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 curious_cyclist
Joined: 7/10/2018
Msg: 1
Need some help. Can't get women to respondPage 1 of 1    
Hi Ladies,

I need some help. I can't seem to get any response no matter what my first e-mail is like.

I have done my profile review and made the changes suggested.

I have read the person's profile and always ensure to ask them something specific about something that they have either in their description or in their interests.

Here is an example:

Good Morning,

I keep coming across your profile and an want to say something witty. You have a great smile. I know not all that witty!!! I noticed we have quite a few things in common and wanted to say hello and maybe learn a little bit more. I really like that picture of you skiing. Where is your favorite place to ski?

Any help would be greatly appreciated
Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 7/25/2018 6:21:20 AM
"I keep coming across your profile - they might think u are stalking them"
"You have a great smile - how many other blokes said that to her?"
"I noticed we have quite a few things in common - but what do u have in common?- use detail"
"Do u ski? it's best to try to find things u have in common with the woman n then u can talk about them together"
"U might be better off using different messages to different women, because not all will ski or even smile in their pics"
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 3
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 7/25/2018 10:37:20 AM
OP, IMO your profile and photos are the main factor whether the girls you message will reply. At least that's what I do, I click the profile first before even reading the message. If I don't feel it, I won't respond.

There will be some women who find you attractive or interesting, not all of them. It's just the matter of finding them.

I get a lot of message from blokes on here but a few times, I messaged some blokes (who didn't message me before), they didn't reply to my message and I saw that they looked at my profile. This meant that they weren't interested, simple?

I know you'll say that no one has replied to you or messaged you. Be patient, keep going. Use OLD as part of your dating pool, not the only one.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 4
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 7/25/2018 11:45:02 AM
You have been here since July 10, 2018. For 15 days. Be patient. The ratio here for men means you have a lot more competition. Two weeks is nudda. You are not ordering from a menu.. you are approaching people.

Perhaps if you do a search here with the key words "no response" you will get thousands of similar threads. Your problem is not uncommon.

OLD is different for women. I know it may seem unfair but that is what you get. Women can and will ignore you if they are not interested. They have more options and besides that no one responds well to a message rejecting them. So most just ignore.

Follow this rule: No response means= not interested. Try not to take it so personally. You're not every ones cup of tea but you might meet someone here that wants to drink you to the last drop.

Be positive in your search, I don't know who helped you in profile reviews but in a first message just keep it simple... for example.
Hi, I read your profile, I would like to know more about you. Would you like to chat? Easy. Simple. Don't do cartwheels for a first message.

You want to be noticed and hopefully acknowledged. The ladies that like your type and find you handsome will respond. The others, perhaps will not. It is par for the course. Don't put all your eggs in one basket here either. Search in real life too. This pond can get stagnant especially for those that have been here awhile.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 5
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 7/25/2018 3:01:49 PM
I think you need to take your profile back over to profile reviews for some more tips. "I've been told my smile is contagious" sounds too cliché. Also, it is up to the women to decide if they like your smile or not, so there's no need to mention it.

A woman doesn't get dress up, she gets dressed up. Also, I'd get rid of the picture of you eating that massive mound of junk food. It's a turn-off.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 6
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 7/25/2018 6:44:26 PM

I need some help. I can't seem to get any response no matter what my first e-mail is like.


The sad reality is that you have joined online dating at what is probably the worst time for men in the history of online dating.
Overall, woman just do not participate as fully in the process as they used to years ago.
I know.
I was there.
Humor used to work very well for me then, but even that has lost most of its appeal.

But you can give humor a shot, in profile and messages, and hope for the best.

What the people who suggest about real life seem not to understand, is that real life is exactly what people were doing before OLD came along (because there was no OLD to rely on), and obviously real life was not brimming with spectacular success, or no one would have bothered joining OLD in the first place.
 bethafoot
Joined: 1/27/2017
Msg: 7
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 7/25/2018 9:52:09 PM
Something also to consider, and I suppose this depends on how many women you've messaged on whether or not this is an issue, but consider the "type" of women you're messaging. In the sense that... there are probably a lot of women who get a high proportion of messages and probably don't even have the mental space to respond to each one.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 8
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 7/28/2018 8:52:16 AM
Whenever I got more emails, it was often I added new and/or better pictures of myself. I would take a bunch of pictures and have some female friends (or sometimes even strangers such as a waitress when I'm a restaurant) help me decide which pictures are the best. Perhaps the OP can do the same thing. The content of the initial email has little impact.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 9
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 7/28/2018 9:27:45 AM

I'd get rid of the picture of you eating that massive mound of junk food. It's a turn-off.


Having 1 picture with junk food doesn't mean he has an unhealthy diet or lifestyle. I eat healthy most of the time. But once in a while, I will eat junk food or other types of food that aren't healthy. The OP could be the same way.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 10
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 7/28/2018 11:06:16 AM

Having 1 picture with junk food doesn't mean he has an unhealthy diet or lifestyle. I eat healthy most of the time. But once in a while, I will eat junk food or other types of food that aren't healthy. The OP could be the same way.


Maybe so, but the picture could easily convey the message that he eats that way on a regular basis. By the same token, a man could also smoke very rarely, but if he posted just one photo of himself with a cigarette dangling from his mouth, it would turn off scores of women.

The OP took the picture out, so I'm not sure if you even saw it. He was eating a sloppy burger the size of a catcher's mitt, with a mound of fries the size of a large pizza. It reminded me of that TV show where people compete with one another in eating contests and stuff their faces with as much food as possible within a short period of time.

Not a flattering look, IMO.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 11
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 7/28/2018 11:20:55 AM
I did see the picture. When I was active user in OLD, I had a similar picture. Although the amount of food in my picture was smaller. Some women recognized the restaurant where the picture was taken at and stated they liked the food. But don't go there often because it isn't healthy. Which was my viewpoint.
 bavmysta
Joined: 7/6/2018
Msg: 12
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 7/28/2018 5:50:10 PM
Its pointless. Look at it this way, the messages I've received are from fake profiles. The ratio of men to women is 7:1. There for its just not worth it messaging, I've decided on getting conversation from the forums side because well least I know its not a fake profile if the person is posting on forums and making regular communication to the forum community side of pof.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 13
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Posted: 7/30/2018 5:07:33 PM
You look like a nice attractivc guy but there are a lot of game players, fake profiles on sites like these.
You need to look around in real life where you can see more or less what you are getting. THe success rate on sites like these is very small and you can be here for years with no luck. Some men never get to have a proper date and it can be demoralising.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 14
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Posted: 7/30/2018 5:47:22 PM
You are attractive, physically active/fit & enjoy the outdoors. Are there any local cycling, yoga, mountain biking or hockey-fan groups where you can meet like-minded individuals and possibly foster a relationship from there? At the very least, you'll be making friends. I wouldn't take online dating so seriously. You should keep your expectations low and skin thick. Otherwise, you'll lose your sanity. Good luck!
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 15
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Posted: 7/31/2018 4:36:25 AM

A woman’s gotta have a… sense of style, a spark in her eye, the ability to run in heels, and a killer smile.
Someone who likes to have fun, is caring, is athletic and who enjoys the outdoors.


"The ability to run in heels???"---such a cliche. Hurts my feet to even read it!
Maybe consider cutting that out. The rest works---"sense of style, a spark in her eye, and a killer smile" says it all<

Good Luck, OP
 curious_cyclist
Joined: 7/10/2018
Msg: 16
Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 8/1/2018 1:57:13 PM
Thanks for all the responses. Yes I am always keeping my options open. It's a little more difficult to meet some at the grocery store, coffee shop. If you are not into the bar scene. I am part of a few clubs I will look to join a few more.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 17
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 8/1/2018 8:38:25 PM
It's good you hit all the marks on setting yourself up. Since you got all the basics that many may miss out of the way, two things come to my mind:

(1) Realize there's around 2.5 guys to every girl in the main age ranges. So you should have a low batting average when a girl's equally "in your league" so to speak. Think about going to a bar and she's already talking to someone.

(2) Your results compared to your doppleganger will depend on who you write. If you're hitting up selectively the "wow" girls, yeah, your already-low results are going to be Much lower %-wise. Also, girls are not in position to write "no thanks" back, so definitely don't be one of those guys "just wanting a reply of Something". You write them, don't expect a reply, and move on to the next.

(3) I would shorten the initial message in your example:

Good Morning,

I keep coming across your profile and an want to say something witty. You have a great smile. I know not all that witty!!! I noticed we have quite a few things in common and wanted to say hello and maybe learn a little bit more. I really like that picture of you skiing. Where is your favorite place to ski?

First, you misspelled "and" as "an". And also: "I know not all that witty!!" -- uhhh, not smooth. :) Plus, your message makes you sound over-eager, coming across her profile all the time, trying to think of something witty to say (but you don't).

You're drawing it out too much. Most people (yes, even over 35) use POF on their phone. And even when they don't, since so many do, unless you're already caught up in a thought-provoking convo, it's going to be a little shorter than what you'd expect VS 10-15 years ago. And remember, she's going thru Tons of mail.

Instead, I'd say something like this:

I came across your profile and wanted to say hello. You have a great smile and we seem to have a few things in common, like skiing. What's your favorite place to ski?
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 18
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Posted: 8/7/2018 8:31:28 AM
I tend to go opposite of everyones advice. best foot forward is nice but I would rather show the real me. a lot less dates but at least they know what I am about. I have had several dates where the women appeared to be out of my league only to find all the pics are from a special occasion in a dress they borrowed and their normal life is sitting around the projects in sweat pants. do you want a girl that forbids you eating junk food or one that would enjoy eating it with you?
 apriloveswhiteroses
Joined: 7/28/2018
Msg: 19
Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 8/8/2018 3:23:02 PM

best foot forward is nice but I would rather show the real me....a lot less dates but at least they know what I am about.........do you want a girl that forbids you eating junk food or one that would enjoy eating it with you?


100% Agree with this advice.!!! :)
 flyover_boy
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 20
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 8/8/2018 7:57:50 PM
Mr. Cyclist...

You’re a good looking fella, sound fun and, yes ‘adventurous,’ and pleasant. So, what gives ?

We don’t know you...all we can go by is your profile and make some assumptions (yes bad word, but all we can go on). Second, we don’t know the kinds of women you are messaging.

We’re both in the same age bracket and I’ve met plenty of women in and around it. So, we have some general types.

According to POF rules, you can only hit up women down to 33. So, example...late 30's early 40's range...the never married, no kids with 'power careers.’ With her masters in microbiology, scrolling over your profile, she MIGHT not see you as an ‘equal.’ She’s looking for a never married guy, no kids and advanced education partner. Although I’m sure the two of you could have a great first date. She’s in ‘landing mode’ for her kind of husband.

The rank and file 40-something single mom. Who doesn’t want ex wives or a guys’ kids in her future. Many women, in far more than just passing, have made such statements, after finding out I passed that little test. Maybe sort sighted, hypocritical or whatever, but it is what it is.

Then the yoga lady, in her late 40‘s early 50‘s. Ahhh, think she would fit in well with you, and you with her. Childless or not, is very big on her autonomy, but at the same time, want’s a companion...that has his life too. What might scare her about your profile is the ‘Family stuff’ that reads to her as ‘Family clingy.’

I don’t think your message, as the one sent, is the problem. But your profile message might be conflicted. Carefree, fun and adventure is great; but to the more ‘relationship minded lady’ in her mid 30‘s through 40‘s might be looking at a provider who can maintain or add to her standard of living, without baggage. The more ‘carefree’ ladies look at Family stuff as a buzz kill.

All that being said...I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you...’...I can’t get ANY response...’ For real ? How many emails sent ? But, you are more proof of the vacuousness of POF, which is a FREE site, and you get what you pay for. You live in a target rich environment, and OLD has much more to offer you than this. Not to mention near a very International city (Ottawa). There’s International OLD dating too, but that’s another program. Give MATCH and eHarmony a whirl. Report back to us, sir ! Oui ?
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 21
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Need some help. Can't get women to respond
Posted: 8/9/2018 12:03:50 AM
OMG ...
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/when-all-else-fails-use-your-online-dating-profile-resume-haynes

That whole "A girl’s gotta have a… sense of style, the ability to run in heels, a spark in her eye, and a killer smile" was considered a hackneyed phrase when I was dating, and THAT was a long time ago. See the link above, from 2014.

Do you really think gals haven't seen that a zillion times? Makes you look lazy and like you aren't really serious.

At least look over some of these other examples and change the words a little, instead of lifting phrases verbatim.

https://www.edatingdoc.com/online-dating-profile-examples/
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