Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 1
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
fully aware of just how common ghosting is, almost expect it anymore but this one really blindsided me. new member 10 miles away with same interests, lifestyles etc. message her and she responds close enough to just meet (extremely rare) so we exchange numbers and agrees to text in the morning. we text threw out the work day and everything we discuss is spot on. both of us busy and agree later in week is best. she continues texting, and sending pics of what were doing (nothing dirty) I was changing a motor and she had kids over for a bon fire. come to find we have common friends, first name SHE mentions is a close friend I see often. she has been to most of the car shows I have attended, camps the same areas etc. etc. etc. at 2:00 a.m. we quit texting. today, no response. at 11:00 p.m. I go to pof expecting a dear john, found something better or goldfish died and not into dating so soon after its death, something! never expected to be ghosted! she was online already trading up! I am the first to say it isn't anything but words on a screen until you meet but this one really surprised me. no love loss, we never even met. just thought the mutual friends and attending same functions would of at least got me an excuse, not ghosted. no pity needed i'm over it, just felt like venting.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 2
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/26/2018 9:11:18 PM
Yeah... that's why people hate this shyt.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 3
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/27/2018 4:08:09 AM
Don't worry about it Eeyore, it happens to the best of us. Until you have the hook of love, which takes a couple of months of dating a person, they can flake at anytime, so don't count on them for anything.

Don't worry about it sir, you only need to find one good one.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 4
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/27/2018 8:01:01 AM

Don't worry about it sir, you only need to find one good one.
not in a race but rather skip the bullsh!t. cant pof just call me when that 'one good one' is here? order number 84 is now ready for pick up. Until you have the hook of love, which takes a couple of months of dating a person, they can flake at anytime, so don't count on them for anything.
sure, it can fizzle out easily in the beginning and nothing really there to fizzle out at this point. the conversation went past the superficial crap and honestly thought we would be friends if dating didn't work. we run in the same small circles, while never introducing ourselves yet, it will be hard to not notice each other now. guess she doesn't have the character/integrity she portrayed. at least I can ask our mutual friend what her game is.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 5
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/27/2018 8:13:09 AM
Shouldn't let that kind of behaviour better now than when you are actually more seriously involved, some people are just like that who knows what happened, off-hand comment, she saw mr.right now, her clothes and yours don't line up. People will give the oddest reasons or rediculous at times you just think oh okay you go with that good luck and move on.

You can only be who you are move forward knowing you gave it a shot she decided another direction looking for one that is on the same path you are, don't worry about those who are not.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 6
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/27/2018 8:56:43 AM
ya, better looking, better job, whatever. just seemed the things that really matter were well matched. even finding another as well matched plus having more money and better looks, why ghost? certainly no level of commitment at this point but NEVER expected ghosting from her. not hurt by it, just shocked. been threw this 100's of times over the years but this one just really caught me off guard. rebuilding the walls as I type.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 7
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/27/2018 10:06:03 AM
Ghosting is more on the person not having the ability to tell someone their attraction is not the same as yours. They don't want to say to you sorry we are incompatible, no sexual attraction as in this day and age people have hard time accepting those types of statements. She took you for the wrong type of male maybe she says those things and you start pleading and begging maybe. The other thing is facing her ownself and how she will feel telling you she doesn't see it working out, it can be just as much a gut retching feeling as a person being rejected to some people cause they sympathize to much and care to much about others. Hurting someone else's feelings actually makes them feel real guilty and upset about doing it.

That is not something you should take as a thing against you, just the fact she has issues with telling people she doesn't want to be with them. IMO that is why ghosters do ghost they can't handle the thought of getting someone interested in them and taking that away, responsibility of owning up to things you do is hard.

You ever break up with someone and watch them cry, gut retching feeling isn't it? You think ladies enjoy that feeling? They don't they try to make it less painful on you and themselves. It's just another way to avoid their own growth, and facing up to things in life another thing they can run from. People like to run from things that cause them pain it's just another thing for them to avoid don't let it bother you be you and move forward looking for the lady who's expectation you do meet.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 8
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/27/2018 12:44:31 PM
Sorry to hear this, OP. But nothing is real until you meet. Even after meeting, ghosting can still happen.

Once I went out with a police officer I met on here on 4 different dates. Things seemed to go well (IMO). After the 4th date, he just ghosted. Stopped texting and only replied if I texted first. I continued to text him a few more times and gave up. I’m not gonna put my life on hold for any guy to ask me out.

I was hoping a guy like that to have some integrity and honesty. But no, just disappeared. I always tell guys if I don’t want to continue seeing/dating them anymore. At least, it’ll give them closure and they’ll move on to find other women.

Later I found out that he came back on pof and continued to shave 5 years off his age (he told me that his profile I saw was a mistake) and he’s been back on here so many times with different profiles with 5 years younger than his real age. So I’m not surprised that he was dishonest with me.

Now, I’ve been in a relationship with a nice guy. And him? Still looking to date. Karma is a b*tch. Lol.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 9
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/27/2018 12:57:01 PM
If you know people in common, maybe she talked to one of them.
Maybe she decided there was something about your she didn't like.
Maybe she just changed her mind.
I don't necessarily think people should disappear after they've made
contact and plans to meet, but something turned her off.\

There have been times when reality overrides a fantasy in an instant.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 10
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/27/2018 1:16:37 PM
^Boo you know as well as anyone if a person believes that much in rumor and heresy they already decided and looking for reasons not to be with someone, rather than looking forward to the future with that person they are interested in. As it comes to play why would a friend talk bad about another? Think about that statement for second if they make him undesirable 2 things one their not his friend, and the other is they have ulterior motives cause you don't do that too a friend. She puts weight in that person what are they saying about her behind her back she should have enough intelligence to think that.

Person who is a mutual friend is spewing about them to one person you honestly believe it's not going the other way as well causing a rift? You really put weight in their opinions now? It's like a lady I loved did she really care what her friends said about me? No if she did she really wouldn't have thought I need time to sort out my feelings cause her friends were saying how much they liked me and so was her family not great influencers for positive but carry great weight when it comes to negative give that friends saying things crap a rest already.

It's like a woman leaving a man cause he is a gamer like seriously, if she left over a hobby she was going to leave anyways. She is using it as an excuse but really anything she chose could work really. He works too much, not enough time with me, he cancelled our date she could use loads of crap anything she chose and made it stick.

Something that turned her off here is one self doubt it works, she second guessing does she deserve happiness? It can play a factor how she really views herself just as much as what someone else says to her. So say they boost him up speak nothing but positive things about him and she knows what he is offering she thinks I can't match that we are incompatible together she can't maintain the image she gave. That is a thing matching your mate you know it I know if you can't self doubt enters not living up to an expectation thought and you leave before things get serious. Yeah had that happen she then went out with drug addicts, and alcoholics took that abuse and still does thinking she was unworthy of my affection.

In life we are our own worst critics and we put pressure on ourselves for more than anyone else ever could. If we feel we are on worthy of someone we will self-sabotage that potential relationship to stop ourselves from feeling more pain later.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 11
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/27/2018 1:53:53 PM
Too.
Much.
Texting.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 12
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/27/2018 3:47:35 PM
You said you knew people in common. Maybe one of the people in common told her something about you...

Ghosting is really hurtful sometimes when you think you clicked with someone. That's why I try to be both kind and honest when I tell someone I'm not interested. Sometimes people ghost because they don't want to close the chapter and go back to you as a backup plan at some point.
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 13
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/28/2018 3:07:50 AM
I never believed in ghosts until I tried
this meeting medium.Who's really to
know why it happens.Hiding something
is a good start.Can you walk through walls?
If not ,that's another possibility.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 14
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/28/2018 7:27:57 AM
If I have mutual friends and one friend asks me
about another and I think there's a reason they
might not get along, I'd mention it. Not all my friends
have shining resumes. We all make mistakes, have
our own issues, and we're not compatible with everyone...
relationship wise. It's easy to hang out, different when
you're dating.

So yeah, I maintain something came up that made the
woman think twice. Or the reality of meeting overwhelmed
her. I don't know. What difference does it make? It wasn't
nice that she ghosted you, but did you really want to hear
"yeah, sorry, I though I wanted to meet but then so and so
told me this and that and I decided you aren't what I'm
looking for."

Move on. Nothing happened.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 15
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/28/2018 7:52:43 AM
well got an answer but not one I expected or considered. in here very short time on pof, she had her fill and admitted she ghosted me along with 100's of others. saw the messages, literally hundreds and some/all wacko's. she was online after ghosting to show these to her friend. her 2 online dates was enough for her to give up on OLD and run. our mutual friend, or anyone that knows me would be a plus. because of our mutual friend, she did message me and we met for lunch, our date ended at 2:00 in the morning.
 dinno76
Joined: 7/13/2018
Msg: 16
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/28/2018 9:54:09 AM
Why is ghosting a bad thing? I ghost women all the time.Usually after having sex with them.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 17
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/28/2018 10:08:56 AM

Why is ghosting a bad thing? I ghost women all the time.Usually after having sex with them.
shows a HUGE lack of character/integrity on your part. the reason a mutual friend was a plus for me and probably wouldn't be for you!
 dinno76
Joined: 7/13/2018
Msg: 18
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 9/28/2018 10:09:53 AM
If they try to call me I block their number after 30 days they give up trying to contact me.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 19
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 10/1/2018 12:15:12 PM

fully aware of just how common ghosting is, almost expect it anymore but this one really blindsided me. new member 10 miles away with same interests, lifestyles etc. message her and she responds close enough to just meet (extremely rare) so we exchange numbers and agrees to text in the morning. we text threw out the work day and everything we discuss is spot on. both of us busy and agree later in week is best. she continues texting, and sending pics of what were doing (nothing dirty) I was changing a motor and she had kids over for a bon fire. come to find we have common friends, first name SHE mentions is a close friend I see often. she has been to most of the car shows I have attended, camps the same areas etc. etc. etc. at 2:00 a.m. we quit texting. today, no response. at 11:00 p.m. I go to pof expecting a dear john, found something better or goldfish died and not into dating so soon after its death, something! never expected to be ghosted! she was online already trading up! I am the first to say it isn't anything but words on a screen until you meet but this one really surprised me. no love loss, we never even met. just thought the mutual friends and attending same functions would of at least got me an excuse, not ghosted. no pity needed i'm over it, just felt like venting.


That's a bummer. I got ghosted after dating someone for four years and I never found out why. I think the online dating thing plays tricks with people's minds. Because it's 99% men messaging women, women that wouldn't get a second look in public get flooded with messages before they even put a picture up and think they have more options than they do, when in reality, they meet up with guys that are just looking for a one nighter. I'm not saying your date was unattractive, but everyone is vulnerable to the mind games. On the flip side, quality men get ignored and start to think they have nothing to offer. I think the more you understand human nature, the less angry you get because it's like getting angry at a fish for swimming. Since men don't get pregnant, they ensured the survival of their genes by mating with more than one partner, so women often have to deal with men who are less than faithful. Since women get pregnant, it's a bigger investment for them and they need to mate with men that have the highest quality genes and access to resources. So call it hypergamy or whatever you want to call it, it's just female nature. She was never yours, it was only your turn. You might have hit it off if you actually met, but she had some idea in her head of the perfect partner.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 20
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 10/2/2018 12:08:01 AM

You said you knew people in common. Maybe one of the people in common told her something about you...

Exactly what I was thinking. Played a role somehow, having common friends, one being a close friend of his. They hit it off "online" off the bat, exchanging pictures and exchanging msgs into the night when all that sets in... then POOF. Maybe it would come to be realized she was still in an on-again-off-again relationship -- and she wanted to avoid that. Maybe something was said about him... not necessarily some rumor or something horrible, but more like "Nooo, he's not your type, blah blah," and that alone combined with the realization of knowing mutual people scared her off.

I personally would Automatically think the common friends thing was at least a key trigger, for whatever reason. I would have sent her a text 48 hours later and said something like "I'm assuming the common-friends thing led to suddenly not wanting to talk anymore. Very odd."

I would say the cheezy canned line "Good Luck in your search!" -- but that'd be crude. :)
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 21
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 10/2/2018 12:40:02 AM
we did eventually meet as I posted in #15. the couple dates she had on pof was enough for her to give up on pof and ghosted everyone. after our mutual friend returned her call, she called me and we went out. I didn't call as I already knew he was on vacation and waited for him to get home. we both visited him on Saturday and so far, she seems to be as she claimed. (so far anyways)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 22
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 10/2/2018 12:53:19 AM
Ahhhh, I missed that. :) Okay, cool. But what's a Little strange is her not responding for a while after actively & fruitfully texting a ton, regardless. She didn't "ghost" 100s of guys, though. Ghosting isn't not replying. :)

Ghosting is having fruitful conversation going with someone, then POOF, gone.

If I was texting a ton to a girl on a site I just joined... and sent her pics and talked, up to 2am -- and I came to the realization that there were an awful lot of hookers on said site (trying to have a realistic guy-version of what girls can experience), and I wanted to (akk) not deal with the site... why would I ignore the texts for a while from the girl who I know is legit as we have mutual friends, IF I have interest enough to talk to her so much with?

I'd obviously roll with the date set up with her, as you did. Of course. In the back of my mind though I'd be reading if she wanted to friend-zone things, due to possibly second thoughts on stuff due to no-response for a while, out of nowhere (but, we have mutual friends, so, she doesn't want to Actually ghost me).
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 23
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 10/2/2018 1:20:15 AM
"a while" was one day. no, she didn't ghost 100's, but she had 100's of messages that doubt ANY woman would of responded to. she ghosted me until she got a call back from our friend, somewhat understandable after reading some of her other messages. I declined spending sunday with her as I needed to work in my shop, so she came up and helped wet sand my truck. neighbor (at shop) stopped over and he knew her 10+ years and not only thought we would make a good couple but wasn't the least bit surprised that she would help sand my truck. still looking for red flags, does seem overly attached kind of quick but we do have a lot in common.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 24
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 10/2/2018 7:48:40 AM

It's easy to hang out, different when
you're dating.


- that does not make sense.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 25
view profile
History
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 10/2/2018 11:07:00 AM

"a while" was one day. no, she didn't ghost 100's, but she had 100's of messages that doubt ANY woman would of responded to. she ghosted me until she got a call back from our friend, somewhat understandable after reading some of her other messages.

Yeah, not responding to 1st messages isn't ghosting at all. And as a side note, I'd say a gal after a few message exchanges isn't ghosting -- more like "fizzling". Ghosting requires some real traction, which you two had. Since it was just 1 day (I was thinking it was more like 48+ hours), although worthy of an eyebrow raise -- it was more like you assuming it was turning into ghosting, which it thankfully didn't turn out to be.

Does she seem overly attached Or overly enthusiastic to see ya? I think she may have thought that she shouldn't have let you hanging out of the blue for a day, and felt more compelled to make it apparent she does in fact like ya. Sounds like the ball's in your court!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'