|POF fatiguePage 1 of 2 (1, 2)|
|So, when you seem to be moving along at a nice clip.. no obvious blunders in your texting, and suddenly they drop off.. crickets... What is it? boredom? Not getting kinky enough quickly? You already know what I look like and are still messaging, so its' not that... just, why? Why suddenly stop all communication out of the blue? I am feeling a little self conscious and honestly fed up. Am I missing an integral sext by the third message protocol in POF or something?|
Posted: 5/12/2018 8:01:38 AM
|Ghosting is common and happens for a variety of reasons.|
Posted: 5/12/2018 8:46:08 AM
|"So, when you seem to be moving along at a nice clip.."|
What you consider a nice clip and what others think of it could be two different things. All you mentioned is the amount of texting dropping off. There's no mention of getting to meet someone in person after a few messages-which should be the next progression, unless you're just looking for a pen pal. If that's the case, mention it in your profile, so it doesn't waste people's time who are interested in meeting in real life.
Posted: 5/12/2018 4:15:43 PM
|He knows what ya look like via pics or IRL??|
just move on
Posted: 5/12/2018 7:48:36 PM
|Do you mean texting via your phone? Or, on the site? Ghosting is common. Why haven't you spoken or made plans to meet? Sexting? Before meeting?|
Posted: 5/12/2018 7:49:53 PM
|Like others have said, people ghost each other all the time and what you consider a good pace may be slow as molasses in January.|
OLD is like that.
Don't let it get to you.
Posted: 5/12/2018 10:26:50 PM
|Consider yourself lucky to have dodge a bullet. At least you haven't met, they could be married or look different from their profile photos etc. or they lost interest, found someone else either online or IRL. These don't matter, just keep looking. The one for you will want to meet up sooner rather than chatting for weeks or months. Anyone who drops off the face of the earth does you a favour by weeding themselves out for you and isn't the right one.|
When I first did OLD, I dated this guy who has a respectable job for a month, then suddenly he disappeared, ceased all contacts etc. I was hurt but had the help from the forums on here to get me back on track. And I learned that this ghosting phenomenon isn't uncommon at all. Now I look back at this ghosting and it's actually good riddance.
I always tell the guys if I wantto stop chatting or dating, I like keeping things transparent. But it seems a lot of people don't share this attitude.
Don't waste your time thinking about those who don't want to chat or date you. Focus on those who do. Good luck.
Posted: 5/13/2018 6:57:54 AM
|Until they are in love with you, which takes a couple months of dating, people can and often do change their minds like the direction of the wind changes, and they flake.|
Dating is a process of learning about someone. Don't beat yourself up over it. You only need one, hang in there.
Posted: 5/13/2018 7:06:19 AM
|just to repeat what everyone's said...if you think of the first few dates as "getting to know", then you realize when you've ducked a bullet and there's less fatigue. You obtained your goal. But if you see the dates as hopeful steps to relati0nships, then when you get ghosted...you lost, and mourn the loss.|
Posted: 5/13/2018 8:57:20 AM
|I see from your profile that you are recently off a long term relationship/ marriage. You were likely with your last partner when the concept of cutting off contact, without having at least a parting conversation, just didn't commonly happen. It happened to me after three-plus years once. I had the benefit of finding out from his ex that he had someone else on deck. You will likely not find out why, and it could be any reason. People do it a lot now. Just accept that's a common thing now and move forward to the next person. There are many options for dating people out there. I would suggest trying to meet in real life very early in any communication. And you don't have to date only one when things are just at that casual and initial stage. If you have a few that you casually date initially, it won't feel as traumatic if one ghosts you again. Just my two cents.|
Posted: 5/13/2018 10:16:14 AM
|Coral Pearl, OLD takes on a lifeform of it's own. |
I started fall, 2010, I was clueless. I learned. Good days, bad days, 3 steps forward, 2 back.
Since fall 2014 I have stayed here for the Forums
Learn, stay focused, stay positive, let the chips fall where they may, and when all else fails, laugh it off and just have fun!
Posted: 5/13/2018 9:30:58 PM
So, when you seem to be moving along at a nice clip.. no obvious blunders in your texting, and suddenly they drop off..
Well, lookie here. Yet another "OMG! We texted regularly, everything seemed okay, then POOF!" story. Imagine that!
We hear them from men all the time, and I advise them not to get caught up in the mind-numbing exchanging of life stories and small talk via text, but for a few more different reasons.
If you exchanged messages with this guy and there was no set plan for meeting, it's probably the biggest reason for him pulling a Houdini
Posted: 5/14/2018 12:28:14 AM
|Online dating gives people a lot of options, maybe someone more interesting came along or they simply were just texting because they were bored or hiding something ? It's happened to me plenty of times I just move on there's too many factors.... I wouldn't want to talk to someone who doesn't want to talk to me anyways.|
Posted: 5/14/2018 12:49:25 AM
|Great advice from LadyInRed (as always)|
I can’t maintain texting, messaging, emailing for sustained periods either. Better to chat on the phone.
But pig is right, this is especially true of people we haven’t even met yet.
Posted: 5/14/2018 4:11:25 AM
|They probably found someone more interesting or exciting to talk to. They're too distracted to even give you a thanks for chatting but you're not for me message.|
Or they may find you a little weird and are scared to reject you for that reason.
It' fun trying to guess what other people are thinking, if a little paranoia inducing. :D
Posted: 5/14/2018 5:55:13 AM
But pig is right
Now, see? Didn't that feel good? Liberating, even?
Posted: 5/14/2018 7:04:54 AM
|Can this be a topic for whinging about POF in general? I just had a message off a guy whose profile was unintelligible and he'd basically written out the same unintelligible thing twice and then the last line was whinging about not getting replies and how he hates rude people. |
His actual message itself was meh also.
Posted: 5/14/2018 8:56:54 AM
So, when you seem to be moving along at a nice clip.. no obvious blunders in your texting, and suddenly they drop off.. crickets... What is it? boredom? Not getting kinky enough quickly
Moving along at a nice clip, IMO, means you say hello, send a few messages, move on to talking on the phone, to
setting up a date to meet.
I can't even text or email on a regular basis people I like and know.
Maybe they lost interest.
Honestly, if you see someone you like, why not go for it and set up a meet?
What are you waiting for?
Posted: 5/15/2018 1:10:28 AM
|I tend to get ghost for multiple reasons but the main one is because the guy simply is not interesting. Who wants to spend their time chatting with someone who lacks social skills? I don't. |
Other reasons would be because I just don't feel like being bothered. For me, dealing with people can be exhausting, especially on something like this. A lot of these dudes can't take no for answer, have no proper communication skills, are straight up boring or are honestly just idiots. I'm not saying that you're any of those things, OP but we all have our opinions.
Posted: 5/18/2018 3:42:33 PM
|Some people are just lazy.|
The amount of one word replies I get after a decent length nice message is amazing.
If people really want dates they have to put effort in.
The classic is the profile with "Will fill in later"
So I just send a message "Will fill in later" !
Posted: 5/18/2018 9:23:10 PM
|We're all bombarded with distractions every time we sign on to check mail. So you can be replying to one person while thinking "look at him/her" at the top of the page. I usually try to move the conversation to texting if I have a connection with someone. That way neither of us have other tempting profiles in front of us plus it's easier to text than it is to sign in here. |
The same goes for dating. Many of us have had amazing dates then never year from the person again. I'll admit, I'm guilty of doing it too.
Posted: 5/19/2018 3:37:56 AM
|Why are you texting any prospective date?|
Posted: 5/19/2018 4:01:33 AM
I usually try to move the conversation to texting if I have a connection with someone.
What did you do before cellphones came along? Write letters?
So you can be replying to one person while thinking "look at him/her" at the top of the page.
If your attention span is that short how can you even determine if there is a connection.
Posted: 5/19/2018 4:50:23 AM
|It is not uncommon here in the Forums for someone to post a response starting with. "We...…………"|
I can only speak for me, no "we" involved. I am greatly opposed to "we" unless I chose / choose to be a part of "we".
I loathe "texting". Signing into any OLD site to receive / read / reply to messages was easy peasy.
Sign on/ read / write/ get a number to call / speak / make a date / meet...…………..Good to go,...………. or NEXT!
(OOOO did you see that bird? I'm sorry what were you saying? OOOO looky there!)
Posted: 5/19/2018 4:55:12 AM
|I really wouldn't think anything of it. You need to grow a tougher skin. If a guy is expecting sexting, he's a loser, so don't even think you needed to do "more" to keep him around.|