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 tomgreg89
Joined: 5/24/2018
Msg: 1
writing first messagePage 1 of 1    
it kind of annoys me that just saying hello as a first message wont get a response, because basically thats how you interact with someone, you both say hello then the conversation develops.

i also dont like messaging "i like your pics, do you wanna meet" etc because i like to get to know some a little bit first, maybe get their number.

so i dont really get the mind set of girls on pof who dont understand this and that you shouldn't have to start out with some kind of message drenched in fake charm.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 2
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writing first message
Posted: 7/7/2018 6:24:17 PM
This is why your profile needs to be the introduction and not the message itself. Less effort to write out one profile with everything to interest someone than to do that in every single mail you send out.

You could head to the profile section that gives profile advice if you like.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 3
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Posted: 7/8/2018 7:36:31 AM
Women get a lot of messages, you need to stand out in some way to not get overlooked.
All a hello does is tells us you're lazy and not actually really interested in putting effort in.
My boyfriend sent me a good first message that was real and not 'drenched in fake charm'.
Now you can whine and fail or
improvise, adapt and overcome.
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 4
writing first message
Posted: 7/8/2018 8:32:33 AM
Typing 'hello' as a first message is generic and lazy. Does saying hello to a stranger really start a conversation? Not really. Exchange hellos and keep walking. Online is no different really. Youre not going to start a conersation with everyone that says hello. There needs to be something more to it.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 5
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Posted: 7/8/2018 8:35:50 AM
For the most part, in my experience, it doesn't matter what you write in the first message. I sent various types of first messages and it didn't impact the percentage of positive replies I got. When I did get more emails, it was often I added new and better pictures of myself.

Pictures and stats are often the most important things with OLD. Then if they like your pictures and stats, they might read the rest of the profile. The email content is the least important thing. The only types of first messages I would definitely avoid using are overaggressive emails (such as asking a woman out right away) and the crude emails (such as sexual content).


Typing 'hello' as a first message is generic and lazy. Does saying hello to a stranger really start a conversation? Not really. Exchange hellos and keep walking. Online is no different really. Youre not going to start a conersation with everyone that says hello. There needs to be something more to it.

The majority of women that contacted me first said "Hello" or "How are you?" or sent me a wink. It didn't bother me. The purpose of the first email to see if there is mutual initial interest based on the pictures and profile. If/when initial mutual interest has been established, many people in my experience will write longer emails with more details.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 6
writing first message
Posted: 7/8/2018 11:52:41 AM
I would be okay with "Hi. How are you?" for the first email. At least it's better than something that is vulgar or crass.


if you make the effort to say “hi! I’m (insert name)” that’s a conversation starter as far as I’m concerned. I don’t “require” some clever line or extra effort to respond to a first message//contact. It’s the messages after #1 that seem to tell more about someone & conversation flows more easily.

This was copied from a woman's profile. I agree with her.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 7
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Posted: 7/8/2018 1:28:11 PM

I would be okay with "Hi. How are you?" for the first email. At least it's better than something that is vulgar or crass.


if you make the effort to say “hi! I’m (insert name)” that’s a conversation starter as far as I’m concerned. I don’t “require” some clever line or extra effort to respond to a first message//contact. It’s the messages after #1 that seem to tell more about someone & conversation flows more easily.

This was copied from a woman's profile. I agree with her.[/quote

LOL,, I copy copied. The above says it all.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 8
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Posted: 7/8/2018 1:32:02 PM

so i dont really get the mind set of girls


Welcome to the club.

3.5 billion strong, and growing.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 9
writing first message
Posted: 7/8/2018 11:23:34 PM
OP, as you can see, some of these women suffer from EDS, (entitled diva syndrome) where they accuse YOU of being "lazy", yet they're sitting back on *their* lazy asses expecting you to play court jester. They're too self-absorbed to understand this experience is about two people, not just them.

Fück that, fück them, and fück profile reviews. Work on your pictures.
 lulz567
Joined: 7/6/2018
Msg: 10
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Posted: 7/9/2018 6:19:42 PM
Yes well you may not understand it but not understanding it will not move you along further. I got a hello message and thought what do I say just hello back? It was way to complicated to deal with so I just went to next message.

Wow ^^^ his sexy
 BuretoDesu
Joined: 7/1/2018
Msg: 11
writing first message
Posted: 7/10/2018 6:27:25 AM

it kind of annoys me that just saying hello as a first message wont get a response


Women holds the cards on dating sites. If 1,000 guys send a 'hello' message to one woman there is nothing to distinguish one person from the rest. I'm not saying you should write a novel, but find something in her profile that interests you and ask her about that (along with your 'hello').
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 12
writing first message
Posted: 7/10/2018 9:46:45 AM
Yeah whats wrong with all of those entitled divas that expect a man to be able to compose a whole sentence. What nerve.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 13
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Posted: 7/10/2018 2:07:47 PM
^^^
As pointed out, subsequent messages can help determine how articulate someone is. The first email is for determining initial interest based on pictures, stats, and maybe the rest of the profile.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 14
writing first message
Posted: 7/10/2018 2:20:56 PM

Yeah whats wrong with all of those entitled divas that expect a man to be able to compose a whole sentence. What nerve.


I would venture to say many of them can, but simply choose not to do it in a first contact message. But, of course, the sassy diva thing to do is simply assume they're illiterate, eh?

It's funny watching the same women here for eons whining about their shit luck with online dating. You know, the ones who *refuse* to contact men first. When they insist on approaching all of this like a complete shithead, I will gladly sit back and laugh at their failure.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 15
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Posted: 7/11/2018 9:53:58 AM
wonder how many would jump all over a "hello" as a first contact message if the man is over 6 foot tall, has doctor or lawyer as a profession and fits their idea of good looking....???....
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 16
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Posted: 7/11/2018 11:52:34 AM
It doesn't matter if you say "hello" or write a longer message that includes one of her interests. Your response rate will be exactly the same. She will either like your pictures or not and choose to respond based on that.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 17
writing first message
Posted: 7/11/2018 2:35:29 PM
Luckily, I never had to deal with the crotchety nonsense you see from people here on the forums during my last run with online dating. In fact, the vast majority of women who wrote me gave nothing more than a "hello" or "hi, how are you?", and guess what? It wasn't a big deal.

Moral of the story - things can be so much easier when you don't act like an a$shole.
 Manofsubstance1970
Joined: 7/8/2017
Msg: 18
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Posted: 7/20/2018 11:08:12 PM
"You could read a woman's profile very carefully, but most don't write much or describe themselves, so they leave you with very little to go on, but if you do find something of interest to ask her about, then do so, sometimes teasing can work, but other times a woman will get all defensive n lash out, because they don't have a sense of humour, even when they claim to have one in their profile lol:))))))

"If you write a first message to a woman n she does not view your profile, when she is online, then you know, that her inbox is full of messages n the chances are she will never see your message"

"If you write a first message to a woman when she is online n she does view your profile, but does not respond to you in a short time period, then the chances are she looked at your picture n did not like it, so she never bothered to read anything in your profile n will never respond to you"

"I would not advise taking ages on composing a message to a woman, because most will only look at the pictures, it's a clear double standard, because men have to treat a woman as a person, but many women, treat men as a piece of meat or a meal ticket"
 lulz567
Joined: 7/6/2018
Msg: 19
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Posted: 7/21/2018 4:19:37 AM
I’m annoyed by hi messages . I mean your grown men , on a dating site ,wishing I assume to meet women. I expect that level of lack of effort from little girls who don’t want anything and are just responding to something, like my nieces will text K or other such short messages . Lazy
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 20
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Posted: 7/21/2018 4:39:16 PM

I expect that level of lack of effort from little girls who don’t want anything and are just responding to something

So, is that your reaction IRL when a guy comes up and says Hello to you in a social environment? Taking it as a lack of effort IRL "merely" saying Hello at first upon approach? Especially when you know Less about him IRL than online (a profile is visible online).

Also, if his "Hello" is a lack of effort -- then never or rarely even initiating anything at all is an even greater lack of effort. "Hello" is done IRL when there's not even a profile to refer to. You should be hella mad when that happens, right?

In the end, I think how a gal should feel & her POV: Look OP, I'm assuming you're writing girls who are decent looking. Which means we have lots of mail in our box to sift through. Unless your profile makes you stick out like a real good potential catch -- you're just going to be tossed in the "maybe" pile at best. Instead, make it easier for us to flow into convo, since we're up their our eyeballs in mail from dudes. Follow the Hello by noting something positive in her profile (if she has much of a profile), and ask a Question. It gets the ball rolling.
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