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turns out she didn't love mePage 1 of 1    
I fell In love but turns out she didn't love me....I’m in my 60's... she is going to be 61 and we had a really fun time together and we got along really well.

We never fought then all of a sudden she decided she was going to be moving to Arizona where she owns a house and I’m not part of the picture.

I hate to say I’m heartbroken but I am.

I fell in love with her but I didn’t plan to, I just wanted to be friends but then it turned into something else.

She came over every day and called me every day, texted me every day.

Then she decided in the end it wasn’t for her.
turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 7/27/2018 5:19:05 AM
It sucks when are expectations aren't met. One of the great things about maturity is, the realization that, you've been through worse and you will get through this. Try to keep busy and not let it get you too down., things will get better.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 3
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 8/1/2018 8:43:42 PM

We never fought then all of a sudden she decided she was going to be moving to Arizona where she owns a house and I’m not part of the picture.

How long were you guys seeing each other? Not as friends initially -- but how long has it been since you started Dating?
turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 8/2/2018 4:12:11 AM
3 1/2 intense wonderful months.

I am seriously thinking of relocating with her, if she agrees.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 5
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 8/2/2018 9:08:51 AM
^^^You would ask a woman if you could move to be with her
when she moved out of state without giving you advance notice
and didn't include you in her plans?

I rarely take hints myself, so I sort of get it.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 6
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 8/2/2018 10:14:58 AM
It hurts something fierce when you get blindsided by a breakup. With my first boyfriend I was 100% blindsided. We went out on a date, he asked me if we could be officially boyfriend and girlfriend, I said yes, we had a good evening together then I went on a week-long fishing/camping trip, came back and he dumped me. I was heartbroken for a couple months not understanding why because he gave me nothing to go on but then I found out he'd gotten back together with his ex when I was gone. Then it hurt even worse.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 7
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 8/2/2018 11:54:23 AM

3 1/2 intense wonderful months.
I am seriously thinking of relocating with her, if she agrees.

That's not long. And if she already owned a house down in AZ, I highly doubt she suddenly came up with this idea. I'm damn sure it was planned -- just the exact 'when' was up in the air. I think it just hit you by surprise because she never brought it up that she was going to go at some point. It wasn't a serious relationship, but was serious to you (nothing wrong with that). But moving in with her would be your emotions leading you down the wrong path.

I rarely take hints myself, so I sort of get it.

Bobby: I'm really enjoying this drink with you, Sally. You know, I have two tickets to the concert on Fri night...

Sally: That's great. I'm sure you'll enjoy the concert!

Bobby: Hmmm, well, yeah. Oh, you know what? At my place, I finally got my hot tub going. And it is chilly outside... soo....

Sally: Oh, that's nice. My uncle used to have one, and I hear it can be a real pain to get going sometimes.

Bobby: Uhhh, yeah, it can. Ummm, well look, Sally, the night's still young and we both don't have to work. Soooo, how do you like your eggs in the morning? (wink)

Sally: I usually have my daughter scramble them. But sometimes I like omelettes. Why?

Bobby: Oh, FFS Sally, you want to do it or what?!

Sally: NO! My daughter makes wonderful eggs -- and she doesn't want me making them anyway! I burn them too often!

With my first boyfriend I was 100% blindsided. We went out on a date, he asked me if we could be officially boyfriend and girlfriend, I said yes, we had a good evening together then I went on a week-long fishing/camping trip, came back and he dumped me.

I wouldn't really count that as a BF. It was a guy you were dating that fell short of that. Otherwise, if I was dating a gal for a little while and asked her if she'd like to be BF/GF and she said yes -- and then she started making out with the bartender when he came back with the check, and I bolted... then I "dumped my GF". Not quite so much.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 8
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 8/2/2018 2:23:20 PM
Well, I'm going to still refer to him as my first boyfriend because then if he wasn't that would mean I only ever had one which would seriously depress me. That's probably part of the reason why I want to date so much, I think I'm really sad about the fact that I never really got to be longterm with anyone I really cared about. The guy I called my first boyfriend was the first one I ever slept with. We were "official" for one week and even if you like to point out it wasn't real, to me it was.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 9
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 8/3/2018 12:45:41 PM
That whole hypothetical conversation is me, Mr. Norweigan,

"What time do you get off work?'
"Wicked late...depends on how soon people leave."
"Would you like to go out for coffee?"
"No Thanks, I don't drink coffee."
"I see you're here every Monday night, will you be here next Monday?"
"Maybe, I don't know...I might have something better to do."

The list goes on.
turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 8/28/2018 5:05:54 AM
Up date!

Well friends, I was a big baby when I first posted my drivel. I over reacted and didn't really listen to her. When we had the talk, so to speak
she told me yes she cares, is still going but there is plenty of room for me in her life.

Lucky for me I am in the position to do some back and forth as I am semi retired.

I figured I should up date since I started another thread she asked me to in another section of this board. This is a lady worth holding on to.
 paul1957t
Joined: 11/7/2009
Msg: 11
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 10/12/2018 8:10:04 AM
It's an awful feeling but she was in transition period in her life did you ever discuss things or just enjoy each others company
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 12
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 10/13/2018 7:59:07 PM

Well, I'm going to still refer to him as my first boyfriend because then if he wasn't that would mean I only ever had one which would seriously depress me.

That sucks. But, it's no reason to lie to yourself as something that it's not. Even in the rare circumstance where one wants to be exclusive after a 1st date -- they aren't your BF/GF. It's just one date you had at that point. Your situation where you went out on a good date and agreed to be exclusive, but then he Ghosted you -- that's not even Close to being BF/GF, sorry. But I don't doubt your Feelings weren't real, and as strong as it'd be for your random Jane who Was dating a guy for a while. But that doesn't define what you Are, tho.

I think I'm really sad about the fact that I never really got to be longterm with anyone I really cared about.

As you said before, your only real BF, you didn't even Like on your 1st date with him. Yes, it does suck -- but whether he was your only BF or not should not be of any depressive concern. Instead, the "only" depressive part should be about him being an a-hole... and you even getting involved, let alone for an LTR, with someone you don't Like.

I think one way you can look at it is: Hey, I'm Actually New to all of this. I want to learn, explore, and not be hardened in my ways. I mean, I was in an LTR with a guy I didn't even like in the beginning. The Actual dating/singles scene is something I haven't really experienced much. It's obviously Better than what I've experienced... I'm here to experience a different world.. different than my experiences.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 13
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 10/13/2018 9:34:03 PM
I went out with him for two months first so it was beyond just a first date thing. And we did have the exclusivity talk and agreed about it so technically he was my first boyfriend. He didn't dump me till a week after.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 14
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 10/17/2018 9:03:13 AM
Not to high jack the thread. OP I hope things work out for you and if your hearts desire you and your lady friend both relocate to Arizona.

July.. I read this: " I never really got to be long term with anyone" and your profile reads longest relationship is 9 years. I guess you could call me nosy but it does make me question the above statement. Which is it?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 15
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 10/17/2018 2:09:55 PM
I didn't get to be longterm with anyone I loved or even just liked. I still can't believe I spent 9 years with someone I didn't even like from the start. I was in pretty bad emotional shape when I met my ex, still hurt at being dumped. It took me till age 24 to have someone I liked that liked me back. I went through high school and university without a boyfriend because none of the guys I liked ever showed any interest in me while guys that liked me I had to interest in. When I met the guy I stayed 9 years with and had 3 kids with, I just kept telling myself "beggars can't be choosers" and "it's better than being alone my whole life" and "eventually I'll learn to love him".
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 16
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 10/21/2018 6:10:09 PM
Oh NorwegianGuy... that 'hypothetical' conversation really showed me in true light... that's just how I would be...

as it is, I make it clear up front* for anyone I 'meet'... that I 'will' be relocating cross country (again) in the future... just when is the question... and while yes, if they can handle the cold environment, I'll look at developing our involvement.. but we won't be living together if they choose to follow me over...

Damning myself??? maybe... but it's a clear transparency so that the other party knows a lot of what's going on...

IAC... Long distance can be awkward... but as a 'half' retired, it can work out for you...


* not on first coffee meet unless I'm bored nutless with their company... but definitely within first month or so if I've seen them a few times and we've had fun times.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 17
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 11/12/2018 8:50:15 PM

I went out with him for two months first so it was beyond just a first date thing. And we did have the exclusivity talk and agreed about it so technically he was my first boyfriend. He didn't dump me till a week after.

Okay, the way it was phrased sounded like you barely went out with, had a great evening, he asked to be "official", you said yes, then it ended before ever going out again could be had. If you guys did go out for 2.5 months -- not talking, but actually Going Out for 2.5 months -- then yeah, even though it wasn't officially official during that period, I do think it's fair to refer to them as an ex in a general context. Although some would probably say it'd be best to refer to them as "someone I went out with" instead, as to some, "ex" implies serious relationship.

Damning myself??? maybe... but it's a clear transparency so that the other party knows a lot of what's going on...

I agree it's best to say that if you are in fact moving across country. IMO, that should put it in a more casual-dating zone, if that's the case. One can say "Oh, I don't Casual date!", but...

Long distance can be awkward... but as a 'half' retired, it can work out for you...

... that's pretty casual, as far as time spent between each other's concerned. Having a pen-pal relationship is casual for most. Maybe a role-playing sort of thing for some, while the other thinks real of it. Fine for attention, just fine for low sex drive or anti-relationship moded folks, but LD (serious) relationships by an extreme margin don't work for folks. But I can see them more functional and realistic on the casual-dating level (or more like close LD friends, with benefits when both single and get a chance to see/pork each other).
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 18
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turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 11/21/2018 5:02:26 PM
What happened to Tom's post? I wanted to tease him about running thru cat doors!
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