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 restartyourheart1
Joined: 8/29/2016
Msg: 1
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Texting before calling/meetingPage 1 of 1    
I received a message from a man who photos and profile I found attractive. I responded, we exchanged a few messages, and he says he'd like to get to know me better and asks for my "contact info". I message him my Google Voice number. So far so good.

So, he texts me a few hours later. Ok, no big deal (although I would have preferred he call) We text back and forth for a day, him asking questions about my childhood, telling me he has NO family, what kind of movies & music I like etc. I respond "hey, would it if you give me a call when you get a chance? I'm really not much for texting. I'd like to hear your voice & you hear mine. Have a great night". The next morning he texts "good morning beautiful" making no mention of my request for him to call me. I again request he call me. He responds he wants to get to know me better. Come on, now. How are you supposed to know ANYTHING about someone via text? I say something along the lines of I don't feel like I'm getting to know him, but getting to know words on a page, like a novel, romantic but nothing real. His response? "I didn't send you any romantic texts". I am done. I don't respond.

He then texts me 2 more times, once asking if I am still there, and then the following morning saying he needs to know if I'm not interested.

Here's the thing. I was interested. But the more he ignored my request for a phone call the less I wanted to talk to him. I finally text "I am interested, but I am now having trouble taking you seriously". He replies "no problem".

So, my question after all this backstory is: would you behave this way? If a women gives you her number and then spends a day texting back and forth, would you PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL HER when she asks? Was he just not interested enough to bother? Was I too impatient? I have texted men before for days to have them ghost, and I am not willing to waste that amount of time or allow myself to become excited about a non-person. WWYD?
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 2
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/14/2018 9:45:39 PM
Next time don't spend more than a couple texts past the req for a Call instead,, stress that it can be at a time that will work for the both of you and provide a window of good time to receive his call. then go Radio silent. Wait for the call, and if dont happen within at most by bed time or next morning,, then cull that dude out.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 3
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/15/2018 4:08:37 AM
He ignored what you said, that's a good enough excuse not to bother with him again. I guess you know that already though because you already felt like not talking to him.

I prefer texting for a while myself (but i won't go offsite to do that) then moving onto cam, where you can chat and see each other. or if we've met irl i don't mind continuing texting.
 BretIAm
Joined: 3/25/2018
Msg: 4
Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/15/2018 7:06:57 AM
You handled the situation nearly perfectly. As others have said, if your requests to talk on the phone go unheeded within a text or two, politely let him know thanks but no thanks.
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 5
Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/15/2018 10:00:27 AM
You had his tele #, you could have called him? At any rate, dont accept his excuse for not calling. If he is really single and not living with anyone, he would have no problem calling you or having you call him. He sounds like he is playing games.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 6
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/16/2018 12:00:27 PM

So, my question after all this backstory is: would you behave this way? If a women gives you her number and then spends a day texting back and forth, would you PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL HER when she asks? Was he just not interested enough to bother? Was I too impatient? I have texted men before for days to have them ghost, and I am not willing to waste that amount of time or allow myself to become excited about a non-person. WWYD?


He probably should have called you or you could have called him. That being said, I don't necessarily think having a phone call means a person is more serious. I had first dates / meetings with women and texting was the main form of communication. I also had women agree to dates after a phone call. But when I tried to confirm/finalize plans, sometimes they didn't respond or cancelled the date at the last minute without any offer to reschedule.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 7
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/18/2018 1:35:58 AM
I agree -- you should have called Him. Just like you can send a text to him, you can dial his #, too. And don't play the dating-game BS that because you're a lady, you don't do this-and-that. The communication between you two already hit the ground running. His "game" may not have been on, but he could have honestly thought you were hinting that You were going to call him, since when you mentioned that, you were going to bed & it would have been rude for him to call you.

Come on, now. How are you supposed to know ANYTHING about someone via text?

Ummm, how are you supposed to know Anything about someone via a phone call? It's information transmission between two people. Over the phone you get to know some more by 'reading' them, but at the same time, cut to the chase, and just meet. Either way, you can get to know about someone's attitude & how they are as a person, to some degree (and sometimes quite well; other times vague), whether it be email, text, or phone.

I finally text "I am interested, but I am now having trouble taking you seriously". He replies "no problem".

Here's the thing: You're wanting to Play Games by you not wanting to call him, but you wanting him to call you. And that you have some weird POV that nothing's real via text, but reality totally changes over the phone. Look -- you just give him a call if you're a phone-call person. He wasn't on-the-ball to call you up or to text you "when would be a good time?" instead of assuming you'd call him -- but you were going down this Narrow Expected Pathway-Only. Chill out. :)

You were too impatient & frustrated with your POV. Yes, he did lose interest when you're saying you can't take him seriously. He's like "What? She's saying she doesn't know me, like it's some words on the page of a romantic novel, but shoot -- I'm not writing her romantic-novel like stuff, and I tell her that, then she goes cold on me. I text her more, and she says she has a problem taking me seriously? WTH?"

Step away from the world-revolves-around-me POV. Just give him a call. And be apologetic about any mixups. Have an open mind. It may be a little too late at this point, but as long as you see/expect that, it should be OK. :)
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 8
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/19/2018 3:43:32 PM
as much as I am a go-getter when it comes to dating...
if I have asked a man to call me....and he ignores that request...
I am not going to call him.
It's not that I think the world revolves around me....
it is that I would think he isn't really interested enough to be bothered....OR....he can't call because his wife is in the other room!!

I hate texting....I refuse to have a conversation through text.
My friends and family know if they want to actually discuss something....they need to call!!
If it requires me to type more than a few words in response to what you texted me....I will call you!!
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 9
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/19/2018 11:23:20 PM
A woman gives me her info I only not call is if I am not interested and if their still texting their playing a game and really you should move on. Why ask for something and not use it and progress things instead play text tag, screw that sh!t give me the number lets see what happens. You don't want to call fvck off your done.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 10
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/20/2018 3:16:38 PM
OP, I'm not a guy but would like to give my two pence worth.

I always give my mobile number to guys, my SIM is pay as you go. So no details will be available, even from the mobile phone provider. If things don't go well, I'll block the number, easy peasy. I don't mind texting but I'll lose interest/give up very quickly if the guy texts only. Because I can't text fast enough and being dyslexic myself. A nice guy will pick up the hint and ring me eventually.

Basically, you and this guy aren't compatible, he likes texting but you don't. He ignores your preference despite your direct request. A guy who is really interested will do what he can to please you.

You can't expect this guy to be who you want him to be, accept him for who he is. If this isn't what you're looking for, move on.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 11
Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/20/2018 6:07:57 PM
To what MsMicki wrote. Exactly/ Bingo/Nailed it!

AND I will add, PollyR's reply. +1
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 12
Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/21/2018 6:40:24 AM
They weren't compatible because neither person refused to budge. He insisted on texting and the OP wouldn't call him. In that situation, I would call him when I'm the person that wanted the phone conversation.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 13
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/21/2018 4:48:19 PM

he says he'd like to get to know me better and asks for my "contact info". I message him my Google Voice number. So far so good.


She gave the guy her information maybe I missed something, but she doesn't say he reciprocated that and gave her his. At no time ever what is she going to do message some random number hope for the best? You people do know how to read stuff I am sure of it. That is what happens on profiles people are not reading they might skim and believe something that is not even accurate.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 14
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/22/2018 10:02:03 AM
You're entitled to ask and receive that phone call. Just by asking, you weeded out someone that was game playing.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 15
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/22/2018 10:25:34 AM

Basically, you and this guy aren't compatible, he likes texting but you don't.

She doesn't like making the call, either. :)

He ignores your preference despite your direct request.

But he couldn't have called her right then, either. Again, the guy was off the mark, but I don't think he threw the pass in the stands necessarily. If a gal tells you to call her when she also says she's going to bed -- that's not a direct request to call her then. Many people take phone calls as an in-the-now, and Most people are 100% fine with texting and want to go the route of phone calling (especially when you haven't met the person) as an in-the-now setup via text.

In that situation, I would call him when I'm the person that wanted the phone conversation.

I agree. When going to bed, telling the other to give you a call, all they know is Right Then is not a good time. Ok. When is? You're obviously going to text again the next day, and (knock on wood) to find out when would be. He didn't inquire about when a good time to call would be (as opposed to text which is any time not in the middle of the night)... but he probably figured "Well, she wants to talk on the phone. Fine. She can call me when she's free or telling me when. We're obviously texting, so..." She didn't ask a question, she just threw it out there as she was going to bed.

None of these "hints" or guessing games. Next time, I think OP should just be like "Hey, let's chat on the phone. I'm free around [6:30]. That good for you?" Putting it in a form of a question when you're truly inquiring makes it more straight-up.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 16
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/22/2018 12:53:28 PM

They weren't compatible because neither person refused to budge. He insisted on texting and the OP wouldn't call him. In that situation, I would call him when I'm the person that wanted the phone conversation.


Thank you. Both people can share the blame here. There is no reason why she couldn't have called him. Besides the traditional / outdated "a man should always call woman first rule". If she did call him and he still refused to talk on the phone, then she could have moved on at that point.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 17
Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/29/2018 4:49:51 PM
I'm with Miki........I think he's married.

At any rate, he should have called you or set a date within the first day or two.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 18
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/30/2018 8:20:33 PM
Meh... It's the times. Everyone is into texting. I'm not. If a man gives me his number I call him. One on one conversations when I can hear the inflections in his voice and judge his sense of humor and his style. Texting back and forth is boring, a phone call can lead to something more exciting. I dated a man for quite sometime and his style was texting only, very rarely was there a phone call. It was a problem, lead to a lot of miscommunication and being left confused.

I got a disposable phone now with 500 minutes a month and if a man interests me enough after a few exchanges of emails I give him that number. If I decide I don't want to engage with him anymore I change his contact name on the phone to DO NOT ANSWER or my last bf name was Curt and I just changed the R to an N.

People communicate differently and sometimes they don't match. In the case with my last "friend" he didn't like the fact that I was not glued to the phone to answer his texts immediately. I told him I wasn't going to change and if he wanted to contact me he should call. He got his undies in a twist over it and told me I wasn't "with it" that times have "changed"... **** that, I haven't and I won't. If a man sincerely wants my attention then he can call me.

It's quite simple OP. Create your own boundaries and rules for dating. The right man will respect you for it.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 19
Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 7/1/2018 8:51:39 AM

I respond "hey, would it if you give me a call when you get a chance? I'm really not much for texting. I'd like to hear your voice & you hear mine. Have a great night". The next morning he texts "good morning beautiful" making no mention of my request for him to call me. I again request he call me. He responds he wants to get to know me better.


He dodged your request for a call not once, but twice. It sounds to me like he's either married or living with another woman, and doesn't want her to know he's contacting you. "Good morning beautiful" comes across as cheesy and insincere at this stage. I would have cut him off, too.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 20
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 7/1/2018 1:52:53 PM

Texting back and forth is boring, a phone call can lead to something more exciting.

Every time a phone call gets exciting, I'm told by the lady never to call again. I guess phone sex is too 1995. Everyone wants it via text w/ pics. ;)

In all seriousness though -- texting isn't necessarily boring (phone calls & anything else certainly can be, or not). The good thing about text is you don't have to have a Now conversation, although some will push for it. It's then that a "here, lemme call you" should be in order. But the Clear Advantage of texting to socializing still remains. It's IMing. It doesn't have to interrupt your day. Someone IM/texts the other, they don't expect an immediate response. You can still have fruitful conversation too, although more in a free-flowing lazy-Sunday sorta way.

IMO, when people Dislike texting altogether, they just don't like the actions of typing stuff in on a small screen. I was like that in the early 00s. But once I got accustomed to it and saw the added advantages in communication, my mind totally changed. Although back then on those flip-phones, texting was more a b!tch so I still didn't like on-going pointless convos wearing out my fingers thrice-tapping the same # to generate a letter (although I still don't on-going pointless conversations on the phone, either).
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 21
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Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 7/3/2018 6:52:10 AM

Meh... It's the times. Everyone is into texting. I'm not. If a man gives me his number I call him. One on one conversations when I can hear the inflections in his voice and judge his sense of humor and his style. Texting back and forth is boring, a phone call can lead to something more exciting. I dated a man for quite sometime and his style was texting only, very rarely was there a phone call. It was a problem, lead to a lot of miscommunication and being left confused.



He dodged your request for a call not once, but twice. It sounds to me like he's either married or living with another woman, and doesn't want her to know he's contacting you. "Good morning beautiful" comes across as cheesy and insincere at this stage. I would have cut him off, too.


Sometimes just people prefer texting because it's easier to multitask and there isn't an ulterior motive. Talking on the phone doesn't necessarily make someone more exciting, honest or serious about OLD. A person that is married or in a relationship can call you when his/her partner isn't around. I briefly dated a woman until I found out she was married. Her husband traveled often because of his job. Thus she would call me when she was home or out doing errands. While he was away.

A person that you have a phone call with can also be just as likely to be dishonest about his/her physical appearance, job, smoking habits etc. FWIW some of my worst first dates / meetings were with women that I actually had a good phone conversation with.


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