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 matpatrick
Joined: 8/13/2018
Msg: 1
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Falling apartPage 1 of 1    
So I dated this girl for 4 years and I loved her so much. She made everything sparkle and was just the sweetest thing ever. I work hard at construction jobs and bought a house for us to move in like she was always talking about, but she never moved in. Then one day I get a text from a guy who turned out to be her new boyfriend for the past 7 months. That was 3 months ago and I still can't function right. I'm stuck in this house that is nothing but a memory of her, everything reminds me of her. I just need someone to hold me and tell me everything is alright but I no matter how nice I am no one will give me a chance. There's just so much pain and anger bottled up inside me, I don't know what to do I need help and I really need a hug. I know that my post isn't very organized but I just let my emotions go as I typed so I'm sorry to who ever reads this.
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 2
Falling apart
Posted: 9/1/2018 6:17:03 AM
Sorry for your loss. It sounds like your relationship was one sided. You loved her but she didnt love you (as much) You dont need a dating profile at this point. Delete it and give yourself more time to get over the relationship that is clearly over. Fix up your house, get a pet. She never moved into this house so its your house only. Get rid whatever personal items she left when you two broke up, if anything.
 MintyWithACapitalM
Joined: 8/23/2018
Msg: 3
Falling apart
Posted: 9/1/2018 8:45:24 AM
While you're feeling so raw, the last thing you need is another relationship. Even if you meet someone who's selfless enough to "hold you and tell you everything will be all right," you won't get much comfort because the new girl won't be the one you're yearning for.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 4
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Falling apart
Posted: 9/1/2018 10:11:37 AM
She made everything sparkle, yet you never committed to her with getting engaged, so she made the decision it was over.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 5
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Falling apart
Posted: 9/2/2018 10:06:14 AM
Sorry to hear that your previous relationship didn’t work out. Are you sure you’re ready to start dating? If you still “can’t function right”, why don’t you get a break and give plenty of time to heal your heartbreak?

Dating when you’re not ready could affect the other person badly and you’ll feel even worse for hurting them unintentionally.

JMO.
 ontheotherhand
Joined: 6/24/2018
Msg: 6
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Falling apart
Posted: 9/2/2018 7:28:06 PM
A broken heart needs time to heal, especially after such a long relationship. Take time to do things you really like and don't look to be dating. It won't feel like it now, but you'll be glad you did. The last thing you want to do is accidentally hurt someone because you aren't ready. I wish you a good future.
 Rumours
Joined: 6/4/2018
Msg: 7
Falling apart
Posted: 9/3/2018 9:18:07 AM
First off...You are not "stuck" anywhere.
You have a lovely home...it's an asset...sell it or keep it. She never moved in so why would it remind you of her.
Buck up and make some sensible decisions.
Everything in life is about choices...good or bad.

I can tell you...Through my many years of living.
I can't fathom giving anyone the satisfaction....they may think, they may have ruined MY life!
She was a cheater and a liar.....why mourn that?
Move on....she wasn't the one.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 8
Falling apart
Posted: 9/3/2018 5:09:54 PM
OP. I am so sorry for your loss.....Or is it truly a loss??? Stop and think.........

I know right now.....the world may feel like it's coming to an end.......but be grateful you know now versus 20 plus years and 2-3 kids from now.

You worked your butt off in the constructive trades to purchase a home for both yourself AND her, yet she never moved in and was screwing around for the 7 month prior to you receiving a text from her new boyfriend.

How sad she didn't have the maturity and class to tell you that she didn't want to be with you any longer, yet she had to have her new boyfriend do it for her.....WHO does that???? Really????? Now that is pathetic......don't you think????

Yes.....you DO need some help and some good, meaningful support. Is there a grief group you can attend in your area??? If so, get there PRONTO! Is there a therapist who can help you? If so, get on the phone and call them PRONTO!!!!

Do NOT get into another relationship at this juncture. You need some time to heal and move on......but on your own. Do yourself a favor and block her from all forms of communication. Make yourself scarce and for God's sake, don't ever take her back if she tries to come crawling back. She has made it clear she can NOT be trusted, and you deserve someone in your life you can trust eventually.

As far as the house goes......well.......she never moved in. - Be thankful for that as many of us did actually live with our former BF/spouses and it was tough when they moved out. Well.....for me it was anyway. My apartment (at the time) felt empty for a long time after he moved out.

You have 2 choices with your home. You can either put it on the market, move out, and sell it......OR you can remain in it, redecorate and REALLY and TRULY make it your own.

If you have any of her possessions.......get rid of them NOW. Do NOT make any contact with her, but rather, throw those items in the trash where they belong, or if it's good usable stuff, donate it to Goodwill. It will be very empowering for you to do that. Trust me. I did that with the stuff my ex left behind after he moved out and it was truly empowering for me. I didn't need the dozen or so extra sets of linens and extra dishes in my house.....especially since I truly wasn't using them and knew someone else could.

You are just 21 years old. While I realize you are hurting and it's difficult to think straight and function.......you DO have other choices, and yes.....opportunities.....Meaning.....you now have the opportunity to rebuild YOUR life......Go back to school and get your degree. Take on new hobbies and interests.....volunteer somewhere - heaven knows we need all the help we can get out here.......join a club or a sporting league. Mix it up a bit.....In doing these things......you will not only rebuild your life as YOU choose, but you will meet new people - not for dating or relationships-----but for new friendships. Trust me.....I did these things and really benefited greatly from it.

Live your life and live it well......Because living well is the best revenge. You don't need her to have a good life.......You can have a GREAT life either on your own, or in time, with someone else.
 apriloveswhiteroses
Joined: 7/28/2018
Msg: 9
Falling apart
Posted: 9/3/2018 8:52:42 PM
Hmmm, I find something on this OP kind of strange but .. Oh well..
Here I go:

4 years relationship? You are 21, Meaning you did start 17, she must be very young too.

First thing I would say to you is " live and Learn" life is about choices,Good and bad.!

Now, I wonder why with FOUR years of relationship you bought a house alone.?what was your intention by doing this? You said you loved her, why not buying it together?
Why you didn't marry her and then between the two start looking for that dream home she was always talking about?
In a relationship you do not do or buy important things without asking the other person for their opinion.
You wanted her to move in with you without marry her first?
Going by your age, is normal You were expenting her to help with the payments of YOUR house.. She knew this.. She didn't like how you did it... She walked away...I would say, smart girl, good for her.!
You need to learn a lot about relationship.!! It is about TWO..
Go to school and finish it.!
Remember we are what we chose to be... Choices and more choices..


Good luck.!!
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 10
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Falling apart
Posted: 9/8/2018 5:16:50 AM
It's always rough when the first long relationship ends.
You are young and still have the rest of your life ahead of you.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 11
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Falling apart
Posted: 9/8/2018 7:01:58 AM
You might be really butthurt over this. Keep in mind that the sun will rise tomorrow morning, and the world has not stopped rotating.

Asking you to forget 4 years of your life is hard. I had to dump 23 years of my life away for the same reasons. There is one little jewel you have going for you, when you get over her, and find someone else.

An Asset. The next one is very likely renting. If she moves, she gets zilch for the time she paid to have a roof over her head. You, on the otherhand, gets to put money BACK into your pocket if you move. This is a hidden benefit that you're not seeing, yet, but you will.

Give it time, you'll come around.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 12
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Falling apart
Posted: 9/30/2018 6:21:44 AM
I'm so sorry. :(

The only reasonable thing I can suggest is for you to meet with a therapist or counselor to help you get through this traumatic, tremendous loss.

I wish you well.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 13
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Falling apart
Posted: 10/1/2018 2:24:55 AM
Different Strategy:

You have a house now. Rent it out for a profit. A single guy your age only needs a studio. Even better would be a furnished room in a boarding house but they don't have them everywhere. Main thing is that you have property now so make someone else pay for it. A secondary benefit is that it gives you time before the next girl takes it over. If you have a tenant you can't just move in a new girl at the drop of a hat. You either have to take the time and effort to evict or let the lease run out. A built in safety valve.

Be angry and get it out of your system. Remember, she cucked you. Never forgive her for it. And never forget that the next one might too. You look and feel pathetic and it is HER fault.

Either sell the last girl's stuff or give it to charity.
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