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 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1
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Opinions please, and advice if you can.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Well i ****ed off coz the forums were pissing me off, i'm in a relationship now so that's been keeping me busy anyway.
He's been doing up his house and getting a lot sorted out since he met me. I think it's good i've motivated him to do that (not by nagging been needed, he's doing it off his own back).
Just gonna add -i am an overthinker, anyone who knows me will get what i'm like. Also i am hypersexual and he has ED, this isn't helping. We were compatible in every other way i felt, now i'm not so sure.

Had a few blips, we talk stuff out usually (i'm good at that and so is he) but today i am not speaking to him despite being sat in his bedroom right now, i've basically shut him down while i have a think. Here is my relationship problem:

He has a friend, who he doesn't speak to...apparently. I haven't felt like he's hidden her from me and i don't feel like he's investing in her either, but some things aren't adding up right now. He's definitely lied. She's not an ex or **** buddy but they have been sexual.
Last night he set up his x-box, not been on it for a year but since doing up his room he set that up. He had a nosey at this friends profile on there, i could see he is following her, he said they aren't friends on there so i asked why he is following her. He said he isn't and she can't message him anyway as he blocked her, i said i can see he is but then let it drop (probably my first mistake) and anyway i know he blocked her on messenger coz she sent a text out to all her mates on that and it upset him and he said he blocked her then...except he hasn't.
Anyway this morning i look at his phone to see what time it was when i woke up, and she has messaged him on fb messenger.

Then he had a go at me for questioning him about her messaging him, yep he got mad coz this friend, who is supposedly blocked, had messaged him and i was pissed off that he lied. I'm waiting for an apology for that still, also told him he had no right to be angry at me for this. He also said he blocked her on his phone so she can't text or message but she is able to message him on messenger so obviously she is not blocked, he's acting retarded and saying she is blocked when this is not the case as she can still contact him.

Anyway my question is why do i keep on picking knobheads and what should i do about this situation? I even enforced that it's the lie that bothers me and not that he is in contact with her but is he really not getting this or a i being manipulated here?
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 2
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Posted: 8/27/2018 8:28:18 AM
Collect your thougths and chill out from being upset and when you are ready, try to tell him how you feel honestly without getting angry or yelling etc. or accusing.
Example: You did this.... and it made me feel ..... and I would like you to....
If he is not understanding and does not try to comfort you eventually and sort it out, you are probably better off without him.
Relationships need to be able to overcome disagreements in a healthy way through understanding, empathy and compromise. That makes them stronger and does not breed hostility and resentment.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 3
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Posted: 8/27/2018 9:37:12 AM
You are in this because you are willing to play this game with him. It is your choice. Once you found out he is a liar you should have walked away, but you didn't, you keep expecting him to be something he is not. Walk away or stay and put up with him as he is, it is always your choice.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 4
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Posted: 8/27/2018 11:27:22 AM
I think you probably know what to do but just want some reassurance from us forumites.

I don’t think any relationship will survive if there’s no trust. Lying is a dealbreaker for me. I always walk away from liars. I don’t mind if my bf is in contact with his female companions,but he has to be open about it and there must be no sexual or romantic element.i don’t like the fact that he lied to you. If you feel the need to check his online activities, it’s not a healthy relationship. Moreover, the sexual compatibility isn’t quite what you expect.

You did the right thing by sitting quietly on your own to collect some thoughts. People won’t change things they do unless they want to. If you think this relationship is worth it, talk to your partner and see how he responds. You’re the only one to have the say.

Best of luck.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 5
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Posted: 8/27/2018 12:37:05 PM
It's simple, believe his lie and the next one and the next one and so on or get out before he dumps you for this woman he's not having contact with.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 6
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Posted: 8/27/2018 4:16:21 PM
I will always stand by my opionon of....
if you are looking for trouble....you will find it.
You snooped....you let what u found get to you....and now you have created a barrier you will never get past.
Whether he is to be belived or not....doesn't matter at this point...
The road to mistrust has already been paved.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 7
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Posted: 8/27/2018 5:18:41 PM

collect your thoughts and chill out


^^^
.....an excellent post, lil' platipie ~ all wise words .....

hmmmm ? this sitchee 8 shun reminds me of a GREAT song, wouldn'tcha knowit ??

*lyrics ~ " Another day, of putting things aside ~
................ As if we'll come, back to them some how ~
................ An again, seems we meet ~
................ In the spaces inbetween ~
................ You always say, it won't be long ~
................ Oh, but somethings always wrong ~

SOMETHINGS ALWAYS WRONG by Toad the Wet Sprocket ( ps ? anyone who hasn't heard this song should definitely check it out, you'll like it > I guarantee it !!! )

> turn it up ^ ahh yeah, ummmn hummmmn

heart / sun
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 8
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Posted: 8/27/2018 5:36:52 PM
& feirene ?

I dedicate that there song ^ up there ^ to you !

Good Luck sweetheart, you'll figure it out ( your good at that, col )
 ksuser
Joined: 7/17/2018
Msg: 9
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Posted: 8/27/2018 6:32:53 PM
feirene "Opinions and advice"

Sorry you are going thru this, when all your trying to have is a good relationship. In all of my 60 years of experiences, I can honestly say: I have no F--king idea how to make anything work any better. My advice to myself, has always been to trust my gut feelings.
My daughter has been married for 17 years and just walked out the other day-left the house, the life, the husband. She said: she just wasn't happy. That really confussed me, just not her style of doing things. So now everything that I thought was never going to break did. Nothing is for sure....everything changes. Wow, that's allot to think about. I guess I was just hoping that there was hope. I mean will I always have to be somebody's girl friend.?
 Rumours
Joined: 6/4/2018
Msg: 10
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Posted: 8/28/2018 7:38:41 AM
I don't know about you, but I hate feeling insecure/unwanted...not special with my partner.
You're dealing with a liar.
Cut your losses....you deserve better.
ymmv...
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 11
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Posted: 8/28/2018 10:58:33 AM
The bottom line is this guy does not make you feel special. And it won't get better after this point. The sexual thing in particular is probably a dealbreaker.

What expectations do you have for this relationship? Are they reasonable expectations? Relationships can improve when both people are willing to put in the effort but if they are not then it is time to walk away.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 12
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Posted: 8/28/2018 11:13:59 AM
All I smell is drama here. Stick a fork in it cause it's pretty much done...💔
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 13
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Posted: 8/29/2018 9:45:55 AM
Well if he's not seeing her face to face for lunch, dinner, or what have you, as a friend or otherwise, there's nothing going on......ya can't kiss over the net.

If they are seeing each other face-to-face, if he claims she's just a friend, and he does not introduce her to you, then you might have a problem.

It sounds like they are just text buddies.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 14
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Posted: 8/30/2018 6:28:32 PM
Thanks peoples, knew i'd get some good advice and opinions on here. Didn't expect the song but thanks Mr COL

I did get an apology within the hour (for him getting mad at me) and he explained quite a lot of stuff that day, then we had another argument later on that night...about something else (i started it), then things panned out and are better now. I still think he's a knobhead but he's trying, and i'm a knobhead too so maybe we're meant for each other idk.

Hope everyone is doing alright.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 15
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Posted: 8/30/2018 7:01:19 PM
I broke off the engagement from a man i dated a year, over the not putting an ex gf who was his friend on FB in check when she repeatedly kept butting between he and i. He didnt see what the prob was. I said see ya. I have 0 tolerance from men doing triffiling shit.

I think ya already know what will be happening, he is not showing good faith.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 16
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Posted: 8/30/2018 7:21:40 PM
She hasn't butted in, he did say he would block her on messenger if i wanted but i felt like i was being jealous then. I know he does things to intentionally upset her coz she stole some of his families stuff and has kept messenger open for that reason, to see if she messages him being paranoid and he buzzes off that. Not sure what to make of him yet, he never messages her back that i can tell but i'm concerned more that he enjoys being a dikc.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 17
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Posted: 8/30/2018 7:45:37 PM
This is exactly why I finally stopped dating. The drama/lies/games. Why is he lying about her? If it was so innocent he would just tell the truth. He is not done with this woman for whatever reason,he still needs her in his life in some form. If she didn't matter he would just cut contact, stop following her on social media.
It's causing problems in his current relationship with you yet he still isn't willing to change things or even tell the truth. I wouldn't be staying in a relationship where I felt I was being lied to.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 18
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Posted: 8/31/2018 6:22:44 AM
He said i can cuck him coz of his ED, if i'm gonna fk this up i may as well do it properly.
Aw i'm kind of sad really but i don't think relationships are for me.

In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.I know i'm not HQ and don't care.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 19
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Posted: 8/31/2018 7:19:37 AM
Wait what just happened, cuck him??? Is this a joke? I hope this is a joke.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 20
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Posted: 8/31/2018 7:45:53 AM
Not a joke, it was on my profile (on the site i met him on) that i wanted to cuckold someone so the idea has always been there. I think coz he has ED that was a relief to him?
Thing is since i met him i lost interest in that and only want him, he's also said he wouldn't be happy about me having sex with someone else but if i did then he'd have to deal with that (initially, before we met and coupled up we were both happy with the cuckold situation).

I'm tempted to think that if i did sleep with someone else then it'd take the pressure off him sexually and i'd not be as dependent on him too so if he is lying then at least i've not given up too much either.

In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread. Hmm.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 21
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Posted: 8/31/2018 7:30:22 PM
Well, if the relationship is going out the window, then might as well get your cucking fantasy over with. Although I doubt you'd enjoy it because now you are bonded to him and it would make you and him feel bad. I'd say start investing in some fun sex toys and have him use them on you. That way you can both get some enjoyment out of it.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 22
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Posted: 8/31/2018 8:23:14 PM
siennabear

very well said.... unfortunately so many relationships are not healthy....
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 23
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Posted: 9/1/2018 3:14:59 AM
He was on about buying me sex toys this week (i already have loads so told him not to bother, plus i want sex with him and not sex with toys). I also went back to SAA since getting in the relationship and feeling like my sex drive is out of control. So i know i have issues there. It's also why i was seeking to cuckold someone because at my age i did expect men my own age not to be able to keep up with me as well.
He said he hadn't had sex for 4 years and expected to need viagra to have sex, seems his condition has worsened since then though as he got viagra from his GP and it didn't really do anything much. We went to the Dr since arguing about sex (he had a meds review with his nurse anyway so he asked me if i wanted to go with him) and i asked her some questions and he's being referred to someone to see if there's anything else that can be done.
It was after this appointment that he said if i had to sleep with other people then he would have to deal with it, i'm going to continue with SAA coz i feel like i am pressuring him too much for sex while he is not capable and more because it makes him feel inadequate not being able to perform. I do think he's already accepted that we may not be able to have sex and i have not yet. I'm not opposed to cuckolding him, but i'm still in the infatuated stages of the relationship so far and definitely would rather have sex with him. I may also never want to cuckold him but we'll have to see how things pan out from here, does seem unlikely i will not want to at this stage but i have googled and there's quite a lot of options to explore still before we consider this.

I don't think it's messed up to have multiple sex partners, so long as we're honest and i was from the start (and having enjoyed this stuff in casual relationships i did not expect my feelings to change, although i'm aware my hypersexuality is stronger when single), i think it appealed to him because he has ED so he wasn't lying either. But while he feels bad about not being able to perform i'm unlikely to act on it no matter how tempting that is. We have other options to explore first but my hypersexual side is not very patient.
I am holding back a bit emotionally now but continuing to communicate well with him. We had really long talks that day (set off by 2 arguments instigated by myself) and i more got the idea that he likes to piss this person off. But like someone already said here this means he is not 'done' with her and that this had an effect on our relationship and he doesn't seem concerned about that (i don't think i was being unreasonable to question him either). And other people on another site i use (male) said that by not blocking her on messenger does defeat the purpose of blocking her at all. I'm taking this into consideration and weighing him up still, i also don't like the idea that he enjoys pissing off this person because as his now gf i am a potential person to be pissed off in the future as well (although i would just block him on everything online anyway and not message him or let him be able to message me if he tried to).

Not sure why i am justifying anything really, might be a part of being an abused person, hypersexual, or maybe i like to see things through to the end or maybe i just need to work him out and reassure myself that i am right about him (had to do that with my last ex but once i found i was right i got rid of him).
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 24
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Posted: 9/1/2018 6:36:46 AM
Why doesn't you boyfriend just go to a good doctor that specializes in the treatment of Erectile Dysfunction? Viagra is only one medication for it and their are many others plus injections, vacuum pumps ans surgical implants. It can be successfully treated in 95% of cases according to WebMD. Cuckolding sounds like a horrible solution if you really like him.

https://www.urologyhealth.org/urologic-conditions/erectile-dysfunction/treatment
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 25
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Posted: 9/1/2018 7:31:57 AM
Feirene...How old is your guy?
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