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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?      Home login  
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 dark_n_juju
Joined: 8/30/2017
Msg: 1
Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
As we age it is common for people to develop chronic illnesses that are not part of our youth. Now here is the question is that a deal breaker? Are you up for starting a relationship with a person who suffers from all the problems of old age? And when I say chronic illness I mean stuff like High blood pressure, COPD, diabetes, Hep C, cancer or even HIV? Are these deal breakers?? And at what point should someone tell you about their health issues? Even mental illnesses? Depression, Bi~polar?? Deal breakers?
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 2
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/5/2018 8:52:39 PM
I am reasonably healthy for a woman who is a bit overweight. I do have allergies, which is a pain in the butt.
I see many other Veterans who have very serious medical conditions that are same age as my own 58 years.

My hubby passed on 13 years ago at age 50 of cirr of the liver , and even tho, i would have loved him anyway, even had i know he would be gone so soon.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 3
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/5/2018 10:05:00 PM
Probably deal breakers, because many of them are due to being overweight, so they're curable, but the person doesn't want to put the effort in to get well. Why would I want to deal with that? For mental illnesses, it depends which one. Bi-polar people seem to have a hard time dealing with their illness even though they're medicated.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 4
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/6/2018 4:36:11 AM

Probably deal breakers, because many of them are due to being overweight, so they're curable, but the person doesn't want to put the effort in to get well.

Educate yourself woman....one can be skinny as a rail and have high blood pressure or diabetes...
cancer, copd, hiv & mental illnessess...have nothing to do with weight.
and all these can inflict someone in their 20's as easily as someone in their 50's....
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 5
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/6/2018 8:07:41 AM
Deal breaker - 99% of the time. But it depends on what that person is doing to manage/beat the illness, and what it is. If they don't change anything..ie, diet, exercise, lifestyle..and just want to continue their current ways...definite deal breaker....let someone else coddle them as they wither away and die. Let someone else wipe the drool off their face, or pushing their wheelchair around for 10-15 years. I will admit it's probably men, though, who are guilty of being content to just get old, fat and infirm.

I would even go further....Even if they are healthy but aren't going to the gym and/or in a serious fitness regimen, that I can see has been part of their lifestyle for a long time....no dice. Deal breaker. Even if they appear to be healthy. I don't want anyone who's gonna start falling apart physically, or get fat, as soon as she's in a LTR, so I would need to see a history of fitness/exercise...a dedication....regardless if they have a chronic illness or not.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 6
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/6/2018 10:19:39 AM
It depends - probably on how much this condition affects their life and lifestyle.
And how long...
Are you going to dump a partner after knee surgery with a 6-week recuperation?
How about a 6-month or 1-year recuperation?
Are you going to dump your husband/wife because they develop cancer 2-months into the marriage?
Two years?



Are you up for starting a relationship with a person who suffers from all the problems of old age?

And this is just plain silly.
If all these problems develop from old age, then sooner or later, you'll be the one getting dumped.

I think chronic problems - if they aren't evident - should be disclosed when the relationship is becoming serious and/or before sex.
And if they aren't evident - really, who cares?
 grover14
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 7
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/6/2018 1:26:17 PM
In my age bracket, 64, very few don't have some issues. Stuff like high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol etc. Not so much about what you have, more important how you manage it. If you're getting serious in a relationship, yes disclosure is good.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 8
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/6/2018 6:49:46 PM
Educate yourself woman....one can be skinny as a rail and have high blood pressure or diabetes...
cancer, copd, hiv & mental illnessess...have nothing to do with weight.
and all these can inflict someone in their 20's as easily as someone in their 50's....

^^Exactly,,, i am overweight, yet have great BP, and other lab tests are also great
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 9
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/7/2018 11:33:39 AM
It would depend on how they're handling those physical ailments. As for mental illness or addiction issues...hell no!
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 10
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/7/2018 12:07:56 PM
Excess weight contributes to getting these diseases, so people can lose weight to get rid of some illnesses, and then you can potentially get off of meds:

What kinds of health problems are linked to overweight and obesity?
Excess weight may increase the risk for many health problems, including:

type 2 diabetes
high blood pressure
heart disease and strokes
certain types of cancer
sleep apnea
osteoarthritis
fatty liver disease
kidney disease
pregnancy problems, such as high blood sugar during pregnancy, high blood pressure, and increased risk for cesarean delivery (C-section)
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 11
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/7/2018 1:06:27 PM
I'm going to agree with all those who said that: how they managed their physical illness would be of utmost importance to me.

Also agree that although some illness -- like high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes -- are not necessarily caused by diabetes. But, more often, they are.

I'll just say that if a person whom I was coupled with came down with a health issue that incapacitated them, I would be a LOT more accepting if it was NOT self-imposed. So, that's one more reason I would not date an obese person or smoker.

As far as a person with mental health issues -- I just got off that train. So, now I'm free, and NEVER AGAIN, will I make that mistake.

I have a couple of issues of my own:
Meniere's disease (a vertigo and hearing problem). I wear one hearing aid, so not constantly asking others to repeat. I am fortunate that the vertigo problem is easily treatable in my case. And I also take some good health precautions so that I won't need medication very often. If I do need meds, I know it, discretely take them, and don't make a scene with my symptoms. It doesn't slow me down a bit.

I also have a musculo-skeletal condition, which makes me very groggy and have a headache sometimes. Docs can't help this, but there's a lot I can do for myself, so I do. Occasionally, though I might feel so bad that I might need to miss a night out. So I hope my SO would understand, as I would understand if he didn't feel very well.

Neither of these are my fault. But result from a couple of head injuries I sustained at a very young age.

Otherwise, I'm in excellent condition. Vital signs of a very young person, no thinning bones, etc.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 12
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/7/2018 4:10:24 PM
(Excess weight contributes to getting these diseases, so people can lose weight to get rid of some illnesses, and then you can potentially get off of meds:)

So Newyorker58 can you fit into my size 2 jeans?

I have had blood pressure issues since I was 20. Have been on bp meds for decades. Takes a split second to take my med daily. Issue solved.
How stupid to think my bp is an issue!
I would laugh my ass of at anyone who thought they would not date me because of it.

Due to a surgeons error, I was told I would be dead before my 30th bday. I have lived to more than double that bday. My family doctor and friend, used to to say anybody can be hit by a bus today and die.

Guess what? No one who has wanted to date me has ever asked me if I have health issues.

I was the primary caregiver for my late husband who died at 38. Being his caregiver is the thing I am most proud of in my life.

Would I sign up to do the same thing for a stranger who wanted to date me?..............no way!
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 13
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/7/2018 5:14:44 PM
Don't look at me, I didn't pose the question. I'm just saying some health issues can be remedied with weight loss. That is a fact.
 LoveOnAShip
Joined: 7/24/2018
Msg: 14
Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/7/2018 5:46:18 PM

So Newyorker58 can you fit into my size 2 jeans?


My very fit and athletic 8 year old grand daughter could fit into size 2 jeans.

A sexy, average, middle aged woman might not, unless she was very tiny, not the norm.

I think NYer is correct, many health issues can be prevented or even reversed by a healthy lifestyle. That would include weight loss if need be.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 15
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/7/2018 6:28:56 PM

My very fit and athletic 8 year old grand daughter could fit into size 2 jeans.

A sexy, average, middle aged woman might not, unless she was very tiny, not the norm.


careful now....your Blonde is turning Green w/ envy!!

Mo's (and my) point is that these illnesses can afflict anyone....
from a sexy size 2 to a sexy size 16 ....

and the real point....is that people with high blood pressure or diabetes, can lead a very active life.
Some even more so than a size 20 that doesn't have either disease....
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 16
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 8/8/2018 6:53:16 AM
(and the real point....is that people with high blood pressure or diabetes, can lead a very active life.)

Exactly.

(My very fit and athletic 8 year old grand daughter could fit into size 2 jeans.)

And so can this fit and active older lady who has had high blood pressure since she was 20.

I get tired of the uneducated who spout that people with high blood pressure would not have it if they were not overweight.

(careful now....your Blonde is turning Green w/ envy!!)

And others in this thread.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 17
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 9/7/2018 10:57:24 PM
I agree with cooldog.....I could not deal with a partner who had drug or alcohol addictions or mental illness. I was in a marriage where the mother in law was schizophrenic, and God bless my dearly departed father in law -- how he dealt with that for 50 years while working full time and raising four sons.....just no. And I worked part time in direct care MH for 14 years.....that eventually burned me out, and that was only two nights a week.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 18
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 9/8/2018 4:38:24 AM
Being obese DOES contribute to and can cause many diseases including but not exclusive to cancer, gallbladder, and pancreatic conditions and fatty liver. Pain from arthritis can be in some completely eliminated by losing weight so if they are obese or overweight they need to lose the extra weight.
I wouldn't be attracted to them to start with if obese but have learned over time to care deeply for an obese man.
Not dealing with a huge wheat-beer belly and having them complain about gout, his knees, this and that when diet & other lifestyle issues need addressing.

Many many illnesses and pain go away if you are a healthy weight and exercise.
I had some issues myself and *shazam*.........GONE-cured after a substantial weight loss over 15 years ago. Also got off 6 medications.
High LDL and high blood pressure are very often just genetic and make no difference in many rehardless.

My LDL will always be high yet blood pressure has always run on the low side even when heavy.

So she makes a valid point as do many of you disagreeing with her.

Chronic illness? Yes, could be but it would depend on other factors too. That's not a question that has a definitive answer IMO.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 19
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 9/8/2018 7:16:13 AM
So JUJU was back again for 5 seconds?! Once you are banned, it takes a few months before they let you stay again.

Is this turning into another fatty thread?!


I'm going to agree with all those who said that: how they managed their physical illness would be of utmost importance to me.


- but there is no guarantee they will continue to take their meds. You can't predict the future.




I have had blood pressure issues since I was 20. Have been on bp meds for decades. Takes a split second to take my med daily. Issue solved.
How stupid to think my bp is an issue!
I would laugh my ass of at anyone who thought they would not date me because of it.


- I dated two women who were BP and took meds - the meds did not help.........they were both extremely poor experiences. Maybe the meds work for you?

I dated another woman who was wrongly diagnosed BP, then later diagnosed with depression. ..and the depression was temporary,
from divorce. I had zero issues with her




Medical problems are a dealbreaker for some.

I think as we age, some medical issues are to be expected.

Mental issues are - well, a whole other issue.

As always, find a partner who's better than you and you'll have a better experience.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 20
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 9/8/2018 7:59:40 AM
Hemingway, good mornin', please adjust your glasses


I have had blood pressure issues since I was 20. Have been on bp meds for decades. Takes a split second to take my med daily. Issue solved.
How stupid to think my bp is an issue!-



Moraima states "I have had blood pressure issues……….. (Hypertension)

She was NOT referring to BP=Bi-Polar (Mental health)



I dated two women who were BP and took meds - the meds did not help.........they were both extremely poor experiences. Maybe the meds work for you?

I dated another woman who was wrongly diagnosed BP, then later diagnosed with depression. ..and the depression was temporary, from divorce. I had zero issues with her.



See above explanation
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 21
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 9/8/2018 8:12:04 AM

- I dated two women who were BP and took meds - the meds did not help.........they were both extremely poor experiences. Maybe the meds work for you?

I dated another woman who was wrongly diagnosed BP, then later diagnosed with depression. ..and the depression was temporary,
from divorce. I had zero issues with her
have dated enough that it might be quicker to just sit outside the psych ward and get my dates as their released! ex wife of 16 years just snapped one day, 15 years of mostly normal and 1 year of pure hell before kicking me out followed by 10 years of drama (yes 10 full years after leaving). in another ltr , issues slowly developed, she was diagnosed and meds did help but she would constantly quit them. she was evil when she had her episodes and eventually became 24/7 episode. last gf had issues but never diagnosed. she drank to hide them and that was worse than the issues. she was the opposite of the others, she became helpless and needy and I became her therapist/caretaker. while it might be hard to watch someone in poor health or physical limitations struggle, at least you can have a conversation with them.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 22
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 9/8/2018 9:44:45 AM


Moraima states "I have had blood pressure issues……….. (Hypertension)

She was NOT referring to BP=Bi-Polar (Mental health)



- that's why I don't like to abbreviate things.




have dated enough that it might be quicker to just sit outside the psych ward and get my dates as their released! ex wife of 16 years just snapped one day, 15 years of mostly normal and 1 year of pure hell before kicking me out followed by 10 years of drama (yes 10 full years after leaving). in another ltr , issues slowly developed, she was diagnosed and meds did help but she would constantly quit them. she was evil when she had her episodes and eventually became 24/7 episode. last gf had issues but never diagnosed. she drank to hide them and that was worse than the issues. she was the opposite of the others, she became helpless and needy and I became her therapist/caretaker. while it might be hard to watch someone in poor health or physical limitations struggle, at least you can have a conversation with them.


- if they were really crazy, it often shows up much sooner. Sometimes they go a little crazy, at least temporarily, when they have fallen out of love their man and are just going through the motions of a relationship, usually near the end of it.

George says, "Men are stupid, and women are crazy. Women are crazy because men are stupid." - there is some truth to it. However, in men's defense, love is primarily a woman's game.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 23
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 9/8/2018 10:57:57 AM
I would never be with someone that is HIV+
That is insane, literally just asking to get HIV.
No way, never.
It should be basically illegal.
I'm soo against HIV+ dating HIV-
Literally just spreading disease. Basically like any other STD except HIV is so much worse.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 24
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 9/8/2018 8:44:40 PM

have dated enough that it might be quicker to just sit outside the psych ward and get my dates as their released!


Oh good. At least I know I'm not the only one that seems to get those with mental issues. It's pretty sad to think that any woman that chooses to date me has some sort of mental issue. Yet, I seem to attract those. I learned to listen closely to them. They will tip their hands to me, eventually. Go be batshit crazy with someone else......Please?
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 25
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Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 9/9/2018 8:49:36 AM
I have met many more! some so obvious that the first date never happened, some on the first date and a few that managed a few dates before I ran for the hills. the mentally challenged or insane are easy to spot, it is the bp or other chemical imbalanced that appear after we are involved. like 100 miles from home on a camping trip and she thinks I am her ex!
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