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 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 1
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Shedding the nice guy.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Let's just start by saying not talking about changing identity just how you do things.

1. Be honest and say what you feel. A person asks you do something you don't want to do say "no" your not obligated to say yes.

2. Don't use things you did as ammo to get what you want. Don't say I did this for you, cause that is not why you did was it? No one is obligated to do for you even though you did something for them. Accept that fact don't guilt them hold it in, no later use for manipulation.

3. If someone says I did this for you. Say to them really your going to go with that statement. Give them time to think about it and respond cause you done enough of your fair share of niceness and they are not going to challenge that.

4. Only do nice things if they don't inconvenience you, don't drive miles out of your way to get them something, don't do anything that you feel is an inconvenience. Lady wants you to drive across town pick her kid up and bring her to her cause you know she doesn't want to drive. You say no you better do that I am not going that way nor will I be anywhere near there, if she makes you feel guilty about it say well I am sorry it's just not where I am going I wouldn't ask you to go out of your way for me.

5. You have an idea on things you want to do so do them make plans to do them and follow through. Lady friend says was wondering if you wanted to do this with me? No thank you I am actually do this no matter what she says stick to it, your not being mean your doing your wants. You don't need to do what other people want all the time you can say "no", it's your life lead your life not follow it.

6. Where proper fitting clothing, wear the right belt not any belt. Clothes should be snug not loose fitting, dress to your style and identity. Your retro dress retro but do it with the impression you actually are not a slob. Tucked in shit that is not oversized, socks match shirt, never white socks, shoes whether their runners or not clean newer looking. Own a suit doesn't have to be $1k it could be a 3 button $100 as long as it looks good. Watches wear them and hopefully their not badly damaged or worn out if they are buy new ones.

7. Take a little risk stop being safe all the time, try something easy new that is trending there is always something. Right now treetop trekking has different courses you don't like heights try the beginners courses by yourself, you don't need to impress your just checking it out to see if you like it or not.

8. Don't chase them have a sense of self respect, be persistent if they option to not stick around be indifferent to it. Say something like well okay talk to you later, don't grab that phone think I have to message or call them. You let them stew in the idea they had a great time and let them think maybe he is not interested in me, you want them wanting you not the opposite hovering on their a$$ every waking moment. Confidence is with just image and body language it's action as well you pretend to be confident the wrong thing can say your not as confident as you think. So you be more laid back approach like you can give or take it the difference is nothing.

9. You don't have to take insults, belittlement or anything that makes you feel inferior or less than anyone else. Someone insults you then you have a right to do it back, regardless of what think or say. You can tell them how you feel if they say I feel insulted I let them think about what they just did to make me go that route. I don't need to give them and excuse like hey you did it first, or well you said this shit to me. I don't justify my actions with excuses, or reasons cause I don't need them they want to attack I can throw worse shit than they ever dreamed I choice not too be mean and unkind by choice not because I am kissing someone's a$$, it's cause I don't really want to hurt or insult anyone but also don't want it done to me. If you let people walk all over you they always will.

10. Keep your word, if you say your going to do something do it, if you don't want to do it tell them no. Don't be afraid, don't do last minute cancellations, don't not do it and think who cares. You let them know if you have to cancel you do it, if it is last minute apologize and don't make it a common thing but tell them.

No one wants someone around who only does and acts in a selfish manner once in a while yes you need to be selfish but it's only when it's about timing on when to do it, how you do it can be the difference. No one wants to feel guilted into doing something so don't do it when you ask people think how would I feel if someone said that to me? That is not the right course of action I don't want someone doing that to me so I don't do it to them. You want to be nice do it on your terms not theirs, do it when you want to not because you feel obligated.

They only want a man who does the right things not the guy who says he will do hell and all does nothing. Don't give the illusion your the right guy when your not, it's not a perfect list but it's a starting point of doing the right things not the wrong ones.
 acrosstheplains
Joined: 8/1/2017
Msg: 2
Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/7/2018 2:58:52 PM
has someone voted to delete this because it might actually work.....?
wise women are fed up with "nice guys" whingeing on about how women never date "nice guys" Well it's because so called nice guys are actually up their own poopdeckers with overinflated sense of entitlement and expect women to like them because they think themselves to be nice.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 3
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/7/2018 3:54:25 PM
( so called nice guys are actually up their own poopdeckers with overinflated sense of entitlement and expect women to like them because they think themselves to be nice.)

The above covers all that needs to be said on this topic.

Enough already!
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 4
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/7/2018 6:09:19 PM
"nice guy" is often just a word for the boring, not very attractive man who is too eager to please and has no real self esteem.
 dinno76
Joined: 7/13/2018
Msg: 5
Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/9/2018 9:45:55 AM
Boring unattractive describes all nice guys. Nice guys finish last in life. Bad guys finish first.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 6
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/9/2018 1:34:03 PM
A self-proclaimed 'nice guy' is simply a bad boy trying a different tactic.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 7
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/9/2018 3:04:15 PM
This could be good advice for a woman too.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 9
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/15/2018 8:33:59 PM
Being too nice in the past got me burned too many times. It changed me and I'm not near as nice as I used to be...
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 10
Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/15/2018 8:51:57 PM
Forget a "nice guy".....I prefer a good-hearted, kind-natured man who is still strong, masculine and will put me in my place if needs be. However, I'm not the most feminine woman so I need to work on myself in many regards if I seek to attract what the kind of man I yearn for.

Re: "nice guys" - If you let people walk all over you, regardless of gender, you won't be respected. "Nice guy" has become synonymous with pushover. We all want our partners to be nice but not milquetoasts. There is a distinct difference.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 11
Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/15/2018 9:15:15 PM
OP... you never blew a woman's mind and made her sweat you for eternity by doing something good for her even though it meant inconveniencing yourself? What a sweet experience.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 12
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/15/2018 11:55:04 PM
^ Holy shit really that's what you got world of intelligence in that one why would I want a women who would sweat for eternity because I did something nice for them? Well maybe that is why she still talks to me and is probably my closest friend never really thought about what I did for her with expectation or anything. You want to know what I did and the whole story behind everything in one particular relationship.

I met her in a pool hall she was wearing a flower dress or skort was never sure on that still have the picture though with runners. I saw her and asked her out straight to the point will you go out on a date with me. I was happy guy thing is I really didn't know (she actually hated my guts) she said yes why? She didn't want to be alone. She found out that I was actually no job, going to high school to get grade 12 and really no home. So of course instantly she tells me she can't date me cause well she is better then me right? You people agree with that already she had no foresight 1 week later she is sleeping in stairwell with no place to go turns out they threw her out. See how quickly things changed for her now here is the interesting part it's my sisters stairwell. I invite her inside ask for her to stay there a few days they didn't even argue just agreed.

Next she spent a few days at where I would board and then she went to a lady friend of mine, actually my brother's ex and I don't touch that like ever. So she now is sharing rent with her and she has a place, she ends up sleeping with me probably because I did those things for but she never said otherwise. She was shocked at certain things and then she really did like me! Use your imagination her words I am bigger than average and lasted 4 hours and we did it all over the place. Yes that is how I roll you asked! 4 hours of me remaining stiff without ejaculating and no drugs so yeah it was her first time orgasming and she actually needed an inhaler for the first time in 6 yrs.

Back to the scenario she got pregnant at that time and she was told by her friends I would run, wrong guy instead before the baby came got into her own place, set up the baby room and stuff like crib and safety proofed the home all that good stuff. All this time she is asking me why I am with her she wasn't expecting anything more than a one night thing really sort of payment for everything you did. I stopped what I was doing told her I will pretend I didn't hear that you pretend you never said it. Finished what I was doing now shall we discuss whether or not we are going to be together as a couple or are we just going to be friends raising our child it's up to you. Take your time there is no rush but I like you and since we been together you really haven't left my side since I found you in the stairway people are talking. Seems we really gave them something to talk about now didn't we. She chose couple later on I said let me know if you want me to move in or not. Everything was her choice everything!

After we moved in together I was constantly rising in my job choices I went from 5/hr 3 months later 8/hr then 8/hr closer to home less hours then 10/hr then 15/hr within 2 yrs focused driven. Bought her a engagement ring she cried and a car she cried again simply because she mentioned never diverted always the same behaviour. I was working a lot of hours one day she said we need to talk I said sure about what? She said I cheated! I said was it good? She said no and he was small? wait what I didn't mean that! So it wasn't good or small? No I mean I didn't mean to give you details. To late you already did and I couldn't stop laughing her friends came over mine came over I was still laughing. My friend asked what was up her friends were angry with me I made her cry? She was the one who cheated, and my buddy said not again yep, he said let me guess you asked was good didn't you? I can't refuse I have no clue why? lol He got mad called me the a$$hole like seriously I was cheated on and everyone is mad at me? I said don't worry though it cost her this home it was me and her buying house $140k worst day of her life. That's what she got for the cheat bad sex with a short d!ck man and I wasn't buying house guess it wasn't worth it.

I came home after work cause I worked midnights and we talked we decided to stay together and work things out. I would slow down my work and making money she wouldn't jump into bed any guy who wasn't me. Things went along nicely except she kept wanting me to do revenge sex on her to make us even. She always felt I would payback and anticipation was tearing her apart she couldn't live with it any more so we ended it. She said she didn't deserve someone like me after everything I did she cheated, and I wouldn't even get mad took half responsibility no guy does that not ever I didn't blame her. She wanted me to point a finger and I said neither of us are perfect our mistakes we each made caused it accept it and move forward. I knew what people were capable of when I got involved already know consequences and weighed previously before getting involved.

One problem she had was me not giving her money that I didn't spend instead I put it in a RESG for my kids. I figured since she spent her money at the bar on ladies night, and our golfing was discounted why not put it away for the kids it's my half of the money what I do with it is my business. She came out with me controlling the money, and that's abuse how is splitting money on Thursdays 50/50 controlling exactly? She even had the baby bonuses I never asked for half of that and she never spent it on the kids.

Point of fact was that is how my kids went to college, see I also planned for their future not just my own. I never found anything I did for her an inconvenience to me when we were couple, or even before I didn't go out of my way cause I always thought of things well in advance and planned my ideas, she didn't need to ask me to get her something like go get tampons I had eyes and was well aware just like my daughter doesn't ask. I kept it stocked hello I did the groceries and feminine supplies sort of knew what I was doing and not ashamed to do it. Lost that feeling getting pads for my sister and mother when I went shopping with my dad, know why we did the shopping 20 mins in and out.

You want another long boring story on things I did for women I never thought to be inconvenienced ask me to do something for her now well we aren't a couple that's her mans job to get that shit for his home when shops or on his way home for work maybe they should actually be aware of the others needs. If it was my woman's needs and wants I would make damn sure I was getting the stuff before I got home and what was needed before I went to work not wait. You know that is just me though.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 13
Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/16/2018 12:08:30 AM
I just mentioned it because it happened to me... Almost 2 years later I have trouble forgetting him.

Please don't comment on my intelligence. I never make personal remarks about anyone on these boards.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 14
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/16/2018 2:59:06 AM
Apologies for my remark I was thinking more of you attacking me than personal experience. Since it's usually the generalized behaviour of these forums very few don't. I usually go into immediate pre planned for snarky comments and attitude.

You don't really want to forget about them you want the pain to stop. What needs to be done is you have to admit to yourself it's over, deal with the feelings you have by admitting them. Admit anything that you might have done to have caused break up just your part not theirs that's on them. We do things in a relationship make mistakes were not perfect we have to admit our mistake in it to move forward keep doing that and it just takes time. I do that in minutes everything in a relationship by the time the door closes I already going through the process. Lady sees me she wants me to feel her pain and hurt I already felt it and I admitted to it and went over my mistakes and she points a finger at me. We deal with things differently I go at it where as others run my intelligence level is a lot higher a long with my emotional as I been doing it a long time.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 15
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/16/2018 5:40:01 AM
msg#10:
will put me in my place if needs be.


(nothing to do with you personally, siisaa)< I'm 64 years old and have pretty much had it up to here with men putting me in my so-called place. I'll pass on that guy~

Just sayin'
 acrosstheplains
Joined: 8/1/2017
Msg: 16
Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/16/2018 5:47:06 AM
those instances where you meet someone, do something, and the memory live on forever,
well they only happen a few times in a lifetime. Part of the reason why they live on is because you don't actually hookup with that person, so you never find out the whole truth, you just go around with this idealized image of them, and the amazing relationship that you could have had.
The other instances when you do hookup with someone after a chance meeting, they go pearshaped because you then find out that they're not perfect. They're human with all the usual frailties and irksome tics that make us individuals.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 17
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/17/2018 4:16:53 PM
That could be true but at the same time, it's no small thing to find someone you really like in that way. The "what ifs" that you daydream about might not be so far-fetched.

Many of us meet someone who is well-matched to us who we are attracted to BUT the thing is, we may not be that way for them. Many of us have experienced being in a relationship where one person was more into it than the other. THe real challenge is for their to be mutual major attraction and matched personalities.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 18
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/20/2018 4:09:53 PM

OP... you never blew a woman's mind and made her sweat you for eternity by doing something good for her even though it meant inconveniencing yourself?

His post wasn't about that. It was about not being a pushover. Big difference.

I prefer a good-hearted, kind-natured man who is still strong, masculine and will put me in my place if needs be.

I agree that's the trend desired, but YMMV. However, from my experience, a gal who says she needs to be put in her place sometimes -- rarely at all is cooperative when put in her place (even in a very civil way). Especially if he's a bit of a pushover and her expectations are different. It'll be a bigger WTF moment for her then.

That said, I'll tweak that last part of your statement. I think usually she wants a guy who she feels can/will if need be. Thus, she won't be in position to be attempting to be pushing him over much in the first place, thus, less conflict.

"Nice guy" has become synonymous with pushover. We all want our partners to be nice but not milquetoasts.

True. I also think there's less patience when they're not a "partner", but some guy they're getting to know. And I will say that much of the time it's Impression. An instinctive guess/feeling, which isn't always so accurate. Which is why a guy needs to set the tone that he's not a pushover. Some guys set that tone right, and cum to find out, they're not That far from a pushover -- but it works out anyway.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 19
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/20/2018 5:02:02 PM
I like a guy who takes charge but considers my feelings too when doing so. I recognize that I'm a little bit of a people-pleaser when I first meet a guy so while I don't mind going with the flow and I want him to be happy, I am attracted to a guy who asks me what I like or want. As I get more comfortable with someone I get a little bit more of a backbone. And there's an important distinction to be made in not being a pushover and being a bully.

The two greatest qualities I want in a man is kindness and consideration. And from what I'm read in these forums there's a perception that to be kind and considerate is to be a pushover. That's not true at all. But some guys try hard to be macho or the opposite of a nice guy and it makes them a bully or a jerk.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 20
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/20/2018 8:40:03 PM

Forget a "nice guy".....I prefer a good-hearted, kind-natured man who is still strong, masculine and will put me in my place if needs be.


As usual you always say something that gets my attention...


However, I'm not the most feminine woman so I need to work on myself in many regards if I seek to attract what the kind of man I yearn for.


You surprised me with this. You look quite feminine, but that only tells part of the story. What is lacking in your femininity and what are you doing to change that?
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 21
Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/20/2018 9:35:06 PM

You surprised me with this. You look quite feminine, but that only tells part of the story. What is lacking in your femininity and what are you doing to change that?


Yeah, my looks may be deceiving, lol. I curse & talk about crude topics a lot and am not very nurturing or warm - more like aloof and standoffish, especially in social situations. I'm working on being kinder. I've read tons of articles on femininity and what they basically boiled down to is when a woman is SWEET, gentle, compassionate & modest. I admire women who are feminine AND who are not afraid to show it, especially in today's culture. Feminine women may get derided and mocked especially by feminists (ugh). Those feminine qualities make women stand out, especially in our era of SJWs and over the top gender-neutrality.

These twins are feminine, especially the blonde one. Just her disposition and demeanor screams "feminine".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQCfqyIj6I0&
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 22
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/21/2018 11:42:16 AM
^^^ Link doesn't work. I believe you mentioned awhile back you were a feminazi/SJW type? I'm all for changing if it makes you better and happier.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 23
Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/21/2018 1:49:45 PM
Oops....here it is again. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQCfqyIj6I0
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 24
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/22/2018 9:12:18 AM

These twins are feminine, especially the blonde one. Just her disposition and demeanor screams "feminine".


Thank you for the link. I watched a couple of their videos and Nicole is the softer spoken of the two. They both seem well spoken and have a nice disposition, too. Refreshing.
 dark_n_juju
Joined: 8/30/2017
Msg: 25
Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/22/2018 10:36:14 AM
Nice is whatever the guy thinks it is. That manifesto was hard to get through but I get he was attempting to define what a nice guy is.
Cliff note version:
Don't except something you cant give. Isn't that what men ask of women?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 26
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Shedding the nice guy.
Posted: 8/22/2018 12:33:13 PM

Nice is whatever the guy thinks it is.

I wouldn't say that. In guy->girl relations, as to whether he's a Mr Nice Guy or not, it's more what she thinks it is, if anything.

Don't except [expect] something you cant give. Isn't that what men ask of women?

I think the problem with Mr Nice Guy, is that he gives a lot -- and doesn't get anything in return. It's frustrating, as Mr Nice Guy isn't expecting an equal return -- but just Something. Some real Like, etc. Mr Nice Guy will finally get some balls, but not in a good way, when a gal Does keep going out with him for a while, and he still gets nothing. Anyone would and should be frustrated, but Mr Nice Guy never/hardly getting anything in return blows his lid out of frustration. It's not what Grandma told ya, Bobby! Girls aren't into a pushover who lays out the red carpet and wants to give-give-give, like a fish jumping out of the water into a gal's boat asking to be grilled. Dating Value goes down.
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