AM
I see a visit to Pompano Beach in Cooldog's future.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 13
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 1:17:11 PM
At the risk of sounding arrogant, I figured out at a young age who I am and how I present...so I could read other people and figure out what was my league and what wasn't. I suspect most people can reach this level of awareness, somewhere in their lives....if they want to. Sometimes I have been surprised, like I asked out a coworker who is in my physical league and she turned me down. I was surprised b/c we hit it off on a personality level, and so I didn't suspect her of being superficial (ie, only interested in looks). But her pickiness did pay off--she found a guy hotter than her, as much a homebody living with mom as her, and going as far in life as her. So kudos for her, she did the right thing and we wouldn't have clicked.

My mom taught me as a child to never be afraid to ask out the beautiful women, b/c few men had the guts to do it and so they sat at home alone. Since she had been a cheerleader in school, I thought she knew what she was talking about :) I found out she was wrong. Then after college, I sometimes lucked into someone outside my league who was sick of players and decided to settle for a guy like me with personality rather than looks. At my age, those same women have already found a partner to procreate with, so that luck streak has gone unless I find a much younger lass who wants an older man.

I have had some women who shared little in common with me, chase after me. But the explanation was usually the same--either they saw my stability and wanted it, or they had daddy-departed issues and chased men who weren't chasing them. I can see how many people would be surprised at what they attract, and it may be nice to be pleasantly surprised that way :) but I can pretty much predict what would come my way, and...well....

"So basically we look desperate, or approachable, or maybe both? That's not good"

>>>I think I now understand the frustration some ladies from the past have posted about they only get young men who want a cougar, or something thinks they'll give it up b/c they are desperate or alternative or something. I had a young hottie ask for money years back b/c she thought I was the best kind of fool, an old one.
 Cryptofabulous
Joined: 4/18/2010
Msg: 14
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 2:15:02 PM
Oddly enough, when I was in my mid-30's dating women of around the same age...

... it would be THEIR young teenage daughter or THEIR mother who was kinda
"more friendly" than the woman I was actually dating. Could never figure that out. LOL
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 15
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 3:01:53 PM

@purplerider1200 that's a little sad i think, i'm sure there must be someone? Maybe i should ask who are the people who are usually attracted to you and did you think they'd message you on here.


There may be. I'm just too fed up with dating in general, to care. I was never a pushy person to begin with. Just a couple made any sort of effort, and I never had any woman actually go running after me. There must be something about me that women just don't like, and I have no idea what that would be. I'd never get a straight answer anyway. So, I'll just tend to me, and not loose any sleep over it.
 Tyro327
Joined: 4/5/2018
Msg: 16
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 4:14:00 PM
Yeah she is above 5'0 not give a sh!t whether anyone like what she had to say or not she would just say cause well it was her voicing her opinion, she wouldn't listen to the sh!t the gossip the spread cause well she knows where it comes from people who heard from someone about someone they have no clue about. She wouldn't sweat the small sh!t cause there are bigger things in life to worry about. Could really go on but I think already eliminated 90% of women at gossip, the rest with not sweating the small stuff.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 17
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 4:50:20 PM

Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?

People usually get this kinda wrong, although I can see your eyebrow raised. One article in Scientific American explained how people tend to be on the over-critical side of their own looks, yet, paradoxally, find themselves to be in the same league with others who are better looking (ie think they're better looking than they are, comparative to others who they think they should get).

I honestly expected to get a lot more alternative guys to be into me, especially punks or guys into metal ....... I definitely didn't expect so many 'normal'/average/boring looking men to expect me to be interested in dating them.

I don't think the average/normal/boring-fashion guys, as a whole, are looking to be an item with you necessarily. Although that option is probably at least open for a good %, I'd imagine, if their tastes aren't So variant on yours. We don't always want the same type, and a gal who's non-mainstream in how she projects herself in her fashion and such is a Positive to guys in general. Normal/average/boring-fashion guys aren't looking to settle down with a future grandma next week, generally speaking. They too like girls with a little fire, aren't so mainstream... I mean think about it... you're a guy with average/boring fashion & social connections... how do you think the Typical gals he socializes with are who Match him? Even moreso that way! Give me some fire, dammit! ;)

In the end though -- what does one mean by Attracted? Many people see that word used differently when in a general open-ended context like your topic question. Some see it as attracted to run off into the sunset with. Which, your imagination can only fill in those holes (not a good move) when you don't even really know them yet. On the flip side, it can just mean "Yeah, I'd do him/her on Spring Break," -- and everything in-between both.

Personally, I've found gals of different types are Attracted to me. But it's different for girls -> guys than guys -> girls. ... since guys approach/start things with girls for overwhelmingly the most part. Me as a guy, I have to be humble/honest with myself (takes a strong self-esteem) -- to know about barking up the wrong trees in general league level of Looks is concerned. From that point, if you're attracted -- which I will be -- you mingle, and if that goes well, flirt, and if that goes well, get a # or more, etc. Girls of different Types can be attracted. But am I Wife Hunting? NO. At most I'll just avoid ones where it's clearly not my type in life -- unless she's really cute to me. OR I'm horny in-the-moment AND I see she likes Me while not being unattractive at all (for us guys, that's a weakness when 100% single and haven't porked a gal in a while).

Phases of Attraction (4-pt scale):
1=Doable Sober; Won't Chase
2=Would go out on multiple dates with; wouldn't want to go steady
3=Seems steady-worthy; wanting to pursue; really cute and cool
4=#3 but Hot; or I've gotten to know her and really into her
*5: Rare Super Crush (like meeting someone famous; life-long crush; not really applicable)
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 18
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 5:47:04 PM

I see a visit to Pompano Beach in Cooldog's future.


I would be curious about the flavor of the ladies there. I'm guessing Cuban, Dominican, Puerto Rican, Haitian...
 47Seagulls
Joined: 3/16/2018
Msg: 19
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 6:32:59 PM

Yeah she is above 5'0 not give a sh!t whether anyone like what she had to say or not she would just say cause well it was her voicing her opinion, she wouldn't listen to the sh!t the gossip the spread cause well she knows where it comes from people who heard from someone about someone they have no clue about. She wouldn't sweat the small sh!t cause there are bigger things in life to worry about. Could really go on but I think already eliminated 90% of women at gossip, the rest with not sweating the small stuff.


Raises hand in the air and waves.....pick me.

Like Mr. Purplerider, its all in the attitude and when you learn what is important and what isn't, life is so much easier. Adopting a "who gives a flying fck" attitude helps too.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 20
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 7:33:14 PM
From OLD, I''ve used mostly pics showing I'm an outdoorsy kind of gal, because so many people list interests that they really don't do, so my hope was to attract outdoorsy men, which I've done.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 21
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 7:53:14 PM
I consider myself to be an average middle aged woman, i am attracted to average middle aged men,,,,, but,,,
i think they are hiding somewhere. lol.
I'm content in singleness, so suppose is ok.
 Kelley300698
Joined: 3/21/2018
Msg: 22
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 10:14:59 PM
LiliMarleen: It doesn't take much for a man to be attracted to someone; not so for females. That is because, in evolutionary terms, it hasn't been very long since the Stone Age so we still have our Stone Age brains. In the Stone Age, successful attraction produced the most decedents so men would seek good baby makers; that is, non pregnant women 14 to 30+. And, especially the Alpha male, invested very little time--as little 15 minutes. Women on the other hand were very selective because their investment would be 10 months plus 12 to 14 years until the child could take care of themselves.

Since I'm what their Stone Age brains are attracted to; that is, a good baby maker, there are not many men that wouldn't f*** me, if I was willing. Of course for marriage men will be more choosy. Therefore, fewer men, but still a lot of men, find me attractive for marriage.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 23
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/27/2018 6:52:53 AM
A wide range of guys I guess but I notice that I think the 'alternative' guys chose to message me specifically because of gaming in my interests. So guys that like gaming and some that also play card games and do cosplay and stuff like that.
Men only have a certain number of messages they can send I heard.
My boyfriend told me that and told me he chose to message me because I was close and had similar interests and that's really rare
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 24
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/27/2018 7:48:09 AM
Why guess? Send out some feelers...give him some "tells" and let him know you are attracted. If you don't get a response in kind then he's not hot for you. If I'm attracted to a guy, I let him know in short time so I don't waste time wondering.
I don't focus on who is attracted to me and wait... if I see someone I want to get to know, I tell them and I'm not usually all that subtle about it.
It's 2018. Go out and approach these men that are your type. Why fret over "normies" go out, be a bit bold and approach your metal heads and tatted dudes.
You're judging by appearance "normal/average/boring" but how do you know that just by the way they look. You could be shooting yourself in the foot.

Edit.. if you think they think you only want sex here then take down the pic of your leopard skin ass. That might help with the impression you make here. Just saying.
 47Seagulls
Joined: 3/16/2018
Msg: 25
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/27/2018 8:15:31 AM

It doesn't take much for a man to be attracted to someone; not so for females. That is because, in evolutionary terms, it hasn't been very long since the Stone Age so we still have our Stone Age brains. In the Stone Age, successful attraction produced the most decedents so men would seek good baby makers; that is, non pregnant women 14 to 30+. And, especially the Alpha male, invested very little time--as little 15 minutes. Women on the other hand were very selective because their investment would be 10 months plus 12 to 14 years until the child could take care of themselves.

Since I'm what their Stone Age brains are attracted to; that is, a good baby maker, there are not many men that wouldn't f*** me, if I was willing. Of course for marriage men will be more choosy. Therefore, fewer men, but still a lot of men, find me attractive for marriage.


I know some of this stuff is "new" to you but many of us read Helen Fisher 30+ years ago. Experience shows - true to a small part. But in real life, who knows why Susie was attracted to Bob and vice versa. It may be something as simple as he made her laugh and he loved her blue eyes. Don't go over analyzing the alpha/baby maker thing. Beta guys and gals have successful happy lives too, maybe more so. By the way, many men would F*** any woman simply because she's there and said yes or he's too lazy to masturbate. Its not a compliment, not really. When a man wants to get laid, every woman is "attractive".

Have you ever watch "Say Yes to the Dress" with all these 19 to 25 year olds all gaga over their boyfriend they met in high school or college? None of this "alpha male/baby maker" bullshit, just young girls wanted to get married and have a fancy dress. They spend more time planning a wedding than they do planning their marriage. Maybe that's why the divorce rate is so high. They even have a term for it "practice wedding".

I like Dr. Helen Fisher and found her books and presentations interesting. Interesting. No facts and not true in all cases. We keep evolving.
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