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 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying noPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I've come across a new 'mature age' way of saying no without saying no.....

Quite a number of contacts here and on some other sites I use have been coming back with a version of this in recent times:

"Hi nice to meet you. You sound like a great guy! I'm afraid that just today I went on a really lovely date and I'm going to see him again this weekend. I'm going to give internet dating a break for a while and see how this goes. Thanks so much for your interest and I wish you all the best in your search."

At first I thought they might be legit, and they could well be, but it seems sus that they all use a similar approach of saying 'sorry but today I went on a really nice day with someone else therefore I am not interesting in dating you' ... As a mature person you tend to have a lot more suspicion about responses that don't seem to fit in with the common expectations of the fickle world of dating that's 10x more fickle for us in the 45+ age bracket.

Anyway just putting it out there for comment.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 2
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 6:57:48 AM
Women claiming that they are seeing someone else or have a boyfriend/husband is a classic soft rejection. - they have been doing it for years.

Sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not? - either way it means "no".
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 3
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 7:06:21 AM
agreed, I've gotten a version of this since I started asking women out in the 1970's. It is a polite way of handling things, I do have to agree. However, I can also say, there's a large percentage of the human population, whose human nature is to not put themselves into the shoes of other people. They work from their own needs and vantage point.

ironically, the person who shows this much empathy...is really the one you probably want to date :(
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 4
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 7:13:18 AM
I don't understand why people obsess about rejection or "no".
The mature way of saying no is just NO THANK YOU...or
no response at all. No one is required to respond or "be polite".
No explanation needed.
These are strangers you don't know, who don't know you.
Why does anyone care what they think or why they said NO?

With that said, I'm talking about OLD.
I would handle things differently IRL.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 5
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 7:38:44 AM
msg #3 MachIMustangII:
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Message: agreed, I've gotten a version of this since I started asking women out in the 1970's.


Don't mean to nitpik your observation MIMII, but in your profile you state your age as 36, which would make your birth year 1982. You've since informed us that you are really 48 or there abouts, which puts you being born in 1970. And also you've mentioned several times that you started chasing girls pretty much as soon as you could walk or more correctly 'run'.

Oh my goodness. You started early. Straight out of the womb or even before it seems!

Frequently in your responses you sound a lot 'older' than even 48 (which to me is young)
So fess up MIMII, how old are you really?
Inquiring minds want to know.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 6
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 7:58:36 AM

"Hi nice to meet you. You sound like a great guy! I'm afraid that just today I went on a really lovely date and I'm going to see him again this weekend. I'm going to give internet dating a break for a while and see how this goes. Thanks so much for your interest and I wish you all the best in your search."


All this does is set a man up for false hope. He might message back and say "Okay, thanks. If some time in the near future it doesn't work out with him, please keep me in mind..." It's also dishonest. If someone were really giving internet dating a break, their profile would be hidden from searches.

I think it's best to just not respond if you're not interested; or if you feel you should respond, do it in a way that leaves no doubt in the other person's mind that you're not interested: "Thanks for your interest, but we are not a match. Best of luck in your search."
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 7
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 8:29:42 AM
I would rather say no, or not respond at all (after all my profile already says no). Why all the BS?
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 8
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 10:18:02 AM
Telling them that you already met someone could tend to backfire. When they see that you haven't removed your profile -- they'll return.

My stock replay is "Thanks for your interest. I am flattered. But we are not a fit". It's cut and paste, so not a lot of time output.

Most people are grateful that you were not rude. And are considerate enough to just move on. But if the persistent return with arguments, insults or requests for justifications, then it's time to DELETE.

If they're vulgar enough, or if they still return, it's time to BLOCK and DELETE. But I choose only to BLOCK if its justified. Enough BLOCKS will get them kicked off the site. Not fair if it's simply because they're not attractive to ME.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 9
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 2:08:07 PM
Op, I told u already: ur main pic looks like ur pinching a loaf...get a new pic w/ a normal facial expression- or u will be here whining ad nauseum 4 eva!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 10
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 3:28:10 PM
Nothing new about people trying to be polite in their turndown...

would you prefer a F*ckOff response?
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 11
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 3:28:44 PM
I agree w/ others and esp w/ BA,,, get a new set of pics, esp as Default one. That one is just horrible.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 12
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 3:32:55 PM
When a lady is talking to me and says she has a man/boyfriend/husband I laugh and say okay now your either telling me one of 3 things.

1. Try harder stupid - most times gets a laugh
2. Your looking for someone better so I better show my A game - some looked stunned
3. You be a lying and there is nothing you just want to sound like you have other options. - usually has them looking uncomfortable.

Relax your about to have some fun we either like each other or we don't the worst case scenario we have a good night and a new friend so lets see what happens.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 13
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 6:25:30 PM

get a new set of pics, esp as Default one. That one is just horrible.




And some Milk of Magnesia...and Charmin!
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 14
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 8:07:25 PM
"I don't understand why people obsess about rejection"

>>for a lot of these people, they aren't asking for a date merely to get a date. They want to hear a yes to confirm that they are, well...dateable. If an attractive person says yes, they feel they make a heckuva first impression, that someone with good choices, still chose them. to these people, a rejection carries more weight, and the more yesses they hear, the more the rare rejections don't count...they already got enough confirmation, they don't need it as much anymore. they got the numbers on their side.

"Don't mean to nitpik your observation MIMII, but in your profile you state your age as 36, which would make your birth year 1982. You've since informed us that you are really 48 or there abouts, which puts you being born in 1970."

>>>yeah, when I came back, I remembered I couldn't email certain forum members due to the age restriction, so I figured i'd try a younger age to get around that. I wasn't having luck dating online, so no need for a photo or worry someone was actually going to meet me and find out I baldly (heh, b/c I am) lied about age.

"And also you've mentioned several times that you started chasing girls pretty much as soon as you could walk or more correctly 'run'."

>>I grew up in a rural area, had male friends in school and we chased the girls around (let's label that "grabassin'" but I never had a time when i thought girls were icky) but after we all went home from school, I only had two girls nearby to play with. We "played doctor" like anyone else, but..well, no one wants those details. whatever kids can do when they don't know what to do, exploration, experimentation, you get the idea. We all didn't live on a farm, but I guess we did what farm kids did.

"Frequently in your responses you sound a lot 'older' than even 48 (which to me is young)"

>>>thank you for the compliment. When I wasn't hanging out with these two girls (and if we all played together, boy did they gang up on me :) ), I spent time hanging out with my parents and their friends. So I got a LOT of mature conversation to hear. They were entrepreneurs, middle management types, parents complaining about getting their kids to respond and reflecting on life as young adults do when they finally understand their parents, and retirees talking about retirement. not to pat myself on the back, but adults would comment on how mature I sounded as a kid when we talked, that I could talk about current affairs and politics and whatever else I heard my parents' friends talk about, or what I read in the newspaper (my parents had me reading McGuffy Readers before I was in school). I listened to older people talk, I imagined myself in their shoes in order to understand what they said and meant, and did that from natural curiousity of my surroundings. My father was a mechanical engineer who had created a desktop computer business before there was a real market for them, so naturally he wanted his only kid to be, well, not behind the game, let's say :) So I sound the way I sound, and it probably didn't help me in dating, lol :)
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 15
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/19/2018 2:24:25 AM


Telling them that you already met someone could tend to backfire. When they see that you haven't removed your profile -- they'll return.


Not just that either - if the person says "i'm going to take a break from dating" and either explicity say they are going to disable/delete their profile, but then they don't... Doesn't that make you feel that the person has just outright lied to you? Clearly we all 'play the field' in one way or another and that's a common way for women to do it.

I know that if someone fobs me off I just ignore them and move on regardless of how often they appear to be active on the site (or another site - it's amazing how many of us have profiles on multiple sites).

Speaking of being on multiple sites, it's often the case that people might 'drop' a profile on one site but keep others going. I guess its a measure of results. If a person gets one or more apparently genuine responses even when they're just fob-off's that's going to be more enticing than being on a site where all you get is b/s contacts and 'i want to meet you' winks from people in other states or other countries.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 16
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/19/2018 2:34:24 AM
Following on..... It's a sad reflection that this site in particular is so full of fake profiles. Perhaps because it's part of the match.com family now. Who really knows. It's interesting to see how people can't handle someone who's not fake. A few of those people have replied in this discussion thread . ;-)
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 17
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/19/2018 8:01:34 AM
I have been on both sides of this. Not so much after the initial email. But after we had email / text / phone conversations and / or a few dates. Sometimes saying things like "I'm taking a break from dating" or "I just met someone and want to see how it goes" are true. Other times it's a "white lie". Personally it doesn't matter to me if that is the actual reason or not. In my viewpoint, it's better than the "disappearing act" because when people say these things, usually I know right away they aren't interested and I can move on sooner.


It's also dishonest. If someone were really giving internet dating a break, their profile would be hidden from searches.

Not necessarily. I don't always hide my profile when I'm taking a break. I may keep my profile visible. But not be an active user of that particular OLD website.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 18
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/19/2018 9:08:43 AM
Even if I'm dating I keep my profile because I want to. Forums and people I have gotten to know over the years are on here.
2 morons got upset after 2 dates that I didn't take it down.
They turned out to be VERY clingy very soon.No thanks.

You can always say not looking and use your settings to not get mail.
Some of you people need to grow a brain.

As for original question, I agree with another poster thats its better than a F*ck off loser.
You must be very bored op.
 jco415
Joined: 1/4/2017
Msg: 19
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/19/2018 11:03:51 AM

I don't understand why people obsess about rejection or "no".
The mature way of saying no is just NO THANK YOU...or
no response at all. No one is required to respond or "be polite".
No explanation needed.
These are strangers you don't know, who don't know you.
Why does anyone care what they think or why they said NO?



THIS! This is exactly right....everything else seems very passive-aggressive, wimpy or just juvenile.
 flyover_boy
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 20
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/19/2018 12:32:28 PM
quote] I don't understand why people obsess about rejection or "no".
The mature way of saying no is just NO THANK YOU...or
no response at all. No one is required to respond or "be polite".
No explanation needed.
These are strangers you don't know, who don't know you.
Why does anyone care what they think or why they said NO?

Hear...hear !!!! Hear...hear !!!

This is no big deal. Silence works, and even long delays telegraph an interest, which defacto are a form of rejection. Next...move on. Particularly in an age bracket, say north of 40. This isn’t h/s or college. I think some women like the attention, even if it’s from those they are luke warm about, or not interested in. There are levels of interest, and they like to be chased. To me, no attention is far preferred to unwanted attention. Thank goodness for delete/block and ‘closing,’ for OLD.

TWith that said, I'm talking about OLD.
I would handle things differently IRL.


Ahhh...that is a poser. One of the reasons I’m not crazy about general mixers and it’s real ‘fun’ when a friend or Family member is with you (say a wedding) and, “...Oh dear no problem, I have his cell number.”

Sure...rejection isn’t fun, both giving and receiving. I think ‘lack of interest’ through silence telegraphed, is sufficient as a rejection. I remember talking with a few ladies recently, in this age group, where the response frequently was, ‘...Oh, I’m a big girl, I can take rejection...I understand all that...I’m OK...(and so on).’ Then, they continue, ‘...buuuuut, what do you do when it’s the one you REALLY wanted ?’ As to say, ‘I’ve decided this is a match...what’s his problem ?’
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 21
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/19/2018 5:52:11 PM
Sorry.
I posted in error.
 BuretoDesu
Joined: 7/1/2018
Msg: 22
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/20/2018 8:36:16 AM

So fess up MIMII, how old are you really?
Inquiring minds want to know.


Mustang is timeless and ageless. He always was and always will be.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 23
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The mature way of dealing with no, is to find somebody happily willing to say yes.
Posted: 7/21/2018 5:02:02 AM
Just concern yourself with the people who do want to date you.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 24
The mature way of dealing with no, is to find somebody happily willing to say yes.
Posted: 7/21/2018 6:33:12 AM
OP glad the milk of m. worked, u look waaaay better now!
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 25
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/21/2018 9:42:54 AM
Much better photo.
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