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 justhere70
Joined: 2/22/2013
Msg: 1
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I met a guy that seems like a really good guy but he told me on our first date that his ex-fiance is his best friend? I really haven't asked him much about so I'm not sure what happened or how long its been but I do know that he still see her when he's in town. He is originally from Texas but lives in Alabama now but he is a long distance truck driver till after Christmas. We've only been talking for about a month and have been on a couple of dates cause of him being out of town all the time. I know he still sees her when he's in town cause he pasted on his Facebook profile that they were eating at one of his favorite restaurants cause he tagged her in the post.

Am I dealing with a player or is it possible to be friends with an ex? I think he is still friends with a lot of his exes....opinions?
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 2
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/24/2018 8:03:29 PM
I think either one of those things is possible. My ex husband is my best friend but no one that either of us dates would have to worry about us being players because of that. I'm not friends with any ex boyfriends so really don't know what it would be like to be in a friend-type relationship with a lot of exes like the man you are dating is. I wonder if he mentioned it early on to see if you were okay with it. So to answer your question, I think it's possible, and quite typical to be friends that you've been in a long term relationship with.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 3
Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/24/2018 8:06:47 PM
Ask him if he has relatives in northern Indiana.. If the answer is yes, …………….RUN!
 justhere70
Joined: 2/22/2013
Msg: 4
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/24/2018 8:14:21 PM
Yeah, he told me about his ex-fiance on our first date, so I think he was letting me know right oof the bat to see if I had anything to say about it or any reactions, which I didn't but I do kind of wish I had asked a few things about it.....lol

Do you and your ex husband still do things together tho?
 justhere70
Joined: 2/22/2013
Msg: 5
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/24/2018 8:15:04 PM
As far as I know he doesn't have relatives in Indiana but why do u say that?
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 6
Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 4:12:25 AM
All sounds peachy doesn’t it?
I try to avoid ex is best friendy types. Nothing against them just not for me.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 7
Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 4:54:27 AM
A trucker traveling for work with a girl in every port, huh? Unfortunately, you may never know if the friendships are innocent or not. Why not find a family-eligible man who works in town?
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 8
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 6:35:16 AM
Hi justhere, yes, my ex and I do a ton of stuff together and often. Having said that, I don't think it would be reasonable for me to expect a new person in my life to naturally accept that without asking some questions.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 9
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 9:23:53 AM
If you can trust him you will know . If you can't trust him he is not for you.


Personally and the most truthful answer is if I was "best friends" with an ex it would be because I still wanted to have sex with him.
If I was even in contact with an ex it would be for sex again. I don't have exes as best friends. I don't have any men in my life that I would consider to be more than aquaintences or old friends from High School that I only contact and see because of Facebook.

You have only been seeing him for a month. If you are truly interested see how it plays out. If it seems like a game, it is. That would be the red flag telling you to move on. He is a player. If he continues to show interest and give you his time when he is on the road than maybe you have a catch. You will know in time. Wait, watch, listen and pray for the truth.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 10
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 10:17:40 AM

ex - fiancée is best friend


..... Reality can often be, stranger then fiction ... In my humble opinion, this set-up does not bode well. Not only, at the present time, but down the road.

..... Do you really want to be reminded of her, every time they may want to converse? Do you really want to be reminded of her , every time she may have an issue, she feels the need to discuss with him? Do you really want to be reminded of he & she , eating dinners together and discussing their personal lives ? Do you really want to be reminded of the past constantly ? Of her ~ making love to your man ?

..... ^^^ In my OP > This almost borders on the ridiculous, sounds like his future is forever > tied to his past ~ good luck with that !

heart / sun
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 11
Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 10:27:58 AM
This thread may be an example of why you should date locally and date people who don't travel a whole lot.

I knew a guy who got divorced and traveled all over the world for work.......he was dating women all over the globe.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 12
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 12:00:53 PM
To answer this, Ill share my experience.

I dated, and was engaged to a man in 2015 He had told me of his ex, but wasn't until we became engaged that she started posting crap over his FB page. "you are still the one" ill love you for ever" Memes stuff. I told it was disrespectful to me, him and our relationship, and she needed to be checked. He didn't have an issue w/ it, didn't see why i had a prob w/ her showing him attention....

I ended the relationship. I will not put w/ triffling crap from a guy.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 13
Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 2:09:01 PM

As far as I know he doesn't have relatives in Indiana but why do u say that?


Approx 6 years ago I met a man from POF. He lived in Northern Indiana, and he was a truck driver. He had 2 sons, one lived in Texas the other in Alabama. He sent me a dic pic. I could see from the info on my phone I was not the ONLY one to receive the pic. Within seconds there was a "reply text" from another number. I called that number, a woman answered. She wanted to know, "Who the hell are you?" I laughed. "I could ask you the same question."
SHE thought she was engaged to marry him. The truth was he had 6 of us on the string. She and I worked together to trap him. He called the police on me. The police laughed at him!


LOL Now you know!
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 14
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 2:16:11 PM

Best friend is also his ex fiance?


Would not be a good match for me. Plenty of other men out there who are not still tied in an emotional way---MyBest Friend!---to a woman he once wanted to marry.

Others may find it perfectly acceptable, even admirable!---BFF with his Ex. What a catch, what a guy~
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 15
Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 2:23:55 PM

Am I dealing with a player or is it possible to be friends with an ex? I think he is still friends with a lot of his exes....opinions?


Ask yourself if YOU are okay with his friendship with his ex-fiance. Whether you continue to see him or not, they will be in each other's lives. Put simply, she's not going anywhere nor should she. He's known her much longer than he's known you & he's had way more invested in her than you.

I'm still friends with 2 of my exes. One of them I've known for 12 years and the other I've known for 6 years. No new guy is going to hold a higher priority than established friends. If said new guy and I date and progress into a relationship, then he will hold more priority than friends but that place is not given right off the bat, for either of us.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 16
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 4:45:22 PM

Am I dealing with a player or is it possible to be friends with an ex? I think he is still friends with a lot of his exes....opinions?

If a guy is friends with a lot of his Exs, is BFF with an ex-fiance, he doesn't let go. I'd empty my wallet to bet on him having hooked up with an Ex or two before, sure. Many times when people are FWB with an Ex and on great terms + both single at the time... but turn off the "benefits" when one starts Dating someone else... one can't count on it stopping at the point of 1st date. Especially if they travel a lot and ya can't see them much.

In a nutshell, if you're explicitly not looking for anything serious, but only casual dating -- sure. But if you're not, or you're fine for-right-now but it gets to the point of you and he truly Dating -- best To Walk. The House has Strong Strong odds against you, my dear. :)

Hi justhere, yes, my ex and I do a ton of stuff together and often. Having said that, I don't think it would be reasonable for me to expect a new person in my life to naturally accept that without asking some questions.

What you shouldn't expect is for guys to be cool about that if they wanted to be Continuing to date-date you. There can be exceptions to the rule, but, one shouldn't expect/ask new dates to conform to it. It'd be self-centered and/or lack of understanding. Clear exceptions that they shouldn't have issue with would be their ex-fiance/husband is gay, or they were engaged in, like, high school WAY back in the day, he's married, she doesn't have a whole lot of friends now being post-middle-aged, and she's friends with his wife but closer with him because he gives good guy advice, etc. That sorta thing.

But if he's straight, single, and they hang out 1-on-1? Would statistically be Silly to hang around if you're wanting anything potentially serious.

No new guy is going to hold a higher priority than established friends.

"No new guy is going to hold a higher priority than my Ex-Boyfriends (who are my friends)."
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 17
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 5:55:52 PM

...opinions?


Move on.

Unless you enjoy "drama".

And that's a fact, not just an opinion.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 18
Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/25/2018 7:16:18 PM

"No new guy is going to hold a higher priority than my Ex-Boyfriends (who are my friends)."


Nah, most of my exes I'm no longer in contact with at all. With the two who are my friends, they're more than just an "ex-boyfriend".
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 19
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/26/2018 7:56:08 AM
Not an instant dealbreaker for me. But it is a bit strange. It would be more a "yellow flag" or "proceed with caution". If any problems develop because she is still close with an ex-fiance, then I can end the relationship.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 20
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/26/2018 8:09:05 AM
Most people hold on to an ex "as a friend" as back up.

So no, if a girl is friends with an ex i dont bother with her at all.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 21
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/26/2018 9:06:59 AM
He might eventually talk to her about you and he might use her to measure you up to his standards. Relationship success with somebody who is bestie with their ex is a chimera.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 22
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/26/2018 9:28:07 PM

With the two who are my friends, they're more than just an "ex-boyfriend"

Yes, they're more than just a typical ex. They're ones you still keep close.

most of my exes I'm no longer in contact with at all.

True. My statement should be corrected to: "No new guy is going to hold a higher priority than my two Ex-Boyfriends, who I still have a friendship relationship with." Not going to be cool with many guys (or girls when switching genders in the situation).

He might eventually talk to her about you and he might use her to measure you up to his standards. Relationship success with somebody who is bestie with their ex is a chimera.

Lol. Yeah, I basically agree. One usually likes the other that helped make them become besties. Many times it's the guy. But the gal will many times say "No no no, it's not like that. We're just friends." Kind of the same way you can have a relatively bright gal not realize that many of her guy friends would like to hook up with them, and that has helped kicked off them being friends, even if they're not Chasing them.

Those who say "No, no he wouldn't. He's just my bestie, he wouldn't want any benefits," is thinking that 0.1% chance is a 99.9% chance.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 23
Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/27/2018 6:34:31 PM

Not going to be cool with many guys (or girls when switching genders in the situation).


Understandable, but I don't have to date them, and vice versa. People had other lives, friends, relationships, etc. before they met you anyway. Anyone who'd expect me to cut my friends when I barely know them has control issues at the very least - and I'm not going to stick around to find out what other issues may arise.

An ex as a friend wouldn't be an automatic deal-breaker for me. It would depend on how close they are, do they still see/spend time together on a regular basis? Are they local or far away? Is the ex still single or attached? Individual situations will be dealt with accordingly.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 24
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/27/2018 9:59:06 PM
I dont know how long you have known this guy but trust is paramount in a relationship and you need to listen to your intuition about this. Does this other woman have a significant other in her life? You can ask him why they decided not to go ahead and marry. You are a lovely looking woman and dont have to put up with feeling second best or being treated that way. He may still harbour feelings for her or her him. It is a situation I would not be comfortable with if I were in a significant relationship with the guy.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 25
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Best friend is also his ex fiance?
Posted: 9/28/2018 7:11:36 AM
Well since you are only dating does it really matter? If it's not exclusive really who he dates is not really your concern until you are. Personal opinion might not be shared but you give the idea your only dating.

I talk with my ex-fiancee talk with her and do things with her even get invited on occasion to dinner, Christmas breakfast bacon and eggs maybe sausages yummm. Her husband doesn't find me a threat wonder why that is?

Now since you are here asking for advice and you seem to have doubts and lack of trust in him, if your in a relationship you don't have one that simple. You know relationships are based on trust if you can't why are you with him? You have doubts thinking he is lying to you and want people to confirm your suspicions and give a sound voice to help justify your feelings, and maybe your actions so you can say these people agree with me. You don't get to use that as your reasoning cause guess what your on a dating site I can see your profile therefore you are available to receive messages as such your not to be trusted anyways in his eyes. Cause why are you here really? To look for advice your going to go with that are you?

Here's something for you my girlfriend, spouse ever came to a dating site while we are together we wouldn't be together. She can claim well I am there for the forums all she likes, but here's the thing she is taking away that part of discussions she should be having with me giving it to other males. I am supposed to be her best friend talking to me if she has concerns or other friends working things out and she goes somewhere else see you later. Because if she can't come to me with her concerns and feelings now she never will in the future, so what am I to her someone she sleeps with nothing more.

Then these women say well I don't believe he is being honest with me, they are actually giving credence to why they shouldn't with them as they don't believe them, there for they think they are lying so no trust and you think their lying to you? You think you have a relationship now do you? You just eliminated 2 things needed for a relationship with one action! These married women/men here think just being here is nothing wrong with it, I am showing you otherwise.

You want relationship advice see a relationship therapist not put yourself at risk of causing problems when there might not be any.
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