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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost i      Home login  
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 donutmangh
Joined: 3/16/2017
Msg: 1
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?Page 1 of 1    
I was involved with a female co-worker this year for about seven weeks from the time we started talking until the day she went cold on me. I had had a HUGE crush on her from January to May, but never approached because I considered her out of my league. Suddenly in May, to my amazement, she started chasing me. She added me on Facebook and came onto me in a big way over Messenger one night by confessing her attraction to me and begged me to date her. I deflected her at first because I was timid, but went out with her a couple weeks later.

Prior to her, I had never dated before, and am still a virgin. I’m mildly physically debilitated due to having arthritis in all my joints, live with my father, have no social life, and am severely depressed. I disclosed all of this to her up front, and she was still interested. She’s a 30 year old single mother and very sexy, but has been single for four years and had been celibate for over a year when all this started.

Over five weeks, we went out on four 1-1 dates and went out with co-workers together several times (due to her being a single mom, she has limited availability). We texted every day and hung out together at work during breaks and lunch. She seemed to like me for me and was very understanding about my life situation. She was always concerned and caring.

Because of my inexperience, I made constant mistakes in dealing with her, including being timid to the point of acting disinterested. Most of the time I acted like a platonic friend only. I let her flirt with me, but never flirted with her. I was especially shy about sex, and for most of the relationship, deflected her attempts to discuss it. Toward the end, she stated explicitly that she was willing to have sex with me, and my responses were tepid to negative (on one occasion I even said “I can’t even imagine us kissing, let alone having sex”). There were times I acted needy, beta, pliable, and emotionally weak. There were a few texts I absolutely cringe at reading now where I was just way too nice, and I knew she hates this in men.

In July we found out that our workplace would be shutting down and that we would be getting laid off at the end of the month. She handled this a lot better than I did (due to my disability, my options are limited). That month my attitude at work went to complete and utter sh*t, and at the end she made it clear how much this put her off.

One night in mid-July I had been particularly angry about work and quit early after a mild tantrum, which she witnessed. She carpooled with me to work that day, and I asked her if she could find another ride home so I could leave. I ended up waiting in the parking lot for her shift to end so I could give her a ride, but she later told me that she still took great offense to my willingness to ditch her. That evening she had me drop her off at the end of her driveway rather than taking her to the door and told me she was “drained” with my negativity. That marked the point when she went cold on me. After that, she greatly reduced texting with me, stopped carpooling with me, stopped offering to hangout after work, and stopped all flirting. I just went along with it and acted like I was unbothered. For the next few weeks I tried to come up with the balls to do ask her out again, but the writing was on the wall that she’d lost interest so I never did. Instead, I sent the usual bullsh*t beta male signals that I just wanted to be friends.

Three weeks going cold on me, she shared in our group text of mutual friends that she was planning to have someone over to her house for drinks and sex that night. She shared this knowing I would read it. I don't know whether she did it to make me jealous or really or really thought I just wouldn't care. It devastated me utterly. In my emotional state, I drove past her house that night, and there was a strange car parked outside overnight. She never confirmed explicitly what happened, but based on what she has said, I believe she had a sexual relationship with someone that lasted for 2-3 weeks and is now over.

At this point, almost a month later, our relationship is almost nonexistent. She only talks to me when I’m with the group of co-workers, which I have withdrawn from as of last week. I don’t want to be friends, so I stopped acting like one. And she doesn’t flirt with me anymore, so we don’t talk. Last week she called me and told me she could get me a job at her new workplace; I told her I already had another job offer lined up and that “I’d rather smash my nuts with a hammer for 40 hours a week than work there.” I was just being a smartass, but she took it as me spitting in her face and rescinded the offer, even after I apologized. I sent an apology text three days later and she never replied. We haven’t spoken since and it hurts.

Is there ANY hope that I could ever get her interested in me again? I only hold out hope because A) she was clearly attracted to me at one point, and B) the behaviors that killed her interest are fixable. It absolutely eats at me 24/7 that lightning struck when this beautiful, intelligent woman was very interested in me, and willing to have sex, and I did everything in my power to repel her. I just didn’t know what the hell I was doing, but I can fix these mistakes. I can't stand how bad I f*cked this up.
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 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 3
Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/30/2018 5:50:36 PM
This sounds like a lost cause. You don't sound like you feel too good about yourself, and that's intertwined with your self-sabotage. Maybe you could have been happy with this woman but your own feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy allowed you to **** it up.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 4
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/30/2018 6:45:35 PM

eats at me 24/7


^^^^ That's entirely too much thinking bein' done up there ^^^^
... & all in one clomp like !!!

... I'm of the opinion ~ it's worse then the heebie geebies, bubonic plague, smoke comin' out your ears or > a bad " bat" bite to the bwain !!!

> but NEVER fear, I have the perfect remedy ~ the ideal solution, the answer to the questions !!!

... A song ~ to make you feel MUCH better, like the clomp never existed !!!

* lyrics " met a girl, thought she was grand
.............. fell in love, found out first hand
.............. it went well, for a week or two
.............. then it all came un-glued "
.............. now SHE HATES ME by The puddle of Mudd

> turn it up ^
heart / sun
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 5
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/30/2018 6:56:21 PM
Maybe if you flirt with her? But you have been a dikc already so if she has standards she probably won't care or be interested anyway.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 6
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/30/2018 6:57:15 PM
^^^ SHE F*UCKIN' HATES HIM ( sniff wan~ sniff sniff ) ^^^






~ tear ~
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 7
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/30/2018 7:55:12 PM
You rejected her and any help she offered. Your behaviour was atrocious. You need to seek professional help, you are so down on yourself you're not ever going to allow yourself to be happy.
I don't think she will ever want to date you again. 5 weeks and all this drama/negativity, who needs that?
Work on yourself and try again when you're in a better place with someone else.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 8
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/31/2018 12:17:53 AM
It's not just that she isn't interested, it seems she hates you.
Best you could hope for at this point is that she won't hate you.
You really need to apologize for everything.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 9
Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/31/2018 12:42:32 AM
Get the fvck outta here!
You really 35?!
You suck the life out of someone then eventually they have to walk away.
Leave the poor woman alone.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 10
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/31/2018 7:11:08 AM
...... Hey donut dude, I was just kidding around with my posts up ^^ there. Listen .... so you've got a few problems, we all do. Stuff like what you posted above - happens all the time to all kinds of people. Just let it run its course, and give totally up on this woman. To be honest, in my humble opinion ~ an average looking woman is sometimes the best to try to relate with.

...... You seem like a good person, just hang in there and don't let this bother you at all. There is no real worthwhile manual for how to attract women. Just be yourself, faults and all ( at ALL times ) and let this situation dissolve in its natural way. So? you may need to find someone who is more attuned to your personality - they're out there , it takes time for everyone to find a significant other.

...... And > don't worry about any mistakes you think you made, overthinking things can lead to worry and fretfulness ~ traits which not only are negative for you, but also are perceived by others as weaknesses. Again, you seem to be a good person - just go on with your life and let the chips fall when they may.

good luck brother !!

heart / sun
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 11
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/31/2018 9:20:04 AM

Get the fvck outta here!
You really 35?!
You suck the life out of someone then eventually they have to walk away.
Leave the poor woman alone.


How did he suck the life out of her?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 12
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/31/2018 10:34:32 AM
Nope, it's a done deal. You should be working on your "issue" with communicating before attempting any kind of relationship with anyone. You're only going to keep fvcking up otherwise. It was a d!ck move to quit too, considering your situation, and you could have gotten a going away pkg or unemployment.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 13
Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/31/2018 11:24:37 AM
Mood swings, giving off the cold shoulder, tantrums....childish behaviour....suck suck.....
 donutmangh
Joined: 3/16/2017
Msg: 14
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/31/2018 11:37:42 AM
I quit two hours early that day, not the whole job.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 15
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/31/2018 11:56:51 AM
No way. That ship has sailed. You've demonstrated to her that you're immature and have anger issues. She doesn't care to put up with your drama any longer.

I think you need to seek therapy and work on yourself before trying to get back into the dating arena.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 16
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/31/2018 2:54:12 PM

Mood swings, giving off the cold shoulder, tantrums....childish behaviour....suck suck.....


In that case, I should be dead by now lol.
 beercookies
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 17
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 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 18
Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 9/1/2018 6:24:31 AM
Once you are in the freindszone with a woman, you will always be there. It's time to find a new girl.


Next time, kiss the girl within the first few dates. Also, get your attitude up. Counseling may help in that regard.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 19
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 9/1/2018 1:38:54 PM
You ruined it. Learn your lessons from this and move on.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 20
Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 9/3/2018 3:56:46 PM

I was involved with a female co-worker this year for about seven weeks from the time we started talking until the day she went cold on me. I had had a HUGE crush on her from January to May, but never approached because I considered her out of my league. Suddenly in May, to my amazement, she started chasing me. She added me on Facebook and came onto me in a big way over Messenger one night by confessing her attraction to me and begged me to date her. I deflected her at first because I was timid, but went out with her a couple weeks later.

Prior to her, I had never dated before, and am still a virgin. I’m mildly physically debilitated due to having arthritis in all my joints, live with my father, have no social life, and am severely depressed. I disclosed all of this to her up front, and she was still interested. She’s a 30 year old single mother and very sexy, but has been single for four years and had been celibate for over a year when all this started.

Over five weeks, we went out on four 1-1 dates and went out with co-workers together several times (due to her being a single mom, she has limited availability). We texted every day and hung out together at work during breaks and lunch. She seemed to like me for me and was very understanding about my life situation. She was always concerned and caring.

Because of my inexperience, I made constant mistakes in dealing with her, including being timid to the point of acting disinterested. Most of the time I acted like a platonic friend only. I let her flirt with me, but never flirted with her. I was especially shy about sex, and for most of the relationship, deflected her attempts to discuss it. Toward the end, she stated explicitly that she was willing to have sex with me, and my responses were tepid to negative (on one occasion I even said “I can’t even imagine us kissing, let alone having sex”). There were times I acted needy, beta, pliable, and emotionally weak. There were a few texts I absolutely cringe at reading now where I was just way too nice, and I knew she hates this in men.

In July we found out that our workplace would be shutting down and that we would be getting laid off at the end of the month. She handled this a lot better than I did (due to my disability, my options are limited). That month my attitude at work went to complete and utter sh*t, and at the end she made it clear how much this put her off.

One night in mid-July I had been particularly angry about work and quit early after a mild tantrum, which she witnessed. She carpooled with me to work that day, and I asked her if she could find another ride home so I could leave. I ended up waiting in the parking lot for her shift to end so I could give her a ride, but she later told me that she still took great offense to my willingness to ditch her. That evening she had me drop her off at the end of her driveway rather than taking her to the door and told me she was “drained” with my negativity. That marked the point when she went cold on me. After that, she greatly reduced texting with me, stopped carpooling with me, stopped offering to hangout after work, and stopped all flirting. I just went along with it and acted like I was unbothered. For the next few weeks I tried to come up with the balls to do ask her out again, but the writing was on the wall that she’d lost interest so I never did. Instead, I sent the usual bullsh*t beta male signals that I just wanted to be friends.




Another shining example of why you should NEVER fish off the company pier!

Dude......never, ever dip your pen in the company ink and never, EVER get personally involved with ANYONE AT THE WORKPLACE!!!!


Three weeks going cold on me, she shared in our group text of mutual friends that she was planning to have someone over to her house for drinks and sex that night. She shared this knowing I would read it. I don't know whether she did it to make me jealous or really or really thought I just wouldn't care. It devastated me utterly. In my emotional state, I drove past her house that night, and there was a strange car parked outside overnight. She never confirmed explicitly what happened, but based on what she has said, I believe she had a sexual relationship with someone that lasted for 2-3 weeks and is now over.



When I see sh*t like this.........it's basically game over.

She sent the group text KNOWING you would see that. But driving past her house that night.....make you seem stalkerish and very desperate. Seriously.......don't do stuff like that again.

And so what if she did have a sexual relationship with this guy? You weren't exclusive, were you? She never asked to be as such, did she???


At this point, almost a month later, our relationship is almost nonexistent. She only talks to me when I’m with the group of co-workers, which I have withdrawn from as of last week. I don’t want to be friends, so I stopped acting like one. And she doesn’t flirt with me anymore, so we don’t talk. Last week she called me and told me she could get me a job at her new workplace; I told her I already had another job offer lined up and that “I’d rather smash my nuts with a hammer for 40 hours a week than work there.” I was just being a smartass, but she took it as me spitting in her face and rescinded the offer, even after I apologized. I sent an apology text three days later and she never replied. We haven’t spoken since and it hurts.


Well........If you don't wish to be her friend, then don't. But saying what you did......was wrong.

You both keep sending each other mixed signals. She sent this group text about having this guy over for drinks and sex hoping you would get jealous, which in all actuality, you did, by driving by her home.

But then almost a month later, she reaches out to you stating she can get you a job at her new place of employment. While I commend you for having another form of employment lined up, you could have handled that with a whole LOT more class and tact by saying something like....."thank you so very much, but I have something else lined up, but thanks for thinking of me".....and let it be at that.


Is there ANY hope that I could ever get her interested in me again? I only hold out hope because A) she was clearly attracted to me at one point, and B) the behaviors that killed her interest are fixable. It absolutely eats at me 24/7 that lightning struck when this beautiful, intelligent woman was very interested in me, and willing to have sex, and I did everything in my power to repel her. I just didn’t know what the hell I was doing, but I can fix these mistakes. I can't stand how bad I f*cked this up.


I don't think this particular situation is "fixable"........but you CAN learn from your mistakes and move on. You might want to invest in some therapy to find out what causes you to act like you do.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 21
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 9/4/2018 4:25:20 AM


I drove past her house that night, and there was a strange car parked outside overnight.



Sounds familiar. Have you told this story before? If not, your situation isn't original.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 22
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 9/5/2018 1:10:38 PM
Small wonder why she is avoiding you now. You were small when you had a chance to shine. GAME OVER!! I'm sorry but you have no one to blame but yourself. Next time know better. This one is lost to you and quite frankly I think you deserve it acting like a petulant child. Get smart and get over yourself.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 23
Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 9/5/2018 10:27:45 PM

Another shining example of why you should NEVER fish off the company pier!

Dude......never, ever dip your pen in the company ink and never, EVER get personally involved with ANYONE AT THE WORKPLACE!!!!


Speaking in absolutes and hyperbole isn't necessary. Many people meet their future spouses in the workplace. In fact, the success rate for a co-worker becoming a significant other is much higher than, say, online dating. However, one must have a certain level of tact, discretion and maturity for a workplace romance to blossom. OP has neither of those. With him, it wouldn't have made a difference where he met a woman. Judging by his many emotional and psychological issues, he's not dating material. Period. The avenue by which he chooses to date is irrelevant.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 24
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 9/7/2018 11:39:31 AM
Only if you have gained wealth and status.

When i got into my current career the vultures found out and i had lots of exes calling.

No thanks
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 25
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Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 9/7/2018 11:53:42 AM
Went back to read the story....wow. I have a friend jist like you. Too nice and doesnt know how to act.

He had a date with a girl after being broken up with his kids mon for over a year. He took her for coffee. He didint drive so couldnt take her far.


Made no moves on her. ...becuase hes nice

Somehow she agreed to a se ond date but i thought to.myself she will cancel as he missed.his opportunity



Friday comes i ask if he wa ts to hang out. He says no hes waiting for that girl to text him to go out.

I said she did nt text all.week to make plans a s youre going to.sit.here on a friday night waiting? Just come out and if she calls or texts now tell her youre busy


But no he stayed home waiting
She never called.....
Oh and you said this girl is a si gle mom.....stay away from her and any other single mom.
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