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 ol39er
Joined: 7/20/2011
Msg: 1
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts? Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
It seems fashionable these days for people to be friends with their exes. I understand that if the relationship produced children, remaining on friendly terms with the ex lover or spouse is beneficial to the kids. However, I feel that if a relationship ended, it is pointless to remain friends with that person, if there are no kids involved. Remaining friends with someone who dumped you is like being friends with a boss who fired you, in my opinion. I'm for the clean and total break.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 2
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/4/2018 8:20:38 AM
Well,forgiveness is the heart of the matter,lol

https://vimeo.com/90740115
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 3
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/4/2018 8:57:40 AM

I'm for the clean and total break.


I don't want to know about an exe's current love life. No thanks.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 4
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/4/2018 1:20:04 PM
I have no problems with it but I am not like most people.
 JGL209
Joined: 5/1/2018
Msg: 5
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/4/2018 1:42:59 PM
I don't know.. the guy did cream pie your g/f and shot his skeet all over her breasts. lol

I personally don't keep friends with my exs because when I'm done with someone i'm done with them and if they break up with me I'll vanish from their life . I don't see the need to have the person in my life either way.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 6
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/4/2018 2:00:21 PM
..... I admire those couples that remain friends, after a break - up. Friend > " One attached to another by affection or esteem "

..... Truly > to set aside the emotional time bombs associated with a break - up or divorce, is monumental and usually extremely stressful. It takes special kinds of people to accomplish this ~ and I will sadly say, I am not one of them. I'm polite, but feelings of love or friendship ~ are simply, not there.

..... Friendship ~ in my humble opinion , is a more powerful & more binding emotion then even love itself .

..... Naturally, when children are involved ~ maturity, and the ability to do the right thing is required. They absolutely have to be the main focus, not our inner feelings of regret or sadness, concerning the past relationship.

..... Friends < just the term cries out for deep emotion. Never to be taken lightly, friendship is a powerful force . Remaining friends with an " Ex " ~ requires a special type of person. This type of person, garners a great deal of my respect.

..... So, to sum it all up ~ I personally, don't remain " friends " with my X serious relationships. I still love them all, but have no desire to stay in touch, or remain " friends "


heart / sun
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 7
Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/4/2018 3:01:29 PM
depends upon the person--I had a coworker once set me up with his ex gf. I still hear from her and two others on FB. some people can keep their horniness under control. a bad situation may be, however, if there's "unfinished business" in the relationship. Still, be glad your potential partner is honest about it.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 8
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/4/2018 3:44:32 PM
Depends on the circumstances of the break up. If it was on relatively good terms, then I think it's possible.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 9
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/4/2018 3:53:24 PM
^ agreed. I'm on good terms with about half of my exes. There are a handful I don't speak to but it's not out of malice or animosity. I have one ex who lives in San Diego. The only reason we broke up is because I moved up here. When I go back to visit my friends & family in SoCal, I have dinner with him and his new girlfriend. It's not awkward. We're mature about it and its only weird if the people in the situation make it weird.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 10
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/4/2018 4:50:56 PM
Yeah...I'm friends with a few of my ex's...
one of 'em just cut down a tree for me the other day!
Most of my relationships ended mutually without a lot of drama....so no reason not to be friends.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 11
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/4/2018 5:13:08 PM
I am willing to bet these ladies even recommended women to their exes or maybe set them up on blind dates mine did.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 12
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 5:03:48 AM
I think you only need a clean break if you still love that person but they dumped you or if they are an arsehole and you dumped them for that reason.

I'm not pally with any of my exes, and the one i still get on with (who is my youngest kids dad) we wouldn't have days out together or anything but do support each other still.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 13
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 7:12:37 AM
I don’t ‘unfriend’ exes necessarily but I don’t link up with any either.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 14
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 7:27:31 AM

It seems fashionable these days for people to be friends with their exes.

I don't think it's "fashionable" or more prevalent now than yesteryear. Now, if you count "friends" as being Facebook friends, then, ok. But that's not Actual friends. Big difference between being on good terms & someone you know VS being an actual friend IRL.

The only way I think that can be more prevalent now VS a couple decades ago is if casual relationships are more prevalent. Because they aren't full-fledged BF/GF, it makes it easier to be on good terms, close to friends, or even friends later on.

Although being Buds raises an eyebrow, and I wouldn't want to do anything more than casually date a gal who's good buds with an Ex. Good chance it's a FWB. And there's no way you're going to know thru them (on purpose). One may make the argument that there is no "benefits" when one's even beginning to date someone -- and that may be true or very close to true. But still not comfortable enough for my boat, getting serious with. It's not like they'd have to discount their friend-whos-an-ex entirely or anything. But to go from relatively close friends -> acquaintances for the time being. Which happens for most naturally with their FWBs (or ex's who may not be so much a FWB). But for some, it's not so natural -- which raises a red flag.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 15
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 8:02:53 AM
I think I'm a weirdo.
I consider ex's people I've been married to.
I've only been married once, so I have one ex,
and we are friends. We have kids and family
so we see each other at family events and functions
and we get along fine. His wife hates me, but I
consider that her problem, nothing I have to deal
with.

Other people are honestly people I used to know.
There aren't any people I dated I need to see or be
friends with. I lived with one guy for a while and
if I ever see him again, it would be too soon.

I also haven't dated anyone with a close ex, but I
think I'd be okei with it. My daughter has a close
relationship with her ex. They are both married to
other people, but all 4 of them get along. They babysit
for each others children, go on camping trips together,
etc. I get invited to her ex's pool parties and I'm friends
with the parents of everyone.

It might be weird, but it works.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 16
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 8:45:22 AM

I consider ex's people I've been married to. ........... Other people are honestly people I used to know.

Jane: "Who's that girl you were talking and smiling with? Is she an ex?"
Bob: "Oh, no, that's a girl I used to know. She wanted to catch up, maybe do coffee some time..."
Jane: "Oh, okay. How did you know her?"
Bob: "I lived with her. Shagged her rotten baby, yeah! But no, she's not an ex. Only my ex-wife is an ex! All the other ones are cumming home to roost!"

There aren't any people I dated I need to see or be friends with.

True. But you can say that about anyone you're friends with now before you became friends and after you started becoming friends.

I also haven't dated anyone with a close ex, but I think I'd be okei with it.

It would take real special circumstances for that to happen, for me. Like my GF being 100% fine with it, and me not attracted to my Ex-GF in that situation at all (+ no ill will of course about the ex).

My daughter has a close relationship with her ex. They are both married to other people, but all 4 of them get along. They babysit for each others children, go on camping trips together, etc.

And swinging would be another option, too. ;)
 Non-conformist
Joined: 12/15/2012
Msg: 17
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 8:54:43 AM
I am all for being friendly and cordial with an ex partner should I run into them, but being FRIENDS, is no. Emotions, after the breakup, take a while to disengage and heal. Until the healing is complete, being around the ex partner causes confusion and other negative feelings. Of course, everybody heals at a different rate. In my opinion, a friendship between exes can only happen if two people have moved on, totally let go of each other and the dream they once had for the relationship.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 18
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 8:58:01 AM

True. But you can say that about anyone you're friends with now before you became friends
and after you started becoming friends.


wut?

I have no idea what you're trying say.
And you used so many words to say it.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 19
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 9:14:21 AM
If we lived in the same area or met at some event (unlikely), I'd treat my ex with courtesy.
We don't have a lot in common, so it's unlikely we'd have much to talk about after the 'Oh. Hi. How have you been?"
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 20
Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 9:52:21 AM
If there are no children involved, I dont see any reason to be friends with or have contact with an ex. Over is over.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 21
Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 10:29:07 AM
If you're a man who's looking for a relationship and you ever meet a woman who claims her ex is her "bff", walk the fück away.

This is a woman reaching out to the future with one hand and holding on to the past with the other. Most of time, the woman initiated the break up, and the man is hoping to rekindle what they once had. Do you, as a man with a clean slate, really want to deal with this?? The more she continues to associate with him, the more she'll think of the ex as the golden standard even though her relationship with him failed. Fück that.

If you ever decided to put your foot down and say "hey, it's either him or me", you will surely be unfairly accused of being an insecure control freak. Fück that, too.

I'm not saying one should think of their ex as an enemy, but to remain in constant contact and hang out together frequently? Ridiculous. Furthermore, the way I see it, if someone shit on you as a lover, they shit on you as a friend, as well. (friend and lover are intertwined in my book) So, why continue with a "friendship"?

When a relationship ends, people need to make a decision. Either give it the time and distance it needs to die completely before pursuing someone else or just get back together. They just need to refrain from pulling others into their silly little soap opera.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 22
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 12:13:16 PM
See I just don't see it that way....
But , I really haven't had but a few "serious" relationships in the last 25 years since my divorce.
Most were just guys I dated casually....and we just naturally moved on because neither wanted anything serious.
No big fights or drama....so no reason to not be friends.

The one serious relationship I had (we lived together)...we just decided we were better friends than lovers...
and we have been good friends since...
like I said....he just cut down a tree for me last week...
I did his taxes for him in April...
I landscaped flower beds for his Mother...
he helped my Dad tear apart a tractor...
He has talents... I have different talents....we exchange them like friends do!!

My current guy was a bit leary at first....but quickly realized I have numerous male friends that I have no interest romantically or sexually in...it's just "who" I am....one of the guys!
I shoot pool with a group of guys every week...I volunteer my time to local Veterans (all men) to help with their disability paperwork...
I just naturally get along with men...cuz as seen in these forums....a lot of women are b!tches....
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 23
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 12:30:45 PM

I just naturally get along with men...cuz as seen in these forums....a lot of women are b!tches....


Isn't that the truth?
Speaking of friends outside of forums.....I used to be in a political chatroom and there was a guy in there that
just said the most awful things to and about everyone and everything.
He showed up at the bookstore unexpectedly one night, walked in and said
"Hi Boo". I knew who he was because there was a page of pictures of all the chatters. I couldn't even say
hello, I just looked at him and all I saw was he typing. He tried to say that was his "online persona"
but I wasn't buying it. It was the only impression I had of him and I couldn't pretend he was suddenly
someone different. Why would someone pretend to be ugly in a chatroom if they were really nice IRL?
I can't think of a good reason.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 24
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 1:19:16 PM

There aren't any people I dated I need to see or be friends with.

True. But you can say that about anyone you're friends with now before you became friends and after you started becoming friends.

wut?
I have no idea what you're trying say.

I'm saying (virtually) Everyone you're friends with, you didn't NEED to be friends with either. So saying "I don't need to be friends with my Jake, my ex," doesn't mean much. Yeah, you didn't Need to be friends with Sally your BFF, or Bob, your male friend, nor Need to be going out with Rick, the hot guy you met off POF. ;)
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 25
Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 2:21:16 PM

Why would someone pretend to be ugly in a chatroom if they were really nice IRL?


I'm a total bâstard in both.
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