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 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 1
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Advice please? Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 5 months now so it is pretty serious. I've been struggling to try birth control pills again (mainly for acne -too much androgens) and it was really not working well for me. With constant nausea, breast soreness (apparently I have lumpy breasts now??), constant all over body itching, migraines, almost had a heart attack. Then a few days after my birthday I had either a missed miscariage or some disaster probably related to the pill. So I finally stopped it. I'll mention we aren't trying to have kids and try to be careful.
In the background is my mum constantly making snide comments that I better not get pregnant and the likes and more recently that I'm bad with kids. Back story is my sister got pregnant by accident last year now we have a ~9 month old baby living with us. Yet the only one that is getting harassed seems to be me.

So today as we are leaving we overhear my mum talking about me to my sister saying I will get pregnant and I'm "incapable of looking after kids" and that social services will "get involved" and she will end up "responsible for the kid".
She said it on purpose so he could hear. It disgusts me. So unbelievably cruel.
She's always mean to me and bullying me now she's started doing it to him to.
I don't do anything bad, I'm almost finished my degree. I don't smoke, I don't drink ever really. I have a neurological disorder and depression but I do the best I can. My boyfriend works and has a respectable job, he knows how to look after kids as well. She's never been horrible to him like this before, he's only ever been nice and caring to her.
Had enough of her sh*t. We are both very upset, what would you do if it were you?
When we got home and he tried to talk to her calmly she was rude to him.

Please only kind advice I'm exhausted and feel terrible, had a constant migraine for 4 days
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 2
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Advice please?
Posted: 8/29/2018 10:22:16 AM
5 months is not serious. That's not being unkind, just honest. Please don't get pregnant with a guy you've been with less than a year.

I can't take the pill. Too many bad side effects plus my mother, aunt, grandma and great grandma all had breast cancer which makes taking hormones not recommended. I have a copper implant which is hormone-free. It cost me about $80 through Planned Parenthood.
 Rumours
Joined: 6/4/2018
Msg: 3
Advice please?
Posted: 8/29/2018 10:28:57 AM
Good advice from July and your mother....Don't have a child...be responsible and smart!!!
I say that to all my grand children....the boys and girl.

You are still at home, so she is supporting you and doesn't sound like you are ready or responsible enough yet.
Sometimes the truth hurts.
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 4
Advice please?
Posted: 8/29/2018 10:47:01 AM
I agree a 5 month relationship is not serious.
The pill takes trial and error. When I first started using them years ago, I switched several times until I found one that worked for me.
Its doubtful you 'almost had a heart attack' or a 'missed miscarriage' whatever that is. You have lots of issues and health problems. Having a baby would be a disaster. You live with your family. You mom knows you are not responsible or mature enough and she does not want another baby in her house. Rightfully so. I dont think her comments are out of line.
 ksuser
Joined: 7/17/2018
Msg: 5
Advice please?
Posted: 8/29/2018 10:50:31 AM
Sienna "Advice please"

I am a mother of two girls...trust me your mother is trying, maybe not in the best way. Now that my girls are older, I am not asked for advice on things. I can only watch, feel and not respond-and that's hard. I have some experience in life, just hate to see people go thru the same things. Please be careful, my granddaughter is 25 and has 3 kids by a guy she never married....after years she finally got him out (He was bad news). So a new guy is helping raise my grandkids...I do like him tho. I saw it coming way back, could only sit back and watch...it was painful. Anyhow, good luck with things. Listen to your gut, if it doesn't feel right-then don't do it.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 6
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Advice please?
Posted: 8/29/2018 12:09:26 PM
I'm not planning on having kids till atleast 3 years. I need her understanding and all she does is constantly attack me and blame me for my health issues. She tells me to "see a homeopath" when I have been on pretty strong medications that didn't help. Anti-epileptics etc quite frankly it's a joke. I'm not a child, I'm 26 and I'm somewhat educated. I will probably move out and either I'll move into my boyfriends or into our own place toward the end of this year or early next year.
I've never been pregnant before. I've always been careful. I don't know if it was a miscarriage or not but all my uterine lining came out in one go and it was pretty bad. It's possible I may of miscarried but blood tests said I was not pregnant so if I did it was a missed miscarriage and very early pregnancy. I'm just sorry that now my boyfriend is coping her cruelty as well.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 7
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Advice please?
Posted: 8/29/2018 12:54:09 PM

doubtful you 'almost had a heart attack' or a 'missed miscarriage' whatever that is.

I missed out on my birthday dinner with my boyfriend because I was having pain in my arms and chest pain and it was kinda hard to breath.
That is heart attack warning signs unless I'm mistaken. 4 days after being off the pill the doctor had to retake my blood pressure 4 times because it kept being high. To think that was 4 days after, Imagine it when I was still on it.

The offensive part was saying child services would be involved because I would apparently be too incompetant as a mother. It was literally just an insult purely designed to hurt me because my boyfriend and I would be perfectly capable. Not that we are having a kid in the immediate future.
 Tom├ísIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 8
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Posted: 8/29/2018 3:20:03 PM
Where is she rude to him stating her opinion is not rude, you obviously are incapable of handling children smoking, drinking are not bad in any sense except for health. Neurological disorder don't forget the feeling of always feeling like a victim in that which is not Neurological that's your way to manipulate others into siding with you and people who a you know capable of understanding that you get nowhere with it. As for your Neurological disorder people with those types of disorders usually are incapable of raising kids actually their not supposed to be around them depending on the disorder.

Migraines like yours can be intensified by a child and cause you to act violently since you play the victim you will say something like if the baby didn't cry it wouldn't have happened. You already point fingers at what your sister does like it has anything to do with you at all it don't. Still you want to justify yourself and your actions by passing buck and saying well they do this or that. Guess what, what they do is their responsibility and for them to own up too not you to decide whether or not something should be done about them. Take some responsibility for yourself what you say or do is not anyone else but your fault.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 9
Advice please?
Posted: 8/29/2018 3:37:25 PM

She tells me to "see a homeopath" when I have been on pretty strong medications that didn't help. Anti-epileptics etc quite frankly it's a joke.


Perhaps you should try a keto diet? Just a thought.

 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 10
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Posted: 8/29/2018 8:12:19 PM
Tomaslan, Then my mum should stop acting like I'm going to make the same mistake as my sister if it has nothing to do with my sister.
Also smoking and drinking are bad, you're delusional if you think otherwise.
You're a bit of an idiot aren't ya lol
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 11
Advice please?
Posted: 8/30/2018 2:19:04 PM
@ Sienna
Youre a little young for a heart attack. Often times, a panic attack has similar symptoms. Did you go to a hospital? See a doctor?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 12
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Posted: 8/30/2018 2:27:57 PM
You asked.....so.....

Your mother knows you better than we do....
so maybe you should listen to her!!

From an outsiders point of view.....you are not a responsible adult if you are still living at your Mom's at 26 years of age.
You have one complaint after another....and want to rely on pills to fix it all.

I highly suggest a therapist.
Advice please?
Posted: 8/30/2018 4:17:03 PM
Sienna, maybe it's time to start looking for your own place. Not with the boyfriend though, maybe a girlfriend. If this is really serious with you and your guy, give it a year. If you are still together then, maybe start looking for a place with him at that point. Whatever YOU do, find some birth control that works for you. YOU do not need to get pregnant at this point in your life. Carefully read July's posts, is that the life you want for yourself? Having a child when you're not ready is not good for you or the child. I think your mother is just probably worried about you, us mothers tend to do that. Think of it from her angle, she already has one daughter with a baby living with her, and a boyfriend if I recall, she probably doesn't want two.
 Forereels
Joined: 5/22/2011
Msg: 14
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Posted: 8/30/2018 4:53:25 PM

You're a bit of an idiot aren't ya lol


Says the 26 year old who complains about living with her mom, yet spends her money on tropical fish and cruises...

Priorities!!
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 15
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Posted: 8/30/2018 5:24:57 PM
Kids are a serious consideration. Have you studied on not having them at all? I mulled over kids for a number of years, even before I ever met and married. It didn't take long for me to see that my ex was in no position to deal with them ether. She had a number of complications with the pill, also, like you. We finally decided to take the big step, and I went for a vasectomy. As time progressed, I never regretted it, and I suspect that's what kept us together for the years we did stay together. And once she got off the pill, she was easier to to deal with.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 16
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Posted: 8/30/2018 6:26:05 PM
Young Lady,,,
I am a Mother of a Married for 2 years, 27 year old daughter, my only child. She is mom to my Sweet Grandson who is 4 months old.
A child is EXHAUSTING,,, As you are perhaps aware from living in home w/ your sisters child. You sometimes gotta roll w/ the punches/flow when Ya DEPEND ON OTHERS when ya are unable to do for self.

Maybe move out, finish college, get great job if possible, Tell BF to not be so rough in sexual relations,, (ya mentioned this in another post) He should be using a condom as well,, "no glove/no love"

As another poster mentioned read Ms July's posts, she has three kids, the youngest is two, lives w/ her mom, and struggles to make ends meet, and she is very well educated w/ a good job.

Try to not be grumpy at much older folks who try to guide you, including your mom, instead cherish this time w/ her. I sure miss mine.
 playingindirt
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 17
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Posted: 8/30/2018 6:42:53 PM
for right or wrong if it isn't your house and you don't like the rules or your mothers attitude, that's just tough crap. her house her rules. respect them and her or get out. you have no business being there if that's how you feel about her.
best thing you can do is move out of her home and stop talking about your own mother to the public for whatever reason.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 18
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Posted: 8/31/2018 6:48:12 AM
I went to emergency doctors and other doctors multiple times last week and this week and had blood tests. They said the pill is dangerous for me and to never take one with estrogen again. It was giving me high blood pressure, caused all my uterine lining to shed in 1 go and the heart attack symptoms and migraines.
I've never been pregnant but if I got pregnant I'd have an abortion. Unlikely since even in my last 6 year relationship I never got pregnant. It's not as easy to get pregnant as you guys think lol. Otherwise I should of been pregnant multiple times.

How Dare you
Actually I'm on the lease and pay rent.
It's as much my house as theirs. Actually no not really, my sister pays the same as me and gets 4 rooms an I get 1 and I'm not 'allowed' to have my friend over!
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 19
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Posted: 8/31/2018 7:07:42 AM


Says the 26 year old who complains about living with her mom, yet spends her money on tropical fish and cruise

I'm complaining about constantly being harassed and mistreated actually. She's constantly rude and nasty and trying to cause trouble. We have had enough.
I can spend my money on what I like sorry!!
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 20
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Posted: 8/31/2018 8:01:18 AM
Sorry to see so much invalidation in here.

You know what? I would seek out some support for being disabled because i feel they are saying you'd be a terrible mum for that reason? Scope are a charity that has a forums and they have tips on how to have kids if you are disabled. I know you're not planning on having them yet but at least there's some support and advice there so that's one less thing to worry about (and knowing this stuff also gives you ammo to fight back with if you wish to do that).

I feel like you might be the family scapegoat also, sadly.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 21
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Posted: 8/31/2018 8:38:28 AM
..... Hey Sienna ~ If I were you, I would read msg 13 by the stratospheric sweetheart very carefully. She is wise beyond her years & anchored firmly to the ground ( an excellent mother I would bet, with excellent advice ) She is not saying to ditch the BF, but for now ~ not to live with him or your family.

..... ^^^ It seems to be obvious to STS and others that ~ you NEED to get out of your mothers house, the sooner the better! Of course > getting pregnant, will TOTALLY ruin your life plans and be a major drawback . I realize you are aware of this but ~ you seem to be lackadaisically continuing, your ( half a-ss ) sexual habits .

^^^ As you have admitted , you could have gotton pregnant many times in the past, but for SOME reason (duh, you were lucky as h-ell ) didn't . Boyfriend will cope as best he can, but it is NOW time ( for YOU ) to do something different .... Get off on your own first ! And for GODS SAKE , always have ~ dependable protection against pregnancy.

..... Remember, ACTION speaks louder then words ( < pof forms ) Get off of here & get a life ! One away from where you are now, a new direction and a new beginning. I give you this advice, because I know you are a sweet and kind individual . You deserve a better life, but things do not happen by themselves or without, a structured plan to move forward.

Best Wishes Your Way ( but remember, wishes never got anyone anything . It is only "actions" , that produce results )

heart / sun

 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 22
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Posted: 8/31/2018 9:06:47 AM
Thanks for the nicer messages.
Yes the insults were purely because of my disability. She also said it on purpose so my boyfriend could hear (she said) to purposely upset him. I've known my boyfriend for 8 months and we have been officially together for 5.
He is a godfather to his friends kids and he knows how to look after kids.
My mum just is being cruel for the sake of it and trying to play victim like she is just "worried".
Only thing dragging me down that I can change is her.
She's definitely not invited to our wedding when we get married, neither is my sister because she is also nasty behind his back and a snake as well.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 23
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Posted: 8/31/2018 9:34:23 AM
I doubt your mum will change, maybe if she wanted to but she seems to get off on scapegoating you instead. Bet she doesn't have digs at the sister who already has had a kid? I also think you should get away from her, she's toxic it seems.
 Forereels
Joined: 5/22/2011
Msg: 24
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Posted: 8/31/2018 9:36:50 AM


I'm complaining about constantly being harassed and mistreated actually. She's constantly rude and nasty and trying to cause trouble. We have had enough.
I can spend my money on what I like sorry!!



Yes, you sure can spend it on whatever you like!! However, if you are not using every dime on moving out, don't complain to others about your current living conditions...

I would sure like to hear Moms side of the story!!

People here with life experience are giving you great advise and you are just blowing it off...
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 25
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Posted: 8/31/2018 9:43:10 AM

officially together for 5 months


^^^ Maybe, I need to remind you ~ 5 or 8 months is a miniscule amount of time, to be together as a couple. The reason I state this is, because it seems > you need to KNOW it. Even 5 years is really not that long, considering relationships often last for decades. It is much too early to be thinking " marriage " in my OP.

...... And know, I am not judging him nor you ~ just stating facts . And as for a wedding ? I'd suggest you two get several YEARS together under your belts, before getting married.

...... I do believe, once you are out of the house ~ your mom may have a change in personality. Living together ( daughter & mom) is quite often stressful, so understand that and give her a break. Don't shut her out of your life, for she will not be around forever. And when she is gone, it will be too late to wish ~ you two could have mended things & had a loving relationship with each other.

...... Remember, we are all " only human " by definition. We have our good points & our not so good points.
Love your mom now , before she is not here on earth ~ to do so.

heart / sun
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