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 MoparJF
Joined: 9/18/2012
Msg: 1
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Long Distance RelationshipPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I'm just wondering about long distance relationships and whether they work or not ? If a girl has to go back to her home country because of her visa expiring is there any way a relationship can work ? How do other people get round this issue ? Thanks
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 2
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 6/26/2018 11:36:33 AM

Posted By: MoparJF on 6/26/2018 136 PM
Subject: Long Distance Relationship
Message: I'm just wondering about long distance relationships and whether they work or not ? If a girl has to go back to her home country because of her visa expiring is there any way a relationship can work ? How do other people get round this issue ? Thanks


My 1st wife is Japanese she was penpal for a year and a half before we meet in person for the first time when she came to America on a tourist visa.She when back home before her visa expired but we applied for a Fiance Visa and she came back 6 months later and we got married. Were married for 10 years but got divorced 20 years ago.We have a son who is now 27 and lives near me.His mom moved back to Japan just last year.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 3
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 6/26/2018 2:46:27 PM
So long as you have plans to be together again i don't see why not.
I had LDR but it went on for too long. Felt more like we weren't in a relationship really.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 4
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 6/26/2018 4:02:39 PM
I will only date men in my area in a 30 min Radius.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 5
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 6/28/2018 8:02:48 AM
Most likely I would consider a serious long distance relationship is when we were already established in a serious relationship and one person had to temporarily relocate. Or if we were moving and 1 person stayed behind at the old location for a few months to take care of some business. Otherwise I would only consider having a FWB / casual relationship with a woman when long distance was a factor.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 6
Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 6/28/2018 8:27:14 AM

I will only date men in my area in a 30 min Radius.

I would be a bit more lenient with distance. But most likely I wouldn't date a man that lives more than a hour from me.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 7
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 6/29/2018 4:36:03 PM
The majority of long distance relationships don't work out. People need regular human contact and affection to stay in love.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 8
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 6/29/2018 7:00:21 PM
I have a lot of personal experience with LDRs. In hindsight I don't think any fell apart because of the distance but the distance makes it easier to decide to breakup because the 'gain' isn't worth the 'pain'. It also makes it easier to move on after the breakup because you won't run into them and otherwise 'out of sight, out of mind'.

Put things into perspective though; MOST relationships fail so OF COURSE most LDR fail. To have any chance of success, LDRs require both people in the relationship to have what I'll call 'advanced relationship skills.' These are things like, to name only a few, multi-media communication skills (i.e. phone, text, email, in person), trust, patience, delayed gratification, ability to handle disappointment, and ability to have empathy and compassion for your partner when they are missing you too.

Long distance relationships are extremely difficult even in the same state or country or continent. Inter-continental is very low chance of success. That said, my uncle (from the U.S.) met a woman (from Germany) while on vacation and they managed to build a relationship over the 7 years it took to convince her to move to the U.S. and get married. They were still crazy about each other 30+ years later when she died. So I have a real life example of an inter-continental relationship working.

How did they do it? He went to Germany periodically, she came to the U.S. periodically, and they met in other locations periodically. Same as a couple of my LDR (east coast/west coast); I went there, he came here, and we met elsewhere in the U.S. That takes time and money so even if you have those advanced relationship skills you still may not be able to make it work due to lack of time and money.

Personally I've given up on LDRs because the pain isn't worth the gain. Being in a LDR means you have all the responsibility to behave like a person who is off the market, but you're living like a single person; you eat alone, drive alone, shop alone, sleep alone, go to family gatherings alone, etc. And your daily routine changes so that you can be available to chat with your friend at whatever time your respective timezones work out to. In other words, how much of your daily life, or social life, will be put on hold so you can skype with your friend each evening between 5-8 your time? How much sleep will you lose so you can skype with your friend at 3am your time?

That's my .02
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 9
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 6/30/2018 6:16:12 AM
Given my druthers, I'd want my BFF (boyfriend forever) to live right next door to me.
We would dig a tunnel between our respective houses to facilitate our random comings and goings.
Much easier to visit my sweetie when the blizzarding winds are blowing. (smile)
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 10
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 6/30/2018 7:12:26 AM

Posted By: Clytemnestra on 6/30/2018 812 AM
Subject: Long Distance Relationship
Message: Given my druthers, I'd want my BFF (boyfriend forever) to live right next door to me.
We would dig a tunnel between our respective houses to facilitate our random comings and goings.
Much easier to visit my sweetie when the blizzarding winds are blowing. (smile)


Me too! My girlfriend lives 20 miles from me.In "Small Town Minnesota" that equals a long distance romance,lol.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 11
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Posted: 6/30/2018 8:34:43 AM

CBGB77 on 6/30/2018 926 AM
Subject: Long Distance Relationship
Message:
Posted By: Clytemnestra on 6/30/2018 812 AM
Subject: Long Distance Relationship
Message: Given my druthers, I'd want my BFF (boyfriend forever) to live right next door to me.
We would dig a tunnel between our respective houses to facilitate our random comings and goings.
Much easier to visit my sweetie when the blizzarding winds are blowing. (smile)


Me too! My girlfriend lives 20 miles from me.In "Small Town Minnesota" that equals a long distance romance,lol.


^^^Time to start digging that 'Tunnel of Love'. Only four, five months till we're into the 'thick of it' again!
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 12
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 6/30/2018 9:05:15 AM

Only four, five months till we're into the 'thick of it' again!



UGH!! Really...……..I was just starting to enjoy THE HEAT!

OT, I couldn't do a LDR, not at my age.
I believe it works for a few...…………...not likely for many.
An average couple may struggle to keep "the home fires burnin", without physical contact for months on end.
Not impossible...……….but unlikely.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 13
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 6/30/2018 11:19:21 AM
Nah....I am way too spontaneous for it. Too much planning needs to take place to see each other!!
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 14
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Posted: 6/30/2018 3:31:35 PM
I think it depends on whether you actually have any opportunities or prospects with other people nearby. Me personally, I live in a semi-rural place and there's not a ton of single guys around that I want to date. I wouldn't mind a LDR as long as I could hook up with the guy at least once a month and as long as we could talk on the phone at least a couple times a week with good conversations.

If a person has been single a very long time, they have often become used to living alone and doing stuff on their own so waiting a month or two to see someone might not be so bad. If you haven't had sex in 5 years, the prospect of having sex 6 times in the next year might seem incredibly great.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 15
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Posted: 6/30/2018 4:05:48 PM
^^ Not for this gal....the better the sex....the more I want it!
That's why I prefer to have my guy close!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 16
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 6/30/2018 7:33:50 PM
It isn't proximity that makes any relationship work, it's the exact people who make it work.
I don't think there's any magic involved, in any direction. I know people directly, and I have read of people throughout the past, who had wonderful life-long relationships which started out long distance, and some which remained long distance throughout the peoples' lives.

So yes, obviously, they can work.

I wouldn't say they could work for anyone who is convinced that being together most of the time is inherently necessary. That's one of the many "it depends on the people" things. Anyone who insists that a certain amount of sex is a "need," should immediately give up on the idea of anything LD, even if it's just a regular relationship with someone who travels regularly without them.

My own love relationships have all been undone by erroneous expectations. That's one way to look at it, anyway. The women expected me to behave in certain ways at certain times, and when I failed to meet those expectations, they decided to get rid of me. Distance was, in my experiences, an entirely random element, that neither helped or hindered anything.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 17
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 7/1/2018 1:55:14 AM
Marry her, then she becomes a citizen💑
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 18
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Posted: 7/1/2018 5:50:04 AM

Posted By: Newyorker58 on 7/1/2018 314 AM
Subject: Long Distance Relationship
Message: Marry her, then she becomes a citizen💑


But she still would still have to go back to her home country and get a new visa and you will have to prove you are really married.It is easier to get a fiance visa,plus that gives you 90 to decide if you really want to get married one she comes back.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 19
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 7/1/2018 7:22:51 AM
I've met people for whom they've worked, but in those cases, they had significant control over their time (not tied down to jobs) and they had deep pockets to travel back and forth. I would not pursue a LDR because I think people can act one way on phone calls and texts, but be very different day-to-day and in person. But OP, it sounds like you know this person day-to-day in person so that part is not a concern. So I'll go back to the first sentence about the importance of having freedom and resources to travel.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 20
Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 7/1/2018 8:18:35 AM
There's one type of relationship where distance isn't a problem. It's the mail order brides. (Why aren't there mail order grooms?)
 lulz567
Joined: 7/6/2018
Msg: 21
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Long Distance Relationship
Posted: 7/9/2018 3:46:56 PM
Let’s just say nothing is too much of a hurdle unless people want it to be. Long distance or short distance if the relationship matters to them they will make it work. If they are not that bothered the tiniest thing will be enough or a few things for an EXIT. That’s what I do when not bothered with someone I’ll find fault to justify a get away and blame it on those and that’s what the opposite sex do too. I had a guy explode over a few really insignificant things and just calmily thought to myself “ hmmm his really not feeling it with me so better let him loose to find what he feels his missing “ otherwise he will give a miserable time for me and I need to save energy for important matters.
 MoparJF
Joined: 9/18/2012
Msg: 22
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Posted: 8/26/2018 4:04:46 AM
Does marriage in the U.K qualify the girl for U.K. citizenship ?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 23
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Posted: 8/26/2018 7:26:21 AM
Only if she's from a commonwealth country (Canada, Australia, Bermuda, etc.).
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 24
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Posted: 8/26/2018 11:44:08 AM

Marry her, then she becomes a citizen💑

Uh, no she doesn't.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 25
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Posted: 8/26/2018 3:37:30 PM
Reply to message 22 by OP. As a British citizen, I think I’m kind of qualified to answer this question.

Yes, it does. But your GF will have to get a spouse visa for the first 3 years then a permanent residency then citizenship so in total, it should take around 5 years. You’ll have to get all sorts of documents to prove that you’re really married (not a hoax). And if your GF is from a non EU country, you must earn a certain amount of salary for at least 6 months to be able to bring your spouse over to the uk. This is totally unfair because any EU citizen can bring their non EU spouse to live in the uk without having a qualified salary. Sometimes I feel like I’m a second class citizen in my own country, tbh.

Since my info came from a friend who has a non EU spouse, Im not sure how accurate it is. She just berated the frustration from time to time and I couldn’t agree more with her.

You can check the home office website. That’ll give you the most up to date info.

I wish you the very best of luck.
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