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 ksuser
Joined: 7/17/2018
Msg: 1
Safe DatingPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Has anyone male or female ever experienced threatening or violent dates? I have not personally, but have heard stories from others about some dangerous encounters. I stumbled onto a story yesterday of a woman who met a man here on POF. They dated for 3 months, she was going to end the friendship. The guy refused and stalked her for several days. Then invited her out to talk about things, so she went. He tried to kill her, but did not succeed. He was found, and arrested. He admitted to killing 7 women. My thinking is: it's not just men who kill or abuse. The woman said, he had never displayed any type of violence and was really just a nice guy. Don't think I can really believe that or not. My question is: we all know safety precautions, but what about that one time? Is there a way to protect ourselves from this? I don't live in fear, and choose to be aware of things. How about you?
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 2
Safe Dating
Posted: 8/1/2018 2:23:11 PM
Haven't had it personally, but heard stories from others.

some people can be charming while they're getting what they want.

some peoples' definition of "Signs" is different from others'.

we can do the best we can, we should always listen to our gut, I've heard stories from people who admitted they didn't and lived to regret it. perhaps the thing that saves us the most, is having a healthy attitude towards people and life. When we do, and we meet someone who doesn't share that with us...we feel like something's off. we may not be able to point to what it is, but somehow their stories creep us out....or they handle the waitstaff at the restaurant in a way we wouldn't have done...or its just *something*.

don't hope your date will be what you are looking for...instead, look and listen to what they are.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 3
Safe Dating
Posted: 8/1/2018 3:08:36 PM
OP follow basic safety rules. Be careful about sharing your info. Make sure the sharing is two-sided - if he knows your last name you should know his... I don't even give out my cell phone number, I use google voice.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 4
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Posted: 8/1/2018 4:42:42 PM
I had a first date with a guy that wouldn't stop kissing me even after I told him not to and treated me like a ragdoll.
I said I didn't want to date him anymore and he stalked me online for months and even pretended to be someone else so he could harass me in forums. Also denied it.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 5
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Posted: 8/1/2018 7:29:34 PM
things is....doesn't matter where you meet them...online, at a club, at the mall...
very rarely are you going to know someone is a psycho until they go psycho!!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 6
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Posted: 8/1/2018 8:20:15 PM

Has anyone male or female ever experienced threatening or violent dates? I have not personally, but have heard stories from others about some dangerous encounters.

It's not an online thing -- it's a dating thing. You can look up violence between guy and girl on a date -- of course there's going to be a story about it that can be found. I guess don't date since it's possible? It's always been in existence. One of the best ways to avoid violence is to avoid p!ssing someone off (not that they're justified; but puts them in position to not do something unjustified), and to also pick up signs on a dating prospect that even your average 15 year old could pick up. Then your chances are essentially Zero, if being below 1% isn't good enough.

They dated for 3 months, she was going to end the friendship.

As a side note, if you're dating for 3 months -- you're not merely friends where it'd be ending a "friendship". It'd be ending the romantic relationship. The story wasn't about a gal going out on a date and the guy being violent & threatening.... but the classic case of a BF being dumped and gets PO'd and flips out. Been around well before the internet.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 7
Safe Dating
Posted: 8/1/2018 8:48:12 PM
One man kept calling me after I had stopped dating him. I told him I would call the cops and get a restraining order if he kept calling me. He finally stopped. Fortunately it never escalated to violence.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 8
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Posted: 8/2/2018 8:56:58 AM
Went out with a crazy french girl who on the first date invited me in becuase she wasnt finished getting ready, then came and sat with me, got on top of me and threatened to smash a beer bottle in my teeth because i was five minutes late.

Then she asked me to do things to her that were definitely not first date things to do......Then she had a racist rant about asians . I left. She left a nasty voicemail on my home land line which i never gave her.

Months later messaged me on a dating site acting like she didnt know me and she said how great my profile was and wanted to meet up...

EDIT: I saw her a while ago on another site. Maybe a year and a half ago . She used to be very skinny. When i saw her new profile she was big and buff. Huge arms and legs . id be way more afraid to meet her now.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 9
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Posted: 8/2/2018 7:10:15 PM
I've had problems with strangers but never dates. However, I think anytime we are going out with someone we don't really know, we are potentially at a higher risk and it applies to males as well. Actually, the only deathly violent dates I know of around here involved males. One involved a man in my city who thought he was meeting a woman. He was found dead and not even in one piece. Another man here almost fell victim to the same man but escaped. That man was as innocent appearing as could be. Then there are the several men who have turned up dead in Toronto by a man they met for dating. The police continue to search for more bodies there. I can't claim to have always placed myself in completely safe situations but I've been lucky and avoided any incidents with dates. Unfortunately, not everyone is as fortunate. Predators can be very skilled so I don't judge those who have encountered people doing bad things against them.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 10
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Posted: 8/3/2018 9:47:27 AM
Women are assaulted on dates all the time, from inappropriate touching, to rape, to murder.

A woman in my state was murdered and dismembered by her online date. She had 3 small girls. I think he only got 26 years in prison. He put her hacked up body in several trash bins. At one point they couldn't find her head, but eventually did.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 11
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Posted: 8/3/2018 6:26:11 PM
I had a crazy woman that yelled me at because I didn't like the food at a restaurant that we went to. It was her suggestion. I never felt I was in danger of being physically attacked though.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 12
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Posted: 8/3/2018 6:39:06 PM

I've had problems with strangers but never dates.

When talking about real threats of violence, that's a good thing -- a sign that you're at least pretty good in avoiding violence-oriented wackos.

Predators can be very skilled so I don't judge those who have encountered people doing bad things against them.

Can be -- but almost always not very skilled. You'd need serial killers and the like to be pretty sure they're skilled. Otherwise, most who are stalkers with violence in their blood are pretty easy to spot there's some wacky signs early on. I mean, we have no problem pointing out someone who too often goes on dates with wacky guys in general -- that's a sign there's something wrong with them. "Why is it every guy I go out with lies about everything and usually lives in his mom's basement?" -- we'll actually say she has her own issues to work on Too, if she keeps running into that.... but if instead it's "Why is it that I too often run into guys who are angry and threaten me with violence?" -- we're not supposed to criticize. I think critiquing someone who does is a good thing for them.

A woman in my state was murdered and dismembered by her online date.

Wow. Murder's one thing. Dismembering someone is just plain rude.

He put her hacked up body in several trash bins.

Oh, okay. It's good he used trash cans. "If you litter, you make the world bitter."

I had a crazy woman that yelled me at because I didn't like the food at a restaurant that we went to. It was her suggestion. I never felt I was in danger of being physically attacked though.

You would if You were cooking for her! ;)
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 13
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Posted: 8/3/2018 7:28:00 PM
I thought for 1st degree murder, you get life. He's gonna be out when he's in his 60s. Plenty of time to go at it again. He could never get the death penalty in my state because my liberal mayor suspended it. Something should happen to someone in his family to be killed that way and let's see how he feels about them not being put to death.

I think he cut her up in her bathtub.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 14
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Posted: 8/4/2018 10:04:30 AM

A woman in my state was murdered and dismembered by her online date. She had 3 small girls. I think he only got 26 years in prison. He put her hacked up body in several trash bins.


But he had smiling photos on his profile.
And that's the important thing, right?

And a criminal history in 6 states:

"Charlton has a criminal history in six states, court documents reveal.

He was convicted of a 2009 felony theft in Montana, negligent driving in Washington state in 1998, and a second-degree felony for aggravated robbery in Utah in 2006.

He has also been convicted of grand theft motor vehicle, assault, third-degree larceny, with an arrest for battery."

Not a good choice for dating, was it?

"Charlton had more than one dating profile. In the 'About Me' section on Plenty of Fish, he writes, 'My intent here is simply make friends and meet up for a good conversation...not much of the crowded bar or club type. Mellow and quiet is more my scene,' adding, 'I'm not here for dating. Only friendships. This is not some scam to get laid either'"




 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 15
Safe Dating
Posted: 8/4/2018 12:44:23 PM

very rarely are you going to know someone is a psycho until they go psycho!!


There are always signs that a person must be a bit "off". Too many folks are blinded by good looks, good sex, good chemistry, etc to have a lucid view of what is transpiring before their very eyes. If you have a history of dating such people, then I have less sympathy when they are suddenly "blindsided" by this other person's psychotic ways. I've been there, done that. Once was enough. Not going down that dark road again.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 16
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Posted: 8/4/2018 4:11:19 PM
Fullmoon, you think she knew about his criminal past? This is why I say to equally, if not more, examine why a person relocated to another state. She was a nurse, maybe a nice caregiver personality, on the naive side.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 17
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Posted: 8/4/2018 5:29:42 PM

There are always signs that a person must be a bit "off

oh if that was only true....
unfortunately....it is not...
 ksuser
Joined: 7/17/2018
Msg: 18
Safe Dating
Posted: 8/5/2018 8:49:52 AM
msg 3 mahwahgirl on "sharing information"
Information is only as good as the person reading it. I think even knowing a person's last name and cell# won't stop them from murdering you. But that being said: there is no real sure way of knowing everything before dating someone. People can go on truthfinder.com and do a back ground check. But I think sometimes a person can just "snap", and have no past criminal past.

81%of people lie on their profiles.
10% are sex offenders.
3% are psychopaths.
51% are already in relationships.
10% are scammers.
Since 1995 400 people have been murdered by people online.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 19
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Posted: 8/5/2018 9:10:56 AM

81%of people lie on their profiles.
10% are sex offenders.
3% are psychopaths.
51% are already in relationships.
10% are scammers.
Since 1995 400 people have been murdered by people online.

Where did you get these facts from?


But I think sometimes a person can just "snap", and have no past criminal past.

Or a person can be a criminal that was never caught and arrested. Thus (s)he was no official criminal record.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 20
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Posted: 8/5/2018 2:48:57 PM
OP, I’ll keep the statistics you quoted in mind. Better safe than sorry.

I’ve never been stalked by anyone IRL or online. I don’t have social media accounts. But I think there’re signs or red flags (in general) that you shouldn’t ignore. Once I had a chat with a (presumably) nice guy on here, we even talked on th phone a few times before we met. But he was nothing like his profile or what he told me. Looked kind of unkempt and a bit intoxicated. He was trying to initiate physical contacts which I found nauseating to say the least.

He asked me to go meet at his place for our first meet, I declined. And suggested somewhere public. He chose a pub down the road from where he lived. Thank goodness, I met him there, I left not very long after I saw him in person.

There were a few red flags though but I chose to ignore them, so I was to blame. Since then I’ve been very careful when it comes to meeting strangers online.

However, a real psycho path is unlikely to show red flags. And some people might commit a crime out of the blue as well. So stay safe everyone.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 21
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Posted: 8/5/2018 3:28:41 PM
Polly, I would not have met someone that suggested their place for a first date. It's obvious they only want sex. Even if he alters that on your disapproval, he's still that same person. Bar down the block is because he thinks after a drink, his place is nearby for sex. This guy was a dirtbag. Didn't he have a car?
 ksuser
Joined: 7/17/2018
Msg: 22
Safe Dating
Posted: 8/5/2018 5:52:16 PM
Msg 19 SSM "Where did I get my facts"
From the truthfinder.com site. Mary O Toole a FBI Profiler talks about some of the red flags that have come up. I'm surprised there was no mention of the % of narcissistic people, which could be dangerous.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 23
Safe Dating
Posted: 8/5/2018 6:48:25 PM

oh if that was only true....
unfortunately....it is not...


Yes it is true, especially if it's happened more than once. People just choose to ignore the signs because they "like" the person. It's easier to remain a victim than it is to take responsibility and ownership over one's own poor judgment of character.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 24
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Posted: 8/6/2018 5:34:10 AM

From the truthfinder.com site. Mary O Toole a FBI Profiler talks about some of the red flags that have come up. I'm surprised there was no mention of the % of narcissistic people, which could be dangerous.

I think some of those stats are probably estimates though. The exact percentage of people on OLD websites that lied or are in relationships probably can't be determined.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 25
Safe Dating
Posted: 8/6/2018 10:20:58 AM
Seeing those subtle signs or red flags is a skill we develop as we gain experience and get older.
I’ve never ‘checked out’ a date.
I’m fortunately someone who naturally gravitates towards genuine and kind people. Aye....me pickas airite :)

Take PoFs (eg) no naming and shaming policy. It’s not really looking at ‘our’ safety.
I get why pof don’t allow it (could just be a spiteful, vengeful type thing)
And rightly they know even when some people are given this information, they choose to ignore it, thinking for them it will be different.
That’s an example but it’s part of the ethos of online dating.
In RL you meet someone local chances are someone you know, knows them (about them)
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