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 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 1
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I'm not judging, I'm merely asking. After having a conversation with a girlfriend who laughs at many of my dating encounters. I've been abstinent for quite some time - some what out of circumstance based on where I'm at, the odds of compatible singles, not being compatible, not being open to hookup sex, wanting to remain std-free, etc.

Based on my last dating experience with the guy that I dated for over a month and the incompatibility, I was glad that I kept intimacy and sex out of it. I was attracted to him, but I wanted to assess the compatibility. I find that sex can cloud one's judgment and sometimes make you feel things for someone that you're truly just not compatible with (been there, done that).

That guy contacted me again as he's back on here under a new profile and it got me thinking about this. Is dating over a month with no sex really that long of a time by today's standards. It seems like many have sex pretty quickly. And even when I was dating him, he made it seem like things were moving a lot slower than he was used to. What do think the average time frame that dates result in sex? What has been your norm?
 Cryptofabulous
Joined: 4/18/2010
Msg: 2
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What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/25/2018 11:28:29 PM

I find that sex can cloud one's judgment and sometimes make you feel things for someone that you're truly just not compatible with (been there, done that).

Agreed.

But "how soon" is always going to be about the level of attraction both mentally/physically.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you "really" like someone?
Sometimes that's common sense leaving your body and you'll have sex on the first date (or the 2nd...) lol
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 3
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/25/2018 11:58:45 PM
I’ve never placed a big deal on sex, never had a time frame, never thought about feeling used.
Whenever I’ve had sex I’ve wanted it, whether it’s a long term thing or one night stand. It’s just sex.
Most of my relationships start with neither of us knowing where it’s going, but enjoying the ride. Sex always happens early on.

Is there a norm?
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 4
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What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/26/2018 8:06:29 AM
I guess the answer is:it depends. Age is one factor but not the only one. I am 64 and have been dating a 59 year old woman for 2 months. We haven't kissed yet and some would say we are in the "friendzone" but I think it is more of a tortuously long courtship. I thought well maybe this is just the way it is for "old people" but then this week I met another woman on OK****D who is the same age as me and after one date I an tell that we have that kind of "chemistry" which will lead to the bedroom very quickly,like the dates that I had when I was much younger.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 5
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What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/26/2018 8:09:24 AM
Norm for me, now, is if i really fancy a guy from the off and wanna have sex with him then he's probably a liar who is good at getting into my head.

I think most people have sex pretty quickly, within a few dates. They may regret this or not, it truly takes years to get to know someone.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 6
like incest, its all relative.
Posted: 4/26/2018 9:08:46 AM
if you are used to regular sex, and lose that, then four weeks without it feels like a long time. If its been many years since you got laid, then you can wait a few more weeks to explore a person. And of course, if you purpose in relationships is to use them as a vehicle to get laid, then anything past the magic third date feels long. but if you want relationships to be about not being alone, or having a person in your life, then sex may take a back seat and you can wait assuming it IS going to happen at some time....and that assumes too, you are good looking. The easier it is for you to walk into a bar full of drunks and get laid, the less important sex is to you. You don't need sex to prove you're sexy, you have enough offers for sex to know it. If you can barely get someone to have sex with you, then sex takes on more importance--its proof you are worthy of procreating and your genes are seen by others as worth extending.
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 7
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like incest, its all relative. <—— doing the most! Lol
Posted: 4/26/2018 9:28:58 AM
GTO the subject line OMGGG!!
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 8
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/26/2018 9:52:09 AM
First of all, I hope you are kissing on the first few dates. Kissing is not sex. If you are not kissing, why worry about sex? Affection comes first, then sex. I would have to question attraction if you are not kissing. If you are not kissing, you are just wishing!

Here is the deal. There is something called THE THIRD DATE RULE.

Basically, it means that on average, couples who were not waiting for marriage made love for the first time around date number three. This only happens when everything goes just right. In reality, it's probably more like date 4 or 5.

For what it's worth, I don't think sex on date one is a good idea, I've never done that. However, with the rise in online/phone relationships, it could happen to me.....I've built some amazing online relationships with people.....so that by the time we meet, if it panned out and we really did experience attraction when we met, it could feel more like a forth or fifth date.

My previous girlfriend was long distance, I should not have been in it...... most don't work out. But we developed a relationship over the internet and phone lines, and by the time she came to town, there were huge crushes brewing. She was a romance novelist and a beautiful pageant winning Bama Belle. She was wify material, accomplished yet nice to the point of being submissive.

So she came to my town and we had a beautiful romantic day date and spent the evening in bed, watching TV, cuddling, and chatting. I left very late in the evening. My plan was to pace things, but the next day, she begged me to come back (She said, "I pray you'll come back and see me again today"), and we had another beautiful day date. But this time she seduced me. Later that evening, while in bed, she took her top off (a clue? - ya think?!). We cuddled for awhile and then I broke - I said, "I can't stand it anymore"....and then we did what lovers do! Listen, I'm a gentleman, but I'm not dead! So the second date was the fastest ever for me.

It takes a couple months for a person to fall in love, so around the two month mark makes sense. But I say hold out as long as you can. Finally, I fully support the people who choose to wait for marriage. You don't need sex to fall in love. You'll have to decide when it's right for you......... but if you are not feeling after two months of dating (I'm saying feeling it, not that you should necessarily contemplate doing it), you might consider whether it's a match or not.

This might be nothing, but there are some people who are asexual, or have other sexual problems. To be honest though, I would not worry about it, it's extremely rare, particularly at your age. And some dysfunction can be treated.......as an example, Viagra works very well. Besides, if on the night of the honeymoon there is no action, there is always annulment!
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 9
incest is just kidding around
Posted: 4/26/2018 1:30:07 PM
what can I say, BB, I just love putting a dry pun in the title. its like a private joke, only a few pay attention. sometimes, secrets are fun.

(for the unfortunate incest victims in the audience, I will apologize already).

kissing isn't sex? man, I must be desperate for sex, I loved making out. I loved when you first met someone and there was that sexual tension, you kept bumping into each other, maybe putting a hand on an arm or a back or a shoulder, which is safe enough to do--a kiss is a real commitment, if its scorned or spurned, you can't excuse it away like you can standing shoulder to shoulder or otherwise invading a space.

I've had long distance relats over the internet, so yes, by the time we met, it was first date sex, but....we felt like we already knew each other and had already cybersexed, as if that counted :) the anticipation was already there. Also, there were some times where I thought sex would be on the menu, but I waited for a clear signal, and then the moment passed...and I always had that "unfinished business" feeling, and wondered if I should have just taken the risk (it was with a coworker, and of course had I been wrong...the office would have felt a lot tinier).
 BretIAm
Joined: 3/25/2018
Msg: 10
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/26/2018 5:06:56 PM

Is dating over a month with no sex really that long of a time by today's standards.


Everyone has their own standards. I prefer to wait and get to know a person for a long time (months) before having sex, which means I tend to abstain most of the time.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 11
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What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/26/2018 6:12:42 PM
I'm a slow mover to sexual stuff, pref to get to know a man a bit first. I would have a 1-2 dates and if sex wasn't happening, no 3rd one. No biggie, we just aint compatible.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 12
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/26/2018 6:50:35 PM
I truly have no idea what "the norm is" / dating / when sex occurs...........simply because I don't discuss my sex life with anyone but "him".
I don't follow anyone's dating rules. Why should I? Do they pay my bills? Do they sign my paycheck?
I don't need anyone else's permission. Just he and I.
Can't say I ever thought sex was "the prize" / never used it as leverage. Not to be used as a bargaining tool.
I'm an adult. I am responsible for my body
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 13
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What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/26/2018 7:35:06 PM
I don't think there's a hard and fast rule for that...

Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes it doesn't. If it isn't at least heading towards that, then it may be time to cut the losses.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 14
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What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/26/2018 7:51:20 PM
My thought is not when to have sex, but when not to. Men can "stick" their 3 date rule. My body, my rules, based on how I feel. How many of us women have had friends that say they wish they didn't have sex with someone, but you never hear a woman say they were sorry they waited. In the end, it's personal choice.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 15
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/26/2018 10:01:09 PM

But "how soon" is always going to be about the level of attraction both mentally/physically.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you "really" like someone?
Sometimes that's common sense leaving your body and you'll have sex on the first date (or the 2nd...) lol


Crypto: That's what I say about chemistry and acting on it impulsively (at least for me) at times - the tingly feeling is the common sense leaving the body. Lol.


Most of my relationships start with neither of us knowing where it’s going, but enjoying the ride.


Roxy: I prefer your norm too of not assessing the direction of things, but letting things evolve naturally. I've never had any timeline, it's just been based on when things were mutually understood - establishing mutual trust, liking the person and having a mental/emotional connection.


I think most people have sex pretty quickly, within a few dates. They may regret this or not, it truly takes years to get to know someone.


feirene: I agree, that's what it seems like based on some of my dating encounters and also based on what I've observed by other's experiences. I've done it once and we dated for a few months too long. We were as compatible as magnesium, silver nitrate and water.


First of all, I hope you are kissing on the first few dates. Kissing is not sex.


hemingway: I have kissed a couple of guys and a frog. lol. It hasn't always been on the first date, but there has been that instance where I did and there was even more chemistry. I have learned that at this juncture to hold back from acting on the chemistry, because I want compatibility, which is not always easy to assess. It has saved me though, because in the situation of the intense chemistry, we were not compatible being that he was too free with his body.


I've had long distance relats over the internet,


GTO: I had a recent encounter of long distance. We have mutual friends in common on facebook, but I figured out that situation wasn't for me - he's working as a contractor for another year, the time difference of 12 hours, the distance, etc.


Everyone has their own standards. I prefer to wait and get to know a person for a long time (months) before having sex, which means I tend to abstain most of the time.


Bret: I don't feel like the odd one out then, based on me taking my time and wanting to get to know someone before any intimacy.


How many of us women have had friends that say they wish they didn't have sex with someone, but you never hear a woman say they were sorry they waited. In the end, it's personal choice.


Newyorker: I've heard quite a few women say they wished they could unsex someone. I often wonder if men ever wish the same. I agree, I don't think I've had any regrets on waiting. Well maybe except the one time with a guy that looked like the Rock. I'm kidding. lol.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 16
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What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/26/2018 10:26:49 PM
If we're talking The Rock, that changes everything😈 I dated 2 bodybuilders and lived with one. Hard bodies have a way of making panties fly off😉
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 17
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/27/2018 3:00:37 AM
I’ve never been a fan of the sculptured body builder look.
I like chunky(ish) with a bit of belly. Keep it real :)
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 18
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/27/2018 6:07:13 AM

Hard bodies have a way of making panties fly off😉


Newyorker: I can relate based on the traps, nice calves and the smile. 😂


I like chunky(ish) with a bit of belly. Keep it real :)


Roxy: I understand. I don't have a set type, but certain things can do it for me - a nice smile and good sense of humor too. I've dated some guys with a belly. It all comes down to the connection and compatibility.
 Braylen99
Joined: 4/19/2018
Msg: 19
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/27/2018 7:38:20 AM
Classic entitlement diva syndrome

Its obvious the only thing you offer is sex.

Here on the beaches, sex is everywhere. Women are forced to adapt by developing character

U should too Kim
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/27/2018 10:35:29 AM
Generally, I usually have sex on the second or third date. The first date is usually getting together for dinner and to see if we kind of like each other. We might go out on the second date or one of us will go over to the other person's house. It's a mutual thing that just happens. I find if things don't at least start to get romantic by the forth or fifth date there probably isn't a connection.

I've dated a few woman who wanted sex on the first date. It happened with one of them in the first 30 minutes of getting to her house. We didn't even get to go out. She handed me a drink, we started watching tv in her bedroom then it was on. As much as I enjoyed it, that was to soon for me. Not the type of person I'd want to have a relationship with.
 Tyro327
Joined: 4/5/2018
Msg: 21
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/27/2018 12:21:55 PM
No clue actually didn't know I was suppose to be taking statistics on how long it took to have sex with a woman. Another thing to add to my to do list it seems. I always went with the when it happens it happens philosophy seems to work well so my thought you don't mess with something that actually works.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 22
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What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/27/2018 1:48:03 PM
I like a cuddly guy too☺

Endless, sometimes women use sex to get and hold a guy. It definitely works sometimes when the guy isn't looking for the woman to be a real companion, where he would enjoy her in other ways.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 23
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/27/2018 2:24:59 PM
Good grief, It's 2018 and no matter how you start the story, (The, "When do you have SEX?" talk) there will be someone who says, "We did it on the first date, It was great. I enjoyed it but, BUT ...................nope she / he was too fast for me. Can't have a relationship with a person like that. Noper!
Of course not...................

I'm reading: Lead me not into temptation............cause I had Noooooooo will power and I just couldn't help myself. It was more enticing than I could withstand. I just couldn't f;n stop myself. We HAD SEX!................Oh Damn can't date'em now. !!!!!!

I can honestly say, when sex occurs between 2 people, myself and a man, HE AND I are there TOGETHER, EQUALLY responsible for our actions.
I have never faulted the other person for what I willingly participated in
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/27/2018 2:51:31 PM
In the situation I mentioned, it was a very nice Summer night so I planning for us to goto a restaurant on the water for dinner and drinks. Maybe a walk along the beach after that. She came out not even close to being dressed to go out when I got there. She even questioned us leaving the house so I went in. She made me a drink then we went into her room to watch a movie. I'd be surprised if we exchanged 150 words before we were doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel. I love sex but that was a really strange situation.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 25
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 4/27/2018 5:11:24 PM

Classic entitlement diva syndrome


Brainless/Troll: Did you NOT learn the last time when I instructed you to go seek out Dr. Miami for your own set of breasts, since you were obsessing over mine in every one of your comments?

Dr. Miami can set you up with your own set of breasts, since you seem to have a thing about trolling over cleavage. I also told you to get your hormones adjusted, because whatever tiny, wee bit of testosterone that you have left is turning into estrogen.

My name is NOT kim, but obviously you have a thing for kims and trolling. I am NOT entitled, but you are assumptive and your idiocy precedes you each and every time. You mentioned character, but you have none.

It's obvious you can't get a real live woman and I'd wager that if you're really in Miami, you get overlooked - you lack a personality that anyone would want to be around, you come off bitter and angry.

Hopefully, you have money to make up for your lack of personality and bitterness that is displayed in your wonderful disposition. So again, seek out hormones adjustment, you have WAY TOO MUCH ESTROGEN.

**Does anyone know what this troll looks like? I saw 'it" posting in the thread "Favorite POF forum posters?"
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