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 DedElf6809
Joined: 11/28/2017
Msg: 1
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Lack of interest.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I've been single for about a year and a half. I have pretty good luck getting women to reply (about 75% engage in conversation) and can usually get a date out of most of those. The problem is I lose interest very fast. I find a profile I'm interested in, start up a conversation and within a day or two find myself looking for reasons to stop talking. It's not that they aren't amazing women it's that I'm just not interested in them. It's the internet though so for a while I would still meet them and go on dates to see if there would be something in person... but there wouldn't be anything there. Not on my part anyway. I did try a relationship with one woman that ended after four months because I couldn't develop feelings for her.

I feel like there's something wrong with me. I'm ridiculously lonely and want to find someone to share my life with and there are plenty of people that want to do just that... but I'm not interested in any of them. Not even as a one night stand!
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 2
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/7/2018 4:43:00 AM
I don't think there's anything wrong with you, you have expectations of certain feelings for the one you love (and most relationships seem to back that there tend to be special/more exclusive feelings we have for romantic partners), so it would seem normal that you haven't developed them yet as you might be picky. Love at first site isn't real also, so those 'feelings' people get when initially attracted to someone may not happen for everyone. I personally wouldn't expect to fall for someone within a few days and i'd probably also lose interest quicker than you if i felt there was nothing there.

If being lonely is distressing you then maybe make more friends to fill your time and make you happy? Being lonely can mean we see potential in anything/anyone also because we are desperate (then losing interest when we the rose tinted glasses fall off), it can leave us vulnerable to abuse so be careful.

I have a lot of nice friends online.
 Seahorse_Jockey
Joined: 8/24/2018
Msg: 3
Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/7/2018 9:50:04 AM
I think it's pretty obvious, that you have not gotten over your ex, and that's why you feel no woman will ever match her standards. You still have her on a pedestal. No woman will ever be good enough for you until you deal with the issue.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 4
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/7/2018 6:26:58 PM
Excuse me for a few seconds DedElf,

Feirene, LOL I didn't recognize you! Read your profile. I am very happy for you. I know you have had some doubts but I hope all that is behind you now. Congrats!

Meanwhile, OP, I don't believe, "something wrong with me" (you).
I do believe you are trying way too hard to find the magic...………….unlike Jello pudding it's not instant.
I have several suggestions.

Find a rigorous physical activity that takes your mind away from, "finding the one". Your body will resist at first but your mental health will appreciate the effort.

Volunteer...……... where you can help, benefit the lives of those who need it most, people / animals.

Continue to meet single ladies, to enjoy their company, HAVE Some FUN!

Relax, …………...think outside the usual...……….explore new opportunities...………..


I have heard. Rome wasn't built in a day...………...be patient...………...Good luck!
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 5
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:)
Posted: 9/8/2018 1:02:02 PM

Feirene, LOL I didn't recognize you! Read your profile. I am very happy for you. I know you have had some doubts but I hope all that is behind you now. Congrats!


Thanks. I'm fairly happy, taking it slower and enjoying things more now.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 6
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/10/2018 1:58:06 PM

It's not that they aren't amazing women it's that I'm just not interested in them.

If they were amazing women, you Would be interested in them, as you also say...

I'm ridiculously lonely and want to find someone to share my life with

... hence, I don't think you're being fully honest with yourself.
 DedElf6809
Joined: 11/28/2017
Msg: 7
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/11/2018 12:12:57 AM
@Feirene It's not even love at first sight that I'm looking for. I just want to feel excitement about the other person. Lust, arousal, attraction...

I've always been that guy that would go to extreme lengths to avoid interacting with a friend. But I've been making a conscious effort to spend time with friends. But that's only helping so much.

@seahorse_jockey I'm trying not to think about that prospect... but I'm inclined to agree.

@Ladyinred0407 I'm triyng to add more people and activities to my life but it's not easy. I live 45 minutes away from basically everything. But it is something I really have been struggling with.

@norwegianguy In my perspective they're amazing. Similar values/goals/interests/views, have their acts together, great personality, good jobs, drama free. We have a great night out and I see all these good things that come together to make who they are. I just can't get interested in what they're offering. What do you think I'm not being honest with myself about?
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 8
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/11/2018 5:58:49 AM
msg#7:OP wrote<
I've always been that guy that would go to extreme lengths to avoid interacting with a friend


Not to be mean OP but do you actually still have any friends if you go to extreme lengths as you say to avoid interacting with them?
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 9
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/11/2018 7:09:45 AM
Look at the bright side......... it's better to be single than in a bad relationship! And the TV remote control is all yours!!
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 10
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/11/2018 8:45:53 AM
OP, you sound depressed to me. Perhaps you should get checked out by a mental health professional. You should also get checked out by a doctor to rule out any physical conditions, such as low testosterone.

Sometimes certain medications you might be taking for other conditions could also play a part.
 DedElf6809
Joined: 11/28/2017
Msg: 11
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/11/2018 3:34:55 PM

Not to be mean OP but do you actually still have any friends if you go to extreme lengths as you say to avoid interacting with them?
That's a fair question. I've kept my social circle small on purpose. I hate talking to people and have never enjoyed just hanging out with friends. I will admit I've been struggling but I have been making attempts this summer to actually spend time with them.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 12
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/11/2018 4:11:21 PM
lack of interest because their just not what you want or your just not interested because of your own issues? I have had both at one time or another. not sure which is worse, meeting the perfect girl but not wanting bothered or wanting a relationship and not finding a compatible partner/victim.
 DedElf6809
Joined: 11/28/2017
Msg: 13
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/13/2018 8:52:36 AM
@johnfromzelie I'll meet a woman and have great conversations with her, she fits enough of what I look for, we go out and have a great time and everything looks great... but there's just nothing. For my own reasons I am always going to turn down any offers of going to their place or mine on a first or second date so the evening ends with us going our own way. So everything goes great and looks awesome but I just have no desire to repeat. At first I thought it was just I'm not a teenager falling in love with anything that looks at it and if I went out with these ladies multiple times the feelings would grow. They never grew for me but always grew for them and I'd always feel like a complete **stard about it. Now I really don't know what to do.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 14
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/16/2018 6:01:36 PM

In my perspective they're amazing. Similar values/goals/interests/views, have their acts together, great personality, good jobs, drama free. We have a great night out and I see all these good things that come together to make who they are. I just can't get interested in what they're offering. What do you think I'm not being honest with myself about?

Because if you Really Did think they were amazing you would be interested in them. Simple as that. Also, you say that after you start up a convo, within a day or two you're looking to stop talking. They're THAT Amazing, huh? And yet here, you're talking about going out with them -- kind of a confusing mismatch here, but whatever. And, shall I include, your claim that 75% of these Amazing women you write to, not only will give a response, but have a Conversation. Far fetched claim there, too.

If from your perspective a woman's amazing with great personality, looks, etc and matches your type as you say -- you'll have interest. If you're not interested, no, from your perspective you don't think they're good looking + great personality + drama free + amazing. Sorry. :)
 DedElf6809
Joined: 11/28/2017
Msg: 15
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/19/2018 12:51:00 PM

If from your perspective a woman's amazing with great personality, looks, etc and matches your type as you say -- you'll have interest. If you're not interested, no, from your perspective you don't think they're good looking + great personality + drama free + amazing. Sorry. :)
Which is exactly why this is causing me distress. Nobody is sparking any kind of interest no matter how great they are. The reason I actually meet women I'm struggling to continue talking to is because I'm lonely and I want to see if seeing them and interacting with them face to face. Which I've decided is a bad idea.
 back2black8
Joined: 9/21/2018
Msg: 16
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 10/18/2018 2:05:42 AM
Just my two cents, but seeking a partner because you are lonely is NEVER a good idea, despite the fact that many people do so all the time.

I suggest you either go out to places where there are more individuals out and about or, better yet, get a dog to combat the need for companionship.

I don't intend for this to come across as rude, and I can sympathize with how you are feeling, but perhaps you subconsciously are losing interest as a self-protection mechanism. Perhaps you need to look more into yourself and what is going on with what you are feeling?

Good luck!
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 17
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 10/27/2018 10:47:45 AM

I've been single for about a year and a half. I have pretty good luck getting women to reply (about 75% engage in conversation) and can usually get a date out of most of those. The problem is I lose interest very fast. I find a profile I'm interested in, start up a conversation and within a day or two find myself looking for reasons to stop talking. It's not that they aren't amazing women it's that I'm just not interested in them. It's the internet though so for a while I would still meet them and go on dates to see if there would be something in person... but there wouldn't be anything there. Not on my part anyway. I did try a relationship with one woman that ended after four months because I couldn't develop feelings for her.


Holy crap. How do you get so many responses? I'm in the best shape of my life and I get like a 1% response rate if I'm lucky. You must have some kind of magical opening line.
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 18
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 10/27/2018 5:35:37 PM
"The problem is I lose interest very fast. I find a profile I'm interested in, start up a conversation and within a day or two find myself looking for reasons to stop talking."


Tell me about it OP...I got a million of them.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 19
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 10/27/2018 6:50:24 PM

norwegianguy456
And, shall I include, your claim that 75% of these Amazing women you write to, not only will give a response, but have a Conversation. Far fetched claim there, too.

I’m glad you pointed that out. As soon as I saw that, I knew he was spouting BS. In the history of OLD, no man has ever achieved a 75% response rate. Never, not once. If he looked like Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Robert Redford rolled into one, that wouldn’t happen.

The only circumstance where I could imagine that conceivably happening would be if he were a multi-millionaire, and could somehow post proof of that on his profile. Anything short of that, I’m calling BS on this one.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 20
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Posted: 10/28/2018 10:48:20 AM
^^^^
I BELIEVE HIM!
Although I never got close to 75%, there were times during my experimentation where I had a small sample size reply that was over 75%. That was of course being a "sniper" with who I wrote to. In the end a big waste of time using so much effort ,but if he is indeed carefully writing messages to a type that he carefully screens and has experience that likes him..it is CERTAINLY possible.

For example, If I see a women who says she was from Greece, Italy , Israel, Eastern Europe, etc I know based on experience I can send a message that has a extremely high reply rate. Again I am sniping individuals mostly from continental Europe that I have experience with knowing that if they are "trapped " in USA , will have an interest in me. If I do , what most guys do, yeah reply rate be very small in comparison. That being said, I truly believe it is a numbers game so sniping is wasted time.

I should tell you about my Houston/Austin experience one day. I think those 2 cities are pretty good online dating.

p.s. an example of a message that get you over 50% reply rate is to make up a funny story and include her and you in it. Most will respond but a response doesn't mean there is an attraction. Therefore, the conversation likely will frizzle out!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 21
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Posted: 10/28/2018 12:03:03 PM

I’m glad you pointed that out. As soon as I saw that, I knew he was spouting BS.

It's not just the 75% Conversation rate (which would obviously indicate >75% for a mere response) -- but the mismatch of his explanation which cries out BS.

I BELIEVE HIM!

I wouldn't. :) Within a day or two he looks to stop talking, despite them being such Amazing Women as he describes... then says he does meet them all and have great nights out. He's painting a very different picture from Reality. At best, one could believe his "luck" is not bad to his tastes... he gets girls writing him back, but he's too "blah" about things, and it's not that they lack the attributes that should get him interested, and he wonders why. But his Way Way overblown rendition of how they All are and questionable explanation on what goes down, puts me in position to not believe anything he's going to say.

Although I never got close to 75%, there were times during my experimentation where I had a small sample size reply that was over 75%.

Had to be quite a small sample size. :) Also though, it's not just replying. I agree, if you want to run an experiment, you could snipe certain gals who are on all the time, who likely don't get their mailboxes flooded with horny guys, and write something original/interesting like your example (made up funny story with she and you in it). Buttt, 75% Conversation going -- and they all amazing? And not just things lining up with a string of luck to have one day 75% of a handful merely respond, either.

Obviously this guy isn't even remotely indicating he was doing some small sample experiment to merely get a gal to respond and to see how high it could be. :)
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 22
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 10/28/2018 3:00:35 PM


I BELIEVE HIM!
Although I never got close to 75%, there were times during my experimentation where I had a small sample size reply that was over 75%. That was of course being a "sniper" with who I wrote to. In the end a big waste of time using so much effort ,but if he is indeed carefully writing messages to a type that he carefully screens and has experience that likes him..it is CERTAINLY possible.


When I got back on here a little over a year ago, had a high response rate at first. 8 out of 11 replied, and none were official rejections (probably two or three were quasi rejections, answering a question without encouraging the conversation to continue). Lost track and didn't try to keep score after that start, but the rate fell as expected.

Just as a baseball batter can have a streak in which he hits .750 over the course of several games, a POF user who is selective and realistic about who he messages can have streaks of high reply rates, even if he doesn't look like Clooney.

The OP said he went on dates with most of them. I went on dates with two of the eight. My two seem to be better quality than his many because he says he got bored with them. I enjoyed a significant number of dates with each of the two. Didn't do anything to keep the other conversations alive, but they might have faded without meeting anyway.

Response rates shouldn't be a big deal. I would rather go 1 for 8 and have the one become a relationship, than go 6 for 8 and have them all be boring one and done meet dates.



Most will respond but a response doesn't mean there is an attraction. Therefore, the conversation likely will frizzle out!


Most likely way for me to get a reply is to ask about her pets. But those replies might not be interest. They're easy to reply and can be friendly.

I believe it is better to get a reply to a short message you take only a few seconds to compose with little conscious thought. If she replies to a one sentence message that makes a slight reference to her profile (probably to a photo), there is a decent chance of interest.


Lately my response rate is low. Haven't messaged many, and the few I messaged recently are "marginal" in terms of compatibility, more of a "no obvious dealbreaker". The swipe sites have more action, though many of the Bumble matches expire without a message within 24 hours.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 23
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 10/28/2018 8:07:06 PM

adventurejoe70
^^^^
I BELIEVE HIM!
Although I never got close to 75%, there were times during my experimentation where I had a small sample size reply that was over 75%. That was of course being a "sniper" with who I wrote to. In the end a big waste of time using so much effort ,but if he is indeed carefully writing messages to a type that he carefully screens and has experience that likes him..it is CERTAINLY possible.

For example, If I see a women who says she was from Greece, Italy , Israel, Eastern Europe, etc I know based on experience I can send a message that has a extremely high reply rate. Again I am sniping individuals mostly from continental Europe that I have experience with knowing that if they are "trapped " in USA , will have an interest in me. If I do , what most guys do, yeah reply rate be very small in comparison. That being said, I truly believe it is a numbers game so sniping is wasted time.

Yes, that kind of technique can increase your response rate, but (as you correctly noted), not your actual “success rate”. I have found that I can pick women who have a real “hook” in their profile, and get a very high response rate. Not 75%, but approaching 50%. Say they mention “the blues” in their profile. I write them, ask them if they’re a member of the Houston Blues Society, ask them who is their favorite local blues band.

Say they have a picture with an Airedale, I can write them and talk about that particular breed of dog. High response rate, but basically a waste of time (mine and hers) because she doesn’t really want to date me, but will talk with anyone about her dog. I think that Joe might manage 75% using a “hook” where I only achieved at most 50%, as he is indeed much better looking than me.

The OP? “Forget about it!” as they would say on the Sopranos.


MeramecRiverRat
I believe it is better to get a reply to a short message you take only a few seconds to compose with little conscious thought. If she replies to a one sentence message that makes a slight reference to her profile (probably to a photo), there is a decent chance of interest.

Agree, 100%. You do NOT want a reply from a woman who would never actually date you. Just a waste of time, yours and hers.

MeramecRiverRat
The swipe sites have more action, though many of the Bumble matches expire without a message within 24 hours.

Runs about 1 in 3 for me, that is the “match” actually sending a message within 24 hours. But, as adventurejoe said, up above, “I truly believe it is a numbers game.”
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 24
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 10/29/2018 12:22:58 PM

Had to be quite a small sample size. :)


Well obviously if the sample increases to much,the ratio will look worst and worst. For example, I luckily see 2 hot women who I want to chat, I wrote both of them and they both replied..100%. That happened often. But if I get **** and spam over a score of women the "no replies" start coming in and the ratio changes. The sports analogy is very good indeed.
That being said, to increase my odds and since the pool in my area is very large, I only wrote those online. I never once conducted a search. One of the reasons I liked forums was when I am logged on women saw me as online and would initiate messages. Apparently, they often also look at who is online. My profile says i am taken and I still get messages that way lol.
I also would often dip into those I saw who viewed me and send them a message so that of course meant they were more likely than average to have somewhat of an interest.


Agree, 100%. You do NOT want a reply from a woman who would never actually date you. Just a waste of time, yours and hers.

That's why my advice for guys is actually write a good profile but send quick messages that don't take much time to formulate. I truly liked the fact that my lack of effort meant a response was fro ma girl that was VERY interested in me. Getting a high response rate means very little if the reply is only to be polite to your page long poetry, or responding to use you for entertainment.
I would get a kick out of it when a girl would reply" do you say that to all the women?"..but it didn't matter because her reply pretty much showed interest. My favorite message is still ";)"....if she replies it means the flirting has already commenced.

You guys want a 90% reply rate? NEG them. But that piss them off!


The swipe sites have more action, though many of the Bumble matches expire without a message within 24 hours.

I tried Tinder years ago, WAY before I got into a relationship. I liked it at first, but then found a few things wrong with it in MY area!
Now if you are only looking for hookups, and live in Manhattan then the app was created for you. I mean you can literally walk down the street getting matches. Not as great if one needs a 35 min subway ride.
My problem was that if I didn't reply almost right away the girl would find some other guy or chick to boink! It is the app for short attention spans and the always ready. In addition if you are in a large metro area your profile will be so far behind others joining after you that NO ONE will see you..EVER again.
It got to the point that after the first 3 days the matches stopped coming in unless I sent someone that "special like" we get to do once per day. Unfortunately, I reserved those for the best of the best who were getting those from other guys using the "special like" button. I found that to work , in a large city, one has to literally refresh with a new account every week. One also has to reply immediately! and be able to meet or make plans fast.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 25
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Lack of interest.
Posted: 10/29/2018 12:42:45 PM

That being said, to increase my odds and since the pool in my area is very large, I only wrote those online. I never once conducted a search.

A search orders by last online. The first ones are going to be online. In a big metropolis, I can understand online-only. In mid-sized cities, it's more like online-today-only, although online-now is the best (money) shot.

Getting a high response rate means very little if the reply is only to be polite to your page long poetry, or responding to use you for entertainment.

Yes. Or even if it's not just being polite, but not far from that either... that you don't get any banter going. OP's situation was that He gets 75% Banter Conversations from Amazing Women, not just mere replies. There's a Yuge Yuge difference between jockeying a mere reply, and getting banter going. Especially with "amazing catches".

You guys want a 90% reply rate? NEG them. But that piss them off!

True. That is a good reminder. Saying something like "That belt in your 2nd picture caught my eye in an odd way. I mean, I like the dress you're wearing, but I'm assuming you have a better looking belt, right?" will garner a response from a cute chick with lots of attention VS "You're really cute, would you like to chat?" With compliments cumming at her from cheek to cheek, a little neg hitting may come in handy.
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