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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I incre      Home login  
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 wadeinwaves
Joined: 8/7/2017
Msg: 1
Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
A couple of months ago I met a professional musician at a local pub who is considerably older and quite overweight (I've learned a woman can feel very comfortable in a overweight man's arms which is a new and wonderful discovery). Last night we went to a sports bar and there was an older couple sitting together. While my date went to the bathroom I told the couple the air conditioning vent was freezing my legs and they told me to sit on the other side of the table like they were which is the 'couch side'. As my date approached, he noticed I had moved and I asked him to sit beside me. The husband of the couple said, "Just don't touch her!". My date told them I am older than I look.

Today we went out of town to pick up paperwork from his colleague and his colleague was eye balling me with curiosity and my date said, "She is older than she looks". His colleague replied back with, "Jailbait". Of course he was joking as I am too old to be jailbate.

Is it best to up my age so people who look at us strangely don't think the age gap is too large? I realize we shouldn't care what others think of us but also know physically we are mismatched. He is wonderful, talented, and a perfect gentlemen who knows how to woo a woman (due to lots of experience from touring!!).
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 2
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Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/23/2018 3:19:05 AM
It isn't anybody's business. You're a grown woman (blessed with youth) and what you do with your life and body is none of anybody else's business, even if you date a man considerably older than you.

Enjoy him and I know he enjoys you (and all of the looks and stares you unintentionally attract in his presence). :-)
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 3
Preserve the jelly
Posted: 7/23/2018 5:21:26 AM
if you can't let your hair go grey, then cater to the concerns of other people, and it will take you to great places. Or tell them you use Oil of OyVey and it really makes you look young.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 4
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Preserve the jelly
Posted: 7/23/2018 6:27:45 AM
So....what are you going to do....where a sign that says you are 60 so strangers can read it ??

Or when you meet someone....start out with "Hi, I'm Jill and I'm 60 years old"??

Why do you care what other people think if you are happy?
 wadeinwaves
Joined: 8/7/2017
Msg: 5
Preserve the jelly
Posted: 7/23/2018 8:15:07 AM
"if you can't let your hair go grey, then cater to the concerns of other people, and it will take you to great places. Or tell them you use Oil of OyVey and it really makes you look young."

The first part of your reply is interesting because yesterday I told him I'm going to put grey streaks in my hair (I already have grey but it is underneath) and he said, "You'd look beautiful!". Then reality hit and I told, "I think I'll wait for this to happen on its own!".

I can't lie that it is a bit awkward when people look. We are both on the same journey to help him shed weight to get healthy. I haven't felt so loved by anyone since my twenties and these feelings are not one sided. It is the most beautiful and powerful experience. How can someone be so incredible (life experience, constantly growing as a person, paying attention to others, etc.)?

One of my concerns is are people going to look at us like he is my sugar daddy or I am a gold digger (thank God he rents his house which can't be left to a significant other but people don't know that). I sometimes think I should dress more mature but then I'd be uncomfortable in these types of clothes.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 6
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Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/23/2018 8:17:42 AM
Don't make up an older age, and don't answer the haters.

The husband of the couple at the sports bar is an idiot. Completely inappropriate of him to say "don't touch her". Perhaps he's jealous of the musician because the musician is with somebody thin and younger, meanwhile the husband is stuck with a fat old wife he doesn't like. The husband sounds like a eunuch, trying to "play the knight" as unpaid security.

Your date shouldn't feel any need to explain. I believe it's better wording to say "she looks younger than her age" than "she is older than she looks".

Some people might think you're his daughter. Who cares what they think.
 wadeinwaves
Joined: 8/7/2017
Msg: 7
Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/23/2018 8:31:49 AM
"Your date shouldn't feel any need to explain. I believe it's better wording to say "she looks younger than her age" than "she is older than she looks"."

Thanks for the tweaking. That will help!
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 8
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Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/23/2018 10:59:06 AM
Sounds like you found a boyfriend, good for you!

Don't worry about what people think - laugh at their reactions, have fun with it! It's funny if you look at it the right way!
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 9
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Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/23/2018 5:14:51 PM
You are a beautiful woman who is happy w/ a man, as he is happy w/ you.
Just,,,, be happy.
Dont sweat the stupidity
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 10
Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/23/2018 7:54:40 PM
Based on what you wrote, no one has actually asked you how old you are. Its none of their business anyway so why do you feel the need to make something up? Why does your date feel like he needs to explain with 'shes older than she looks'? Screw em! Live your life, be happy.
 wadeinwaves
Joined: 8/7/2017
Msg: 11
Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/23/2018 11:05:19 PM
"Based on what you wrote, no one has actually asked you how old you are. Its none of their business anyway so why do you feel the need to make something up? Why does your date feel like he needs to explain with 'shes older than she looks'? Screw em! Live your life, be happy."

My date told me he'd prefer to up my age. This wasn't my suggestion and I did feel uncomfortable with it because why is the truth so bad? I'm not sure if we will last much longer though because I found out this evening during his touring days he slept with 150 women and that he had a crush on the guitarist's girlfriend who chest he talked to me about by saying, "Did you notice how big Cindy's chest looked on Friday in that top"? Today is Monday. Why the hell did he bring that up now? Was it that important?
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 12
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Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/24/2018 4:28:13 AM
Yes.

The answer to all your concerns is to manipulate reality so that you and others who are complete strangers can maintain a comfortable level of delusion.

Oh, well, he has already failed to meet your standards by doing what musicians do (sleeping with women) and, like most men you seem to encounter, making you feel insecure about your breastusuhs.

Hopefully you find that little corner of the world where you can love yourself enough that you willl be immune to what you interpret as the criticism of others.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 13
Preserve the jelly
Posted: 7/24/2018 7:15:28 AM
"We are both on the same journey to help him shed weight to get healthy. I haven't felt so loved by anyone since my twenties and these feelings are not one sided. It is the most beautiful and powerful experience. How can someone be so incredible (life experience, constantly growing as a person, paying attention to others, etc.)?"

" I'm not sure if we will last much longer though because I found out this evening during his touring days he slept with 150 women and that he had a crush on the guitarist's girlfriend who chest he talked to me about by saying, "Did you notice how big Cindy's chest looked on Friday in that top"? Today is Monday. Why the hell did he bring that up now? Was it that important?"


>>>and there is the other shoe. Enjoy what you have, while you have it. nothing is forever. He mentioned her chest b/c it was worth mentioning. Let him have his fantasy, he's with you not Cindy.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 14
Preserve the jelly
Posted: 7/24/2018 7:28:04 AM

>>>and there is the other shoe. Enjoy what you have, while you have it. nothing is forever. He mentioned her chest b/c it was worth mentioning. Let him have his fantasy, he's with you not Cindy.


Hold on. You condone this guy mentioning another woman's boobs to a woman he's interested in pursuing a relationship with??

Even I, the self-admitted pig, don't approve of this. That's just bad form
 wadeinwaves
Joined: 8/7/2017
Msg: 15
Preserve the jelly
Posted: 7/24/2018 7:49:03 AM
">>>and there is the other shoe. Enjoy what you have, while you have it. nothing is forever. He mentioned her chest b/c it was worth mentioning. Let him have his fantasy, he's with you not Cindy."

Keep in mind he wanted to date Cindy but found out she had a very attractive boyfriend who is the guitarist of the band. She attends every gig to deter women from her guitarist boyfriend as do the other wives/girlfriends of the band. To me, this makes a powerful statement if you have to babysit your musician husband while he is around beautiful women.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 16
Preserve the jelly
Posted: 7/24/2018 8:51:46 AM

To me, this makes a powerful statement if you have to babysit your musician husband while he is around beautiful women.


Uh, welcome to the world of dating musicians? I was one of those smart enough to not get into a relationship when I was in a band. I wish some of my other bandmates had done the same. Their girlfriends did nothing but ruin potential and cause trouble.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 17
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Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/24/2018 8:55:56 AM


I'm not sure if we will last much longer though because I found out this evening during his touring days he slept with 150 women and that he had a crush on the guitarist's girlfriend who chest he talked to me about by saying, "Did you notice how big Cindy's chest looked on Friday in that top"? Today is Monday. Why the hell did he bring that up now? Was it that important?


How did you answer him when he asked you about Cindy's chest? Did you ask him why he mentioned it or why it would be important? Did you tell him you didn't like his bringing up Cindy's chest or focusing on her?

Sounds like he says that type of stuff because his girlfriends / dates let him.
 wadeinwaves
Joined: 8/7/2017
Msg: 18
Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/24/2018 9:10:13 AM
"How did you answer him when he asked you about Cindy's chest? Did you ask him why he mentioned it or why it would be important? Did you tell him you didn't like his bringing up Cindy's chest or focusing on her?

Sounds like he says that type of stuff because his girlfriends / dates let him."

Do you really want to know what I texted him that he took extreme offense to? If so, be prepared for fowl language. I texted him, "Maybe you can lie down and masturbate to Cindy and the twins who have big boobs who you told me about. For a guy who doesn't like them you sure notice them. You are a f***king liar. Don't call me tonight". He wrote me and said, "Let's get this sorted before it gets ugly". He didn't remember mentioning Cindy's chest earlier in the day after I texted him then apologized multiple times when he did remember and said he didn't know why he said it." He said I stabbed him in the back by accusing him of being a liar and that he was not happy with this accusation. So, no he didn't get away with this.
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 19
Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/24/2018 9:53:04 AM
^He is really being a jerk off to you. Why are you even with him? He is obviously not a catch.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 20
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Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/24/2018 11:45:17 AM
Put on some fancy converse chucks and boogey on out of there.
He's not for you.
You're supposed to be in the honeymoon stage and you've already
flash forwarded to the take your toothbrush and get the hell out stage.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 21
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Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/24/2018 11:58:07 AM
@OP...

Is the sex really that good for you to put up with this?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 22
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Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/24/2018 12:02:27 PM
I just realized this thread is asking about increasing one's age.
Why would anyone do that?

I think the guy must look really old if people are commenting
about your age. 20 years really isn't that bad unless he looks
like he's 80 or something. Then maybe people might think it's
creepy.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 23
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Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/24/2018 6:39:57 PM
You sure do know how to pick 'em. I remember your old threads/posts asking us whether you should keep a man around who made derogatory comments on your small breasts. Same shit, different day.

Why do you care so much what others think, especially random strangers?
 wadeinwaves
Joined: 8/7/2017
Msg: 24
Dating a much older man and getting looks from people; Should I increase my age when they ask?
Posted: 7/25/2018 6:29:31 AM
"Is the sex really that good for you to put up with this?"

He's taken me places I've never been. :)

"Why do you care so much what others think, especially random strangers?"

I think he's uncomfortable with how big the age gap looks and told me he wanted to increase my age. I personally don't care and I told him to be honest with his business partner about my age (the colleague of his who called me jailbait as a joke).

As the relationship moves forward I think the age gap concern will be a thing of the past. We are in love. Who cares what people think. I also kiss him in public.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 25
Preserve the jelly
Posted: 7/25/2018 7:40:46 AM
"you condone this guy mentioning another woman's body to a woman he's interested in?"

>>>I wouldn't condone it for a normal person. But we have someone in love, who says their partner with ED has taken her to places she hasn't been before. She's going to rationalize his comment at some point in time...and then rationalize the twins comment...and then rationalize the next one....and I highly doubt much of what we say is going to do a thing. the only advice that will work, is any taken from her mindset and point of view. She will accept that he spoke about a woman's breasts in the way she wants to accept it.

she's in love. so all is fair. the price she has to pay, for being in love with a man who makes her feel good, is she has to put up with his self-focused commentary. The sooner she learns how to do it, the sooner she smooths over the bumps in the relationship. the more she caters to the narcissism, the "better".

until it all falls apart. But she lives in the moment, not in the future. things will eventually g0 awry, she will mourn the loss, dramatize it, and as siisa pointed out...pick another one.
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