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 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 1
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Turning someone down for sexPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Do men and women treat a denial similarly?
I figure men get turned down more often, and they don't take it too personally, and they just retry.
Women, I think, will get really pissed if they get turned down for sex for some reason, and may terminate the relationship and bear a grudge against the guy who turned them down.

So it is not a good idea to turn a woman down for sex, if she offers, if a guy wants to maintain the relationship?
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 2
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/5/2018 7:40:47 AM

Women, I think, will get really pissed if they get turned down for sex for some reason, and may terminate the relationship and bear a grudge against the guy who turned them down.


If you have a backbone Next time a woman plays the "keys to the gate game" with you. Don't play the game when they give you the keys. Simply decline them as you're not ready to take that step yet. Now watch the sh*tfest unfold.

A very quick way to find out the true woman early on.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 3
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/5/2018 3:54:16 PM
Rejection in bed is supremely hurtful to anyone. It happens to women too, in nonworking relationships and marriages particularly, until God willing they end. Really awful stuff. Whether you express your hurt or not is not the point. I'm not talking about one partner being tired or something and informing the other kindly.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 4
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/5/2018 5:04:53 PM
in my experience, it is very one sided. while i have had my advances rejected and took it at face value, rejecting a woman ALWAYS has ended badly for me. same in some relationships. her not being in the mood is accepted until it becomes the norm but not wanting sex can quickly become grounds for a battle. i don't play the gatekeeper game. one such outburst gets them shut off! i will not get rejected on a regular basis and then be expected to perform on demand when it suits her.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 5
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/5/2018 5:44:00 PM
for women...we have been trained to believe a man will have sex at each and every opportunity...
so if a man turns them down...they take it personally.
Women overthink....and in doing so....will make themselves believe the man suddenly doesn't desire her anymore.
Then the "hurt" turns to "anger" in a self defense mechanism.
Is it logical....nope...
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 6
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 9:00:33 AM
Turning down a partner, man or women, feels like rejection (unless you are sick). If it happens too much, it can kill the person's love for you and the relationship.

Unless you are sick, be prepared to give sex and affection whenever your partner wants it. Is this difficult for ya?!
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 7
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 9:17:48 AM

Unless you are sick, be prepared to give sex and affection whenever your partner wants it. Is this difficult for ya?!
only if she is willing to do the same.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 8
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 9:45:04 AM
Is this denial within a relationship or within the first couple of meets?

I've made overtures and been rejected.
On early meets, I've shrugged and moved on.

I think it may be more of an 'attractive' thing within the first couple of meets.
I've turned down men and some were livid. How dare I turn them down? Of course, they probably believed in leagues and thought I was below them and desperate for a fvck.

So, I'm not sure if it is the rejection OR the rejection of someone who we think should be grateful for the attention and having sex with wonderful us.

Within a relationship, then it's painful. I don't think I got 'really pissed' because I was turned down for sex. I got divorced. Is that the same as being pissed? There was never a yelling, screaming, throwing things, full-on battle. It became a continual thing AND the excuse was usually he was in the middle of a (video) game and didn't want to stop.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 9
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 10:00:15 AM

Is this denial within a relationship or within the first couple of meets?


Beginning where both parties are ready to take next step. But isn't that what communication is for.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 10
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 10:39:46 AM
Well look, when just dating, before you have established a relationship, you can turn them down if you don't like them, of course. And sure, they might get butt-hurt. In that situation, too bad so sad!





Unless you are sick, be prepared to give sex and affection whenever your partner wants it. Is this difficult for ya?!


only if she is willing to do the same.


- absolutely. love is a two-way street.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 11
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 11:18:54 AM
Agree with above! I can't remember ever saying no in a relationship, actually, unless sick.... I chose to be in a relationship with him because I'm attracted to him, why would I not want sex with him then?
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 12
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 1:07:00 PM
if one wants it 3 times a day and the other is fine once a month, somebody is getting rejected a lot! now if both are satisfied with 2 or 3 times a week, either one should be able to up their game or take a night off. I have never had a ltr where I didn't get 'not tonight' nor have I been in one where I didn't do the same.
 PollyR107
Joined: 4/8/2016
Msg: 13
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 1:36:14 PM
I don’t remember refusing having sex with my partner. I enjoy it except when I feel under the weather. But I have turned down a lot of men I dated. I don’t get intimate until I’m ready which is very variable.

I find that men don’t usually refuse sex if offered regardless of their interest (or lack thereof) in the woman. JMO.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 14
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 1:59:48 PM
msg#12:
Turning someone down for sex
Message: if one wants it 3 times a day and the other is fine once a month, somebody is getting rejected a lot!


I suspect that two such different individuals would not even get together in the first place. I could be wrong.
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 15
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 2:01:58 PM
Here's one scenario in POF:
(any resemblance to anybody's relationship here is strictly coincidental/unintentional)

Guy has multiple dates from POF.

Guy starts having sex with one, regularly.
Second date/woman wants to have sex with him.

(At this point, some guys are ok with having sex/body fluid exchanges with multiple women around the same time. Other guys prefer to stick to one woman, since she may be the one, and can also track who they caught something from and not spread it to others. But relationships from POF are like the stock market and can change fast, so don't put all your eggs in the first basket you find)

So, guy likes 2nd woman, but prefers to defer sex with her, since he's already getting enough from the 1st and hopes that will work out. (And if the 1st finds out he's banging the 2nd, 1st might end the relationship)
2nd woman now might get pissed at being denied/rejected for sex and strike the guy off her list permanently.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 16
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 2:16:03 PM
Men are more used to rejection so they tend to take it a lot better. Like MsMicki said, women have been conditioned to believe that men are sex-crazed maniacs so if he rejects her, she's more likely to take it more personally.


I find that men don’t usually refuse sex if offered regardless of their interest (or lack thereof) in the woman.


Agreed. Even if their interest is lukewarm, they may sleep with her once or twice but it won't mean anything else. Those guys might hit the woman up months down the line when they're bored, horny and no one else is available. That's hardly flattering.


So it is not a good idea to turn a woman down for sex, if she offers, if a guy wants to maintain the relationship?


No, it is not a good idea. Btw, it takes two to maintain a relationship. A relationship without sex is like having a car without a steering wheel. You won't get very far. I can understand if the couple has been together a LONG time and health problems, an accident, intense weight gain, etc. befalls one of the people in the partnership. At that point they've already had a lot invested in the relationship but for a new-ish couple where both parties are in good health, a sexless relationship is much like a death sentence.
 ontheotherhand
Joined: 6/24/2018
Msg: 17
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 10:29:29 PM
Other than illness there is another reason that I've turned down sex with a partner. That has been when the person has been excessively hurtful. It would be great if you could always just kiss and make up, but it isn't always that simple. It's not punishment, it's recovery time.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 18
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/7/2018 8:09:11 AM

...so if he rejects her, she's more likely to take it more personally.

I think anyone - man or woman - who takes rejection so personally that they throw a hissy fit or a china plate is someone who has a small sense of self-worth.

And best avoided for an intimate relationship.

Mostly because, if their self-worth is invested in what other people think of them, then they'll do what other people want.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 19
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/7/2018 8:26:52 AM
Off topic.. Natey. How do you place these emojis on your posts? There used to be a page here where you could read the codes to the different emoji's but I can't find it. The only one I remember is 33. Natey. If you can direct me to that forum link would you please do so?

I have never been rejected for just sex. If I offered it, I got it. Relationships at the "next level" yes.. but never if I expressed my intent was only for something casual. The problem was that most of these "casual" type guys that said they only wanted sex became possessive and controlling and eventually demanded exclusive relationship when that was not what I signed up for.

Years ago I figured out men were fairly simple in their wants and needs. I call it the 3 F's. Feed them, F8ck them and then shut the F8ck up.
So I never had a guy that was truly the other kind of 3 F's. Find them, F8ck them and Forget them. I always had them come back for more. Not bragging, just a fact.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 20
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/7/2018 11:06:21 AM

Years ago I figured out men were fairly simple in their wants and needs. I call it the 3 F's. Feed them, F8ck them and then shut the F8ck up.


Yes quiet is a must as our heads drop into our laps after our massive dose of carbs. Getting old :)

My longest relationship started with her feeding me within 10 mins of meeting her ;)
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 21
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/7/2018 3:24:22 PM

So I never had a guy that was truly the other kind of 3 F's. Find them, F8ck them and Forget them. I always had them come back for more. Not bragging, just a fact.


Same here. Most guys in my experience, especially if they were only having sex with me, wanted to have more sex. I could see a guy doing a smash & dash if:

a) he's a real ***hole
b) the sex was just TERRIBLE and he has no desire to redo
c) he's already getting consistent sex from someone else
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 22
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/7/2018 6:15:02 PM
My mother taught me it was the 3 B's..
Beer -- Beef & Blowjobs!!
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 23
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 4:41:55 AM
These days being careful would be the primary concern....rather watch a movie and masturbate rather then sit in a jail cell....lol....in saying that the last woman I dated had no idea how to treat a guy....and while she has issues which I will never figure out... all that ever happened was her satisfaction....believe me it was a weird so-called relationship....BUT again with things falling apart in the world things can go south REAL fast...lol and as in divorce cases and such, the courts don't believe the man....
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 24
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 6:30:18 AM
No means no. Consent and ongoing consent mean everything. If he doesn't want, I don't cross that line.
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 25
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 6:47:45 AM
Msg: 19

Off topic.. Natey. How do you place these emojis on your posts?


@PennyAnte, here's the list: https://forums.plentyoffish.com/15823718datingPostpage14.aspx

Enjoy!
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