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 MintTop
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 1
Having doubts, help? Page 1 of 1    
Hello,
I have been single now for 4+ years, my last relationship was abusive and torture, so I signed up for POF thinking that I'm ready for a relationship.
So, I met this guy online and we've been speaking nearly everyday for a month or 2 now. We're now speak in WhatsApp and we're friends on Facebook. We get on so well, I think if we had met when we were at school we'd be high school sweethearts.
We've spoken on the phone, which has gone well (I'm usually rubbish on the phone).
A few times he's told me that he is really into me, but I don't feel the same. You know the butterflies you feel when you see your crush? I don't have that at all.
By the way I should say that we live 200 miles apart and haven't met, yet.
He wants to meet, and is willing to fly up to see me, which is a big deal.
I don't know what to do. The past week, I have felt that when he's messaged me, I don't want to talk to him, I like to be left alone (I'm sagittarius what can I say, if you believe in that sort of thing).
I don't want to lead him on, thinking that a relationship is on the cards, but "could" there be something there if we met?
I don't even know if I want a relationship.
 kernowmade
Joined: 12/16/2013
Msg: 2
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Having doubts, help?
Posted: 5/27/2018 3:16:48 PM
If in doubt, it's best to hold back, and if he's really keen he will wait until you are ready to meet up.
 billybonds
Joined: 8/8/2014
Msg: 3
Having doubts, help?
Posted: 5/27/2018 4:18:24 PM
Yes I think you should meet mint. I have a real good
Feel that this will succeed. Based on my intuition which
like everyone else's is pretty good. So yeah
get physical, eschew what's up and get out there in
the real world. Good luck op. There are better
advisors behind me. Maybe bunny tonight.
And definitely chap tomorrow and perhaps Roxy if
she ever gets over, in the words of Hume, the tranquillity,
langour and impotence of her royal garden
party overconsumption.
 Hostess68
Joined: 8/25/2015
Msg: 4
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Having doubts, help?
Posted: 5/27/2018 4:50:46 PM
My spider senses say no! Ya leading him on. You are just lonely and he's there at the time. Set him free. You are no being honest with him from the start so what's the point
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 5
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Having doubts, help?
Posted: 5/27/2018 6:31:32 PM
I think you're just panicking because you've been in an abusive relationship and it may be that you haven't set anything in place to help you feel safe since that relationship too?
Might be useful to start thinking more about boundaries, what yours are, and how to implement them. Because ignoring hm isn't really fair and it's likely you're really just ignoring having to deal with this stuff.

My thoughts agree with yours on that you might be right in that you are not ready for a relationship yet, but you can be.
 WakemanR
Joined: 2/4/2018
Msg: 6
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Having doubts, help?
Posted: 5/28/2018 4:24:31 AM
Actually, I don't think this is a difficult choice, although if you're somewhat invested emotionally it can feel like it is.

I think you should be honest with him. Tell him that while you like much about him, you don't think a long-term romantic relationship is on the cards. You're happy to continue messaging, but you want to keep looking for the special someone.

The best policy, is honesty. It seems to me that, at least with this person, you're not ready. If you're not ready, you're simply not ready. Be polite and friendly, but if they take offense at what you say, then take it as an early warning sign that your spider-sense was correct.
 duracell_bunny_one
Joined: 1/21/2015
Msg: 7
Having doubts, help?
Posted: 5/28/2018 5:01:24 AM
Two hundred miles is way too far for a 'coffee & see' thing.
You sound torn between the need to feel valued
& the anxiety over what went before..........
I think you should be honest & tell the guy how you feel
(we can never have too many friends)
and look for something moderately promising at a
sensible distance - the less you agonise, the more likely
you will find someone.........
Chin up & smile!

 Justanotherchap
Joined: 12/4/2013
Msg: 8
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Having doubts, help?
Posted: 5/29/2018 3:54:55 AM
I'm pleased to see that someone has faith in me Billy though like everyone else I have my self doubts too and I am just a tad older than MintTop so I really ought to know better.

I'm not surprised this guy wants to meet you MintTop. Your profile says you are a fascinating, intelligent eclectic mix of interest. There can't be too many nursery nurses who are also qualified electricians and who have lived as you have in different places. I do think Tenerife to Orkney is a tad extreme just for the joy of wearing a jumper though?

You are going to have to go with your feelings I think MintTop. The rules are the same whether he is coming 2 miles or 200 miles, protect yourself, meet in and move in public places and don't under any circumstances let him stay with you.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 9
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Having doubts, help?
Posted: 5/29/2018 6:57:17 AM
I can see the attraction; your profile is well written and entertaining, OP.

At the moment you have a penpal, who wants to take things further. However, if you're not feeling it, trust your instincts. 200 miles would make it difficult to sustain any relationship, even if you'd welcome the enforced breaks, so if you're not sure, it may be wise to decline for now. As bunny points out, it's a long way to go for a first meet, and if it doesn't work out at all, then what?
 10ky
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 10
Having doubts, help?
Posted: 6/4/2018 2:19:26 PM
So, there's some geezer who:
1. you're prolly ok with his looks etc given that you say you spent 2 months chatting to and
2. who is willing to fly 200 miles just to meet you
and you are now whining about the butterflies; yeah?

Frankly, I think you are being childish af. Then again, after having spent 4 years single, shouldn't you have turned into a nymphomaniac? Anything should do let alone..
 justinelle
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 11
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Having doubts, help?
Posted: 6/7/2018 6:22:41 PM
Well madam you are so right in your judgement, but of course you do not have a clue why, which indicates how little you really know yourself, trust yourself, and as a result because of this unidentified lack of something within you….. you have rightly decided against the odds to stand your ground.

So let us look below the surface, lets dive into the psychological structures that make us all who we have become, the area for most is just black hole, something one never dares go near in case of falling into it.

So little miss innocent starts conversing with someone, and it goes well, and then she is somehow manipulated to subjugate herself by flying up to him. Just look at that…. she is to go up to him, the superior one. This is a symbolic act, you are the sacrifice, and you are to be sacrificed on unfamiliar ground, with a male you just felt comfortable with.

Now back to reality...What is a psychopath? Well forget the mad axe man wanting to play murder in the dark, and lets be real. Their overwhelming trait is lack of empathy, Bill Clinton and Blair are good examples, but they are full of instant absolute sincerity, which is felt in every word they whisper, as each word is loaded with emotional sincerity. This attribute is what parasites use to manipulate and then feed on the host, like lawyers, politicians, bankers and bureaucrats who do not produce added value to anything, but they make people feel they do.

What should have happened is that he agrees to come to you. You are a women, and you decide who you will be intimate with in the comfort of your own safe surroundings. He can stay in a B&B if he is sincere, he should have offer to do this. It is he that should make the effort, he that should show through action he is sincere, not the art of the con merchant to persuade / manipulate the other to make the sacrifice. Or he should pay for the air ticket and your hotel so you feel safe in actual neutral surrounding where you can make your choices. This an appalling example of a women NOT standing up for themselves. Its an overt act of submission and thank god you somehow inextricably realised something was not the full ticket. Please wake up, words are cheap or is that cheep, one puts one money where ones mouth is.

And you meet in public, and go for meal or drink.

I can go for meal or drink with any persons, man or woman and their innate natural behaviour tells me everything there is to know about their private life without a word being mentioned. I call it assessing the selfishness index, which is derived from their innate feeling of insecurity. It is something people cannot hide, and is demonstrated clearly when they act naturally eating and drinking. But you have to look and see and not be seduced by the conversation, or your own inclinations. The only thing I do not know about a women after I go for meal with her, is where her moles are. So I can make an informed decision to go on or not.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 12
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Having doubts, help?
Posted: 6/7/2018 11:54:42 PM

I can go for meal or drink with any persons, man or woman and their innate natural behaviour tells me everything there is to know about their private life without a word being mentioned. I call it assessing the selfishness index

You sound like a barrel of laughs :/
What do you make of people with a superiority complex?
 Justanotherchap
Joined: 12/4/2013
Msg: 13
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Having doubts, help?
Posted: 6/8/2018 1:41:06 AM
Not to mention he's got it 100% completely wrong arse about face.


He wants to meet, and is willing to fly up to see me, which is a big deal.


Bet he wears a tinfoil hat too.
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