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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Guilty of overthinking or something else..?      Home login  
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 JournoJ84
Joined: 10/15/2012
Msg: 1
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Guilty of overthinking or something else..?Page 1 of 1    
So, after swapping a few messages online I sent her my number. We then spent two days texting, not excessively, and I said it was great how naturally we were getting on. She agreed but didn't "want to jinx it", so we set up a first date. I'm a fairly cynical, experienced dater in my mid-30s (she's the same age) who felt like I'd seen it all before, but what followed by first-date standards positively blew me away.

After the first drink sailed down, we went on to spend more than nine hours together and spent most of it laughing our heads off and kissing. There was major chemistry, although we didn't sleep together. In the 24 hours that followed, she fed back that "it was a good laugh... super fun... you didn't disappoint... you were the perfect gent... it definitely flowed... a really fun evening". Nothing negative to report. Bingo, or so I thought.

After the post-date euphoria calmed down, the contact has lessened - but we've arranged a second date for Sunday which is subject to how she feels after going out with her best mate on Saturday. I feel like she's backed off in terms of communication this week, or am I overthinking it all? I wonder if she's genuinely busy (which is what she says), if she's interested and just calming expectations, or has she lost interest.

Constructive opinions welcome.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 2
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Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 9/20/2018 6:56:02 AM
Great first date.

Never accept a maybe date........they often do that so they have time to think about it, time to hatch a plan as to how they are going to get out of it.

You should have SAID, "Let's do something another time, when you know your schedule better." Some of you guys are so wimpy. If you let these women play with you, you will end up with a high maintenance girl, or you will get hen-pecked.
 Seahorse_Jockey
Joined: 8/24/2018
Msg: 3
Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 9/20/2018 8:14:16 AM

I feel like she's backed off in terms of communication this week...


You spent over 9 hours together on the first date and have tentative plans to get together on Sunday. The texting/messaging should be backing off if you're meeting in person.
 Great7Girl77
Joined: 9/16/2018
Msg: 4
Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 9/20/2018 12:04:42 PM
OP, why don't you just phone her and ask her how she is doing? Ask her when is is available to meet for sure and see what she says. You'll probably be able to pick up from her voice how she feels about you.

I find texting very tiring and repetitive. I don't like to be clued to my phone as I am busy with work and life. 5-10 minute actual convo might be a lot more enlightening than a week of texting.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 5
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Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 9/20/2018 8:16:36 PM
After shes gone out with her best mate? or her next date?
Chances are she had another date. Dont assume you're the only one she has plans with.

After the first date, you should call her the next day to thank her and make plans for the next weekend or two later. Specific plans not "we should do something"
more like " there is a even at so and so on this day at this time"

Dont start blowing up her phone with calling and texting in the meantime. If she did have another date , he might be bother ing her with texts and shell wonder why you havent contacted her while the other guy is getting on her nerves.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 6
Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 9/21/2018 6:14:41 AM

Never accept a maybe date........they often do that so they have time to think about it, time to hatch a plan as to how they are going to get out of it.

You should have SAID, "Let's do something another time, when you know your schedule better." Some of you guys are so wimpy. If you let these women play with you, you will end up with a high maintenance girl, or you will get hen-pecked.

OP, listen to this man.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 7
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Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 9/23/2018 3:55:26 PM

We then spent two days texting, not excessively, and I said it was great how naturally we were getting on.

That made me chuckle a bit. "Let's Get. It. On!" ;)

but what followed by first-date standards positively blew me away.

Great! We all will have some 1st dates like that. BUTT, also a lesson learned thru dating experiences, is that by itself doesn't have Too much weight that you'll be a Match. Just that it's a possibility worth considering, after it finalizes as an awesome date.

we went on to spend more than nine hours together and spent most of it laughing our heads off and kissing. There was major chemistry, although we didn't sleep together.

Did you guys stop at 2nd base or 3rd base? :)

In the 24 hours that followed, she fed back that "it was a good laugh... super fun... you didn't disappoint... you were the perfect gent... it definitely flowed... a really fun evening"

Great. Chances rise. So far, so very good...

After the post-date euphoria calmed down, the contact has lessened - but we've arranged a second date for Sunday which is subject to how she feels after going out with her best mate on Saturday.

If it's a Sunday during-the-day date -- I can understand the disclaimer, and I wouldn't take it as a Maybe date, necessarily. Now, if you saw her interest Lessen in how she'd text, then I could understand it might imply that. But she likes going out (as do I), and if she and some gal pals are going to be getting-it-on late night, yeah, Sunday afternoon may not be so ideal. THAT SAID -- Sunday evening Should be just fine, if she really likes you.

I would have suggested Sunday Evening instead. If that was up in the air, then I'd Almost take the other's advice about putting the ball in her court 100%. Technically she could be the type where if she's going to party like a rock star on Sat into the late night, Sun evening with a lot of sh!t to do that she's slow on, may not be for the best. That said, if she Would be open to meet up on a Sunday evening with that Sat-night-rocking not happening, then she Would be open for Mon or Tues. So I'd instead say "Well, how about Sunday evening? If that's a bit up in the air for chores & work-related stuff you're going to be slow on etc -- we could do Monday evening?"

And if she was maybe-ish on all that Without expressing solid interest like "Yes, Sunday evening very well may work. But if it doesn't, Definitely dinner on Monday!" -- I'd then put the ball in her court 100%.

In the end, it sounds like her interest very well could be waivering (haven't seen the before and after log of texts). You do want to make sure you haven't come on too-strong post 1st date!
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 8
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Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 9/23/2018 5:35:10 PM
Give her the benefits of the doubt, OP, when she says she’ll be busy. However, it’s not quite clear how less often the contact has become between you and your date.

But you need to lock her down if you want a second date with her. Instead of vaguely agreeing on a Sunday which she might have a hangover from going out the night before, agree on another day that could be during the week. It doesn’t have to be a long date, even a few hours, just to get to know her more. You both seemed to get on well/have chemistry on the first date already.

The early stage of dating is uncertain, one has to tread carefully. Too much or too less could be a killer. Nonetheless, if you want to see her, you must agree a specific date and time with her. If she’s interested but genuinely busy, she’ll counter offer another date that suits her better. Then that’s your cue to grab the opportunity.

Good luck.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 9
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Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 9/27/2018 8:43:06 AM
Just a few things did you ask her those types of questions that would result in those statements?


"it was a good laugh... super fun... you didn't disappoint... you were the perfect gent... it definitely flowed... a really fun evening".


If you did it seems like you might have been doubting, showing insecurity about the date and yourself. Not necessarily so if you didn't ask but anything that would make her realize you were unsure can cause serious backlash.

The other thing she is seeing how you might react to her behaviour, if that is the case it's a test on you if you seem over eager she'll turn tail and run the other way. Keep yourself relaxed don't look over eager she says she is going out with her best mate be cool about it, find something else don't even call until the next day as you don't want to disturb time with her and her bestie. She calls you it's no big deal give a little chat and quickly let her go on the night in question.

Ladies like to see how needy you are if they are unsure about it based on you giving you these little side things as you are walking a line and they never got one way or the other so they test to see your reaction. It can be a move to test your confidence, security in your own ability, things like that, if you start to doubt and act showing a clingy or needy type behaviour your done. But they also want you to show interest so follow up the cool relaxed attitude with a call Sunday or Monday check back in and we will see about setting up a date next week then. Showing her it doesn't bother you that she spends time with her friends and your not going to smother her to death with wrong behaviour.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 10
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Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 10/3/2018 2:08:38 PM
Lock it down. Get her to agree to a second date. If the girl likes you she will like you being persistant.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 11
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Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 10/3/2018 2:38:56 PM

Lock it down. Get her to agree to a second date. If the girl likes you she will like you being persistant.

Well, he has all the answers, as this happened a while back. But him not replying doesn't give us those answers.

That said, I have to disagree that Girls will (virtually always) want you to be persistent if they like you. From my experience, gals with lower-esteem of being wanted and/or don't get much attention from guys will, but also some certainly won't and it'll lessen interest.

Especially if she gives a warning about maybe not being able to make it on a Sunday date because she's going out on the town rocking it out with her gal-pals (which obviously includes mingling with dudes thru the night). Good news is, it's not so "persistent" to respond to that by saying "No prob, just let me know. If you can't, would Sunday, or even Monday evening definitely be good for you instead?"

If I'm in his shoes, we allegedly had a Great 1st date, so that shouldn't come off as strong at all if her expressed feelings were Legit during that date. Saying that will only come across as "strong" if they don't like ya.

If the girl's reply is "maybe", well, that's a No, because the question is if it's definite that Sun or Mon Evening would work instead, if Sun afternoon doesn't. If that's ALL they say, where it's not followed by a "But [Wednesday] evening would definitely work out," they're not interested in you. If you Truly have to be persistent after them, they lack interest in ya.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 12
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Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 10/3/2018 2:53:17 PM
That seems convoluted though. You are giving her more power by letting her choose the time. Some women might appreciate it but some women respect men for being more take charge. I don't know the woman in question though so really can't say what she's like.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 13
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Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 10/3/2018 3:00:07 PM

That seems convoluted though. You are giving her more power by letting her choose the time. Some women might appreciate it but some women respect men for being more take charge. I don't know the woman in question though so really can't say what she's like.

I have no idea what you're talking about - lol. If a woman agrees to Sunday Afternoon, but gives a disclaimer there's a chance she might not be able to make it because she's going out on Sat night... you say OK, but Also ask if she's Definitely available Sun Evening -- or Mon Evening (since she otherwise would have said maybe in the evening on Sunday instead, as her disclaimer).

How would that be him being Weak?

What is he supposed to say? "You ARE going to show up on Sunday afternoon. I'm taking charge, I'm not letting you choose the time."?? Anything other than that, you're "letting her choose the time". This isn't a Power game -- that's for people who play games. It's to see if she's Definitive in wanting to go out, and not settling for Maybes.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 14
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Guilty of overthinking or something else..?
Posted: 10/4/2018 5:42:52 AM

Lock it down. Get her to agree to a second date. If the girl likes you she will like you being persistant.


- yeah, and if she does not like him he could go to jail for stalking! LOl, ask for a date, but men (or women) don't have to be persistent........... healthy people who like you are helpful and easy to get along with. What would you do with your friends? A relationship is a friendship on fire.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Guilty of overthinking or something else..?