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 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 1
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?Page 1 of 1    
Hear me out, you know when you first get with someone you click with that feeling you get? The way you treat each other? The fact that you are always calling each other, texting each other spending most of your free time together, humping like bunnies every chance you get..

Part of this is because of a chemical****ail your brain produces early on in a relationship, the reason most relationships are GREAT in the beginning is because of this. There have been studies that someone in a new relationship and someone high on LSD brains are lit up in the same places, basically when you fall in love your brain produces its own psychotropic drugs, that's why nothing feels better than love and nothing feels worse than losing it.

Problem is these hormones start to wear off within a few weeks to a few months. But for me the honeymoon period does not wear off like that, a side effect of my ADHD, I tend to hyper-focus on things I enjoy and of the things I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend(when I have one) is at the very top of my list. So for me the behavior at the beginning of a relationship is not a temporary hormone induced rush, it's simply the way my brain works.
Most of my relationships start off GREAT, I'm on cloud 9 everything else no matter how bad does not seem so bad. and just when I am starting to think "finally I met the right one for me, this one is different" it happens, the newness wears off on her end, she starts to revert to her (before me) life and attempts to try to squeeze me into it without breaking anything. after she had gotten my used to the way she was in the first few weeks or months of us being together. in return I start to feel like she is not into me anymore, when I was younger I would try to pull her back and hold on tighter, these days once this happens I attempt to explain my feelings and if things dont get better(they rarely do) I just break it off before the heartbreak is even worse.

Sometimes this causes another set of problems. either the woman acts hurt and makes me the bad guy(even though it was her who pulled away in the first place) or she attempts to be the girl I started a relationship with in the first place but this usually only lasts a week or so, which is why I don't go back any longer. in fact I have 2 women from a year ago who every few months are trying to get me back and they dumped me for being up their a$$ when we were together.

So I imagine what things would be like if the honeymoon hormones were not a temporary thing in most people, what if the brains of most people kept on producing those happy chemicals as long as you were together and only wore off in cases of abuse, death or a long period apart? would relationships much better if that was the case?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 2
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/5/2018 5:49:01 PM
and that is why most relationships fail....
Reality is we are busy people...and keeping up with that every night schedule is impossible in the long run....

The smart thing to do.....resist the urge to spend every frikken waking second with a new partner....
if you allow yourselves some time to actually miss each other .... then your time together will be more special...
and you won't have false hopes of how a real relationship between adults with actual lives will really be
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 3
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/5/2018 8:14:33 PM

and that is why most relationships fail....
Reality is we are busy people...and keeping up with that every night schedule is impossible in the long run....

The smart thing to do.....resist the urge to spend every frikken waking second with a new partner....
if you allow yourselves some time to actually miss each other .... then your time together will be more special...
and you won't have false hopes of how a real relationship between adults with actual lives will really be


Wow I would say be who you are, if you enjoy each others company you don't get bored of each other or need "time to miss each other". frequency does not decrease specialness and absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it just creates depressed longing.

Some of my happiest relationship memories were of my youth when thats how relationships actually did work.
You met, had things in common decided you were an item spent most of your free time together.

I realize that it was easier to do in your late teens - early 20's, because odds are that social groups were more compact back then and odd's are most of her friends were also your friends or the girlfriends of your friends, and most people in your peer group had the same types of jobs and worked similar hours(usually driving pizza around all night or flipping burgers on the 2nd or 3rd shift because you are low on the totem pole) etc etc etc...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/6/2018 3:07:05 AM
So... how's that "it worked for me when I was a teenager" thing working out for you now?
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 5
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/6/2018 8:55:44 AM
I had a relationship where the honeymoon phase lasted 3 years. Now I just have to figure out how to make it last forever.
Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/6/2018 9:35:51 AM
the partner who is more enamoured, may be the one who continues to glow with excitement. as Miki pointed out, however, life gets in the way if we aren't a member of the idle rich. i've known some people who go from relationship to relationship, "in love with being in love", to keep that honeymoon feeling going regardless of who's warming their bed.

"the newness wears off, they revert"

>>>sometimes, what happens is people put on their best front to snare us, and when they realize we've committed, drop the act and because they feel so comfortable in our acceptance of them....become their true selves. unfortunately, if we went into a relationship in order to get the honeymoon thrill, and didn't pay attention beyond the act or question how this person could be so perfect...then we have contributed to this downfall.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/6/2018 10:49:47 AM
msg#5:
Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Message: I had a relationship where the honeymoon phase lasted 3 years. Now I just have to figure out how to make it last forever.


In my longest relationship, it was eight years before we ran out of 'things to talk about'~
Good Times
(Smile)
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 8
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/8/2018 7:43:34 AM
If you expected her to change completely to appease you, then you're going to be disappointed - every time, with every woman. You really need to live up to your chronological age and grow up.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/8/2018 8:26:51 AM
I've never had those "butterfly" giddy feelings as an adult. I do think not having them gives you a clearer head when it comes to judging the relationship for what it is early on. That way you know if it's real love or just infatuation. As an adult I know that I like somebody but I'm not "infatuated". It's a slow build up of developing the relationship to the point where I love the person.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/10/2018 1:55:00 PM

So I imagine what things would be like if the honeymoon hormones were not a temporary thing in most people, what if the brains of most people kept on producing those happy chemicals as long as you were together and only wore off in cases of abuse, death or a long period apart? would relationships much better if that was the case?


No way.
The thing is, that "everything is wonderful" period only seems that way because of those darn brain chemicals. Essentially, people in the "in love" stage, are HIGH all the time.

And it's no different at all, from being HIGH all the time due to the use of other drugs. Not just because the cost to the human body of being intoxicated all the time is real and problematic. The main problem is, people who are HIGH all the time, make lousy decisions. Over and over again. Not just about how compatible they really are, but about basic life day-to-day actions.

The only people I've ever seen who at least CLAIMED to experience the "in love" stuff all the time, were either so head up their own backside that they didn't realize that they were really just in love with THEMSELVES, or they were so rich that the fact that they made idiotic decision after idiotic decision, didn't hurt their lifestyle.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 11
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/10/2018 2:02:22 PM
msg#10:
So I imagine what things would be like if the honeymoon hormones were not a temporary thing in most people, what if the brains of most people kept on producing those happy chemicals as long as you were together and only wore off in cases of abuse, death or a long period apart? would relationships much better if that was the case?
___________________________________________


No way.
The thing is, that "everything is wonderful" period only seems that way because of those darn brain chemicals. Essentially, people in the "in love" stage, are HIGH all the time.

And it's no different at all, from being HIGH all the time due to the use of other drugs. Not just because the cost to the human body of being intoxicated all the time is real and problematic. The main problem is, people who are HIGH all the time, make lousy decisions. Over and over again. Not just about how compatible they really are, but about basic life day-to-day actions.


^^^So true. No work would EVER get done~
(Sparks flints to get the fire going...Brrrr)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 12
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/10/2018 7:49:48 PM
That would be exhausting. I like a man who has his own things to do while I do my things. Doing things together is exciting when we haven't been all over each other all the time. I love my solitude.
 beercookies
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 13
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/11/2018 7:17:15 AM
Chemistry doesn’t equal a relationship. Empathy, laughter, admiration, kindness, etc...are more sustaining, and the way a person thinks can definitely repel or draw me in.

In a relationship the demands are many. Not only do you need attraction physically, but that cannot be the only thing. Physical attraction can mask for many the fact you don’t like the person that much in a deep and lasting way
or that your goals don’t match.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 14
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/11/2018 7:53:52 AM
Love Is Not a Permanent State of Enthusiasm

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-new-yorker-interview/love-is-not-a-permanent-state-of-enthusiasm-an-interview-with-esther-perel
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 15
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/11/2018 8:50:47 AM
OP: Are your parents-or anyone you know who are their age-constantly crawling over and pawing each other, and doing it non-stop the entire time they are with each other? If not, at what age did they stop doing that? There are a lot of couples who are married for decades and will be until their last breath, who don't act like teens with crazy hormone action going on in their bodies. Most people wouldn't want to feel that they will be pounced on the minute they walk through the door, and expected to be in a constant state of euphoria.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 16
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/11/2018 9:50:57 AM
Reminds me of a married couple who had a popular cooking show, all lovey-dovey all the time, turned my stomach, couldn't watch their show. Ugh. Turns out one or both of them were having affairs, lying, tiresome couple. How many couples like this are being honest?
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 17
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/12/2018 4:24:40 PM

OP: Are your parents-or anyone you know who are their age-constantly crawling over and pawing each other, and doing it non-stop the entire time they are with each other? If not, at what age did they stop doing that? There are a lot of couples who are married for decades and will be until their last breath, who don't act like teens with crazy hormone action going on in their bodies. Most people wouldn't want to feel that they will be pounced on the minute they walk through the door, and expected to be in a constant state of euphoria.


Yep, a few family members like that, embarrassed their kids and all, my parents were kinda like that just not to the same extreme, people together for decades who seemed like they have only been dating a few months. and in most cases those are the couples that when one of them dies the other aint too far behind. the ole folks called it "he/she died of a broken heart".

Interestingly enough that's more common when the wife goes first.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/12/2018 6:20:07 PM
@Ms.Micki. Your post made me think of this poem in the book "The Prophet" and @ Day. Yes, we all need some solitude.

On Marriage
Kahlil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.


Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 19
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/12/2018 6:44:25 PM
Beautiful poem Penny...
and exactly my sentiments.

OP - my parents had a passionate, loving relationship till the day my Mom passed.
But they still weren't greedy with each others time....they allowed each other to
have individual lives....and when they were together...even as young children we seen the sparks flying.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 20
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/13/2018 8:39:45 AM
I work with the elderly and what I've noticed is that there are still some lovey-dovey couples kicking around in the 60s and up. I think though, that a healthy couple is one in which both persons have individual interests apart from each other some of the time.

I do think though that a relationship needs euphoria to begin with. And true attraction with euphoria, it never quite goes away, it resurfaces from time to time.
 Noftheborder
Joined: 10/4/2018
Msg: 21
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/13/2018 9:31:07 AM
I just got back from a 12 day vacation in Mexico for my daughter's wedding where I got to see the interaction of a non-married couple who have been in their relationship for over 30 years (she's 55 and he's 65). It was apparent, without PDAs, that they were as enamoured of each other as they must have been when they first met. They treated each other with respect, ran off on so many excursions together while there and had huge grins on their faces the entire time. They camp, quad, fish, etc. every chance they get while back home. Of course, I have no idea what their sex life is like or if they even have conventional sex subsequent to some major male related health issues he has suffered but the bottom line is that they are very well suited and are obviously in love, whether or not hormones "went away". Without true compatibility, hormones mean nothing.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 22
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/13/2018 5:37:32 PM
Noftheborder, I have never seen a long term couple like that. Truly special and it must have felt special to even be witness to it. May we all have at least a little of this in our lives.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 23
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/13/2018 5:55:10 PM
The Movie 50 first dates with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler comes to mind where he has to make her fall in love with him all over again everyday. Maybe that's the key to it all right there.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 24
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Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/14/2018 9:32:54 AM
part of the problem may be, a relationship is like a business agreement. when we're in lust, we don't look elsewhere, but once we have "the talk", we officially agree everyone else is forbidden fruit. we also agree to be there for the other person, even when we don't want to be, and a bunch of other "requirements". things are expected of us, things that maybe we didn't do in the honeymoon phase but our partner overlooked it.

interestingly enough, some of us look down on the honeymoon phase as immature. relationships are a sign of adulthood. all those PDAs turn our stomach. perhaps a healthy honeymoon phase allows us to be kids again, to enjoy life, find the joie de vivre. but how many grownups naturally turn away from any scenario where they have to be drunk on life and willing to be a little foolish?
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