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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relatio      Home login  
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 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 1
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your RelationshipPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
https://www.thecut.com/2018/11/how-to-keep-money-from-ruining-your-relationship.html

"Researchers have identified 14 behaviors that qualify as financial infidelity. They include lying about a purchase (unless it’s a gift for the person you’re lying to, of course), pretending a new purchase is an old one, hiding purchases/receipts, taking money out of savings without telling a spouse, hiding credit card statements, concealing debts, opening a secret credit card, and filing for bankruptcy without telling a spouse (which seems like it would be very difficult to pull off, but has apparently been done)."
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 2
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/3/2018 3:30:15 PM
Men should give their money to their wives - she can't cheat if she already has it all! If it's not enough, get a better job or business! Read it and weep

If she's a good girl and you keep her in love, you'll have no problem. It's called giving, responsible, and loyalty.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 3
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/3/2018 3:39:01 PM
^^^ too funny, lol

After my 1st Marriage fell apart, I never combined money again. A guy will need to pay a fair share of living expenses if i do ever have one living with me.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 4
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/3/2018 4:50:51 PM
msg#2:
Men should give their money to their wives - she can't cheat if she already has it all! If it's not enough, get a better job or business! Read it and weep

If she's a good girl and you keep her in love, you'll have no problem. It's called giving, responsible, and loyalty


My kind of guy<<<
(Smile)
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 5
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/3/2018 5:17:18 PM
Have you watched "Dirty John" on Bravo?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQk_06m5xf0
 Mgtow2Ogre
Joined: 11/24/2018
Msg: 6
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/3/2018 6:47:53 PM
you partner is Financially Cheatings if you giant beta bucks and she no give you snu snu but she give snu snu to chad and tyrone.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 7
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 6:47:30 AM
I think it depends in which way someone is financially cheating. Sometimes one person has the forsight to save money (set it aside) so that it builds over time while the other person is a spender and if they know the money is there they spend it. I honestly think its okay for the person in the relationship who is better with money to hide a savings account or two. Some people are just spenders and not capable/willing of saving. I used to always try and save money but my ex would spend money knowing the savings were there so I would always have to tap into my savings. I tried having a hidden account but after I had to tap into that at one point to pay rent then he figured it out and always counted on that. He was raised in a lower class household where there was never any money, he never ever had an allowance, so when he had money he spent it because he grew up not having money to spend. I on the other hand, went through good and bad financial times growing up so I understood the reward of savings. I think the financial stuff is important to learn as children. I used to save up my allowances as a kid to buy a big purchase. When my brothers and I were kids, every spring my dad let us purchase a weaned calf at auction. We would pasture it and look after it for the summer and fall then sell it at the auction at the end of October. We would double our money. So in doing this we learned about the potential rewards of investments.
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 8
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 7:56:10 AM

After my 1st Marriage fell apart, I never combined money again.


That's pretty much the standard practice nowadays when going into marriage/relationship number 2 and beyond.
But that's a catch 22 situation. Everyone says the key to having a successful marriage/relationship is trust. But keeping finances and assets separate indicates a lack of trust. I don't know how successful a marriage could be if there's a lack of trust.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 9
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 9:48:24 AM

That's pretty much the standard practice nowadays when going into marriage/relationship number 2 and beyond.
But that's a catch 22 situation. Everyone says the key to having a successful marriage/relationship is trust. But keeping finances and assets separate indicates a lack of trust. I don't know how successful a marriage could be if there's a lack of trust.
this came up recently here and that was my same point. after my ex wife filed bankruptcy without my knowledge, I too went into the next relationship with trust issues and kept my money separate. it proved to be a smart choice! maybe closer to a fairytale than real life but I feel 100% trust means no secrets, escape plan or protecting yourself without including your partner. realistic? probably not, but that is what I would need to ever consider marriage again.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 10
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 10:24:23 AM

Everyone says the key to having a successful marriage/relationship is trust. But keeping finances and assets separate indicates a lack of trust. I don't know how successful a marriage could be if there's a lack of trust.


Exactly.

A lot of people can't see the forest for the trees.
 jerseynative7
Joined: 10/26/2018
Msg: 11
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 10:37:26 AM
My boyfriend and I dont live together and we arent engaged. I assume you are referring to couples that are married or living together. He spends his money how he wants and I do the same.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 12
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 11:04:05 AM

That's pretty much the standard practice nowadays when going into marriage/relationship number 2 and beyond.
But that's a catch 22 situation. Everyone says the key to having a successful marriage/relationship is trust. But keeping finances and assets separate indicates a lack of trust. I don't know how successful a marriage could be if there's a lack of trust.


I don't think keeping finances and assets separate indicates a lack of trust, if your partner knows about them.
I would never hide money or keep secret accounts, but even when I was married we had a household account and our separate
accounts. Assets could be kept separate if it was some sort of family thing that wouldn't be inherited. I had a friend that had a family trust that included only himself and his sister and who they specifically designated at beneficiaries. Their spouses were not included or named in the trust.

Again, I don't believe in keeping secrets and secret accounts, but I do think it's okei to keep them separate.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 13
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 11:41:53 AM


msg#2:
Men should give their money to their wives - she can't cheat if she already has it all! If it's not enough, get a better job or business! Read it and weep

If she's a good girl and you keep her in love, you'll have no problem. It's called giving, responsible, and loyalty



My kind of guy<<<
(Smile)


- thank you my friend.



Everyone says the key to having a successful marriage/relationship is trust. But keeping finances and assets separate indicates a lack of trust. I don't know how successful a marriage could be if there's a lack of trust.



Exactly.

A lot of people can't see the forest for the trees.


- I love it.



Yeah, some of you guys need to be better people and pick better friends/lovers. Trust is a cornerstone of a relationship.......in fact, you can only love someone as much as you can trust and respect them. It's huge.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 14
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 12:04:27 PM
If you have kids together, it's pretty difficult to keep separate accounts, especially if one spouse cuts down on work to raise children or quits their job altogether. Almost every woman I know either had to change jobs/positions, lessen the amount of hours they work or become a stay-at-home parent due to childcare reasons Not to mention the year of mat leave taken at 55% income.

Now that I've had my kids, I would keep separate accounts and not make them joint. My kids = my expenses. But if I was to (theoretically) meet someone and have additional children with them, then it would be joint income/expenses.

Of course overall household income is the big deciding factor. When combined incomes are still really low and all money goes to expenses, it is very difficult to maintain separate accounts.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 15
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 12:23:36 PM

After my 1st Marriage fell apart, I never combined money again

^^^this
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 16
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 1:04:36 PM

If you have kids together, it's pretty difficult to keep separate accounts, especially if one spouse cuts down on work to raise children or quits their job altogether. Almost every woman I know either had to change jobs/positions, lessen the amount of hours they work or become a stay-at-home parent due to childcare reasons Not to mention the year of mat leave taken at 55% income.


No, it's not difficult to keep separate accounts. You simply go down and apply for one.
I don't see what difference the hours make.
You have a house account and you have a separate account...as does your partner.
I don't care if you can only put 5.00 a week in it.
You should write a book...excuses 'r us.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 17
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 1:20:38 PM


Everyone says the key to having a successful marriage/relationship is trust. But keeping finances and assets separate indicates a lack of trust. I don't know how successful a marriage could be if there's a lack of trust.

Exactly.
A lot of people can't see the forest for the trees.


A forest is made of more trees than trust. There's also compromise, understanding. patience, forgiveness....
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 18
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 2:41:57 PM
So in a situation in which one person is a stay-at-home parent or their income is only enough to pay their half of the rent/groceries/etc., does that mean the other person gets to save up for their own retirement, buy a new vehicle, go on a night out, etc. while the other person does not because they have a lower income? Almost all the couples I know, the husband makes twice or more the income of his wife. Kids change things. If the relationship is truly equal, than incomes should be combined.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 19
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 4:02:13 PM
^^ In a real relationship....the goal is to save for "we" things....not "me" things.
Nothing wrong with having seperate accounts....as long as their is honesty about what is being spent...
and there is mutual agreements to what should be put up for "our" future.
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 20
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 7:16:40 PM
My ex husband use to ask...."Is that new?"

To which I could always honestly answer..."No...I have had it for ages."


Until he got wise and defined "new" and "ages". ;)


"Financial cheating" can be detrimental if it causes harm to various aspects of the relationship or it can be harmless as just the "games we play".
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 21
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 7:39:39 PM

In a real relationship....the goal is to save for "we" things....not "me" things.
Nothing wrong with having seperate accounts....as long as their is honesty about what is being spent...
and there is mutual agreements to what should be put up for "our" future.


Where is the "we" and "our" in separate bank accounts? If it's treated as "our" money, should both people be able to see each other's bank statements, and see where "our" money is going?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 22
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 7:59:01 PM

Where is the "we" and "our" in separate bank accounts? If it's treated as "our" money, should both people be able to see each other's bank statements, and see where "our" money is going?


well of course....that's where the "honesty" part comes in...
not that hard of a concept to understand...
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 23
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 8:25:42 PM
I don't like the idea of having only 1 joint bank account. It would cause fights. Having separate bank accounts seems better plus one joint one.
How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 8:40:10 PM
I have a friend who has to ask his wife before he makes purchases. Even things like Christmas lights or beer. I could never do that. I didn't have any joint accounts when I was married. Bank accounts and credit cards were separate. I made a lot more than her so I covered the mortgage and utilities along with my cars and "toys". She paid for food, child care and her car. I paid when we traveled and most of the time we went went out. She bought what she wanted with her money and I bought what I wanted with mine.

I wouldn't mind having a joint house account. Something for each person to contribute to for normal living expenses and each would have their own personal accounts.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 25
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How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 9:07:25 PM

Men should give their money to their wives - she can't cheat if she already has it all! If it's not enough, get a better job or business! Read it and weep

If she's a good girl and you keep her in love, you'll have no problem. It's called giving, responsible, and loyalty.


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