Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do men lie to get a woman      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Harper1968
Joined: 5/19/2018
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a womanPage 1 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
Hello, I need advice.
I was dating a man from POF for 2 years and a half. Basically He told me that he was looking for a long term relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. When we first met I was living in the same state with about 1.50 hour distance. I mentioned to him before we got to involved that I was looking to relocate which will now create a 3-hour distance. I eventually relocated about 4 months into the relationship. We continue to date but there was some issues, in my area there is extreme traffic and he hates traffic. He complained about the traffic, his back hurting you name it. The commute for me was just as bad for when visiting him however I dealt with it because it was our situation.
When we first met and were getting to know each other, I mentioned to him that I was divorced, don't date married men, or men that are involved with other women. I too was looking to move forward in a serious relationship as well. I knew he had an EX wife that was living overseas however during the relationship I found out that he was filing for her to move back to the States because he wanted to see his daughter. My question to him was how are you filing for her if she's not your wife. He tells me that you can sponsor someone to come to the state so I let it go. His EX and daughter moved back to the States about 9 months into our relationship and low and behold to the new area that I relocated to. During that time he would stay with me and visit his daughters. He does have another daughter that was already in the States away in College.
The Ex and younger daughter eventually moved about an hour away from me so he decides he was going to stay by the EX wife house when he visited because she had an extra room and it will save him money. I was never comfortable with that at all because He did everything to keep us apart. He wasn't trying to introduce me to her nor his daughters. At one point He did give my the opportunity to meet the oldest daughter however I felt that we were not in a good place and you shouldn't bring people around our kids if they are not going to be around long term so I opt out. He has also never met my family because of our issues and us not being able to find that happy medium. My issue is this situation was not apart of our relationship in the beginning. I was lead to believe that I was dating a divorced man, that had a daughter in College and another daughter and EX seas. I did not forsee having the same issue that He told me his Ex girlfriend left him because of his Ex Wife and like of respect. When this became a problem he was like oh well deal with it. "Get In, Where You Fit In", I'm like are you serious, Who says that? I don't have to deal with this at all. I deserve to be respected and you should consider my feelings. I'm the kind of woman that will work with you with a situation however you have to maintain a level of respect and concern for my feelings. I did not sign up for this drama and it was not presented in the beginning.
His sister came to stay with him for about a year we spent time together and She gave me the whole run down on him, his marriage and everything. She informed me that He loved me and didn't won't anything to do with his EX. How much he hated her so on and so forth. Funny thing He will communicate to his sister his feelings for me but didn't communicate to me. In addition she mentioned that in June his EX was getting DIVORCE PAPERS. I'm like excuse me, he told me he was already divorced. She says no he's not.
So that's how he was able to file for her because she's still your wife. I was beyond angry with him because I told him my EX husband lied to and deceived me. My EX husband told me he had 3 kids when we met and 2 years into our marriage my step daughter told me He had 5 kids. He knew about my EX husband from the start so why would he do the same thing to me. Why would he lie about his situation.
I have not been able to get over this lie and even after his sister told me that He is still married, He continues to deny it. When I try to communicate about my issues and concerns, he doesn't want to communicate about it. He will make me out to be the bad guy and label me as unbalanced and unstable to divert the issue off of him.
Total lies, deception and manipulation. He feels that because I tried to work through our issues that I wouldn't leave. He can continue to lie, deceive and try manipulate my mind but I'm done.
Why do men lie to get a woman? Your thoughts
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 3:03:37 AM
Ok, his sister has probably over exaggerated some stuff to protect him. He hates his ex but is happy to stay with her to save money? yeah...or maybe he's a douche who actually would use someone he hates because it benefits him to do that?

Why do you care? You're allowed to decide for yourself whether you want to be in a relationship with a liar or not.
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 3:27:54 AM
If you speak like you type, take a breath once in a while. I had skip to the bottom line and get to the meat of the question.

Why? It's probably worked before. It doesn't matter WHAT the "lie-ommision" is.
Women lie too.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 3:49:01 AM
I think the question answers itself. Some men lie to get women. It's unacceptable. He's a user, and you are or were a convenience, as it sounds like he was ending things, until your location was convenient for him to see his kids. Staying with his wife, how preposterous. He's checking your self esteem level.
 BretIAm
Joined: 3/25/2018
Msg: 5
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 5:45:50 AM
Why does anyone lie to get what they want? They want what they want and they feel like it's no big deal who they hurt in the process. Unfortunately, liars don't change as they get older.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 6:38:49 AM
Yeah, why does anyone lie?
Because the truth doesn't get them what they
want or the truth makes them seem unlikable.

It's pretty simple really.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 7:43:06 AM
my guess is > some men and women lie, on a near equal basis ...

people lie ( intend to deceive ) ~ because the truth, does not fit their agenda ...

lies are like dominos ~ one is usually followed, by another ...

heart / sun

^^^ Ps peppermint, my favorite wind chime is one of the " tin woodman " . Made out of coffee, soup cans & tinfoil plates ~ with a small, red wooden heart - screwed to his chest. About two feet tall, it proudly hangs on my screened in porch with several other types.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 8:20:35 AM
Another wall of text. Oh brother...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 8:37:11 AM
^|^^I know..right?

I didn't read it myself. ..I just responded to the subject line. Ain't nobody got time for that!
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 10
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 10:36:12 AM
A LONG time ago, I had a neighbor who said: "MEN PERPETRATE"

Some will say anything to get sex.

It's up to the woman to be smarter than THAT

;0P
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 11
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 11:18:33 AM
F.R.A.T.

(fück reading all that)
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 12:00:12 PM
He lies because he is manipulative and knows you probably wouldn't go with him if you knew the truth.
So they either intend to keep it secret forever and act in denial when you find out OR they intend to latch you onto them then tell you when you have formed an attachment so you feel obliged to be understanding and forgiving.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 12:05:00 PM
I did read all that, why aren't you all nosey and wanting to hear the gossip about her life? It wasn't that exciting tbh and seems kind of typical of relationships in general and so another excuse to stay single.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 1:32:07 PM

Your thoughts


My thought?

Another woman makes another poor choice in men, and stays with that poor choice too long.

Heard it all before.


I tried to work through our issues


If you have to work through a lot of "issues" with someone, odds are they are not the right person for you to begin with.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 3:04:28 PM
It's really quite simple, really. No lie-No women.
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 16
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 5:08:36 PM
They lie because the truth doesn't get them what they want. Period.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 17
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 5:41:41 PM
Why? Because they can. I can only answer the title question. Seriously I can't read a wall of text. Gives me a headache.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 5:56:57 PM
all I seen was "why do men lie to get a woman"
blah....blah....blah..

all I thought was....the same reason women lie to get a man...
blah....blah....blah!
 beercookies
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 9:00:40 PM
You get the behavior you tolerate.

You didn't listen to your gut, and felt a misguided need to not ask the tough questions, just letting go of misgivings.

That is the problem with long distance relationships, or ones where you don't meet family or friends, or only meet dates from online —it’s harder to really know their story. You need to learn how to vet people.

It’s not your fault he lied, but it’s just what you have to do to not get into these blind trust situations where the story doesn’t add up. And all these details don’t matter. You need to look at the big picture.

———-
I was dating a man from POF for 2 years and a half. Basically He told me that he was looking for a long term relationship that will eventually lead to marriage.

When we first met I was living in the same state with about 1.50 hour distance. I mentioned to him before we got to involved that I was looking to relocate which will now create a 3-hour distance. I eventually relocated about 4 months into the relationship.

We continue to date but there was some issues, in my area there is extreme traffic and he hates traffic. He complained about the traffic, his back hurting you name it. The commute for me was just as bad for when visiting him however I dealt with it because it was our situation.

When we first met and were getting to know each other, I mentioned to him that I was divorced, don't date married men, or men that are involved with other women. I too was looking to move forward in a serious relationship as well.

I knew he had an EX wife that was living overseas however during the relationship I found out that he was filing for her to move back to the States because he wanted to see his daughter. My question to him was how are you filing for her if she's not your wife.

He tells me that you can sponsor someone to come to the state so I let it go.

His EX and daughter moved back to the States about 9 months into our relationship and low and behold to the new area that I relocated to. During that time he would stay with me and visit his daughters. He does have another daughter that was already in the States away in College.

The Ex and younger daughter eventually moved about an hour away from me so he decides he was going to stay by the EX wife house when he visited because she had an extra room and it will save him money.

I was never comfortable with that at all because He did everything to keep us apart. He wasn't trying to introduce me to her nor his daughters.

At one point He did give my the opportunity to meet the oldest daughter however I felt that we were not in a good place and you shouldn't bring people around our kids if they are not going to be around long term so I opt out.

He has also never met my family because of our issues and us not being able to find that happy medium.

My issue is this situation was not apart of our relationship in the beginning. I was lead to believe that I was dating a divorced man, that had a daughter in College and another daughter and EX seas.

I did not forsee having the same issue that He told me his Ex girlfriend left him because of his Ex Wife and like of respect. When this became a problem he was like oh well deal with it.

"Get In, Where You Fit In", I'm like are you serious, Who says that? I don't have to deal with this at all. I deserve to be respected and you should consider my feelings. I'm the kind of woman that will work with you with a situation however you have to maintain a level of respect and concern for my feelings. I did not sign up for this drama and it was not presented in the beginning.

His sister came to stay with him for about a year we spent time together and She gave me the whole run down on him, his marriage and everything. She informed me that He loved me and didn't won't anything to do with his EX.

How much he hated her so on and so forth. Funny thing He will communicate to his sister his feelings for me but didn't communicate to me. In addition she mentioned that in June his EX was getting DIVORCE PAPERS. I'm like excuse me, he told me he was already divorced. She says no he's not.

So that's how he was able to file for her because she's still your wife. I was beyond angry with him because I told him my EX husband lied to and deceived me.

My EX husband told me he had 3 kids when we met and 2 years into our marriage my step daughter told me He had 5 kids. He knew about my EX husband from the start so why would he do the same thing to me. Why would he lie about his situation.

I have not been able to get over this lie and even after his sister told me that He is still married, He continues to deny it. When I try to communicate about my issues and concerns, he doesn't want to communicate about it. He will make me out to be the bad guy and label me as unbalanced and unstable to divert the issue off of him.

Total lies, deception and manipulation. He feels that because I tried to work through our issues that I wouldn't leave. He can continue to lie, deceive and try manipulate my mind but I'm done.

Why do men lie to get a woman? Your thoughts
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 6/13/2018 9:32:30 PM
Sometimes lying ( or at least exaggerating ) works and being completely honest doesn't get what a person wants.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 21
Why do people lie to a lover
Posted: 6/14/2018 5:40:55 AM
Sounds like you two have some issues......... you moving farther away from him, both not meeting friends and family.

But yes, the big one is, he lied to you about being divorced. It breaks trust, and you can only love someone as much as you trust them. So, no trust equals breakup.......unless the person comes clean, stops lying.......and then only sometimes can the trust be rebuilt and the couple stay together. Obviously this guy will lie to your face even when he's been caught, so he's not a catch and probably never will be, especially for you.

But the original question: "Why do men lie to get a woman"? - it's not just men lying, men haven't cornered the market on lying, women lie too.

I've had a couple of women lie to me and claim they were divorced - but I learned later on that they were separated, which means married. One of these women was a very close BFF. The other was a lover. So please stop with the "women good, men bad" routine.........I'm sick of it already.

Ya just have to find a man who's honest. They are out there.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Why do people lie to a lover
Posted: 6/14/2018 2:49:18 PM
I told a guy i had been chatting to for weeks that i was sick of married guys trying to get sex with me because i don't want to have sex with married guys, he made up this BS story (that was very convincing) about being separated from his wife. We met up eventually, had sex. Turned out he wasn't separated, i think it's rape myself. If you have to lie to someone to get them to consent to sex then you raped them.

Anyway just saying.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Why do people lie to a lover
Posted: 6/14/2018 3:52:28 PM

I've had a couple of women lie to me and claim they were divorced - but I learned later on that they were separated, which means married. One of these women was a very close BFF. The other was a lover. So please stop with the "women good, men bad" routine.........I'm sick of it already.


You can be sick of it, but it's never going to stop. Two suggestions- You can avoid it by not reading these posts, or you can choose to not getting involved with the sex that started it all. I follow the second suggestion. When the first comes up, I say to myself "Gawd. not again....Ok, yammer away." Then I'll sit there making faces and shaking my head, and wonder if they will ever see the light.

They won't. I know that.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Why do people lie to a lover
Posted: 6/14/2018 4:19:29 PM
^^^
I would appear that the majority of comments in this thread agree that lying has nothing to do with gender.
Liars lie. It's what they do.

Your bitterness shades your reading comprehension.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 25
Why do people lie to a lover
Posted: 6/14/2018 4:30:37 PM

If you have to lie to someone to get them to consent to sex then you raped them.


No, by definition, it is not rape. We can't start labeling ALL of the ugly aspects of sex "rape". That's getting into some dangerous territory. This word can't be thrown around so carelessly.

I meet a woman. She SWEARS she's not an alcoholic or drug addict after I make it clear I want no part of someone who's either. I find out the day after we have sex she's one or both. Was I raped?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do men lie to get a woman