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 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 1
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Significant Others / Fathers & MothersPage 1 of 1    
Observation #1 > Logic tells us, many of the people here seeking their " significant other ", have children.

Observation #2 > If a person is " not " a good and decent father or mother, how could they possibly make a " good or decent " significant other ?

Observation #3 > MOST children ( after divorce or separation ) end up living with their mothers, in general ( & rightfully so ) in my OP. This is not to say that BOTH are not participating in their childrens lives , because they often do & should.

Observation #4 > My OPINION ( and my answer to question #2 is ) ...
~ If a person is NOT a good or decent " father or mother " , they surely will not make a good or decent significant other.

*** 1 > In addition to commenting about the above ^^^ It would be nice to hear, not only about your children ( men & women both ) but how you relate to them, and what they mean to you.

*** 2 > In addition to all that ^^^ col ( chuckle out loud ) Here is a song I think both mothers ( like Lady in Red ) and fathers will enjoy and appreciate. Seriously, give it a listen !

*** lyrics ~ " Stay alive inside, don't be a stranger ..
................... Keep a line open, to the folks back home ..
................... Don't run & hide, when everything changes ..
................... Walk between the raindrops, dry as a bone ..

WALK BETWEEN THE RAINDROPS ~ by James McMurtry
> turn it UP ^

& ps1 ~ LOVE YOU MORE THEN LIFE ITSELF > Hayley & Lisa ( walk between the raindrops sweethearts )

..... heart / sun
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 2
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Posted: 9/23/2018 4:05:40 PM
My daughter is 27, married for 2 years now, with College sweetie whom she dated for 3 years prior to Marriage. They have an almost 5 month old boy who is a delight. A long awaited grand child. They live in same county so see baby at least once a week. will be more often once she has a weekend job and i will sit the baby while she is at work.

My daughter and I are close, her Dad was not so much into day to day parent, more the go have fun parent. Lol we were divorced when she was seven, and are friends now for a number of years.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 3
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Posted: 9/23/2018 4:38:23 PM

friends for a number of years



^^^ Nice to hear that you & your previous husband, are friends now texasgal. That doesn't happen all the time, and is certainly good for everyone involved. Ahhh, a lil' wee one in the household ! This babysitting will keep you busy, and who better to spend time with then the lil ' crumbcruncher !

........ My daughter that lives nearby and I are very close, almost like kindred spirits. She is over here often and I see her most everyday. I give her rides to work almost everyday ( she lost her license for a bit ) , she is 28 and lives with her mom. Her mom & I are on good terms but, close friends might not be the correct words. Not from anything that happened in our relationship but, but probably that I am somewhat of a loner.

....... Thank you for replying, I hope no -one is thinking it might be ill - advised to post about their kids. I do understand if they are. I wasn't thinking that people may not want to mention their children, I love talking about mine. ~ She makes my life now, so very enjoyable.

ps ? Hope you listened to song I posted, it strikes home with the fact his child is sitting in front of the computer all night & day > col.

heart / sun
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 4
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Posted: 9/24/2018 5:49:00 AM
Observation 1. Who cares their not your kids it's not your job to punish or even comment on how someone raises their children you don't like it don't be there.

Observation 2. A good decent parent does what is in the best interest of their children, a revolving door of sexual partners is not in their interest it doesn't say stable home so choose. Either partnering, or children you don't get both without causing damage and confusion to the child use your damn head. I kept my shit so secret from my kids their mother didn't even know I had a relationship for 6 months after it was a relationship. I didn't want to confuse my kids until I was sure it was going to be a permanent thing that simple, ladies didn't like how they had to wait until kids went to their mothers before we could go out, too damn bad there's the door if you don't like it. Until I am ready all my kids see was us being friends that was it.

Observation 3. Well yeah cause the courts still believe mothers are better caregivers until they can actually get a fair shake in the courtroom there will never be equality for either gender.

How do I relate to my kids well I learn what they learn matching them in their chosen fields to pursue career. Provide opinion not do their work give them facts on where to go to find information they need to do an assignment, project, whatever not do it for them. Never built anything or did anything for them except guide them unlike other parents who did the work. So when it came to for them to prove their knowledge they didn't say my dad did it, they only say my dad gave me pointers and advice. I supported them in whatever they chose to do not bock at it or say you should be this or that, I asked them what do you want to do? They would tell me I say then do it if that's what will make you happy. I am proud and support your wants whether you want to work at MacDonald's or on Broadway I will come and show my support to your choice encouraging you.

My oldest daughter wanted to writer then it changed to nurse her choice no discouragement in either one just go for it what do you need lets research the stuff you need to learn and we went and got it. Same thing with my youngest who does music theory and performing arts, right now she is in college for performing arts since I guess you can't take both at sametime she probably could. We learned different instruments together she had one in school I bought her another for at home. You know how annoying recorders, clarinets, violins, harmonicas, trumpets, guitar and keyboard can clutter a home and make it real noisy? Try listening to that night after night add singing, dancing, and acting to it. She was surprised I knew all the stuff she was learning cause well it was mine in school. Oh you want to sing and dance here's a karaoke machine I didn't ask her if she wanted the stuff just got it for her. She achieved her dream at 17 can you people say the same, what makes a decent parent who cares to me it's just show your child compassion, understanding, support and encouragement teaching them right from wrong and helping them grow to be their best selves.

I have heard I am the best dad ever from their friends yet from her the worst dad ever cause well she only got one hour of computer time a night the rest was family, and school work.

Would I make a decent significant other gee I don't know I have no clue to tell you truth can only be me, what comes with that is encouragement and interest in her things learning and researching them. Supporting her choices to succeed in whatever she wants achieves or not I encourage her and will be proud of her no matter how it turns out as she tried. I wouldn't treat her any less than I treat my kids or myself as she is a human being and more so my partner. If I support and encourage friends and family she is equal to that she gets it unconditionally. I appreciate my kids buying them things without saying do you want this spouse would be no different, my kids and I worked together keep the home presentable what am I just going to magically stop for a woman no both my kids are women it's still equal shares.

When has anyone ever addressed what a person does and their character all they care about is a stupid picture, or something they might have typed on forums. That has got to be the most unintelligent thing they could possible say to someone like me really.... You say this on forums well here you go something I do in real life how you liking me now and who do you think witnesses this behaviour a person here on forums or looking on my profile news flash I don't show this on a profile or on a forum cause no one ever cared to ask what defines you or separates you from other men really.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 5
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Posted: 9/24/2018 10:23:49 AM
I have mixed feelings. What I do know is that it is incredibly difficult to be a single parent, raising kids and paying all expenses on my own. When I finally get into my own house, money will be extremely tight and my kids will go without a lot. And I've observed this with many single mothers I've known. Most of us work fulltime and money is tight. Some are lucky and have their ex-husbands helping out financially and with childcare but some like me don't have those benefits.

My mom was a struggling single mother but she did have my dad paying child support. We went from living quite well not really wanting for anything to a big change in circumstances after my parents split up. It was a tough couple of years and then when my mom moved in with my stepdad, things improved substantially. My mom wasn't a kept woman or anything, she worked fulltime and paid half the expenses and paid for anything for us kids with dad's help. Just being in a two-income household made a huge difference. Now my mom has been alone again for about 10 years and she struggles with figuring out her retirement. Her friends have all retired but they are all part of couples so it was easier for them to accumulate savings over the years and my mom doesn't have those savings because she was paying for everything on her own plus she had cancer for a couple years that basically put her into a ton of debt which she is still trying to pay off.

It's not fair to a single guy to be responsible for someone else's kids. I do understand that. But I know of several situations where the guy is much happier than he was in his single life. Often, a guy gets just as much out of the arrangement as the woman. He gets to be part of a family, he doesn't have to be a lone, he gets regular sex, the household expenses are shared and often the meals are better.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 6
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Posted: 9/24/2018 2:02:28 PM

... no one ever cared to ask ~ what defines you ...


... Tomaslasan ~ You have my respect sir , although you haven't asked for it . Thank you for being a " good & decent " father. In fact, I will go much beyond that ... Thank you for having the strength of mind, to help not only guide your children , but to sacrifice your own interests while taking good care of them. Your statements here, are what define you sir ~ define you as one who leads by example, who cares deeply for your children. I know it is often difficult at best, to put your children ahead of your personal wants and needs. I hope that you find another, to share your life with, if this is what you desire ...


he gets to be part of a family


... July ~ I know I have at times, been a bit critical of you, but please know > I and many others here, want the very best for you & yours. And yes, the man who calls you & your children his own ~ will indeed have, a wonderful family !
Good luck in your quest & and hold your head high, for one day in the future you will say " LIFE IS GOOD !!! "

~ Here is a song July, one that I hope a man will sing to you one day ~
* lyrics - " When I look into your eyes, it will be like watching the night sky ..
................. Or a beautiful sunrise, there 's so much they hold "

I WON'T GIVE UP by Jason Mraz
> turn it up ^
heart/ sun
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 7
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Posted: 9/24/2018 3:07:16 PM

... Would I make a decent significant other ?...

^^^
... Women of good character ~ are attracted to men with the same , such as yourself ...

.. Best of luck your way !
& keep being >>>> only yourself ( heart / sun )
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 8
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Posted: 9/24/2018 7:45:11 PM

Observation #1 > Logic tells us, many of the people here seeking their " significant other ", have children.

Yep, especially on POF. It's a breeding ground for younger folks who, well, breed too. :) A side note though -- I always wince when one says they go on a dating site (or to a social area) to "find a BF/GF". My observation: Those who have that mindset usually make for a rocky dating experience, as that mindset has an "insert person here" mentality.

If a person is NOT a good or decent " father or mother " , they surely will not make a good or decent significant other.

I pretty much agree, sans a picky POV on what would constitute being an indecent parent. You can have a couple who get along great, but, they could do better as parents (but wouldn't Universally be seen as "bad parents").
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 9
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Posted: 9/24/2018 8:10:37 PM

A side note though -- I always wince when one says they go on a dating site (or to a social area) to "find a BF/GF". My observation: Those who have that mindset usually make for a rocky dating experience, as that mindset has an "insert person here" mentality.
that is EXACTLY what I was trying to say in my other post!
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 10
Significant Others / Fathers & Mothers
Posted: 9/25/2018 4:09:18 AM
I chose not to have children early on.
This unwavering decision has broken 2 ‘serious’ relationships, sad.
I have worked with children/young adults pretty much my whole life in different capacities.

Not sure how I’d fare with your reasoning :)
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 11
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Posted: 9/25/2018 8:34:09 AM

I have worked with children / young adults my whole life ~ although I chose not to have children



^^^ Thank you for your hard work Roxy, without teachers / concerned workers such as yourself ~ our world would truly be, a total disaster. < & No I do not see it as such now ~ nor do I see it as such, in the future.

....... I have a positive outlook, concerning people and our great country / world . Having said that, it is people like yourself who give me never-ending confidence that we are on the right track. How you would " fare " as a parent, as a mother ? Although I support your decision to have no children, of one thing I am un - equivocally sure of ....

....... You would make a wonderful parent sweetheart !!! As for the broken relationships, they were not probably not ment to be.

..... " I do not think the measure of a civilization is how tall its buildings are, but rather how well its people have learned to relate to their environment and fellow man "

..... ^^^ Sun Bear of the Chippewa Tribe
heart / sun
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 12
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Posted: 9/25/2018 12:58:52 PM

... July ~ I know I have at times, been a bit critical of you, but please know > I and many others here, want the very best for you & yours. And yes, the man who calls you & your children his own ~ will indeed have, a wonderful family !
Good luck in your quest & and hold your head high, for one day in the future you will say " LIFE IS GOOD !!! "

~ Here is a song July, one that I hope a man will sing to you one day ~
* lyrics - " When I look into your eyes, it will be like watching the night sky ..
................. Or a beautiful sunrise, there 's so much they hold "


Thank you for saying that. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I struggle with self-doubt/pessimism and confidence/hope all the time. A big part of me tells myself that I will never find anyone because I made some stupid decisions in life, I chose the wrong guy knowing he was thew wrong guy, so it's my own fault that I will be alone for the rest of my life. But another smaller part of me continues to hold out hope for and strive to find someone that I can love who will love me back and want to be with me. I want to be with someone, maybe a bit too much and I worry that if I decide to take a break from the idea for a few years that I will give up on that dream altogether.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 13
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Posted: 9/25/2018 2:21:48 PM

I will never find anyone because I made some stupid decisions in my life


... If this was the case sweetheart, no-one would ever find anyone. If there is one thing that is fact, it is that we ALL make stupid decisions. And, I don't mean just " little " ones ~ Show me the soul who hasn't , and I will show you a liar.

... Always hold out hope July, it is something that we as human beings, set us apart. Hopes and dreams are what drives us, remove them > and we are not " living " but merely " existing". KICK your self doubt / pessimism to the curb hun, it has no place in your NEW beginning ~ starting today.

... One thing I would like to seriously impart to you, if you will have it ~ TRY to not ( for better words ) think and self analyse yourself & actions so much. Over doing either of these things can lead to trouble, try to be content with yourself and love who you are. You are just like us all, having our faults and good points. Perfect ? no - none of us can claim anything close to perfection. In fact, perfection is a myth ~ conjured up by , a foolish > mere mortal.

... But know and take my word for it ~ YOU are a good person ! So ps ? Stop worrying so much, life will take care of itself ~ worrying never solved any issues, it just makes life more complex.

heart /sun
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 14
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Posted: 9/25/2018 6:05:41 PM
I, also, was one that chose to not have children of my own.
I helped raise a step child....helped raise my niece and took legal custody of her when she was 13...
fostered a couple girls...
I have never felt that my not birthing children made me any less of a relationship partner...

but I will admit to judging men on their "parental personality"....
I could never be with a man that wasn't a good father...as I wouldn't respect him enough to spend time with him
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 15
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Posted: 9/25/2018 7:16:20 PM

helped raise a step child & took legal custody of my niece


... You were not only a parent MsMicki, but you have helped MANY people throughout your life. I know this from reading of you here. I truly admire you, and believe you to be a " wonderful " person.
... Every now and then, it is good to hear from someone who appreciates, respects & admires another. I appreciate, respect & admire you sweetheart.

... I hereby ~ put you on official notice lil' platipie, from ALL the people you have helped in your life !
THANK YOU MsMICKI !!!

... Next time you see your man, and the lights can be turned down low, request a " slow dance " ..
& INSIST he whisper in your ear > " I only have eyes, for you dear " >col

*lyrics - " Are the stars out tonight?
.............. I don't know if it's cloudy or bright.
............. 'Cause I only have eyes, for you ~ dear "

I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU by the Flamingos ( 1959 ) ps ? I was 7 years old , col !
> turn it up ^
heart / sun
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 16
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Posted: 9/25/2018 7:39:39 PM
Thank you BC...my friend

My man and I dance every weekend....mostly to 70's love songs....
but we have danced to that song...and a few other 50's belly rubbers!
And I am beyond lucky....because I don't have to INSIST on his attention....he gives it freely and with passion every time
we are together....
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 17
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Posted: 9/25/2018 7:59:49 PM
. " He gives freely ~ with passion " < obviously, he is a good man !

... One other request here Msmicki ~ on Youtube..

... *** Select the choice ~ with the five dudes on an album cover ( the sound is right ! )
... *** lights out lights out ( laugh )
... *** The needle be pumpin' out sine waves, left channel & right ( col )
... *** about 3 for vol ~ on the scale of 10 ~

> turn it up ^ ( but not very high ~ see above )

You'll need too " hear " & " feel "( his sweet whisperins' & attentions )
You know ( smile ) > his " sweet nothins " ... kiss kiss ( col )

... heart / sun
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 18
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Posted: 9/25/2018 9:06:23 PM

backcreek7
*lyrics - " Are the stars out tonight?
.............. I don't know if it's cloudy or bright.
............. 'Cause I only have eyes, for you ~ dear "

I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU by the Flamingos ( 1959 )


When I DJ, I have multiple playlists. Fast, slow, older slow, disco, country, ...

That song is in my "older slow" play list, a great song.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 19
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Posted: 9/27/2018 12:08:02 AM
Thank you backcreek7 it's greatly appreciated. I did my best as a father the rest you just hope you did enough for them to learn to grow and take care of themselves.
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