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 The_AntiDote_Again
Joined: 10/24/2018
Msg: 1
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How do I word this?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
We’ve all got things we are and aren’t attracted to and I’m clearly far from being anything resembling perfect myself but.... I’m really not attracted to larger women. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not in to size 8 stick insects. To be honest I probably prefer around a size 12 or so.

So how do I word that on my profile whilst not sounding like such a cruel shallow sh1te? I do seem to get a lot of messages from larger women but I’d rather be clear, upfront and not waste anyone’s time. I see plenty of women’s profiles saying they’re not attracted to short men (or in my case, bald men) which is fair enough, again we’ve got no control over what we are attracted to.

So what’s the best way to word it?
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 2
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/11/2018 8:24:21 AM
Speaking as a fat woman...

From your profile, I understand that you would prefer a woman who can go running or to the gym with you. Perhaps you can word that into your profile. Or you can always says H/W Proportional.

I don't think it really matters a great deal because if a woman likes what she sees in your profile and takes the initiative to contact you... then she is going to ignore anything in your profile that she doesn't like. She might think she'll wow you with her personality and you won't notice the extra poundage. Or maybe she thinks she can keep you on hold until she's lost the weight.

So, I'd rather suggest something about dealing with people you don't want to date.
1. There's no pain in meeting someone - just don't make it an expensive first meet.
1.5. Practice different ways of saying "I don't think we're a good match."
1.6. If she insists on knowing why you don't want to continue dating, be truthful - but, if you can, point out another fault as well. "You're a fan of Michael Bolton, you have nails that are waaay too long and you're too heavy for my preference."
2. Fat women have thin friends so if she's fat but interesting to talk with it might be worth cultivating a decent acquaintanceship in the event you meet her when she's out with her friends.
2.5 Be pleasant. No matter how rude/loud/nasty she gets in telling you how shallow you are. If it devolves into that, get up, pay your bill, and leave.
3. Women who are a size 12 or so have differing self-images that have nothing to do with their actual appearance. When you look through the profiles, don't have the filter set where you can't see by someone who is BBW/Few extra pounds/above average (or whatever it says, I don't remember). But you can set your profile so that you can't be contacted by extra-large ladies.

Most importantly, if I ever make it to Wales, you take me out. You can say I'm a distant American cousin :-)
 jerseynative7
Joined: 10/26/2018
Msg: 3
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/11/2018 9:54:04 AM
You have a long list of what you like in a woman but no mention of athletic, fit, in shape, active, etc. Nothing wrong with putting those preferences in your profile.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 4
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/11/2018 10:18:04 AM

I take pride in my appearance (I don’t just mean wearing socks that match..!) and work in Law which I love tremendously. I enjoy the cinema, comedy clubs, and I like to get to the gym 3-4 times a week but I’m no posing gym-bunny! I have a few gym pics on my profile but all with my shirt ON! And it doesn’t mean I’m only looking for someone with an interest in fitness, although an active lifestyle might be a bonus :-)


I would not be so vague about wanting a woman with an active lifestyle. It's more than just a bonus for you - it's a requirement. The way you have it worded is an open door for women who are not active or physically fit to contact you. I'd consider rewording the above paragraph somewhere more along these lines:

"I take pride in my appearance (I don’t just mean wearing socks that match..!) and I’m looking for a woman who feels the same way. I like to get to the gym 3-4 times a week, although I’m not a gym-bunny. I’d like to meet a woman who shares my interest in staying fit. I work in law, which I love tremendously. I also enjoy the cinema, and comedy clubs."
 The_AntiDote_Again
Joined: 10/24/2018
Msg: 5
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/11/2018 10:26:41 AM
I think people are getting the wrong idea here - just because I don’t want a large women does not mean I want an athletic one. It’s not simply “black or white”. And neither do I say I’m looking for a fitness or gym partner. In fact I state that I’m not.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 6
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/11/2018 11:25:38 AM
^^^ You said you are not attracted to large women. Realistically, most women your age (mid-forties) are going to have to watch their diet and do some kind of regular physical activity in order to keep weight off. The metabolism slows down after age 40. Another way around this is to date much younger women.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 7
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/11/2018 6:50:07 PM
Contact the woman you prefer and ignore the women that contact you that you are not interested in. Keep it simple. You don't have to answer mail from a woman that you do not find attractive. Most people understand that no response means no interest. Why are you complicating this??. It's easy as pie. I'm thin and active. I don't respond to 300 pound men. We are not a match. I don't want to be crushed or lift a 50 pound gut to find the prize.
 The_AntiDote_Again
Joined: 10/24/2018
Msg: 8
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 12:34:48 AM
In all honesty I’d never ever not respond to someone, this is a general comment and obviously not judging you but I find not responding to be extremely rude. If someone has the courage (making the first move can be nerve-wracking) to get in touch then I think it’s only respectful to reply if only to say “thanks but no thanks”.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 9
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 4:09:52 AM

I don’t just mean wearing socks that match..


Buy the same socks. Matching them goes out the window, and you can pitch the one with the hole.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 10
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 5:48:25 AM

In all honesty I’d never ever not respond to someone, this is a general comment and obviously not judging you but I find not responding to be extremely rude. If someone has the courage (making the first move can be nerve-wracking) to get in touch then I think it’s only respectful to reply if only to say “thanks but no thanks”.


Absolutely. Replying to people is the decent respectful thing to do but after a while you'll come to notice not many people have respect for others.

The no answer is an answer is a cop out because adults knock people back, and silly children ignore people because they can't be a responsible adult and don't know how to handle rejection/rejecting. Now ask yourself if they can't be bothered to answer another human being then I think it says a lot about said men and women character.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 11
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 5:50:35 AM
In all honesty..... It doesn't take a lot of courage for someone to type Hey there, or Hi, you're handsome, or Hello sexy.

It's not "rude" when you have 45 messages in your in box. It's not rude to not answer. I think it's rude to reject people.
Why bother? That is absurd. To respond with "thanks but no thanks" that just continues on to five more messages of
someone asking you why or ten more messages with more proposals suggesting that you should give them a chance.

How would you like to open your inbox only to find that everyone there rejected you. Those are not respectful replies.
I personally would rather be left alone and unanswered.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 12
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 6:02:15 AM
"Absolutely. Replying to people is the decent respectful thing to do but after a while you'll come to notice not many people have respect for others.
The no answer is an answer is a cop out because adults knock people back, and silly children ignore people because they can't be a responsible adult and don't know how to handle rejection/rejecting. Now ask yourself if they can't be bothered to answer another human being then I think it says a lot about said men and women character."

Hogwash.

When I was dating here and actively searching. A newbie... my inbox had some weekends over 100 emails. It would be a full time job to reject everyone. They don't just go away.. most continue to pursue you because you've opened a door for communication by rejecting them. They respond over and over.

It has not much to do with women's character that is different, their experience on OLD is very different from men's. It's not a "cop out" it is an issue of time management. As much as men have to do the searching.. women have to do some weeding out here too. No response is better than telling a man "thanks but no thanks". The men don't accept that answer. Some of them get nasty too!

As far as character men are taught to hunt and pursue. They do not just let you reject them. They carry on with you. It's not as simple to just say "no thanks". They want attention any way you will give it to them. I know how to handle rejection. I don't like rejecting 99 men when I'm only searching for 1.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 13
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Posted: 12/12/2018 6:30:10 AM
My experience has been that women when rejected do not get all annoyed or reply once rejected. But many women are really pissed off because they get ignored or aren't getting any messages and this is due to men that are serious thinking why bother. I see it daily on profiles from female users which in turn do the same thing eventually thus the vicious cycle gets worse..

Answering hi there or hi sexy messages isn't what I'm on about. Those type of messages aren't worth the time and are mundane. All I'm saying is if a guy makes the effort to properly construct a first message then act appropriately. People have feeling and emotions and sometimes just a little bit of humanity served their way can make a big difference.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 14
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 7:19:57 AM
"People have feeling and emotions and sometimes just a little bit of humanity served their way can make a big difference."

Exactly. That's why I think "thanks but no thanks" is not kind. If a woman doesn't check all your boxes than why hurt her feelings by rejecting her. You can chit chat if you want a pen pal but that's not the reason she is contacting you. She contacts you because she thinks your "feelings" will be mutual. She contacts you because she wants to meet you and get to know you and someday see you naked. Why play with her "emotions" by sending a "no thanks". That can be hurtful. Would it not be more of a "bit of humanity" than to just not respond. Especially if you are looking at ten pages of new messages on Sunday night.

Most often when a woman gets a message with any content it is a copy and paste message that the man has sent to 50 women. Hoping against numbers that some will respond. Yes, sometimes a message will prompt a response from me but there are other factors I consider. To be honest obesity is one reason I will not respond. Does that mean I should contact the man and say we are not a match because your as big as a barn door? No, it means move on until you find someone that sparks your interest. Why waste a woman's time when you already know you wouldn't want her attention????.

You can be upfront or wonder "how do I word this" but it doesn't matter what you say in your profile. Men will contact you irregardless and most do not read what you write. They look at pictures and send a message. It's obvious when men send copy and paste and even more obvious when you know they haven't even read your profile.

Sending a response gives a woman some hope. It's a false hope and that can be more damaging than no reply. You have no intentions of meeting her and you are not attracted then leave her alone. For as many men here that complain about "no response" there are women that complain they got "ghosted" after having what seemingly was a nice conversation with a man here. What would be your choice? A few crumbs from the table or the whole smorgasbord?
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 15
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 8:10:54 AM

Answering hi there or hi sexy messages isn't what I'm on about. Those type of messages aren't worth the time and are mundane. All I'm saying is if a guy makes the effort to properly construct a first message then act appropriately. People have feeling and emotions and sometimes just a little bit of humanity served their way can make a big difference.


Oh, so if someone sends a short message, it's okay to ignore them, but if someone takes the time to write a longer message, they deserve a response? All people have feelings and emotions, regardless of the length of their messages.

I agree with Penny. I think not responding to those you're not interested in is less hurtful than sending a rejection message. Women often get rude messages from men when they reject them, no matter how politely they do it. Where is the men's humanity?
 The_AntiDote_Again
Joined: 10/24/2018
Msg: 16
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 8:12:44 AM
Perhaps there are differences for men and women...
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 17
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 8:15:30 AM
Penny

Tell that to the women that would prefer a reply than sheer ignorance. They already know they ain't all that and are big girls as in grown up so can take it.. Your personal preference is just that. No need to be rude when replying as in say hey you mate me no want you repulse me and jabba the hut looks more appetising. No thanks then if they don't take the hint. Block. I also do know men can be become quite nasty once rejected. I'm not blind to this but just because someone has no decency or manners doesn't mean people should act the same.

I know exactly what men get up to. Its all I read on profiles how we are all sh!t blah blah blah(and a lot are), and I know many guys that would say anything to get 3 pumps and a dump! If you had to listen to most men over here all they talk about is footy and I'd bang this and bang that. Boring little boys and men in 50's do it to sigh! Of course they will copy paste same message but that's their downfall as now they have contacted everybody and get zero loving.

It reminds me of the have you run out of fish thread. I haven't and my tank is full to the brim because I don't think with my d!ck nor want to use a women just for sex that's looking for something completely different. Why waste a message as someone that isn't compatible now could be later or spam the site hoping someone might wanna touch their tiny peckers lol.

I've messaged 3 women since the beginning of September in total. I take it serious. If all I wanted was a bang I wouldn't be on POF at all as easier way to get some sucky and ****y elsewhere. Sex isn't hard to get. Finding someone worth a damn who you connect with and all the other stuff is.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 18
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 8:27:31 AM


Oh, so if someone sends a short message, it's okay to ignore them, but if someone takes the time to write a longer message, they deserve a response? All people have feelings and emotions, regardless of the length of their messages.


If the message is legit. Respond. But length of a message in regards to your profile content shows effort being made. It also open up more avenue's the get a response and start conversing .



I agree with Penny. I think not responding to those you're not interested in is less hurtful than sending a rejection message. Women often get rude messages from men when they reject them, no matter how politely they do it. Where is the men's humanity?


Read my response to Penny above. I know what men are like. I'm not defending their behaviour.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 19
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 9:36:22 AM
@Spec.. I don't agree that someone who doesn't respond to you has no decency or manners. That is a strange presumption to me. Woman that can not take the "hint" with silence are the ones that are "ignorant". Men too. Would you say "anything" to put yourself on a moral high ground.
Ridiculous. It's not about manners it's about being selective.

Blocking someone is not kind at all because after a certain number of people block you POF discards your entire profile. Where are your manners then?
I don't listen to men who brag about pumping and dumping. They are crass and I don't need that kind of negativity in my mind. I never hear it except on radio talk shows like Tom Leykis. Some men are just looking for sex. So what?

I don't know why your response to me is about "banging" I wasn't talking about men just looking for a F*ck. That is a whole other subject.
Even the men that are looking for marriage and all sainted and wonderful nice guys eventually want to have sex on the wedding night.
Who are you trying to kid?

You state you have only contacted 3 women here. Were they ladies you know your "serious" about women that you were NOT attracted to sexually. Try to gloss that over. Of course they were. Did you contact 3 "jabbas". I'm guessing NO.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 20
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 10:43:06 AM

@Spec.. I don't agree that someone who doesn't respond to you has no decency or manners. That is a strange presumption to me. Woman that can not take the "hint" with silence are the ones that are "ignorant". Men too. Would you say "anything" to put yourself on a moral high ground.
Ridiculous. It's not about manners it's about being selective.


We'll just have to agree to disagree. Moral high ground no chance. It's just what I think and no I wouldn't say anything to just be on moral high ground. I really couldn't give a damn if I ruffle feathers or not but I'm not going out of my way to do that for the point of it.



Blocking someone is not kind at all because after a certain number of people block you POF discards your entire profile. Where are your manners then?
I don't listen to men who brag about pumping and dumping. They are crass and I don't need that kind of negativity in my mind. I never hear it except on radio talk shows like Tom Leykis. Some men are just looking for sex. So what?


Swings and roundabouts and ignoring them in the first place isn't kind.

It's good that you don't hear it. I'm glad I don't have a daughter! I didn't know they auto delete account for blocking. I don't block anybody for the point of it . If they got abusive then sure but like I said never had a women go off deep end. In fact been thanked the in past for responding. I don't like doing it. It isn't a nice feeling. I don't get off on it. It's how it is.


I don't know why your response to me is about "banging" I wasn't talking about men just looking for a F*ck. That is a whole other subject.
Even the men that are looking for marriage and all sainted and wonderful nice guys eventually want to have sex on the wedding night.
Who are you trying to kid?


Banging was part of my response because it is relevant and no man is a saint. Men are primarily driven sexually as you know. I'm far from a saint. It's about how you go about things and conduct ones self. Is it a bad thing to have a structure of some sort of morality in place? It may not be your version of morality but it has to be better than spread my seed at any cost and at any woman's cost?


You state you have only contacted 3 women here. Were they ladies you know your "serious" about women that you were NOT attracted to sexually. Try to gloss that over. Of course they were. Did you contact 3 "jabbas". I'm guessing NO.


Women that were attractive to me. 1 was Big & Tall/BBW body type and other 2 were average. I do usually go for a woman that has meat on her to be fair. I've contacted and dated a fair few in the past which are all different type of women. I wouldn't call em jabba's.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 21
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 11:27:29 AM
"Women that were attractive to me. 1 was Big & Tall/BBW body type and other 2 were average"

That's not what I am curious about as much as I would like to know what you say when you respond to someone who you don't want.
The OP is in a quandary about how to reject women. When you are writing to women that contact you that do not appeal to you.
With decency and manners. Do you engage in conversation and then gently let them down. Do you respond right away with a "no thanks".
How do you do this with white gloves?
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 22
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Posted: 12/12/2018 11:31:35 AM
Thanks for the message, but sadly, I do not feel we are a match.

Simple as that. No leading on as that would be cruel.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 23
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Posted: 12/12/2018 11:38:16 AM
That is very nice... but that doesn't work with most men.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 24
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 2:23:58 PM
I know seen it with my own eyes. I've been lucky enough to see the nonsense that goes on when their ego's between their legs gets hurt.

A lady I was dating let me play about with 1 of the clowns for 30 mins before deleting her account. I revealed I was a guy and said hope you had a good w@nk lol. Updated her main pic with both of us tongues out with hand w@nk gestures. See, I'm not a saint. It wasn't met with nice words hehe :)

I've had to say the above in my previous message to a woman that has served me out shopping. When I've landed a few days later on their profile by chance. They have messaged instantly. Now that's when you know you got a set or grow one because you got to go back and face the music, so to speak.

I seem to attract cashiers for some reason. It could be because I'm chatting any old rubbish to them or maybe when they ask me how my day is I reciprocate taking an interest in their day. One thing I'm always sure to do is check ring finger for being married etc as that's a no go zone.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 25
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How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 2:34:28 PM
No offense OP, but even the most popular men that I know don't get more than one or two messages a day. I can't imagine that you would need a one size fits all rejection message. You can afford to take a peek at her profile and try to be gentle with her. Rejection won't sting as much if you reply to her as a living person rather than just another picture in your gallery. Intent matters. If you are replying to her message with honest gratitude, letting her down won't be so brutal.
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