Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Older gentleman with kids      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SteveinLOL
Joined: 11/19/2017
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kidsPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
So, I am 55 years old. Started having kids a little later in life. (15, 13, 8). Divorced and have them 50% of the time. Are women in my age range adverse to dating a guy with younger kids? They have a mother so I am not looking for one. It just seems the on the rare occasion that a woman does respond to me, when the kids are mentioned they seem to do a 180 and I never hear from them again.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/11/2018 11:49:16 AM
Doesn't matter what you say about not needing a mother for them....
if a woman was to be in a LTR with you....
she would end up being a mother figure...

and No...most women in their 50's have no desire to do that again...
Not saying "all" wont....but it will definitely reduce the percentages...
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/11/2018 12:34:48 PM
Maybe try dating a little younger?
Would you consider a woman with kids of her own still at home?

If it were me, I would consider: location of the kids -- do they live near by or far away?

How often do you see them? How do you deal with priorities? Of course kids needs come first. But, do you allow kids to disrupt all your plans? Or can you make time for both the kids and date night? Do you spend all of every week end with your kids?

What about discipline? Do you teach your children manners and good behavior? Or do you let them run wild?

Gender of the kids? Little girls can be especially good at derailing all your relationships with women. How would you handle this?

What is your relationship with their mom like? Constant drama? Or good understanding?
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/11/2018 12:47:58 PM
If it makes you feel any better, keep in mind I am 61 with NO kids of any age, and still, there's no line at my front door in real life, and my inbox is only overflowing with cobwebs and crickets.
Having no young kids is not a panacea.



Are women in my age range adverse to dating a guy with younger kids?


Most women in your age range are adverse to everything that's not all about them.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/11/2018 1:04:13 PM
Honestly? On paper and going by your photos you would be "my type".

I normally shy away from men with young children. That part of my life is in my past and I would not be in a hurry to be in a relationship with a man who does have young children. I encounter many men older than you are who have children younger than yours. In my experience it comes with many strings and I just don't have the inclination to be a part of that.

All that being said - never say never. I am sure there are women out there who don't mind and would be willing to take it a day at a time.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/11/2018 1:09:57 PM
For me,,, hmmm dont know, I have a Grandson who is 3 months old, and i spend a good amt of time with him. And it does make me wonder if i dated anyone how that would work out?
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/11/2018 4:09:02 PM
Dating with nothing long term in mind would be fine, but if I were seeking something with potential, it would be a concern because you'd be 65 when the youngest is graduating from high school, then you'd still likely have financial commitments for him or her until age 70 to get them through school. Honestly, those later years are not a time that I would want to be enmeshed with those kinds of obligations, and despite them having a mother to contribute, I've heard way too many stories from the new partner about how they are impacted by the financial obligations for the other's children. So dating, sure, anything real, there would be too many concerns to pursue something.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/11/2018 7:08:18 PM
Of course that would be a dealbreaker for many (not all) women around the OP's age. I have even seen some women's profiles that state they don't want to date a man who has adult children that still live with him.
 GingersnapWA3
Joined: 11/20/2017
Msg: 9
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/11/2018 8:36:49 PM
My profile states that I am an empty nester seeking someone in the same stage of life. The time for one's time, energy, and finances being tied to kids is over. Now it is Couples Time.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 10
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/12/2018 8:25:30 AM
For me, it wouldn't be clear turn off because not every situation involving young children is the same. I would probably take it one step at a time. If the situation becomes too much for me, then I can stop seeing him.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 11
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/12/2018 10:30:08 AM
"... have them 50% of the time."

That could be a deal breaker. If you have them every second weekend or so, that would be hard enough. But any woman you meet would have to accept that half of the time together would be with your kids. You say she has a mother, but if a woman in your life is with them 50% of the time as well, that's a lot like being another mother. It's hard to build up a romance that way.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/18/2018 6:42:53 AM

My profile states that I am an empty nester seeking someone in the same stage of life. The time for one's time, energy, and finances being tied to kids is over. Now it is Couples Time.

+1
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/19/2018 11:10:59 AM
That isn't wholly why women are running away from you. You want to date, but nothing serious. This is a clear message that you want some 'here and there' time, but no real commitment as you have your hands full with the responsibilities of raising several children; you know, those special, "fill in" dates.

Some women may not mind the casual aspect of dating you ... and they would be free to date and search for somebody else more compatible if they want something more serious. If that's what they want and you want it, then it's good for both of you, providing your schedule with two adolescents and a primaryschool-aged child is compatible with that.

Personally, I wouldn't want to be tied to a man your age with considerable financial and personal obligations of caring for several children. And, I wouldn't want to be used as a fill-in date when it suits him; I have my own life, my home, and my own prospects. I wasn't born to ensure lonely men's desires are fulfilled.

You're good looking and seem to have your shit together with a good job and a solid commitment to the people you love, which is better than what most men your age and family situation have on this site.

I'm surprised somebody as intelligent as yourself posted this whinefest, though. W hat did you expect to read?
 hey_suze
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/19/2018 1:33:21 PM
I wouldnt get involved with a bloke with younger kids.
I feel Iv been there and done that, and just don’t want to have to start thinking about kids and all that it entails again.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/19/2018 3:07:54 PM
I refused to date young men with dependant children when I was young. Many of them got quite nasty about my childfree zone back then.
Did not do children decades ago, sure not going to do it now.
 fizzcst
Joined: 7/3/2017
Msg: 16
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/22/2018 12:17:00 PM

That could be a deal breaker. If you have them every second weekend or so, that would be hard enough. But any woman you meet would have to accept that half of the time together would be with your kids. You say she has a mother, but if a woman in your life is with them 50% of the time as well, that's a lot like being another mother. It's hard to build up a romance that way.


Doesn't have to be. I have my 14 y/o daughter 50% of the time. the other 50% of the time I'm readily available. I have dated a number of women who recognized and accepted that constraint on initial availability. Some had grown kids, some had kids of similar (or younger) age. The difficulty was more in the latter case, where a potential partner also has her kids 50% of the time, but on the opposite weeks that you do, so there's no overlap of availability. But in all cases they told me they respected and admired that I was a dedicated father and did not shy away from my parental responsibilities. None of those nascent relationships were terminated for that reason, but for the usual ones ("chemistry", etc.).

It comes down to re-assuring the woman that you are not looking for a mother for your kids, not constantly talking about your kid in lieu of adult conversations, or texting/calling them incessantly when you are out. Also if you claim, you will take the time to make a relationship a priority, then you must make sure you can be available on the weeks you are - don't plan your "guys weekends in Vegas" on the weekend you are available to spend with your partner. It's a matter of prioritizing your time, which will demonstrate (moreso than just saying) that you have the time and desire for a LTR. No different from a guy with grown kids who may be a workaholic or self-employed and always "on the clock".

I'm presently dating a woman (9 years my junior) with a 19 year old daughter who's starting 2nd year at college... been a few months now, going pretty well (no problems with the "romance" end of things!), and she understands when I'm available and since I do reserve that time for us first, she seems to be quite accepting of our situation.

So being a "50% parent" does not automatically men there won't be many women willing to date you. You can find "empty nesters" that are willing, younger women with similar aged kids (but get rid of that beer gut if you want to attract a 40-something when you're in your 50's!), or never-had-kids women too.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/26/2018 7:58:27 PM
I wish I got to see my kids 50 pct of the time! Shiftwork etc. stops all that. It's interesting how many women have children in their profile pics then make a big deal of 'all my kids are over 18' or similar. I'm lucky if I see my kids once every 2 months given where they live, I live, and them being late teens (and eldest is 20) plus my shiftwork and not currently owning my own house (stuck renting).

Not many profiles that I think are genuine mention there are no kids in the picture as far as seeking to find a new life partner is concerned.
 willrun4cake
Joined: 12/24/2017
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/28/2018 7:21:04 PM
I feel my profile is pretty clear on this ... "My son is grown and on his own. I don't mind if you have older children, but I'm done raising babies. If yours can't stay home alone, we probably aren't a good match." Most men claim they don't need a mother, but you can't just pretend they don't exist. Especially if you are already a parent yourself. Young children should be a priority to a parent. Mine was while he was growing up. But now, I'd like a little of that priority status. I don't want to spend my Saturday watching soccer practice or have to reschedule our dinner night because Suzie has a cold or Billy is having a bad day. I don't want to be third or fourth or even further down on your list of important because you wouldn't be on mine. Does that make me selfish? Yes. And you know what -- I'm okay with that. I've earned it.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/29/2018 10:05:41 AM
It all comes down to finding people in the same life stage as you. My mom is 55 and the last of her 3 kids graduated high school when she was 43. What she found hard was that she was ready to enjoy the empty-nester life and all the men her age had young kids or they were lifelong bachelors who were too set in their ways. And a lot of the men her age 12 years later still have kids at home.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/31/2018 10:01:46 AM
I had older parents so good for you. My Dad was 50 when I was born, mom 42.

I would date a man with jr high to high school age for sure, maybe younger.
Depends on how He is raising them to act and how much "trouble or help" the bio mom is. Finances is a part of it also. If you can't do your part with dating because kiddies need shoes that would make it hard.

Kids aren't deal breakers for most people male or female unless you have a lot of drama going on with the ex or they are not trained in the art of listening and behaving.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/31/2018 3:02:33 PM
Omg, a real person asking a question, and that has a pic too!

Yeah, the kids are going to put some women off. I wouldn't date someone that has young kids at age 55. I would wonder about how smart he was to let pregnancy happen so late in his life if it wasn't planned. If it was planned, I'd wonder how smart he was.

Don't mind Spot4username. She's a little desperate. So now you're seeing who you may attract.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/31/2018 6:54:25 PM
Even well-behaved kids might misbehave or be difficult with their dad's girlfriend if they do not see her as a right fit, especially daughters. Not all women make good stepmothers, that's just the sad fact. I have misbehaved or been awful to a few of my dad's girlfriends in the past and I had good reasons. Some women try hard to be the #1 person for their spouse over their stepkids and it never ends well. Kids are not dumb. And some women just do all the wrong things, not good with kids or not able to see anything from the stepkids' perspective. And there are a lot of power struggles that go on. That's why if it's possible, find a woman with kids of her own who can understand the way things need to be or just find a woman who is good with older kids.

Note, yes kids need to be respectful of other adults but it's important to listen to how your kids feel about any girlfriend. Are the reasons they don't like the woman relevant? I think sometimes people take way too long to introduce their children to their girlfriend/boyfriend. They wait till the relationship is real good and they're in love but then the kids and girlfriend/boyfriend don't click but as the relationship is already in the love phase, the couple plow ahead with it thinking it'll all be okay in the end. I'm not saying introduce your kids to every person you date but don't wait too long. So many people are concerned with their kids getting attached to someone but the truth is kids adapt well to changing girlfriends/boyfriends of their parents. For most kids, their primary focus is making sure their own needs, both physical and emotional, are met by their parents.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/31/2018 8:11:29 PM

Don't mind Spot4username. She's a little desperate.


Wrong. She's quite attractive...
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/31/2018 8:39:20 PM
I didn't say she was unattractive, I said she was desperate. Not having a pic is very telling, though. Why are you white knighting when you're not attracted to white women? So basically you're saying that without meaning it.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/31/2018 8:50:41 PM

I didn't say she was unattractive, I said she was desperate. Not having a pic is very telling, though.


Telling? Bullshit. She's had pictures up before including a nice bikini pic.


Why are you white knighting when you're not attracted to white women? So basically you're saying that without meaning it.


I don't white knight. She's attractive. Period. And I definitely mean it.

Try harder with stirring the pot. The shit is thick...
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Older gentleman with kids