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 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 1
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Living at home.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Pretty soon millennials will have nothing on me. I'm seriously considering moving back in with my parents. They are both still alive but my Dad's mind is starting to slip away. My mother wants me back. Since I am crippled myself, I can't be much help to her but I can be there and watch the Redsox with my Dad while he still knows me.

I got to thinking, how crazy is this? Someone my age living at home! I've heard of very elderly parents moving in with their already retired children but not much the other way around. Then again... My parents won't come to Iowa; they still live in the family home that my sisters and I grew up in. My roots in Iowa aren't very deep. I only came here for work some years back. I like it just fine but I am not attached to it emotionally. It would be nice to have my sisters back too. The more I think about it, the more I want to do it but jeez.

Anybody else thought so doing something like this? If not, what would get you to do it?
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 2
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/17/2018 5:27:36 AM

I'm seriously considering moving back in with my parents. They are both still alive but my Dad's mind is starting to slip away. My mother wants me back. Since I am crippled myself, I can't be much help to her but I can be there and watch the Redsox with my Dad while he still knows me.


As long as you don't make extra work for your mom, I don't see why not. Could you contribute financially to get some household help, home health aide type of arrangement for you all?

Good Luck, OP
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 3
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/17/2018 6:25:52 AM
*As long as you don't make extra work for your mom, I don't see why not. Could you contribute financially to get some household help, home health aide type of arrangement for you all?

No worries on that front. I have a maid here so hiring one there isn't much of a stretch. One niece is a doctor and another is a nurse practitioner. They visit every few days so that's covered. A nephew already lives with them and he does all of the yard work and heavy lifting. No problems there. You almost have me talked into it.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 4
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/17/2018 9:10:17 AM

I can't be much help to her but I can be there and watch the Redsox with my Dad while he still knows me.


The more I think about it, the more I want to do it


Stop thinking and just do it.


how crazy is this?


How crazy is it to be living in a different state and having all your lives needlessly slip away separately, instead of being together to enjoy together whatever time you all have left?
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 5
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/17/2018 9:50:03 AM
... moving in with your parents seems the perfect solution ... especially with the teen-ager, too ... "it takes a village" ... working together as a team seems the perfect solution ... my step-son is paralyzed from 3T ... he moved in with his mother and step-father and it's been a blessing to all concerned ... his sister and her daughter rent his house which is near their parents ... totally symbiotic situation ... sounds like you've found your village ...
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 6
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/17/2018 10:23:35 AM
I'd say go for it.

Currently, my brother and family live with my mother. When he moves out, my son will probably move in and I will set up a bedroom for myself to spend a few nights a week. I couldn't live with my mother on a continuous basis so I do have my own apartment just eight miles away but a lot of my time is at her house.

If you are more attached to your family than to where you currently live - then I think you'd be better off moving back with them. Or at least in the area - maybe with a small apartment if you need/want some occasional 'get away from family' time.

If I'm in the area at the time... I can provide driving and all the advice you never wanted!
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 7
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/17/2018 2:57:41 PM
I did that.

Much to many people's dismay, I was never sorry that I did it. What you may come acrossed, is those who object to it. The ones that do, generally are the people that would come in and steal the estate dry once their parents have passed away. Those low quality folks you can do without.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 8
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/17/2018 3:16:44 PM
I work homecare and I know many elderly parents would be so happy to have their adult children move home from far away. However, you do have to remember that you would have to live with their rules living under their roof.

I hate living with my mom because we are such different people. Even growing up I was constantly getting into squabbles with her. We love each other but we do things very differently. When it comes to my kids we have completely different ideas about parenting so it causes fights. I yearn so much for the freedom to live under my own room and raise my kids how I see fit and cook what I want and do what I want.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 9
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/17/2018 4:40:51 PM
... julystorm ... my son, daughter-in-law and their children live with me ... I need help with chores that require more strength; they need a babysitter sometimes .... we strive not to interfere in each other's lives ... they raise their children THEIR WAY ... you'll hear me say multiple times, "if your mother says ..." or "ask your father" ... because they're not MY children ... there are concessions, tho ... entertaining is a challenge ... we discuss who we'll invite to parties and what we'll serve ... generally, for the dinner meal, they and I cook separate parts ... e.g., they'll cook the main dish, I'll do some sides ... it takes planning and doesn't always run smoothly!
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 10
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/17/2018 7:12:28 PM
My parents took care of me when I was an infant..... They changed my diaper, fed me and helped me become the person I am now. We may not always have agreed on how we viewed life and how to live it but I loved them.... And, I assume they loved me too. They raised me, after all.

My Mom died when I was young.... When my Dads time came I was glad to be there for him and was also glad we had a chance to talk.


OP.... I don't think you are crazy at all for wanting to live at home. Family is family no matter the stage of life or mental and or physical abilities. Enjoy one anothers existence while you're all here I say.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 11
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Posted: 8/17/2018 7:43:13 PM
I bought the property across the road from my parents when my Mom was first diagnosed with cancer.
It made it so much easier to be able to help out...and just spend time with her. Best decision I ever made.

Now, I am right here for my father...
and he here for me as I went thru a medical issue myself this summer...
when the time comes....it will be easy for me to stay with him if needed and still maintain my own place...

I say you already know what you want to do....now you just need to do it. Good Luck!
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 12
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/18/2018 5:14:17 AM
My 27-year-old millenial niece is studying at a prestigious graduate school in Boston and works hard 50+ hours a week in addition to serving in an un-paid internship as a mental health therapist. This lady has an impressive work ethic. She still lives at home and intends to do so until she is finished with grad school or the ph.d. program she She is responsible for half of the expensives and her own medical insurance, grocery bill and everything else and pays these things on a timely basis.

The best thing about this situation is that there isn't any instability and she isn't relying solely on ramen to get her through school. She has saved quite a bit of money in the process, plus she gets moral support at home.

Her mother does cook her meals (and sometimes in advance and freezes them for her convenience) because my niece is so busy, so it works out nicely.

It does work out if there is mutual respect and a contract by which all parties agree.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 13
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/18/2018 5:51:53 AM

How crazy is it to be living in a different state and having all your lives needlessly slip away separately, instead of being together to enjoy together whatever time you all have left?

About the most touching thing I've seen fullmoonguy post.
Also +1
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 14
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/18/2018 5:22:27 PM
I'm going to do it. My house is going on the market Monday. Thanks everybody.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 15
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/18/2018 5:33:01 PM
Don't think ya will ever regret doing this. It will be good for your Parents, and very possibly you as well.
Hopefully you will sell home for a great price and soon.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 16
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/18/2018 8:46:30 PM
Glad you've decided to go for it. I see nothing but good things for everyone involved.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 17
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/19/2018 12:24:11 PM

I'm going to do it. My house is going on the market Monday. Thanks everybody.



Good job.

Best of luck.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 18
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/20/2018 10:10:12 PM

I got to thinking, how crazy is this? Someone my age living at home! I've heard of very elderly parents moving in with their already retired children but not much the other way around.

It's not the craziest notion -- but it pretty much nixes a guy's (and much of a girl's) dating value. It's still nixed even if she believed he had a decent income for himself where he could live on his own if he wanted. Doesn't mean if said random gal understood why, that she wouldn't tip her hat to him in a positive way for doing it.

Much like someone working 3rd shift and being on the road a lot -- dating comes down to availability/feasibility, beyond going out to dinner for 90 minutes. It's the independence -- even outside finances -- that allows one to have dating value. But if one doesn't have much dating value on the market any way due to their own already-existing circumstances, then it's not really costing them anything.

I have friend in his mid 30s who still lives with his mom, about just over 30 minutes outside the city. Not a good move. What someone like him, who would otherwise have dating value should do, is rent a small place (JUST outside the city for a good price), and have his own space too... while still being at his parents' quite often. But once he starts seeing someone, that time will lessen some, and once he gets in a Relationship, that will take a blow.

A lot of people don't want to (seriously) date others who have to always be around their parents, whether it be living with them, or having to be there spending time virtually every day no matter what.
 afinewineandyou
Joined: 12/1/2017
Msg: 19
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/21/2018 8:45:18 AM
Op.
I think you'll find you'll be very glad you moved back. The memories made with your parents/sisters is irreplaceable. Spend all the time you can and treasure each moment with your loved ones. None of us are here forever.

As far as dating-(Your mom wants you back --GO!) Give me the man that cares about his parents and will spend time with them etc, over the one that doesn't.

Good luck to you and yours. May your home sell quick. :)
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 20
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/30/2018 12:39:13 PM
Update:

House sold. Closes end of next month. There are a couple of close friends that I will miss from here but am started to get exited about moving. It looks like it is really going to happen.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 21
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Living at home.
Posted: 8/30/2018 1:35:21 PM
Great! Congrats!
 westpaguy0218
Joined: 2/18/2017
Msg: 22
Living at home.
Posted: 8/30/2018 3:26:28 PM
Enjoy your journey back home; especially the Red Sox games with your Dad.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 23
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Living at home.
Posted: 9/15/2018 11:46:17 PM
Update:
Just got back from Arizona. Went to fetch my nephew and set up some things... ramps, grab bars, walk in bath tub etc. Nephew is going to load my stuff and drive the Uhaul. I close on the house in about a week and will fly home.

You guys were right. I won't regret this. NG mentioned that it might slow down my dating life. Maybe but dating isn't the reason that I am doing this. I get my parents and sisters back plus nieces and nephews. And as a by the by, some girls that I have known since high school are waiting for me to get back. I shan't be lonely!

July's concern about being subject to my parents did give me some pause. My two week visit showed me that it is a non issue. Sadly, with my Dad in his current condition, I am head of the family now. That kind of realization really slaps you.

Just counting the days now.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 24
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Living at home.
Posted: 9/16/2018 5:39:40 AM

Maybe but dating isn't the reason that I am doing this. I get my parents and sisters back plus nieces and nephews. And as a by the by, some girls that I have known since high school are waiting for me to get back. I shan't be lonely!

July's concern about being subject to my parents did give me some pause. My two week visit showed me that it is a non issue. Sadly, with my Dad in his current condition, I am head of the family now. That kind of realization really slaps you.


There are lots of different kind of love, OP. Sounds as if you'll be surrounded by it. It's all good!
Head of the family? It can be daunting to realize you're 'The Adult' now. I'm sure you'll rise to the occasion~
Good Luck. Keep us posted<
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 25
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Living at home.
Posted: 9/16/2018 5:21:32 PM

I won't regret this. NG mentioned that it might slow down my dating life. Maybe but dating isn't the reason that I am doing this. I get my parents and sisters back plus nieces and nephews.

Yeah, obviously it wasn't due to dating. And you being older, it's not as bad moving in with your parents when you're in your 30s, as far as affecting the dating life. But it still definitely will, to some degree. It's part of weighing the pros & cons. And if the dating scene is low on the totem pole for you, then yeah, obviously from what you describe -- moving back is a good thing all-around.
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