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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?      Home login  
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 SapioPhil
Joined: 5/14/2018
Msg: 1
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?Page 1 of 1    
Why is it that a woman keeps a message which she has read, without ever having the intention to respond? Why not delete them? It is a genuine question. I have found that many of the messages I have written have ended up in this ambiguity of dating. How does one react to this? Should I write anew at risk of annoying? Should I buy a wig?
Are they just keeping track? Are they moved without swooning? Am I their 'plan b'? Are they playin' it cool, aloof, hard-to-get?

"There's a thought that keeps me thinking, like a stone inside my shoe." -Devo - Jerkin' Back 'n' Forth

I also don't want for any of the ladies to miss out. ;)
If they don't delete, should I write again?

advTHANKSance for any input, from all you generous and helpful dames.
Max...
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 2
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/24/2018 3:15:43 PM

If they don't delete, should I write again?

Hi Max. Great profile. I vote yes. Others will say no, of course. Messages are automatically deleted after a certain number of days; I don't know if it's 20 or 30 or perhaps some other number - it's pretty capricious around here. But I would not send a second message for at least a week.
 SapioPhil
Joined: 5/14/2018
Msg: 3
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/24/2018 3:27:47 PM
Thanks sun___flower.
yes=1
no=0
That sounds like great advice. :D
Of course.
I didn't know that about the messages. Will keep in mind.

Yeah, don't wanna' be the squeaky wheel, but wouldn't mind gettin' some grease, to extend the metaphor (not being dirty.)
I was thinkin' around a month, tbh. There's a sub-thread in there somewhere. If YES, how long should I wait before trying my luck for the second time? ha
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 4
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/24/2018 3:50:03 PM
Takes time to delete your messages, some people can't be bothered to delete them. I presume ignoring them is enough.
Message again if you want, they can always block you to get rid of you.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 5
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/24/2018 3:53:32 PM
If they don't reply it means they aren't interested or they may reply later.
Women get too many messages to bother deleting them all. Old ones dissapear after about a month.
You could try to message again but don't expect it to get a response if the first one didn't.
Remessage after 2-3 days imo.
 SapioPhil
Joined: 5/14/2018
Msg: 6
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/24/2018 4:34:09 PM
Yeah, that's a possibility, too.
I didn't wanna' be 'that guy' who wastes people's time. Then again, nothing ventured...
Thanks feirene.
yes=2 no=0
 SapioPhil
Joined: 5/14/2018
Msg: 7
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/24/2018 4:37:48 PM
That's the problem, isn't it? ;)
I suppose they must get tons.
Good advice, thanks SiennaBear2
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 8
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/24/2018 5:09:18 PM

I was thinkin' around a month, tbh. There's a sub-thread in there somewhere. If YES, how long should I wait before trying my luck for the second time? ha


Hi again Max. I want to mention to you that threads here in Ask A Girl are limited to approx 21 posts (see: capricious), so the next time you post a question, may I recommend posting it in a different forum, eg Dating & Love Advice, in which posts are not limited.

Ha @ sub-thread. For sure. I would not wait a month; that's an eternity in girl-years. I would wait a week - if you send a message on a Sunday, and it has been read and not replied to but not deleted, send another message the following Sunday. Just one person's opinion of course.

ETA: A week does seem reasonable, doesn't it? Not too soon, but not waiting too long, either. You are welcome for the advice, Max. Best wishes to you.
 SapioPhil
Joined: 5/14/2018
Msg: 9
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/24/2018 5:17:09 PM
Thanks for the noob advice.
I didn't think this topic had much staying power anyhow.
I think a week is perfectly reasonable.
"... that's an eternity in girl-years."
Girl-years! *lightbulb goes off* Now I understand why there are so many 39 year-olds. ;)
Thanks again, y'all.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 10
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/24/2018 9:58:52 PM

You could try to message again but don't expect it to get a response if the first one didn't.
Remessage after 2-3 days imo.

I have sent another email to some women when I didn't get a response to the first email. But it was 2-3 months later after I had added new pictures and/or revised my profile. Not 2-3 days later. Most likely they won't respond to the 2nd email. But there were a few times when they did and I eventually got a first date / meeting with these women.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 11
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/25/2018 4:12:41 AM
I don't delete messages. Your question may be more for the guys to see what response they get for 2nd messages. For myself, no response is a response, but maybe not for other women. No response is because it was just Hi, or it was a copy paste message from the guy, or I saw completely no compatibility, like he didn't read my profile. What would a 2nd message sound like?
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 12
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/26/2018 2:45:38 AM
Your main concern should be about the women who do respond.
 SapioPhil
Joined: 5/14/2018
Msg: 13
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/26/2018 9:13:06 AM
@ Flowersinthelake
I'm not sure I understand.
___
Thanks everybody, for the input.
I think that the answer is probably a combination of all the possibilities exhibited here.
I'll do some testing and will advise.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 14
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/26/2018 4:25:47 PM
I don't delete them because I like to keep the messages as reference point, telling me I've already conversed with this particular guy and I can look at how the convo played out.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 15
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 6/28/2018 8:28:05 AM
I'm not a dame, but will try to post things not already stated in previous responses on this thread:

The answer to all your yes/no questions is a big no!

You want the closure of seeing a message was deleted. Don't bother. As soon as you've sent your first message, move on and find other profiles. Forget about her, just remember you already messaged her so you don't message her again as a "new" person.


One reason an uninterested person might not immediately delete a message is they know some people overthink the "read deleted", "unread", etc status. They might think the sender will be hurt if they see deleted, that it would be nicer to just show as "read".

The most likely reason is it's easiest to back to the inbox or to click elsewhere than to delete the message. I deleted two "conversations" recently and don't remember seeing where to delete an individual message. I went to the inbox page and clicked the check box for the "conversation" from that user and then pressed a delete button. Perhaps there's another prompt asking if you're sure you want to delete. That's a lot more work than just letting it expire in a month.


I suggest you let your upgraded status expire without renewing. In addition to saving money, it will be the same. Plus you will save time and energy not checking the status of your sent messages.

Free users: you send a message. If there's no response, the other person is not interested.

Paid users: you send a message. If there's no response:
"Read deleted" = not interested
"Unread deleted" = not interested
"Read" = not interested
"Unread" = not interested


Free or paid, No longer in sent messages and still in contact history: she blocked you (a likely result if you send anyone a second unsolicited message after they didn't respond to your first message, or they're psychic and can tell you're considering another message, so they block after the first one).


If you were their plan B, they would likely respond to keep the conversation alive, not doing anything to encourage you. They might answer a question without saying anything else, or they might give a lame, evasive, noncommittal answer while they're seeing how things are going with their favorite prospect.

Playing hard to get, odds are just about zero! The aloof games might occur once you're actually exchanging communication, for example a dysfunctional person might wait a day to reply to avoid sounding desperate.
 bethafoot
Joined: 1/27/2017
Msg: 16
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 7/25/2018 9:55:34 PM
I didn't even know you could delete them... and I don't know what you're messaging but I get a ton of "hi" and "how r u" messages that I don't respond to. Even someone I don't think is a match if they take the time to actually write an intelligent sentence starting a conversation, I will respond to that. So, not sure what your messages are, but if they are just plain like the above, you might want to switch it up.
 Azream
Joined: 12/30/2009
Msg: 17
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 9/24/2018 8:18:06 AM
No physical attraction, possibly.
 project_adventure
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 18
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 1/10/2019 5:57:46 PM
I can't speak for every woman, but many of us receive more messages than we can handle. Regardless - if we're interested, we will respond. You can count on it.

Seriously, if we're interested, we're not going to risk losing your interest by making you wait for a reply. (The only exception is if we didn't yet see your message or if we didn't have time to reply immediately. In which case, we'll certainly get back to you in a day or so.) And if someone does make you wait for no good reason, they're not worth your time or energy anyway.

If we don't respond, it's safe to assume we are NOT interested. You don't need to wait three days, or a week, or even a month to message us again as some have suggested. Believe it or not, silence is a response! It's just not the reply you want to get. I get it, and we've all been there. But you need to maintain your dignity and move on.

So why do we hang on to messages without responding? It's complicated, and there are lots of different reasons - NONE of them being that we're interested. But it's usually like this: if we receive a kind message from someone who doesn't interest us, but who we think deserves a reply, then we will hang onto it with the hope (not necessarily the intention) of having time to send a thanks-but-no-thanks reply. Unfortunately, that often doesn't happen because time doesn't grow on trees. Then there's also the concern that out right rejecting a guy (whether by deleting his initial message without responding, or by sending a simple, "no thanks,") will result in getting a nasty reply from him, as it often happens. So we'll leave the message alone and wait for it to purge on its own. By that point, we hope you've gotten the hint and moved on.

Don't read into it. Again, if they're interested, they'll reply in a timely manner. Best~
 Inner_circle
Joined: 7/11/2015
Msg: 19
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 1/11/2019 12:52:54 PM
I cant be bothered to delete and maintain my inbox as the system deletes them for us after 30 days.

I only make a point of deleting the gross ones.

As someone already stated, there are so many reasons someone may have that it is best to just focus on responses.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 20
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 1/17/2019 7:44:32 AM
Maybe some women want to count how many men send them messages in a day, week, or month. Especially if they are just experimenting with internet dating and aren't that invested in it.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 21
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Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 1/17/2019 8:00:20 AM

If we don't respond, it's safe to assume we are NOT interested. You don't need to wait three days, or a week, or even a month to message us again as some have suggested. Believe it or not, silence is a response! It's just not the reply you want to get. I get it, and we've all been there. But you need to maintain your dignity and move on.

Most of the time I would agree with you. But as mentioned earlier, there can be exceptions There were a few times when a woman responded to a second email 2-3 months after I added new and better photos and revised my profile. I eventually got a first date / meeting with these women.

There is also a chance that a woman was taking a break from OLD the first time I contacted her. Or she was talking to or dating other men at the time and it didn't work out with any of them.
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