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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Mom,maid or mat?      Home login  
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 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 1
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Mom,maid or mat?Page 1 of 1    
Bear with me. This is going to be convoluted.

As many of you know, I moved in with my parents a few months ago. When I first got here, I hired a maid service to help my mother. The maids came for one day and my mother went bats. It really stressed her out. She thought that they might be illegal aliens. Maybe they were but I don't care especially with all of this caravan nonsense going on. I am happy to do my part in employing illegals. She feels differently. I think that she was also anxious about strangers touching all of her stuff. I got rid of the maids. I figured, no problem. I have a new wheelchair that raises up and down and this house is all on one level, unlike my Iowa house. I can actually help her more than I thought I could. Besides, mom defies the second law of thermodynamics. She is an honest to goodness perpetual motion machine. She has always been that way. It keeps her active and happy.

Now to the issue... When I had a walk in bath tub installed, they broke the plumbing. When mom has to use the washing machine, my nephew has to run a hose out the back window, under a tool shed and out into the back yard. The plumbing will cost a lot to fix, I was quoted 20K, because the problem is in the concrete foundation under a block wall. I told mom that I would pay for it but she won't sign off on it. She thinks that it is way too expensive.

Trouble. Nephew is leaving to take a new job in New Mexico. It is impossible for me to hook up the hose. Mom says that she will do it but no. I won't have it. An 81 year old woman going out windows and crawling around on the ground? It's just plain ridiculous.

I figure that I have three choices:
1) Give in to mom and let her handle it. The last thing, I will let her do. She's in good shape but it is still dangerous. If she ever hurt herself...
2) Get a maid just to do the laundry and hope mom gets used to it.
or
3) Send it out to a laundry and have them do it. She is a little skittish about it but that would be the cheapest solution by far.

I can't just do it the easy way and fix the pipes. I'm not on the house deed and mom will never go for it. It will take permits and such. I legally need her to sign on.

There is another thing... Just how heavy handed should I be here? Mom is against everything but the worst solution. I've kinda taken my dad's place but this is my mother! I don't want to have to push her into something. Looks like that is what it is coming down to.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 2
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Mom,maid or mat?
Posted: 11/30/2018 2:26:39 AM

When I had a walk in bath tub installed, they broke the plumbing.


If they broke it - they should fix it. Were they not licensed and insured?
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
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Mom,maid or mat?
Posted: 11/30/2018 4:26:38 AM
^^^ Insurance claim put in with both the company and homeowners policy. One or the other will pay. It shouldn't take long.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 4
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Mom,maid or mat?
Posted: 11/30/2018 6:32:56 AM
^^^^So what's the problem?
Mom,maid or mat?
Posted: 11/30/2018 9:19:50 AM
first issue, mom and her cleaning.

since its her place, its her rules until you get the eventual power of attorney that inevitably is needed. you can probably afford to lose this battle and pick better ones. but do look up the art of negotiation. sometimes, the way to win is to let the other side think it was their idea.

second issue, the plumbing.

it cost me $13K to redo plumbing and wiring from well to tanks, because the old stuff ran under the foundation slab and so the replacements had to run around the perimeter. so the price may be on the high side, and a second estimate could be in order. even if the insurance company isn't busy with tornadoes and wildfires, they don't rush to pay off like you see in the commericals. i agree, don't let her play with the hoses. she breaks a hip, and there's going to be big issues. i'd say go with option three. it might take her running the hose a few times to get sick of doing it, and then she decides its her idea to take the easy way out until the plumbing is redone.

how heavy handed should you be in the future? you're going to have to pick your battles. in the case of health, you will have to push for what is right--we all want to believe we're still spring chickens. eventually, all children are forced to become the parent in a household.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
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Mom,maid or mat?
Posted: 11/30/2018 10:52:24 AM
Solution came by itself. Three weeks to fix the plumbing. Insurance will pay directly to the plumber. Mom is okay with sending laundry out because it will only be temporary. I panicked over nothing.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 7
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Mom,maid or mat?
Posted: 11/30/2018 2:42:32 PM
Still... good training for learning how to deal with parents from a position of being equally an adult (rather than their child).

As a child of the Depression, perhaps she is extra cautious with her money. I know my mom thinks everything is too expensive. This takes extra-sensitive negotiations... and I really can't suggest much.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 8
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Mom,maid or mat?
Posted: 11/30/2018 5:16:05 PM
Sounds like the fix cost is way too high, but, since your insurance carrier doesn't think so, let'em do it. Chances are, all of the cost is in the labor anyway.

Some jobs are like that. Your garden variety automatic transmission rebuild parts bill may only be a couple hundred. Fitting in a gazillion tiny parts in the correct order, properly, is what makes that job expensive.
 athenashelmet
Joined: 11/29/2018
Msg: 9
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Mom,maid or mat?
Posted: 12/3/2018 6:12:06 PM
I'm so thankful right now that my son in law is a plumber, my brother is an electrician, and my daughter is a mechanic...
My parents passed. On and off for the last 12 years I helped care for them. They had so little they could do for themselves it was a matter of fighting against their independence. They both knew they were slipping away one day closer to deaths door. Let your mother live out the rest of her days with dignity. That's my advice; you know her, we don't.
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