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I just lost my soulmate.Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I just lost my soulmate last week and it's all my fault. We dated exclusively for two years

She was way out of my league and I spent 18 months dating more than 500 women and doing a lot of advanced searches just to find her.

I was so terrified and grateful at the same time that I was walking on eggshells all the time. Because I was terrified to lose her and even though I believe in fearless communication a lot of our conversations were superficial and we only did things that she wanted to do.

When she broke it off after four weeks that I was travelling, of course, I was horrified and I couldn't speak.

Three weeks have gone by now and I'm starting to feel relieved that we broke up and now we are best friends. Only now have we started truly communicating about our fears wants desires and life dreams.

It's a shame that only now she's understanding who I am because I've only started communicating with her.
Even though I am a very successful management consultant and I help many companies to become more profitable, I have to admit that I'm a horrible communicator when it comes to the opposite sex. I believe that I'm very self-aware but have a hard time translating that to the female language. Even though I have two dating coaches I'm still open and eager to hear some advice. Life is way too short and if I can appreciate love and life a little bit more, I want to be deliriously happy again.

I would love to hear your advice to get me there faster.
I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 8/27/2018 8:08:30 AM
I'm still making a lot of mistakes when it comes to women, I'm not the type of person has to make the mistakes in my own I would like to think that I can learn from other people's mistakes. Do you have a mistake that I can learn from?
 SingleInChurch
Joined: 8/18/2018
Msg: 3
I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 8/27/2018 4:26:27 PM
But, babe, she wasn't your soulmate. If she were, you'd still be together. I do understand what you were talking about, keeping conversations superficial and feeling eggshell-ish for concern of upsetting the situation, but you can't have an authentic relationship unless you are authentic.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 4
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 8/27/2018 5:44:02 PM

Do you have a mistake that I can learn from?


Heard from a reliable source:

Don't tug on Superman's cape.
Don't spit into the wind.
Don't pull the mask off that ol' Lone Ranger.
Don't mess around with Jim.


I just lost my soulmate last week


Uh, no, you didn't.

Newsflash:

If you spend 2 years with someone and have mostly superficial conversations and only do the things they want to do and walk around on eggshells all the time, they are NOT your soulmate.


Life is way too short



I want to be deliriously happy again.



I would love to hear your advice to get me there faster.


Have some "Death by Chocolate" at Bennigan's restaurant.


I want to be deliriously happy again


"Again"?
You mean you were deliriously happy walking around on eggshells?

Not my idea of being deliriously happy.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 5
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 8/27/2018 7:42:20 PM
I never stay friends with ex-soulmates. Been there, done that, don't want to do it again.

Move on to an even better soul mate.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 6
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 8/28/2018 1:53:54 PM
I understand what is going on in your mind. If I date someone I'm not into, I can be myself and the person really gets to know me. But I am so unsure about myself with someone I like that I can't be myself because I'm so scared the person won't like the real me and I'm willing to let myself be a doormat.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 7
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 8/28/2018 2:00:31 PM
I'd be interested to know what your dating coaches think about this.

You basically spent time with this woman being someone else.

You weren't comfortable with her because you were walking on eggshells.

Your soulmate would be someone you were comfortable with and someone
who knew the real you. How could you have been deliriously happy basically
being a charlatan?

Unless of course you believe people won't like the real you.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 8
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 9/20/2018 12:30:19 AM

I spent 18 months dating more than 500 women and doing a lot of advanced searches just to find her.

You were dating more than 500 women in 18 months? That's ~28 new different women a month. BS! :) Plus, datING women means not just a date, but you're datING them (consistency string of dates with same gal over time). So even 50 would be outlandish in less than 2 years.

I was so terrified and grateful at the same time that I was walking on eggshells all the time. Because I was terrified to lose her and even though I believe in fearless communication a lot of our conversations were superficial and we only did things that she wanted to do.

For 2 full years? Yikes. Wow. How did it last 2 years? lol Of course, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy if you keep walking on egg-shells with them to make Incompatibility like that. But still -- how in the world is she your "soul mate"? You just Miss Having Her. It's your emotions talking, not actual compatibility.

I have to admit that I'm a horrible communicator when it comes to the opposite sex. I believe that I'm very self-aware but have a hard time translating that to the female language.

Communication with the opp-sex isn't in a different language. If you have a difficult time communicating with women, you're not going to have an easy ride with men (if you liked dudes in-that-way). Not all women communicate the same way, either. You're buying into a flawed man/woman assumption. Women vary A Lot between each other, as far as communication's concerned. In common mostly, would be more emotionally sensitive. So if anything, you'd have a less uphill battle with her being out of your league than if you were out of her league and she was walking on egg shells.

Most guys in your situation will shed that after a few months of being like that, and finally level things out with them. If you're not going to "Be Yourself" early on, at least ease into Becoming Yourself around her after the "honeymoon" phase. Shouldn't take long. Hence most guys shifting into becoming their "real" selves around the gal out of their league they're dating, after a few months. Not post-breakup after a couple years.

Are you SURE you were Seriously Dating? Or was it just a gal you were merely "seeing", where your huge crush and chase made you feel like you were a true item, to make yourself feel it was all worth it?
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 9
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 9/20/2018 7:04:34 AM
You left her for a month? You were on the road, working? - that's a long time, from a relationship perspective....after a few weeks, it can be dangerous. How often do you travel, and how long are you typically away?
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 10
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 9/20/2018 8:16:35 AM
maybe she thought you had another 28 dates during that month?
 Seahorse_Jockey
Joined: 8/24/2018
Msg: 11
I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 9/20/2018 10:40:31 AM
Maybe she got tired of you calling her by the wrong name-confusing her name with one of the 500+ women you were dating. Did you use an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of all of the women?
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 12
I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 9/20/2018 10:57:40 AM
^^^^^^

Amen to that!!!!

And there is NO such thing as a "soulmate". - nothing more than some Yuppie Hybrid dreamed up by Cosmo and Ms. magazines.........

I just have a funny feeling this is nothing more than a TROLL post...........
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 13
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/24/2018 4:52:16 AM

She was way out of my league


Don't date out of your league.
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 14
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/24/2018 6:59:30 AM

Even though I have two dating coaches...


If they're responsible for you getting over 500 dates in 18 months, can you pass on their names and number?

"...and now we are best friends."
What is their view on becoming best friends with an ex-soulmate? How will that affect dates with the next 500 women?
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 15
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/27/2018 7:53:09 AM
Good news, she wasn't your true life partner soul mate. We meet many soulmates in our lifetime but the TRUE life-mate can't leave you.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 16
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/27/2018 11:04:47 AM
Soulmates are made not found.
 Rumours
Joined: 6/4/2018
Msg: 17
I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/27/2018 12:54:47 PM

Soulmates are made not found.

Makes you wonder....Do we meld or do we mold ?
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 18
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/27/2018 4:55:02 PM
Soulmates are neither be actively lost (other than death) or found....they just are.

They are inevitable.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 19
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/28/2018 5:48:46 PM
Happily married couples who have been married a few or more decades will tell you they had hard times but because they were able to get through those times together, it strengthened their relationship and brought them closer together. In this way their souls bonded. There are just some people who you become bonded to deeply and it takes two people to do it, to be willing to put in the work.

I have two female friends who I would call soul mates, we just have a connection. We might go years without seeing or talking to each other but when we reunite, its like we were never separated, our bond still exists. I do believe that a man and a woman can be soulmates and I think important ingredients are friendship and passion and dedication to becoming closer. Soulmates share the same feelings for each other which is extremely rare but its possible.
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 20
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/29/2018 7:16:02 AM
Another way to describe soulmate is being co-dependent. But the term, soulmate, sounds more mystical and fairy tale-like than saying two people are co-dependent.

"I have two female friends who I would call soul mates, we just have a connection."
I just call that a close friendship. It's possible to have close friends that feel like family, but I haven't heard anyone else say that their friends are their soulmates. I guess it's like the statement "You say potato and I say pototto."
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 21
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/29/2018 7:54:28 AM

Another way to describe soulmate is being co-dependent
I think many avoid the co-dependent today. "I don't need a man but want a man" or similar comments from either side just scream 'i'm out of here at the first sign of trouble'! now I don't 'need' a women to iron my socks anymore than I want a women that 'needs' me to check the oil in her car but at the very least, 'need' each other on an emotional level.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 22
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/29/2018 8:38:05 AM
msg#21:
now I don't 'need' a women to iron my socks anymore than I want a women that 'needs' me to check the oil in her car


People need sox ironed?
Who knew~
I feel like such a barbarian.

I have the attendant at the gas station check my oil when I go for a 'fill er up'<<<
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 23
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/29/2018 8:59:50 AM

Soulmates are made not found.

I agree. There's no magic fairy dust or childish POV of destiny drawn out for You (and others) that you follow whether you like it or not (but you're going to like it, dammit). You create your own destiny, and "soul mates" are created between the two. It takes compatibility & timing in each person's life for the ability of that to happen.

Another way to describe soulmate is being co-dependent.

I would say it's more than that, as many not-so-happy couples are co-dependent, which is why they don't break up, and they trudge along in life still together because after a long time, it's "what you do".
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 24
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/29/2018 9:44:48 AM
Staying together takes a certain mindset from both people. Too often, when the going gets tough, someone bails or checks out. Sometimes maybe the two people weren't right for each other to begin with but sometimes I think its just too easy for someone to quit trying, thinking there's way more fish in the sea. I tried hard to make my relationship work but the foundation was crumbly from the start and I probably should have called it quits long before. In no way at all were we soulmates, the ingredients weren't there, I knew it from the start.

I think a certain brand of feminism has destroyed a lot of relationships. People need to feel needed and that they bring something to a relationship. I think men in particular need that. So many women say "I don't need a man to protect me, I don't need a man to fix broken things, I don't need a man to help pay the bills, I don't need a man to check my oil." Sure women can do these things but letting guys do it makes a man feel needed. And that also applies to the psychology involved with men paying the way on a date. I've heard guys say it makes them feel less of a man if a women pays or they go dutch, there's a certain feeling of power and provider that men get from paying.
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 25
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I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 10/29/2018 10:14:09 AM
How many people consider their parents, sibling, or other relative as a soul mate? After all, they are the ones who have been with you through thick and thin, highs and lows, your entire life-from the day you were born. But so many people who believe in the term soulmate, only equate it in a romantic sense.

If you break up with a person, is that person still your soulmate? And on the flip side, at what point does someone you're dating become a soulmate? If you give a person a boot out the door, they become your sole mate


" I've heard guys say it makes them feel less of a man if a women pays or they go dutch"

I've got enough self confidence, that if a woman wants to pay the bill or go dutch, I won't object. I will still feel like a man. (Where are the women who are willing to treat me to free meals and drinks?)
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