Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I've been seeing a seemingly lovely guy for a month. He has been very consistent in terms of meeting up, showing interest and planning dates. On the last date I would say things were taken up a notch or two. We opened up about ourselves more, including me about my ex (who cheated at beginning of this year) and spoke to me some about his experiences. He thanked me for opening up and said he liked me a lot, which I reciprocated. That night we fooled around some but didn't have sex - he actually admitted he is inexperienced compared to me and clearly felt nervous about it. We had breakfast next day and he left.

So today was meant to be our sixth date. Last time we spoke I made a special reservation at a venue and he said he was looking forward to it, while also mentioning he had been feeling unwell. 2 days later and 5 hours before I hadn't heard from him, so I got in touch to confirm it was still happening - within 15 mins he replied apologising and saying as he is unwell, could we reschedule for tomorrow, Fri night, instead? So I was bummed but I said ok and change the reservation. I then ask him 1) if he can meet me at the train station at 'X time' and 2) can he please let me know if he changes his mind so I can make other plans. He replies 'ok of course! :)' - ok of course what?? He may let me know if he changes plans or he will meet me at the station? I feel super irritated about this and the fact he didn't reach out first.

The truth is I am feeling quite vulnerable as this is the first person I really opened up to after my last break up and I think being naked together last time has exacerbated things. Am I reading into things too much and should contact him again to confirm the date tomorrow?
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/1/2018 11:37:00 AM
How about you tell him that you are feeling vulnerable after the last date and need him to.... whatever?
You've been physically naked.
Perhaps a little emotional nudity would help clarify if you two are compatible.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/1/2018 11:43:36 AM
I think you spooked the guy talking about your cheating ex. Why, if you're with him, you two getting to know each other, would you bring your cheating so and so of an ex into the conversation? I don't think that brings two people just starting out, any closer, it just interjects a past love in the picture. Gets a little crowded IMO.

Also I think you may have rushed the getting naked together part, him being inexperienced compared to you and nervous about what 'getting naked' might mean as far as how fast the relationship is progressing<<<

Unwell? I personally only use that excuse when I want to weasel out of something I agreed to do but really felt uncomfortable going through with it for whatever reason.

Best not to contact him when you're feeling irritated with him. He hardly knows you and you'll just come off looking like a b*tch.
If he doesn't contact you in a timely fashion, find someone else who wants to play!
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/1/2018 11:46:50 AM
Well I think it was the emotional nudity that lead to the physical nudity overall. So maybe I need to ask him how he feels about it? He admitted he was a virgin which took me by surprise and I think he's feeling nervous about that.

I feel like we are still in the early stages of dating, so want to avoid heavy conversations but also feel we need to have some kind of chat about it. It did make me feel crappy that I had to reach out first about the date.
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/1/2018 11:49:27 AM
Clytemnestra - he asked me to tell him what happened between myself and my ex. At the beginning of dating I said I'd like to take things slowly, so he brought it up and asked if I'd feel comfortable telling him the story about why.

Well maybe you're right and that is my fear. But he immediately asked to reschedule for tomorrow night, so isn't that a good sign?
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/1/2018 11:56:05 AM
Don't worry so much,I think at this point you should just plan on meeting him at the train station at 'X time' unless he contacts you and tells you he can't make it.
 jerseynative7
Joined: 10/26/2018
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/1/2018 12:00:40 PM
I agree, saying youre 'unwell' is an excuse to get out of a date. Ive never been too 'unwell' to go on a date with someone I really like. Maybe he think youre expecting sex on the next date? Not sure why you mentioned making 'other plans' with someone else? if he cant make it. It sounds like youre dating others and want him to know it. Let him contact you if he is still interested.
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/1/2018 12:05:50 PM
Well I'm not expecting that. I said that about making other plans because he left me hanging today until I contacted him. Today was a national holiday where we live and I could have made other plans with my free time if I had known he wanted to reschedule.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/1/2018 4:23:19 PM
Great jumping jehosophat! You’re 27 years old, and you’re dating a virgin? You’re kidding me, right? Please tell me you’re only joking, this is just a troll post.

Where do these people come from???

Messages this short may not be posted
Messages this short may not be posted
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/1/2018 7:55:57 PM
I'm guessing this is the same guy OP posted about almost a month ago?
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/2/2018 6:32:57 AM
You were nude, fooled around, but did not have sex? hmmmm.......how exactly does that work?! (You don't have to answer)


Canceling a date is bad, but he did not cancel - he rescheduled. Rescheduling is ok. But then again, some people use that as an excuse to drop somebody? But he agreed to a date today, that's suggests it's legit.

I would have asked, "What's wrong"? if they don't talk about their ailment, that's suspicious.


Now just before the end of the date he blurted out that he was very shy, though trying to overcome his anxieties & also let slip that he was seeing a psychologist.


- that's never a good sign.

Try to calm down a bit and stop acting so crazy. Just breathe. Let's see if he makes the date today.
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/2/2018 4:39:04 PM
The date happened and *wow, now I understand!*

So he does look a little sick/pale & he tells me he was not going to blow me off, but was waiting another hour in the hopes he would feel better. Sounds plausible. However, he mentions that he doesn't feel ready to be in a relationship and would prefer something more casual right now (remember he is a virgin also and was very nervous in bed first time). He asks how I feel about what he's said and I tell him what I'm hearing is 'I like you a little, but I'm really not that interested overall.' He said 'that's really not it. I like you a lot. This is about me.' He then tells me he is in therapy trying to figure out what happened during a period in his childhood. This was a super sad moment because I think he was hinting about sexual abuse. I felt very upset when spoke about this and I felt bad for him. He also said he's only ever been in a short relationship with a woman he really liked/who hurt him.

*'So, basically, in conclusion...I'm saying I like you but can we take things slowly?'*. It was all a little confusing because it is blatantly clear he likes me a lot and the last time a guy pulled this line I could see he was just out for easy sex. I think this guy is a decent person and struggling with some serious issues.

After a few hours he introduced me to some of his friends and acted very couply all night - I feel very happy when we're together. The truth is I don't want to take on a truckload of issues but I also value this guy a lot as a person. We were actually friends before dating & he is very supportive of me. Any thoughts welcome anyway...
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/2/2018 5:44:51 PM
msg#12; Katy124
^^^

you are full of shit
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/2/2018 5:51:15 PM
I don't know why you came on here to leave an abusive comment but I don't appreciate it and would prefer you don't comment here again.

Remember the old adage: if you have nothing nice to say...
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/2/2018 5:54:02 PM
Clytemnestra....
agreed, something just don't sit right.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/2/2018 6:00:12 PM

struggling with some serious issues


^^^ & your just the person to nurture and cuddle him into future manhood, col ...

... Hey , no offense ment ~ I hope you two live happily ever after !! Reminds me of a popular song though, with the roles reversed >" He" is the magnet, and " You " are steel ...

*lyrics " You can't hope that He'll hold you for long ..
............ Ooh He's a man who is Lost in his song ..
............ Ooh but the love that She feels is so strong ..
............. Ooh and it can't be wrong ..
............. For He is the magnet, and You are steel .. ( col > swoooo !!! that taxed my wittle bwian !! )

MAGNET & STEEL by Walter Egan
> turn it up ^
heart/ sun
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/2/2018 6:16:37 PM
^^^
See! I'm a squabble lover and can't even spell ^^^^ BWAIN correctly ( dern it )
^^^ & all these stoopid red underlinings ( nonsense!)

^^^ it's all taxing my wittle bwain ..
^^^ it's all taxing my wittle bwain ..

& wittle & bwain & underlinings are all words !!!
so there ! > you dipf*uck computer !
col
S
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/2/2018 6:47:08 PM
That tired old line of if you don't have anything nice to say....., that is so much BS. If you don't want people to give their opinions, don't ask a question. You don't have to agree with them but you can't tell not to respond to you.
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/3/2018 3:52:20 AM
I don't agree. The comment was nasty and uncalled for. It's my thread and I would prefer to receive replies from people who want to try and help and give actual advice.

I'm not sure what doesn't 'sit right' but this is exactly what has happened. If anyone does want to offer any advice I will appreciate it.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/3/2018 4:14:52 AM
msg#19: I apologize for being nasty, OP. I was feeling unwell<
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/3/2018 4:59:25 AM
Katy_124 -

I think what the REAL problem appears to be is that you are a Fake, AKA "Troll", and for years have been using these boards to feed your implausible fantasy life by posting convoluted and obviously male-driven scenarios that you can use to indulge your masturbatory fetishes. You are a guy "pretending" to be a girl and coming up with the most unlikely scenarios OVER and OVER.


Believe it or not, I was a young woman once, and NEVER had such complicated social interactions as repeatedly afflict you.

This is far from the first time you have been called out. Just reference post #12 in the thread "How do I make peace with this silent/unpleasant rejection?":




What makes you think it's not real?!


because your story matches the archetypal young male fantasy: hot young woman is instantly drawn to guy, he 'lands' her with little effort or uncertainty, sexual gratification happens quickly, and she continues to cede all the power in the interaction even if he rejects her, by hanging around and hoping for more.
(incidentally, this is the archetypal young female fantasy too, except you insert 'emotional and' in front of 'sexual.')


https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16305142.aspx
 jerseynative7
Joined: 10/26/2018
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/3/2018 10:29:50 AM
You pretty much answered your own question about him: You dont want to take on a truck load of issues. This guy has plenty so unless youre looking for a project, I would pass on him.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/3/2018 1:15:46 PM

You were nude, fooled around, but did not have sex? hmmmm.......how exactly does that work?! (You don't have to answer)

It's common, usually during date 1-3, to stop at 2nd or 3rd base. :) Especially when one party has little sexual experience, it can be quite common. I was always a fan of it when the girl seemingly liked me more than I liked her.

Assuming her story is roughly accurate...

So he does look a little sick/pale & he tells me he was not going to blow me off, but was waiting another hour in the hopes he would feel better. Sounds plausible.

When one goes out of their way to explicitly say they are not going to blow you off, and are going to follow-up with you soon... they're telling the truth that they do want to see you (at some point), even if Best Option #1 in the mix is the reason for making a last minute decision with ya.

However, he mentions that he doesn't feel ready to be in a relationship and would prefer something more casual right now (remember he is a virgin also and was very nervous in bed first time). He asks how I feel about what he's said and I tell him what I'm hearing is 'I like you a little, but I'm really not that interested overall.' He said 'that's really not it. I like you a lot. This is about me.'

This is where things don't really add up. He's a virgin who already got naked with you, was nervous -- ok. But he opts for something more casual, yet also making a last minute decision whether he can go out on the date or not after Not reaching out to you for 2 days.

"I like you some, but I'm not That into you" is what he was saying. Anyone who feels this way but is and wants to be nice to the other, is going to Defend themselves when you say that's what you're getting from them. 99% of the time. It's pretty much a given for all people nice and otherwise. Remember that.

When you were out, he acts "couply" during the night, which drinks will help do and a guy in his position about how he feels about you will do. I don't think he's as sexually innocent as he says, but he probably does get nervous about sex and has some issues there -- and is wanting to blame it on being a virgin or something, which I don't buy. In the end, you Should want to keep him as an Option B or C at the most... and in the meantime, hunt for better dudes.
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/3/2018 2:11:27 PM
Message 4:

He admitted he was a virgin which took me by surprise and I think he's feeling nervous about that.


You may find this hard to believe, but even I was a virgin at one point in time, a long time ago.

She wasn't a virgin. And guess what? It fit nicely in there. I did not have an instruction manual or supervision. The rest is history and experience with different women.

How do you think cavemen figured it out? They didn't have the internet back then. And I'm sure they didn't attend training classes. I mean, what's the worst that could happen, right?

This is your rare opportunity to educate and introduce your male virgin friend to your female anatomy. Don't blow it :^)

At the end of it all, if you can get him to say "I didn't know women could do that!" , you've done well.
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?
Posted: 11/3/2018 4:14:54 PM
norwegianguy -- ordinarily I would agree that he is not in to me. I even said this to him - this is how it seems & he was adamant it wasn't the case. In the past, I spent time with a guy casually who I really *knew* was not that into me. But with this guy I feel he really is and his issues that he is in therapy about sound serious. Something I forgot to mention:

He has said he might be moving to a neighbouring country for 6 months+ with his job in about 3 months. This time a week ago he told me he really likes me and I said I was cautious about getting too involved as a result in case he leaves. I then said 'So how would you feel about having a short-term relationship that ended when you left?'. His reply was that he wasn't sure he would feel very good about me breaking it off. Later on, he changed his mind and said he would understand/respect my wishes. So that is why the desire for a sudden 'casual' relationship seems odd. I pointed out that may be difficult to achieve given that we have had such a close connection from the beginning. He agreed we had and saw my point, saying 'what I mean is, can we take it slow?'

I will see what happens over the next week. If he continues putting distance between us, then gets back in touch, I will simply say I'm sorry but this doesn't work for me but I'd like to be friends if you agree. It's a shame because I really do like him.

To the person who thinks I'm a troll, I deplore trolls :) I am in my 20s & live a more colourful dating life than I'd like. Hopefully it will stabilise someday soon. :)
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Cancelled/rescheduled date. Feeling vulnerable & irritated, thoughts?