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 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
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Is dating harder for men or women?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Read this on Quora:

"Is dating harder for men or women?

It depends on age, Women under 30 probably have the easiest time of it, and women over 60 tend to have the least success. Conversely, young men tend to have difficulty finding someone to date, while older men have things easier. At birth, a normal sex ratio, that is one where gender selection is determined strictly by nature, is somewhere between 103 and 107 boys born for every 100 girls, with 105 to 106 is the most common. Girls and young women tend to mature at an earlier age than to boys and young men, and as a general rule are looking for a man who is their age or slightly older.

Here’s an example: Let’s take a 23 year old man living in the United States. Let’s also say he’s finished his bachelors degree and has managed to land a job in something related to his field of study. Chances are that he has some student debt and isn’t really being paid that well, so he has some money, but is probably living with a roommate. As far as young men go, this is a favorable position to be in.

Now, let’s look at his chances. Which young women would be interested in him? Most of the women his own age would prefer someone a few years older, since those men’s maturity level more matches theirs, so he becomes a second choice to those women. Women slightly older would still prefer someone a few years older, who is more settled and hopefully is farther along in a career path, and most of them will not be interested. A large proportion of the women younger than he are still getting an education and will be more likely to be meeting and dating other young men that are also still in school. Who does that leave? Women who have completed their education and are in the workforce, mostly ages 20 or 21.

There are two added complications. Remember that sex ratio at birth? There is a surplus of young men, period. Also, we haven’t spoken about men’s preferences yet. Just as most women would prefer a man their own age or slightly older, men would prefer a woman their own age or slightly younger, but there is a significant part of the male population that would be just fine with a woman significantly younger than themselves. For that hypothetical 23 year old man, women in the 20 to 22 age group are likely to prefer men a little older than this 23 year old. Men under 30, and particularly men under 25, will have the hardest time finding a date, as there is a surplus of young men, women their own age will tend to prefer men somewhat older, and there’s significant competition for those young women who would find men this age to be appealing .

In the United States, there are approximately 113 unmarried men ages 25 to 34 for every 100 unmarried women. When you consider that many of those singles in that age range are in committed relationships, the ratio gets worse. If half of those unmarried 25 - 34 year olds are in relationships, that now means there are 126 unattached men for every 100 women.

This ultimately reverses itself, as men in the United States don’t live as long as women. Somewhere around age 60, the number of men and women equals out, and from that age on the number of women for a given age exceeds the number of men. Since most men are looking for a woman somewhat younger than themselves, dating for women over 55 becomes increasingly difficult.

This is in the United States. In countries where the sex ratio is artificially skewed in favor of boys, young men’s dating lives become increasingly difficult. Many millions of young Chinese and Indian men will be unpartnered for their entire lives because of their parents’ generations shortsightedness. And, this skewed sex ratio is now starting to appear in Vietnam and some of the nations in the Caucasus."
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/30/2018 7:54:16 AM
Then I read this article That list some cities where the male to female ratio is reversed:

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/10-best-worst-cities-for-dating-ranked-by-their-male-to-female-ratio-8210220
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/30/2018 10:39:23 AM
A 23 year old man would have considerably harder time finding dates/a partner than a woman of the same age.
Women he would probably have the most chance with are those that are around 18 years old.
As women tend to date men that are usually 3-6 years older imo.
All men I dated were older by on average 4 years except 2 that were younger.
My boyfriend is 1 year older than me which is less than the average amount older guys usually are that I date.
He told me it was really hard dating, he messaged soo many. Everyone of interest in the area and they just ignored/rejected him basically.
I felt pretty bad for him but he must of been doing something right because I didn't ignore him.
Guess it's more of a numbers game for men but women can just sit back and select who they want to give a chance.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/30/2018 11:51:09 AM
I'd say a lot harder for men. Women are the ones that do the choosing. An average looking woman on social media will get lots of guys commenting on their pictures, saying things like "Yumm!!!" or "You look so hot!" An average or even good looking guy will never get the same level of attention.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 5
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/30/2018 12:02:50 PM
^^^ getting superficial attention is the not the same as finding success in dating/relationships. I've gotten literally thousands of "likes" and comments on my Instagram photos, and here I am, still single while my girlfriends who are roughly the same age are married and starting families of their own. Even my gay male friends are partnered.

I'd say each gender has their own set of challenges. At the end of the day, you need to be the type of man/woman another man/woman will actually WANT to be with. Too many people who are dating & looking are too stuck on what they want (often desiring the wrong types of people) instead of taking into account what they actually bring to the table.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/30/2018 12:10:20 PM

^^^ getting superficial attention is the not the same as finding success in dating/relationships. I've gotten literally thousands of "likes" and comments on my Instagram photos, and here I am, still single while my girlfriends who are roughly the same age are married and starting families of their own. Even my gay male friends are partnered.

I'd say each gender has their own set of challenges. At the end of the day, you need to be the type of man/woman another man/woman will actually WANT to be with. Too many people who are dating & looking are too stuck on what they want (often desiring the wrong types of people) instead of taking into account what they actually bring to the table.


I think you're glossing over opportunity. A person that is getting a lot of attention and messages, even if they start off as superficial, they still have many opportunities and people to choose from. That's a way better situation than having no one to choose from. Having abundance is better than scarcity. There are myriad books and other products that teach men how to get a date and how to not screw up a date and barely any for women. Choosing the right boyfriend and maintaining a relationship is where the challenge is for women, but men are at a huge disadvantage at the first stages of dating. I don't think it's possible to get better at dating until you see it for what it is.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/30/2018 12:57:30 PM
I never understood why men from 18 to 25 would even be looking for a long term relationship. A man should be enjoying life single in those years . Travel the world , get an education and establish themselves. Dating /having sex (responsibly) but not letting a relationship halt their progress in life.

At that age the girls are out dating the guys who they wont want to settle with later in life while the good men are making the most out of life. I'm not talking about "nice guys" who sit at home and complain online and watch anime all day. I mean the guys who explore life. Learn things and go on adventures

When those men have done it all, and are on their way to a stable career and now want a family and a woman who has good qualities, they wont be looking for the women who were whoring it up in clubs all through their youth and now have kids and smoke a pack a day and have never left Oshawa.

I think people focus too much on trying to date or be in a relationship far too soon.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/30/2018 2:19:05 PM
^^^
I think this goes for both men and women.


I think people focus too much on trying to date or be in a relationship far too soon.

No kidding!
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/30/2018 2:38:00 PM
Dating can be difficult for both men and women. Both genders have to deal with flakes, jerks, liars, cheaters, people looking for an ego boost or text buddy etc. But I think dating (at least OLD) can be tougher for men under 40 because of the ratio. Lots of competition.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/30/2018 3:49:14 PM
I think its difficult for a woman of 58 to find an ideal match. I have had maybe 4 meets that stalled after i started dating ahain after a broken Engagement in Jan/2016
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/30/2018 8:15:59 PM
From my mid teens to early 20's women usually preferred to date men a few years older. Most guys (that I knew) understood this and, generally, didn't approach women their age or older unless the woman initiated the idea that she was interested. I, like most of my friends, approached women our age to a few years younger (not to young). I'm not sure why but I find myself still locked into this mentality. While I did date a woman who was 5 years older than myself in 2012 I look to women my age or down to 6 or 7 years younger. Right now I'm seeing a woman who is 5 years younger than I am but then at my age there isn't any difference.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 6:03:30 AM

A man should be enjoying life single in those years .

What can't a man enjoy when in a relationship?
No more casual sex? lol
Rather not screw around and wait to get a boyfriend then find that all the good men are taken already with wives and children. The highest quality men are always taken fast.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 7:08:45 AM

What can't a man enjoy when in a relationship?
No more casual sex? lol
Rather not screw around and wait to get a boyfriend then find that all the good men are taken already with wives and children. The highest quality men are always taken fast.

Some men (and women too) in their 20s may not date that much because they want to focus on school / career or they wanted to spend more time hanging out with their friends. It's not all having more casual sex. I was like this during a portion of my 20s.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 7:09:18 AM
What can't a man enjoy when in a relationship?
No more casual sex? lol
Rather not screw around and wait to get a boyfriend then find that all the good men are taken already with wives and children. The highest quality men are always taken fast.

you're not a man , you would never understand.

I dont care what YOU would rather not do. Again you're not a man. Men and women are different.

You like most young women dont see the big picture. You want to latch on to a "quality man " because you're worried they will all be snatched up.

At your age most men arent quality. They are in the years of building themselves up to be quality. If when a man reaches those later years and you cant get one, its because quality men dont find you to be a quality woman .

What cant a young man enjoy while in a relationship?
The freedom to do what he wants when he wants. The freedom to fall in love (infatuation) with many women and discover what he likes most in a woman so that in later years he knows the qualities he wants in a partner.

To make decisions on his own about what he wants to do in life and not have someone with their own agenda try to persuade him otherwise.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 15
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 7:51:42 AM

Msg 12:
Rather not screw around and wait to get a boyfriend then find that all the good men are taken already with wives and children. The highest quality men are always taken fast.


Ah yes. The infamous "all of the good men are taken" line that a lot of single women like to spout. Whenever I hear a single woman stating that, my first thought is: "Why didn't any of these good/highest quality men choose you?"
Would men get sympathy if a guy was to say: "All of the good women are taken"? Does that mean everybody else is just left over scraps?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 8:47:10 AM
I'm finding dating to be much easier now that I'm older, 55-60. It could be due to men being more confident to ask women out.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 11:33:57 AM
Age definitely makes a difference. In general, the metrics prove men have a harder time, especially in locations where the male to female ratio is off. If you're stuck in one location, you can get on a tilt and online dating can often exacerbate that.
 LoveOnAShip
Joined: 7/24/2018
Msg: 18
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 11:54:51 AM
I think each gender can have luck or no luck depending on factors like age, location, income looks, etc.

Overall dabbling in on line has it's drawbacks.

For instance I spoke to a woman recently who told me she participated in an on line forum, much like this one.

Some nut case or group of assorted nuts looked up her ex husband, got his home phone # & called him to tell him she had been posting mean things on the site & even gave her on line user name!

Behaviors like this are at best crazy & possibly illegal.

So I'd warn anyone dabbling on line.

Plus imagine if that woman were part of a sting operation.

The perps would have to pony up some $$ for legal representation.

People's posts in that site, including threats are visible & would make it clear who potential suspects were :0)
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 19
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 1:11:14 PM

Ah yes. The infamous "all of the good men are taken" line that a lot of single women like to spout. Whenever I hear a single woman stating that, my first thought is: "Why didn't any of these good/highest quality men choose you?"


I have had high-quality men who were interested in me but I was too busy pining over nonviable men. By nonviable, I don't mean they were all 'bad boys' or ***holes but they were men I had no chance with. It'd be foolish of me to expect those good men to stick around and wait until I was ready to choose them. Long story short: those good-quality men have all moved on and are either happily married or partnered with other women who actually appreciated him.

So Sienna does have a point. Don't wait too long & expect the good catches will still be waiting for you in your 30s and above. Men can afford to wait longer. Their shelf life and sexual market value are more prolonged than women's. Especially if a woman wants to get married and start a family, she shouldn't wait too long. There are too many women who put careers and degrees first and blindly expect she'll still have the same prospects in her mid-30s as she did in her 20s.


Would men get sympathy if a guy was to say: "All of the good women are taken"?


Not from me. I actually had a male acquaintance say something along the lines of, "Are there any faithful, loyal & honest women left?" I told him the same thing I've told women who bemoan similar grievances. He has probably met some women who would have made a good girlfriend or wife but he either rejected her because she was too boring, hot his "type", not hot enough, didn't put out fast enough, etc., etc. OR....those high-quality, marriageable, loyal women didn't want HIM for whatever reasons.



Does that mean everybody else is just left over scraps?


Somewhat. After a certain age, it's much harder to find someone to settle down with, especially women. A majority of people's dating & mating is done between 20-30. After that, the vast majority of people are already paired off. Our dating pools shrink or become more polluted overtime.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 1:56:08 PM

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/10-best-worst-cities-for-dating-ranked-by-their-male-to-female-ratio-8210220

That's pretty meaningless. The best places for ladies were all pretty much the same. ~Equal. Although for guys, there's a few places were there's notably more single females than males, but, I wonder how accurate those #s are. Also, even if there's a few more for one gender than the other -- it doesn't mean it's in or out of your favor in dating. You'd need a pretty sizeable difference in your taste genre. So let's set aside "ratios" as most are ~same...

Is dating harder for men or women?

All things being equal, no doubt it's tougher for men to land dates with women he finds solidly attractive, rather than vice-versa. More is asked to do, going out on a limb, etc. for men. It's as obvious as snow is white. It doesn't mean it's necessarily Easy for women. But again, comparatively.

But to be fair -- comparatively speaking due to the way we grew up -- it's "harder" for women to do the things guys do, because they're not expected to do it, thus have no experience. Much like how it's harder for the wallflower-shy-guy to walk over and try and strike up convo with a gal he finds attractive, asks for a #, makes the 1st text, suggests going out, etc. For the low % of women who aren't so uncomfortable with doing those initiating tasks -- they clean house and have an "easier" time than their doppleganger in the dating field.

In a nutshell, the gal Can easily have it way easier to land dates if she chooses to take advantage of what she Can do. But for the gal who's sitting back and will never initiate anything and expect guys to come to them 100% of the time -- yeah, it's not that much easier for gals, but ymmv.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 6:17:34 PM
Some of those men that might have been good catches, may have just thrown up their hands in disgust, and went about finding their own way doing without.

In my travels, I keep coming acrossed people that can't understand why I'm not involved with some one. I tend to blame it on shallow women. Most don't want to take the time to find out what I'm about. But then, it's because they met me when something had flown apart, and I'm there to pick up the pieces, and re-assemble their problem.

Now, I do come across the same story- He said he could do it, but he really couldn't. I figured out a long time ago, to only do what I knew. I learned to suggest solutions, alternatives, but not stick my fingers into something I knew I couldn't do.


It just became easier to leave them to their own devices, and I'd stick to mine.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 7:19:53 PM
Let me go back to the Original Post in this thread, and make some comments / clarifications:



Men in the United States don’t live as long as women. Somewhere around age 60, the number of men and women equals out, and from that age on the number of women for a given age exceeds the number of men. Since most men are looking for a woman somewhat younger than themselves, dating for women over 55 becomes increasingly difficult.

Actually, it evens out before age 60, but that is NOT the most important metric.

Young men chase women. It’s all about sex, about biology, about testosterone, hell, let’s call it plain old “horny”. Only make that a capital H Horny.

As men get older, they are driven less and less by their hormones. Yes, they still like women, they still desire sex. But they (or at least most of them) no longer feel like they’re going to die if they don’t get some right now, or at least very soon.

We (human beings) are animals, and we need to remember that. In the wild, the male of the species will fight, sometimes even to death, for the privilege of mating. And yes, you can count me in that group, when I was much younger. These days, I still like sex, I still desire sex, but I’m not going to do anything really stupid (like fighting with another man) for the chance to have sex.

Add to that, the female of the species, as she ages, tends to be less desirable. I have noted before that while maybe 70 to 80% of women in their 20’s are sexually attractive, by the time you get up into the 50’s and god forbid the 60’s, the percentages are much smaller. Much. And yes, I know the same is true for us men, no need to send me a nastygram to tell me that.

So, the older men are less driven by sexual desires, and there are far fewer women in his available age bracket that he finds desirable. And the women still seem to expect him to do the asking, the pursuing, all of the heavy lifting as it were. So what does he do? He quits chasing. He stays at home and watches the game on TV, or goes to the sports bar and watches the game with his buds. And the women are sitting at home wondering why they don’t have men ringing their phone off the wall, the way they did when they were in their 20’s.

I give you Tom Petty’s take on this:


Now all the vampires walkin' through the valley
Move west down Ventura boulevard
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
And the good girls are home with broken hearts

So, to sum it all up: When we’re young, the girls have the advantage, because men are driven by out of control hormones. When we get older, things get much harder for the women because the men are no longer pursuing. Except for those few women who have kept their looks.

So men, you have something to look forward to as you grow older. In addition to the senior discount at Golden Corral, that is. Dating will get easier!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 7:20:16 PM

Men can afford to wait longer. Their shelf life and sexual market value are more prolonged than women's.


I hear this on the Tom Leykis Show often. He says that men age like wine and women age like milk...



There are too many women who put careers and degrees first and blindly expect she'll still have the same prospects in her mid-30s as she did in her 20s.


Others will ride the bad boy cøck carousel and settle down with Poindexter when the biological clock starts ticking.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 7/31/2018 9:35:02 PM

Young men chase women. It’s all about sex, about biology, about testosterone, hell, let’s call it plain old “horny”. Only make that a capital H Horny.

True, but young women, notably hitting college-age, are horny too. With a capital H, too. Not hard to find. But I think it's just Different due to culture and circumstance, not hormones. (1) Circumstance: Guys for the most part pursue gals -- which is easier for them when younger, because there's more fruitful social gatherings that one can be a part of, which makes that process much easier than in the later 20s / early 30s when size of social gatherings with singles dwindle a lot VS collegeish-time. (2) Culture: Guys are willing to hook up on-the-fly with gals who he could 'do better' in the looks dept, where for girls, that's a clear cultural thus emotional no-no. It doesn't mean it's Easier for a guy to hook up. It's actually easier for a gal to hook up with a guy who is a little higher than she in the looks dept.

As men get older, they are driven less and less by their hormones. Yes, they still like women, they still desire sex. But they (or at least most of them) no longer feel like they’re going to die if they don’t get some right now, or at least very soon.

There is that to some degree, but I don't think it much explains the situation. I can understand when a gal's biological clock is ticking & closing in on midnight, her hormones are Up where it's not a guy's peak time. But they're not That old at that point, of course. If it was just by hormones, in the single world, it would counteract a guy not being on the top of his "hormonal" game, having more open-frisky gals in the singles world.

Plenty of guys in their late 30s - mid 40s when becoming single after divorce are on-the-prowl in the singles scenes and ready to rumble in the bedroom. So are the women, but the guys don't fall short of them on that. So I don't see how the hormones dictate what goes down.

Add to that, the female of the species, as she ages, tends to be less desirable. I have noted before that while maybe 70 to 80% of women in their 20’s are sexually attractive, by the time you get up into the 50’s and god forbid the 60’s, the percentages are much smaller.

But as you say, guys go down too. I think it's more of women liking older men, and not the other way around. However, Much of that is cultural. You'll find less of that than it was in decades past. Younger guys chasing MILFs, and a decrease of younger women wanting a substantially older man seems to have unraveled this century.

I think guys' looks go down ~same, if both aim to keep in shape on ~same level, when we're talking about any age... although after having kids, a gal has to work harder at that temporary setback. So I don't see the looks difference, I think it's just that it's more driven by culture that's opening up. 30 year old guys look better than 50 year old guys. 30 year old women look better than 50 year old women. 30 year old guys will hook up with a 50 year old woman much more easier than a 30 year old gal will to a 50 year old guy... but a 30 year old gal will more easily Seriously Date a 50 year old guy, than vice versa on gender.

When we’re young, the girls have the advantage, because men are driven by out of control hormones. When we get older, things get much harder for the women because the men are no longer pursuing.

I don't think I agree. I think girls always have the advantage until around senior age where it evens out, and gals not having an advantage only hits until the female population > males.

One part of the degree of difficulty in dating is the Ratio of singles in the places where singles Go. As long as more guys are on a dating site or at the singles bars -- where the majority of the pursuit occurs -- the gal always has the advantage.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/1/2018 1:48:28 AM

You like most young women dont see the big picture. You want to latch on to a "quality man " because you're worried they will all be snatched up.

At your age most men arent quality. They are in the years of building themselves up to be quality. If when a man reaches those later years and you cant get one, its because quality men dont find you to be a quality woman .

What cant a young man enjoy while in a relationship?
The freedom to do what he wants when he wants. The freedom to fall in love (infatuation) with many women and discover what he likes most in a woman so that in later years he knows the qualities he wants in a partner.

The big picture is the good quality men are serious about having a relationship and the ones that aren't good quality probably aren't. So all the low quality ones are left on dating sites just trying to screw us.

Just because they don't have everything all set doesn't mean they aren't good quality. Men are like flowers, they may take longer to blossom but it doesn't mean you should not bother with them until they are already blooming.

Falling in love with many women, that's just screwing around. I don't date men that are players and waste their youth screwing around.
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