Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 1
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
My ex is still contacting me and begging for another chance after I told him several times to stop contacting me after our break up. After sending him a few harsh messages back he has moved on to messaging my friend now asking about me and telling her how much he loves me etc basically venting to her. I had all his things returned to him and I got my stuff back. I thought he would understand after that but he's still not getting it. He keeps saying I have hope for the future and all this stuff which I have done nothing to give him hope, quite the opposite. I know he's heart broken but I don't want to be with him I've never regretted my decision to end things, it's been almost two months and he's still not accepting it. I have him blocked on everything but he showed up at my work one day luckily I was off that day. I'm terrified of a repeat of that because I have anxiety. He says he just wants to talk but I don't want to talk to him. Why should I be forced to speak to someone? It gives me insane anxiety even when my friend tells me he has messaged her again. Is a restraining order an option? Why won't he get it?
 Llove2LaughToo
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 2
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 12:50:34 PM

it's been almost two months and he's still not accepting it. I have him blocked on everything but he showed up at my work one day ....


Get a restraining order. Take a firearm training, and obtain a permit to carry a concealed gun.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 3
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 12:53:09 PM
I always thought a restraining order was extreme but what other option is there? I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to hear how wonderful I am and how much he loves me. I don’t want to live in anxiety and somewhat fear. I just want him to leave me alone. Do you think if I just continue ignoring and anyone else he talks to about me ignore him he will stop with time?
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 12:55:54 PM

Why won't he get it ?


^^^^ Don't think or worry ~ WHY he won't get it ....

I think you should write back ~ telling him the next time you personally hear from him, or find him at your work ~
a "restraining order" will be in the mail ~ and on the way.
And mean it ~

( your friends input, is of no consequence here )

heart / sun
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 5
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 1:00:05 PM
I imagine a restraining order has some bearing on one's permanent record and for that reason I wouldn't like to pull one on someone who I once loved and who was never violent or crazy in our relationship. He's obviously losing it a little bit now but I want this to end without having to call authorities on him.
 BretIAm
Joined: 3/25/2018
Msg: 6
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 1:07:58 PM

a restraining order has some bearing on one's permanent record and for that reason I wouldn't like to pull one on someone who I once loved


If he cares about you and not just what he thinks he's losing, then he wouldn't put you through an emotional roller coaster.

If you're not willing to get the message across to him via a restraining order, which seems like the only option at this point, then you can only hope he will find somebody new or give up on you.

Also, the suggestion for training with a firearm and concealed carry should be a serious consideration.

Good luck.
 ChorusAurora
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 7
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 1:15:40 PM
OP wrote:
My ex is still contacting me and begging for another chance

Is this the same scenario you wrote about before? Back in March? (see Op History), where you are cheating on your boring BF with the older guy? Who it sounds like you are/were 'drinking buddies' with? But he wants 'more'?

Young women sometimes revel in the role of 'heartbreaker'<<< playing with men's feelings~
If you are truly finished with 'him', let your friend know not to respond to him, and if he persists, shows up at your job, etc. contact the authorities. Get a TRO~
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 8
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 1:36:28 PM

Is this the same scenario you wrote about before? Back in March? (see Op History), where you are cheating on your boring BF with the older guy? Who it sounds like you are/were 'drinking buddies' with? But he wants 'more'?

Young women sometimes revel in the role of 'heartbreaker'<<< playing with men's feelings~
If you are truly finished with 'him', let your friend know not to respond to him, and if he persists, shows up at your job, etc. contact the authorities. Get a TRO~


Yes it is. I broke up with him at the end of March. He made me a lot of promises and asked for one more chance and at that point I was still very uncertain which way to go so I said fine. We got back together for about 3 weeks until I realized it was never going to work. I wasn't in love with him anymore because of a lot of things that had happened long ago. Seeing him and being with him felt like a chore towards the end which isn't the way love is supposed to be and it certainly wasn't like that for us before. So I broke up with him again a month ago and this is happening where he is clueless

I told my friend to block him yesterday, not sure if she has but she told me she would stop opening his messages and ignore him after telling him she wouldn't be communicating his messages to me anymore and to please leave me alone. My only real fear is him showing up somewhere.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 1:43:17 PM
If I feared for my life I would definitely make a thread on a rarely visited forum attached to a free dating site and ask random strangers what to do.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 10
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 1:46:11 PM
Never said I fear for my life. I actually said he is not a violent person so I know he would never physically harm me. I simply don't want to see him or speak to him and I have anxiety which would escalate if he came around.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 2:09:06 PM
You are courting drama.

If you want the drama to stop, stop fueling the fire.

So he is talking to the friends......not your problem! ld
Why you would care leads only to you are enjoying this.

Stalks you at work.................dial 911.
Wait.........you are enjoying the drama.

Seriously........................Enjoying the drama or end it.

My guess is the drama is addictive to you.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 12
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 2:49:56 PM
This is where ‘knowing your worth’ comes into play, not some stupid ‘who pays’ thread.
You don’t have to take this behaviour. Maybe a chat from the local bobby would help him get things into perspective.
If that doesn’t help and you genuinely have concerns you may have to get tougher.


Ps.....get a firearm would only come as a suggestion from my mouth if it were something like a zombie apocalypse, but I’m a uk resident and pacifist so what do I know.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 13
getting thru to him
Posted: 6/3/2018 5:22:53 PM
If I remember correctly, he has a history of winning you back from prior breakups. Does he have a psychiatrist you can contact? Have you already told him you are going to get a protective order? Let him know you're serious, b/c this is an ultimatum and they only work when you carry thru. Keep in mind, the PO is to leave a record of his behavior. Sometimes just having a police officer talk to him, gets thru that this is no longer you and just him, but that there will be serious consequences to his behavior. But this assumes a drunk has rational thinking.

this is why people told you not to mess around with this situation.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 14
getting thru to him
Posted: 6/3/2018 7:36:43 PM

If I remember correctly, he has a history of winning you back from prior breakups. Does he have a psychiatrist you can contact? Have you already told him you are going to get a protective order? Let him know you're serious, b/c this is an ultimatum and they only work when you carry thru. Keep in mind, the PO is to leave a record of his behavior. Sometimes just having a police officer talk to him, gets thru that this is no longer you and just him, but that there will be serious consequences to his behavior. But this assumes a drunk has rational thinking.


Well I wouldn't say a history it happened once before when I broke up with him that I took him back. This time is different because I shouldn't have taken him back in April when I did. I didn't tell him I'm going to get a protective order but one of the last things I said was "if you don't stop I'm going to have to escalate this and I won't be the one dealing with you anymore". I'm sure he understands what that means but he carried on saying I'm sorry please don't be mad at me. I can handle the online stuff and the phone calls since I have blocked him, I just don't want him showing up to my work. I hope time will make him realize I don't want anything to do with him. The more he acts this way the more I end up resenting him which I never thought would happen.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 15
getting thru to him
Posted: 6/3/2018 7:56:08 PM
In your mind, it may be different, but its what's in his mind that's driving him. you may have to talk to coworkers if you haven't already, made sure they know he isn't part of your life anymore, so if he shows up, he isn't welcome by you. They may have a policy against trespassers on property or just "have your back". Time will only work for you, if its worked for you before. if it doesn't, tho, spell out EXACTLY what "escalate this" means TO YOU. don't rely on him to read your mind, or he wouldn't be doing this if he could.

if you tell him how this behavior is affecting your view of him, make it clear that changing it won't let him back into your life. you're done with him, done with him, done with him. all he can do now is avoid making it worse, and creating a result where you go to the cops and all the effects that is going to have on his life. don't make it a threat, just a statement. his actions, should he continue, will only make for negative consequences. right now, he's just thinking about getting something back and doing what he has to, that's where the begging is coming from. he's like an addict going back to his dealer for the drug he liked.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 16
view profile
History
getting thru to him
Posted: 6/3/2018 7:58:55 PM
Tell your friend to block him also. If she doesn't want to then ask her to not bump your anxiety up by telling you he's contacted her.

It can take a few months to get over someone, and especially as you've taken him back before he still has some hope. It probably will settle on it's own but if you are having issues because of him it's best to deal with them, if it takes a restraining order then so be it. Idk if you'd get one based in the reason being you have anxiety but it seems likely you could.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 8:51:45 PM
I dont know how long you were together but two months is not very long. If you are afraid of him then go to the police and get some advice. They at least will have him on file. If you can get photographic evidence, all the better. .. Why does your friend not block his messages??? If you can convey to him that there is another man in your life that may make him back off. Even if it is not the case.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/3/2018 10:07:20 PM

After sending him a few harsh messages back he has moved on to messaging my friend now asking about me and telling her how much he loves me etc basically venting to her.

Your friend or his friend? If she was your friend she wouldn't talk with him.


I imagine a restraining order has some bearing on one's permanent record

Not likely. This is Canada, pedophiles can get pardons here and then change their names.


Do you think if I just continue ignoring and anyone else he talks to about me ignore him he will stop with time?

He's knows you want nothing to do with him and he showed up at your work. Do you understand the word stalking? What if next time you come home one night and he's waiting outside your apartment? What will that do for your anxiety?


I wouldn't like to pull one on someone who I once loved and who was never violent or crazy in our relationship.

Your not in your relation ship. You told him you want nothing to do with him and he showed up at your work. Isn't exactly normal but not totally crazy

Yet.


I actually said he is not a violent person so I know he would never physically harm me.

Do a search on the internet and see how many nonviolent men killed the woman they supposedly loved. You are not psychic!
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 19
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/4/2018 2:31:56 AM

Tell your friend to block him also. If she doesn't want to then ask her to not bump your anxiety up by telling you he's contacted her.


I told her that exact thing yesterday after I had had enough if you hear from him again don't tell me and she said she wouldn't and she told him to stop especially if he cares about my health like he says he does he will stop and that she would not be passing anymore messages to me. The only reason she hadn't blocked him yet was in case he made a threat or some kind of comment which was relevant and I needed to know about but everything he says is just pathetic at this point.


He's knows you want nothing to do with him and he showed up at your work. Do you understand the word stalking? What if next time you come home one night and he's waiting outside your apartment? What will that do for your anxiety?


That would be terrifying and I would probably have an anxiety attack. I don't know if he has the nerve to come to my house because I live with my family who never really liked him (he somewhat knows this) but seeing as he's losing it it's worrisome. I just don't know why he turned like this. Isn't it easier to move on instead of holding on to hope while pitying yourself? He's in bad shape from what she told me.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 20
getting thru to him
Posted: 6/4/2018 2:41:48 AM

In your mind, it may be different, but its what's in his mind that's driving him. you may have to talk to coworkers if you haven't already, made sure they know he isn't part of your life anymore, so if he shows up, he isn't welcome by you. They may have a policy against trespassers on property or just "have your back". Time will only work for you, if its worked for you before. if it doesn't, tho, spell out EXACTLY what "escalate this" means TO YOU. don't rely on him to read your mind, or he wouldn't be doing this if he could.

if you tell him how this behavior is affecting your view of him, make it clear that changing it won't let him back into your life. you're done with him, done with him, done with him. all he can do now is avoid making it worse, and creating a result where you go to the cops and all the effects that is going to have on his life. don't make it a threat, just a statement. his actions, should he continue, will only make for negative consequences. right now, he's just thinking about getting something back and doing what he has to, that's where the begging is coming from. he's like an addict going back to his dealer for the drug he liked.


I told one of my coworkers and my manager that if he showed up I would leave the counter where I work and go to the back until he left after I would have to tell him to leave obviously and one of them would cover in the meantime. I've tried to avoid being rude and blunt because although annoying he's never said one bad word to me so it use to make me feel guilty even when I told him I would take things further but now I don't feel for him anymore because he's simply not listening.

That is a very good way of putting it, thank you. I will definitely say that if he tries again. I agree, he has nothing to lose in his mind at this point. He either tries with everything to has to get me back and he succeeds (he won't) or he doesn't try and nothing happens. He could just let go and put himself out of his misery but apparently he hates himself that much. My friend wonders how someone can have no self respect like this. He cried to her FFS.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/4/2018 4:31:16 AM

Isn't it easier to move on instead of holding on to hope while pitying yourself?

How do you know he is pitying himself? For you it's easy because you no longer have feelings for him however he still has feelings for you and for whatever reason thinks he can win you back. I don't think it has anything to do with hope. You've told him there is none and he still keeps trying. Don't you think he has now become obsessed with you.


After sending him a few harsh messages back he has moved on to messaging my friend now asking about me and telling her how much he loves me etc basically venting to her.

I don't think he's venting. You have cut off contact with him and through your friend he is keeping in contact because it's the only way he knows how. That is until he showed up at your work.


The only reason she hadn't blocked him yet was in case he made a threat or some kind of comment which was relevant and I needed to know about but everything he says is just pathetic at this point.

You should realise that it's not pathetic to him. He sees his actions as a legitimate way of winning you back despite the fact you've told him there is none. When he's messaging your friend what is she saying to him? It's probably not a one way conversation. She may inadvertently be giving him hope just by talking with him. How often a day does he contact her? I imagine the conversation is on'y about you. Hopefully she's blocked him as you've asked since that may convince him it's over though her knowing what he's up to can be helpful. A bit of a dilemma.


That would be terrifying and I would probably have an anxiety attack.

You've mentioned a few times this is causing anxiety for you. You indicated it causes anxiety when your friend tells you he messaged her. Your anxiety must have been at it's worst then when you found out he showed up at work. Have you reached the point yet where just thinking about the situation causes you anxiety?
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 22
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/4/2018 4:44:10 AM

You should realise that it's not pathetic to him. He sees his actions as a legitimate way of winning you back despite the fact you've told him there is none. When he's messaging your friend what is she saying to him? It's probably not a one way conversation. She may inadvertently be giving him hope just by talking with him. How often a day does he contact her? I imagine the conversation is on'y about you. Hopefully she's blocked him as you've asked since that may convince him it's over though her knowing what he's up to can be helpful. A bit of a dilemma.


But it is pathetic. Chasing someone who doesn't want you is sad. It tells me has no self respect whatsoever and that in itself is a turn off as if I hadn't been turned off enough.

My friend is definitely not giving him hope. She also wants this to end for me and is doing all of this to help me which she didn't have to do. I feel sorry for her listening to his rants just because I won't, even though we laugh at most of them at this point. She has said things like "She said doesn't want to meet you and respectfully she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't feel like doing". The last thing she told him was "I'm asking you not to contact her anymore, this is what's best for her and you so please respect that even though it's difficult. I won't be passing any more messages to her". He replied with "Ok I understand, just want to hear from her when she is ready. I'm here for her always." That was all yesterday. I really hope he's done.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/4/2018 5:20:27 AM

But it is pathetic.

Yes it is. To you, to your friends, to your family, to the people at work. To him it is the solution to his desire to have you back in his life. You should understand despite everything he absolutely thinks he can win you back with this behavior.


My friend is definitely not giving him hope.

I didn't say that. I said "She may inadvertently be giving him hope just by talking with him." If she blocks him she will be telling him there is none though he may not understand.


He replied with "Ok I understand, just want to hear from her when she is ready. I'm here for her always."

"When she is ready?" How do you interpret that? You said you want nothing to do with him and to me it means he still thinks you will want to talk with him. Hopefully he finally does give up. Keep in mind, isn't he the guy who just sits at home drinking?

Has he been trying to contact you since you broke up or is this something recent?
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 24
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/4/2018 6:55:34 AM

"When she is ready?" How do you interpret that? You said you want nothing to do with him and to me it means he still thinks you will want to talk with him. Hopefully he finally does give up. Keep in mind, isn't he the guy who just sits at home drinking?

Has he been trying to contact you since you broke up or is this something recent?


I know that's what he thinks or at least hopes that I will but it doesn't matter he can keep thinking it, with time he will see it won't happen and then realize I meant what I said. There is literally no way for me to change his heart/mind no matter how many times I told him it's over I'm moving on. That will die on it's own as time goes by and as long as in the meantime he doesn't bother me it's fine.

He didn't at first because he thought if he gave me space I would go back to him but when he realized I wasn't going to it's when he started harassing me.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/4/2018 10:25:53 AM
Taking bets on how long before she takes him back!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?