Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 kevin8799
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 1
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.Page 1 of 1    
Not judging just gauging and MY childhood is my only reasonable benchmark in my mind.
Single Dad since birth, 100% solo,. One daughter just turned 17. Always been as good child for the most part. Honor Roll, DL, Excellent in all her extra activities. Girl Scouts Dance , cheer leading,. I have a part time business on the side and I have her work with me average 15 hours a week as were I give her 10/hour for her fun money. Been going to church since 3 weekly. I pay for her truck,gas,insurance. She has NO bills at all.

Here's my issue. I have been taking care of her and providing for jobs that I feel should be her's no questions asked, As of right now for last couple years its basic room clean, dishes, laundry. Thats it in a nut shell. I let it get this way at 9th grade, when she entered HS her grades went from A /B student to failing all classes . I took away all extra activities away , limited phone and relieved her of all chores and jobs except those three. By the end of 10 grade she was back to A/B student.

Now in order for me to get extra stuff done around the house, I basically have to demand, its not volunteer . Like, scrub the frig/ tub. Mow the lawn, put away groceries. Take the trash out, change a light bulb, rotate food in the pantry. IDK.

Again she does good in school. She competes in pageants the last 3 years which take about 30 weekends of the year. Has several a month church activities , Youth group. homeless shelter and seasonal. Her pageants get her scholarship money , and make her more aware of the real world.

I know I am a boy, but at 14 was working and school almost full time, and I had mowing, firewood, snow removal, trash, did MY own laundry, Fed and cleaned our dogs, raking leaves, garden work, actually had to mow grandparents grass next door too.. Never got a penny... Basically it was known to do. I can't imagine having to be told, firewood rack was empty, or grass was tall. Trash can needs changing, or even as simple as that 1/2 eaten pizza from 4 days ago, i better get rid of.

It seems like teens now are home into their mid 20s still and most have everything provided by parents. I know for a fact when I was 16 we all were working, had our own car and insurance , and if we didn't get chores done or help around the house we were grounded.

So what do/did you make your kids do, and what was basically expected without being a slave driver? Also feel free to add what was expected of you..

Kev
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 2
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 11/26/2018 3:48:36 PM
By age 13 I knew how to run a home, how to clean, budget, pay bills ect.
My daughter had to do much the same, she got an allowance. When it came time to do classes at school for driving, told her that mowing all summer w/ no pay would cover the cost. When she got her license, she was put on my ins. was 125 a month. thus a pt job was required and thus pay for 1/2 of the ins cost. Reason,, its a privilege to drive, not a right.

My daughter is my housekeeper/grounds keeper. She is paid 50 a week and 25 a yard mow when needs. Does other stuff as needed, low cost. French door needed a new door knob, she installed, cost just 10 bucks.

She is a great manager for her household of 3, can absolutely squeeze a quarter out of a dime. lol.

Make sure your daughter knows how to run/manage a home, best skill set needed for a young person, also, she should be doing her own laundry.
 jerseynative7
Joined: 10/26/2018
Msg: 3
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 11/26/2018 6:59:25 PM
It sounds like your daughter has a lot on her plate, all the time. When does she find time for social activities or hanging out with friends? or just being a teenager? To be honest, the only thing she needs to really focus on is doing well in school and planning for college. She is not a housekeeper. Some chores are ok, but it sounds like youre expecting her to do everything.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 4
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 11/27/2018 3:04:12 AM
My sons were expected to keep their rooms neatish. Normal expectations like put your clean clothes away, use a dish - wash a dish, trash is full? take it out. Just things a person should naturally do for themselves rather than wait for another person to do them. They did not have a lot of so called chores outside of those sorts of things.

School was my number one concern. It was their job. They were all taking full loads of AP classes and sometimes additional FLVS (online) classes in addition to regular school. School first, everything else second. School is like a full time job these days.

They also had lots of extracurricular commitments. Some were sports in school and some were out of school. They played travel soccer which was a minimum of four days a week. Practices were an hour or more from home. They were all involved in things like National Honor Society and student government, to name just two. Florida has the Bright Futures program which requires set numbers of community service hours. They were often volunteering here, there, everywhere.

They were very busy. My middle son worked in a grocery store one summer but had to quit when school started again. I had a small business and my youngest worked for me all through high school. If there was a school conflict I just got someone to fill in for him. I doubt he could have worked a regular job during the school year with so much going on.

I also wanted them to have time for normal teenage things. Friends, girlfriends, etc.
 kevin8799
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 5
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 11/27/2018 7:31:18 AM

It sounds like your daughter has a lot on her plate, all the time. When does she find time for social activities or hanging out with friends? or just being a teenager? To be honest, the only thing she needs to really focus on is doing well in school and planning for college. She is not a housekeeper. Some chores are ok, but it sounds like youre expecting her to do everything


Everything at her plate has always been discussed the pro/cons and responsibilities since about 5th grade. They have always been her wants, not mine. Her pageant, representing our social club, prom,home coming, social club at church, sign language club , She has a boyfriend she is allowed one day a week with ( normal that will be 7am- 10:30 PM) and then the ever social media/face chat couple hours a day.

A housekeeper by no stretch. She has everything a normal teenage has or should. From her own truck,room, phone,4 wheeler, jet ski, computer etc. I hardly feel the 45 mins a day for forced dishes and laundry is a well enough lesson teacher of life's responsibilities.

I simple want her to take the transition from the 6 yo that has everything done for her, to a responsible adult that you need to be a group player on your own taking, should it be an office,warehouse plant , college dorm, or shared apartment. Make better sense?

As a good parent it is my job to teach her every possible thing to make her self sufficient as she enters the adult world.
 kevin8799
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 6
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 11/27/2018 7:49:40 AM

Make sure your daughter knows how to run/manage a home, best skill set needed for a young person, also, she should be doing her own laundry.


Agree, I want to take her to money management level next summer when she will most likely be a part time college and work student . She does not get that much money to actually spend having no bills. So she has leaned through coupons,sales, promo codes, rebate how to make george washington cry and getting her best bang for the buck.

Sometimes I wish I could let her get a 20 hr/ week part time job, but being very rural its more benificial for her to work with me on side jobs a 10/hr cash. I know the job would give her many taught lessons, but its going to have to wait until HS and this last years pageant is out of the way.

Yes Texaschick i would be very happy to pay her for doing house jobs above the minimum... right now meeting dish and clothes is a battle at times....lol
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 7
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 11/27/2018 9:05:09 AM

It seems like teens now are home into their mid 20s still and most have everything provided by parents.
I know for a fact when I was 16 we all were working, had our own car and insurance , and if we didn't get chores
done or help around the house we were grounded.


I know I'm old and things are different, but you said it here.
Your daughter has had everything provided to her, without really working for anything.
You've expected her to do the basics, which from what you wrote...she did.
Now you want to change the rules she grew up with.

She sounds like a really good kid. She isn't causing you stress or problems beyond not doing
extra stuff around the house. She does well in school, goes to church, participates in pageants.

If you wanted her to be working and going to school almost full time at 14, you should have told
her that then. If you expected her to work around the house without payment, you shouldn't have
given her a 150.00 a week for her fun money. (gads) Maybe you should have had her give back some
of that money to help pay for her truck, gas (??!) and insurance.

Everyone is different. Not everyone is lucky to have a child that does well, and not everyone is lucky
enough to be able to provide the lifestyle you've been able to give your daughter.

Hopefully, when she goes to college she'll be more on her own and less dependent on you.

As a side note...and I'm sure I'll get flack for this...but I don't care. It's been my experience that children
that grow up in a household that is rigid and controlled often times use their emancipation as a time to
flaunt their freedom. Often they become the "wild child". I would honestly ease up on her (and yourself)
and worry less about the chores and focus more on what is good and right about your daughter.
 kevin8799
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 8
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 11/27/2018 10:46:58 AM

If you wanted her to be working and going to school almost full time at 14, you should have told
her that then. If you expected her to work around the house without payment, you shouldn't have
given her a 150.00 a week for her fun money. (gads) Maybe you should have had her give back some
of that money to help pay for her truck, gas (??!) and insurance.


Let me clear that up. I have never given her an allowance. However I have always done side work. My job after taxes at 40 hours is less then 800/week take home, so i always have side jobs by myslf or as a sub contractor being paid privately. Since she was 13ish when I am able and she wants to go I pay her at the rate of 10/hour In the summer of 15-16 she actually had saved 800 dollars I took from her when she got her first truck of 2,500... Her ins in 2900 a year . second year now,,, The sooner she get years under her belt, the sooner she will get better rates, plus everything in her name, makes it much harder for people to sue me, AND i was in a mulit car interstate accident with no fault being blamed on any driver( How maryland does it) and ins jumped 1700 a year....

I'm adopted only child, Wife was adopted 15 years younger of 2 other adopts, Both our adopted parents passed by time I was 27. At 30 wife passed 8 months pregnant stage 4 breast cancer . So its really just been me and daughter last 17 years. Until age 10 we were always together and shopping to cleaning house to yard work was always done as a team. Then at 10 when she was home hours after school by herself I would leave a list of to-do's ... It was 9th grade when she almost failed I Took everything from privileges as well as expected chores and made her get back to A/B student with just dishes and laundry .

IDK I'm very proud of my daughter, She does very well on her own outside the home with scheduling events and volunteering, but once home she drops the ball.. I guess because at 9th grade I allowed her to wear make-up go places with other teens and basically trust her and she failed to the point she almost had to repeat 9th grade. By start of Jr year back to being honor roll.. Now this summer I allowed her to see a boy which automatically became a 3 times a week and full on bf. Then when school stated and pageant season I dropped her to 1 day a week, and special occasions ( Prom/ homecoming HS games) .... two days of crying...lol

Just a little frustrated I guess... My friends with kids are either doing extremely well deans list buying a house 21-25 or they are complete losers mid 20's no job and have a partner moved in and for the record all my friends are good hard working people. My ones with good kids tell me Kev you're doing great, relax just teen stuff, and my others with crappy kids are like what you going to do??

Thanks everybody for your input. they don't have PA meetings anywhere j/k
 jerseynative7
Joined: 10/26/2018
Msg: 9
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 11/27/2018 2:39:40 PM
It sounds like you have a really good kid. She isnt perfect. She isnt going to be. She gets good grades and is involved in a lot of things, church and volunteering. If youre main complaint is not doing the dishes or scrubbing the bathtub, consider yourself lucky. She isnt involved with drugs or getting arrested or pregnant. Having a boyfriend is normal at 17, so is wearing makeup.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 10
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 11/29/2018 8:05:34 AM
She sounds like a good kid and if you are a good housekeeper yourself, that's the example she'll likely use when she's grown up with kids of her own.

My mom was a neatfreak and my dad was a workhorse. On the farm we had so many animals to look after, a huge amount of grass to cut, a really big garden to weed, and of course a big house to keep clean. We got a dime a chore and chores were NOT optional. That being said, my mom was a little bit too intense with it and I rebelled a lot. The fights my mom and I used to have around housework, lol....and then many years later I found myself with a house and 3 kids of my own and I'm a pretty good housekeeper, just not so intense. My kids have always done chores but now that we are living at my mom's I've had some fights with my mom regarding housework. My kids do a chore and my mom always finds something to criticize about it or I'll have the house clean when she gets home and she'll ways find something to point out that's wrong. And it brings back bad memories of dealing with her growing up. I fight with my kids a lot with doing chores and they are still young but I think its important to set rules and responsibilities as early as possible. Yesterday I asked my 9-year-old to take out the garbage and she yelled at me and said "you make us do all the work and you never have to do any". She said this while supper was cooking on the stove and I was doing dishes. I responded by saying "And what do you call washing dishes and cooking supper for everyone? Fun?" I sometimes say to her "if only you had to see all the work I did when I was your age, your life wouldn't seem so hard". I think kids nowadays are so spoiled.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 11
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 11/29/2018 9:22:01 AM
Get her to get job because education can only get you so far, a lot of the time they expect you to have real world experience with working.
Definitely get her to do her own washing.
Also teach her how to cook or get her lessons and have her cook meals so she can both feed herself good nutritious meals and a future family. Nutrition is very important.
She should be doing other chores like sweeping and vacuuming and dusting like once a week so that she has more of an idea how to maintain a house in terms of cleanliness.


you make us do all the work and you never have to do any".

Kids are in a bubble of selfishness and self-absorption and have to learn to be less selfish and aware of others and their needs. They are at a critical time to be taught coorperation and gratefulness.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 12
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 12/16/2018 3:44:38 AM
That's bullshit. Your daughter isn't your maid and helpmate to you. For her to develop properly, she needs time to grow into herself and be with kids her own age, to develop good social skills, so when she's an adult, she won't feel like she has to fix everybody else's problems or completely sacrifice herself for some ungrateful **stard of a spouse. if it is too hard, hire somebody to come to your home two days a week to give your home a solid cleaning and have a reasonable schedule in which trash is taken out and the dishes are taken out of the dishwasher and packed away in the hutch.

My niece's and nephew's responsibilities are to pay attention to their school work and pick up after themselves. They are not anybody's slaves and they have enough going on between their work (related to their studies) and school without anybody leveraging heavily restricted privileges for excessive chores that somebody else can do to alleviate that burden. Teaching responsibility is one thing; but to pile shit on and not give a developing young woman some breathing room is a recipe for disaster.

Whatever you did as a child is what you did. If your generation in adulthood didn't vote against young people's best interests and **** it up, they could afford to live on their own. And, if parents are giving shit away for free, that's on them, but that doesn't mean young people aren't working their asses off just to get ahead.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 13
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 12/19/2018 12:27:16 PM

That's bullshit. Your daughter isn't your maid and helpmate to you. For her to develop properly, she needs time to grow into herself and be with kids her own age, to develop good social skills, so when she's an adult, she won't feel like she has to fix everybody else's problems or completely sacrifice herself for some ungrateful **stard of a spouse. if it is too hard, hire somebody to come to your home two days a week to give your home a solid cleaning and have a reasonable schedule in which trash is taken out and the dishes are taken out of the dishwasher and packed away in the hutch.

My niece's and nephew's responsibilities are to pay attention to their school work and pick up after themselves. They are not anybody's slaves and they have enough going on between their work (related to their studies) and school without anybody leveraging heavily restricted privileges for excessive chores that somebody else can do to alleviate that burden. Teaching responsibility is one thing; but to pile shit on and not give a developing young woman some breathing room is a recipe for disaster.

Whatever you did as a child is what you did. If your generation in adulthood didn't vote against young people's best interests and **** it up, they could afford to live on their own. And, if parents are giving shit away for free, that's on them, but that doesn't mean young people aren't working their asses off just to get ahead.


I agree with flowers for the most part. Even though she is often intentionally provocative, she offers a lot to work with here.

I grew up as a crowned prince. I did f-all while my sisters worked their fingers to the bone. I joined the Navy and became an Aerographer's Mate, a skate job if there ever was one. With the help of CLEP, I was most of the way to a meteorology degree. The GI Bill did the rest and it got me a job in the government and I promptly retired on the federal payroll. My parents call me success. That was then. This is now. Nobody can do what I did anymore.

I agree. Old people grabbed with both hands and F'd it up for the young. Kids don't do what they used to do partly because they can't. When it comes to household chores, it's okay to ask for more but don't do it if you don't really need to just to "teach her responsibility." Anymore, responsibility, as it was in the olden days, is for freaking fools. Don't humiliate her like that. She will resent you for it. Rest assured, she knows the difference between what helps and what is meaningless toil. Rely on that instead of some outmoded notion of instilling character.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 14
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 12/29/2018 2:16:09 PM
I expected a lot from my teen daughters. When they were 10 they knew how to do their own laundry. About 15 or 16 they had part time jobs or were volunteering some place. They kept their rooms clean and on Saturday mornings they had specific chores that they were expected to do as we all pitched in to clean on Saturdays. I did all the yard work. Heavy or hard chores and my girls did other jobs more simple.

They all learned to cook, but this was never a "chore" we enjoyed cooking together and they liked experimenting with new recipes. I used to try to make the housework more appealing by praise and recognition of their accomplishments. The chores themselves became easier if they were in a regular routine of doing things. I never really had to ask and never would demand. They understood what was expected of them and eventually became proud of themselves for being cleanly.

I did start young. When they were 3 or 4 ish... they had to pick up their toys. Put their plates in the sink. Help wipe down counters when they could reach them. I made cleaning fun...usually promising them some quality time or privileged once they were accomplished. Rewards but never money. Rewards like renting a special movie or an ice cream date or something they wanted to do with me as simple as building a snowman.

I didn't have to scold them or punish them for not doing chores. They understood from an early age that it was part of being in a family and taking care of the family. They are all mothers now except for my 4th daughter that I had when I was 40. She still lives at home. I ease up on her presently because she is going to college full time and working part time to pay for her car and insurance and phone. I do not ask her for $ but she still contributes to the household because she wants to. She loves to please me and she loves a spotless house like I do! She also pulled straight A's this past semester. Yes, I am bragging.

My girls that are moms now have very clean homes, solid work ethic, healthy relationships and love to entertain. They may have thought I was a bit hard on them when they were teens but now they thank me. Sincerely they thank me for teaching them life skills early in life.

I lost my mother when I was ten so I had no reference so to speak about raising teenagers... but looking at how brilliant and loving, successful and respectful my daughters are now...I know I did something right. Yes, I am bragging again.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 15
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 1/3/2019 11:38:48 AM
^^^
... You have every right to do a bit of bragging Penny. I am awestruck of the way you have led by example, regarding ethics of good old hard work and of " common sense ". I think if Kevin replicates even just some of your examples here, he will be on the right track.

... Speaking of Kevin, I think you are doing a fine job sir. You have had major challenges to overcome, and it is obvious to me - you are handling them well. I would add though, don't be hard on yourself - no one is perfect and those who strive for perfection often become fanatical. I think you should be quite proud of yourself, especially being a single parent. Keep up the good work and know you are doing a very good job. After all ~ YOUR piece of mind and well being is a valuable asset, not only for yourself but especially so for your daughter.

... I think you both ( father & daughter ) are extremely good people ( thanks to the reflection of who YOU have been & are ) I'm sure she will follow in your footstep, when she eventually leaves your home and is on her own. I think she will have obtained all the love, wisdom & guidance you have imparted to her. And, YOU will always be wishing for her to " walk between the raindrops " staying dry as a bone ...

& Have no worries concerning how " others " children are performing. I think a good human being should be judged by their character, not so much by their material accomplishments.

... Just so happens ( wouldn't you just know it ) that this all reminds me of a song Kevin > WALK BETWEEN THE RAINDROPS by James McMurtry. Give it a listen and please know ~ you have been a great example & a good dad !

... heart / good father / sun
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 16
view profile
History
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 1/4/2019 11:32:32 AM

Bullshi*t - your daughter isn't your maid and helpmate to you

.
.
^^^ With all due respect flowers, I disagree . These two ( father & daughter ) are not only family, but partners as well. Partners in the sense that they live together in the same abode, this being in reality > home too each. With that "partnership " ( so to speak ) come certain basic duties. Duties which are created due to BOTH parties, things that need to be done, so that their home will be just that - a home and not dis-orderly pig sty.

.......... In my opinion Kevin is not only entitled to them both sharing the maintenance involved, but also in keeping up the responsibility of a halfway clean and orderly home. In addition, I feel it is an excellent life lesson, that his daughter take her share of responsibility in performing certain household duties needed ( regardless of school or outside the home activities )

.......... Again - they equally share a household , and all the many benefits that come along with it. Kevin is only asking that, her share of keeping up the home is done freely - without him having too continually remind her of the obvious duties. I personally, would handle such a situation in basically the same manner as he. And not only that, I would make it quite clear what her duties are, and that they were performed without constantly reminding her. Life is tough enough as is, without having a " partner " ( for she is not only a daughter but a partner in a shared home ) who won't acknowledge her share of home & housework .

............ So, as I stated above - I think you have not asked for anything that is out of line ( including your desire to have her automatically, take care of her share of the household chores )

... heart / happy household / sun
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.