Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I get a lot of messages and often I will respond, say hi back and converse. I feel bad ignoring someone's message. But I was wondering, does this give false hope? There are so many messages I get from guys over an hour away I can't logistically date someone who isn't semi-local. I'm often bored and talk to these guys because there's no one local to talk to. Then there's also guys that message me who I am not really attracted to. Again, I don't want to give false hope but I still respond back to messages. Should I not?
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 2
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/20/2018 10:36:55 AM
Many years ago, there used to be options on POF for "Talk/E-mail" & " I am looking for a Pen-Pal" under intent but they did away with those. There's nothing inherently wrong with just wanting someone to talk to, given your current situations and all. It's best that you and the guy(s) are on the same page though. The vast majority of men on POF are looking to actually meet. A lot of men will believe that if you're communicating with them on here, you're open to meeting. Do they know you're not interested in meeting but rather bored, lonely & passing the time? I'm not a fan of misleading people even if the intentions are good. Misleading & giving false hope are 6 of one, half a dozen of the other.
 Seahorse_Jockey
Joined: 8/24/2018
Msg: 3
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/20/2018 11:01:58 AM
What do you say to a guy who you're conversing with, and asks to meet in person, but he lives too far away? Do you tell him at that point, that meeting is not going to happen because of distance? The easiest thing to do is put in your profile, that a guy must live within an X mile/kilometer radius-other wise, it's no go-unless someone is just after a pen pal. I don't recall if you can change your mail settings, so that someone must be within a certain range to contact you. You can check that out. As far as getting messages from someone you're not physically attracted to, no reply is a reply.
 hey_suze
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/20/2018 11:18:03 AM
If I get a message from someone who I would chat to, but they are too far away, then I generally reply and say, thank you for the message, you look nice, but too far away. It then leaves it open for them to either have a quick chat, or maybe for them to say they are happy to do the leg work.
If I don’t have any interest in them, then I won’t respond.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/20/2018 2:18:15 PM
NEVER feel bad about No Response. We are all ghosts in the machine until proven otherwise.

That being said, being conversational really is not as bad as some people make it. One bad connection with someone who harasses and threatens does not mean it will ALWAYS happen. Demonizing the unknown really doesn't make anything better -- it just means you don't want to know, and prefer thinking strange people are evil and unwanted. It really depends on the time you want to put into it, and a lot of people in here have decided being silent is better than spending the energy chatting with internet ghosts.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 6
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/20/2018 2:57:11 PM
at one time, I would politely tell them I wasn't interested, anymore, I don't bother. if they seem genuine but too far, I will message them telling them just that.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/20/2018 8:56:12 PM
Is there a reason you've limited ages of the men who can contact you but not the distance? Of course you'll be giving false hope to some of the men and they would more than likely be men who have little experience with women. Often bored? Are you sure? From what you've written it appears to me you spend almost zero time interacting with adults in real life. Could it be more of a distraction from being lonely?
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/21/2018 5:13:51 AM

Of course you'll be giving false hope to some of the men and they would more than likely be men who have little experience with women.


What false hope? Until you meet, consider it nothing but words, and that responsibility lies squarely on the person who foolishly builds hope of something without ever meeting the person. Even then, they shouldn't raise their hope.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/21/2018 5:15:06 AM

I get a lot of messages and often I will respond, say hi back and converse. I feel bad ignoring someone's message. But I was wondering, does this give false hope? There are so many messages I get from guys over an hour away I can't logistically date someone who isn't semi-local. I'm often bored and talk to these guys because there's no one local to talk to. Then there's also guys that message me who I am not really attracted to. Again, I don't want to give false hope but I still respond back to messages. Should I not?


You're not giving false hope. What you are doing is wasting your time on these people. Why not just concentrate on the people you actually prefer and avoid the others who don't interest you. You're under no obligation to respond to any of them.
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/21/2018 5:34:49 AM
You should NOT feel guilty about not responding. Its in no way an obligation. If you are responding, and feel like they are not a possibility, I think you need to tell them up front. That way maybe you can just have friendly chats, if that's what you both desire.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/21/2018 6:41:11 AM
Safest not to answer.

If he says a nice compliment, you could simply respond with "Thank you for the kind words". Most guys will recognize the message as not interested.

If he asks a question to which he actually might care about the answer, you could answer the question without doing anything to continue the conversation. Most guys will recognize that as a lack of interest.


If you *are* interested, be sure not to respond in the above manner or else he will probably think you're not interested.

The false hope might still occur because they see that they have received a response. Before reading your message, they might think this could be a live one.

It is bad to respond that you're not interested, to give the "good luck in your search" attempt at politeness. Many people have posted that they no longer write such things because they received hateful responses.

Responding because you're bored is bad, unfair to the other person. Responding because they have an appealing photo is bad if you know you don't want to meet (for example in your case, you have said you don't want to meet someone who is too good looking).

One thing that often happens is someone responds and there are several rounds of messages, then the interested person asks for a phone number, then the uninterested person says they're "not ready" or a similar code for not interested. That's one reason to try to take things off the site sooner than later, to reveal disinterest.
 Seahorse_Jockey
Joined: 8/24/2018
Msg: 12
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/21/2018 7:55:26 AM

I can't logistically date someone who isn't semi-local. I'm often bored and talk to these guys because there's no one local to talk to. Then there's also guys that message me who I am not really attracted to.


If you have no intention of meeting a guy because he lives too far away, and just looking for a pen-pal, would it matter if you don't find him physically attractive enough?
 NicolaSeven
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/21/2018 1:33:37 PM
I'm likely to respond thank you for your message but I'm not interested right now. If they respond to that in a derogatory negative way, then that'll probably be the last message between us. If there's acknowledgment of my non-interest and messages with just a bit of chat I'll most likely be up for that unless there's something in the profile which is a complete turn off.
Actually, thinking about it, there's probably a whole lot of other factors which would impact me responding to a message from someone I didn't think would be compatible. This is all a crap shoot. And I recognise it works both ways...
 dinno76
Joined: 7/13/2018
Msg: 14
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/21/2018 3:11:55 PM
Best not to respond at all. Many women have complained that when they said NO thanks men have started calling them bad names.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/21/2018 4:14:04 PM
I see why you feel the dilemmas here, OP. If you want someone to chat only, be upfront about it. If the guy is looking for something more, he’ll be able to make a decision himself to either stay in touch with you or move on to other girls.

There’re plenty of users on here who want to chat only and never to meet.

Sometimes I have a convo with some guys whom I see as my potential dates, but they bore me and I just stop talking to them. Meeting with these guys is then out of questions.

Anyway, if you want to chat, you can message me. I don’t have restrictions on my profile, it’s for the forums.😀 I do get messages from users in America chatting on and off about all sorts of things. It’s kind of fun.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 16
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/21/2018 5:21:35 PM

There’re plenty of users on here who want to chat only and never to meet.
I would have to agree with that. wish they would just state that in their profile.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/22/2018 8:45:22 AM

What false hope? Until you meet, consider it nothing but words, and that responsibility lies squarely on the person who foolishly builds hope of something without ever meeting the person. Even then, they shouldn't raise their hope.

It does give a sense false hope. When I'm talking to a woman online, I would think she has some initial interest and she's open to the possibility of setting up an initial date / meeting. That's the purpose of OLD. I'm not expecting anything more at that point. I'm also not interested in women that are just looking for a text / email buddy or use OLD as a way to pass time when they are bored.

I don't care if a woman doesn't respond or say "No thanks" to the initial email when she's not interested. Many women have mentioned they got rude emails for saying "No thanks". Rude emails can also happen after no response. Some women (and men as well) have told me that has happened to them. Other women have alluded to it in their profile saying something such as "Don't get mad and call me names because I didn't respond".
 captainkitty1
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 18
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/22/2018 5:15:09 PM
You actually get messages that are initiating a conversation with you?...that in itself is a miracle on this site :)
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/22/2018 6:43:39 PM
The below is my opening intro.................

About DIANA
Here usually on the Forums,,,,

then a bit about whom i would like as a viable date/relationship.
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/22/2018 10:49:24 PM
but but but... you get messages???

:: joking ::
(half yer luck darl... )

Personally, I have it in my profile that 'chit chat' fine, but I'm not looking for a pen-pal but I expect to meet within ten days of first contact... (so effectively, the FIFO guys need to contact when they're returning to Perth and others will get a "drop me a line when you're back in town" if they tell me they're on vacation)

because it's a capital city here and some places can be over an hour away - if someone sends me a message and I know I won't be interested, I'll usually say "I won't get your hopes up and going to bow out gracefully here... "

however July, I really feel that [for you] 'online' is replacing the 'interpersonal' - small towns will do that to you... I know you've discussed your barriers to interpersonal socialising on the forums before, and I still struggle to come up with some ideas to throw your way... from my view here... it's a 'wait it out' scenario... (I do understand.... my life is a bit similar... )
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/22/2018 11:23:58 PM
Some in my generation still hold onto being courteous to others.
Nothing surprises anymore in how people conduct themselves
when it comes to conversing with the opposite gender especially on the internet.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/23/2018 2:12:54 PM

captainkitty1
You actually get messages that are initiating a conversation with you?...that in itself is a miracle on this site :)


Color me suspicious, or perhaps I should say “skeptical”? The above from a woman who has bikini pictures on her profile, and looks very good in same? I would think her mailbox would be overflowing.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 23
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/23/2018 7:35:46 PM
^ you're forgetting an important detail: quality > quantity.

By captainkitty's profile it reads as if generic comments pertaining to her looks are not conversation-starters in her book. She wants messages of quality and not just "hey sexy", "hey beautiful", etc.

If that's the case, I agree. Guys who have nothing else to mention except my looks get dismissed rather quickly.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 24
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/23/2018 7:52:26 PM
I respond to messages from men from the Forums. There is no anticipation or expectation of meeting in person.
I don;t receive messages from men outside the Forums...………….so mute point.

When I was available and free to meet / date, I responded only to messages from men who:

1. Lived close enough
(Mail Settings took care of that)
2. Tripped my trigger
3. Were polite.

I learned quickly which men wanted to meet and which men wanted a pen pal. Only a few were granted "Pen Pal" status.

The "Pen pals" were AWARE we would never meet.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/23/2018 11:25:47 PM
I tried putting my mail settings to closer but got very little in the way of messages. There's just so few guys in the area. As soon as you put it to 75 miles then boom, tons of users.

I am thinking of just hiding my profile and admitting defeat for the time being. I was interested in meeting someone nearby who I could see a few evenings a week after 9 or 10pm but I think its just not likely because of where I live. The truth of the matter is I want a relationship but do not have the time to commit to one. So really, maybe going on POF is like window shopping, walking through the stores to look at the merchandise without having the money to buy anything.

****

Is anyone else unable to view the first pages of threads from their cellphone? Anytime I try to click on a thread on the first page I get rerouted to the app. Its really annoying.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?