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 SanDiegoKisses
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 1
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Dating Around - The Modern Way to Date?Page 1 of 1    
So I am calling "Dating Around" as finding a boyfriend or girlfriend and being exclusive for 6 months or less and then finding a new lover and starting over.

After using a few dating apps, sites (not POF), and going to singles mixers over the past two years I kind of get the feeling this is what most modern dating seems to be: You go out on dates, eventually find someone you like and end up being intimate and date for a number of months until it ends (if it does) and continue to "date around" until something works. It feels to me more like just "dating" than finding the love of my life each time. I mean you learn not to have expectations, chill out and just enjoy the one you are with and the experiences.
My experience might be different because I don't want to get married again and am in no rush to be moving in with a woman.

My question is in your personal experiences is this very common? Do you think at least half of all new exclusive lovers last less than 3 months or do you think it's much longer or shorter? Is dating around what most people are doing?
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 2
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Dating Around - The Modern Way to Date?
Posted: 12/18/2018 6:28:59 AM
When people date for a few months and then move on, it's usually because at least one of them did not fall in love. If they were in love, they would not be so quick to leave.

Some people will date for many months even when there is not love, thinking that things will magically change if they hang around the other person for a time.

They will date a person they approve of or like/love as a friend, because they don't have another love prospect right now, are bored on Saturday night, or are lonely, or just don't know what else to do.

I just went through all this with a woman who we'll call Meg Ryan. She has a nice little house by the beach and all her stuff together. We went on four dates and I finally asked her to just be friends because I saw that she had no love level for me. If I would not have said anything to her, I'm sure we would have dated for months until she met somebody else, or got board. So we are friends now and go to dinner/events sometimes and have a little romance, but I date other people.

But if you are not passionately kissing within a few dates...... I mean at least within two months and probably more like 1 to 6 dates, you will probably never be more than friends. If you put two people alone together, on intimate dates, who have the hots for each other, sparks are gonna fly.

(all this assumes the people don't have major issues )
Dating Around - The Modern Way to Date?
Posted: 12/18/2018 11:20:23 AM
we used to call this "Serial monogamy". it keeps the honeymoon phase from being replaced by the "we're roomates who make whoopie" phase, which eventually gets replaced by the "hallway sex" phase. i don't think its really new or going away, its always happened with certain people. we've just changed our own dating pattern, and stumbled into this. some of the popular kids were doing this back in high school...b/c they were so much in demand, they could.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 4
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Dating Around - The Modern Way to Date?
Posted: 12/18/2018 11:50:50 AM

(all this assumes the people don't have major issues )


A very risky assumption most of the time.
 ontheotherhand
Joined: 6/24/2018
Msg: 5
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Dating Around - The Modern Way to Date?
Posted: 12/18/2018 12:12:32 PM
Some people cannot bear to be alone and will date anyone. Eventually they get bored and start looking for another person. There are also the rescuers that fall for the damaged person who dumps them when an ex comes back into the picture. Some people really care about each other, but realize they're not a match and mutually agree to move on. There are those addicted to the love hormone. As soon as it starts to wear off they're looking for a new love.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 6
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Dating Around - The Modern Way to Date?
Posted: 12/18/2018 12:28:37 PM
In the last few years i have had 3 meets, one of which progressed to a date, and not a 2nd date as i dont put out as quickly as he hoped i might? I enjoy my own company so no biggie lol.

I would like to have someone special, but seems to be difficult to find from online, and no viable in real life either.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 7
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Dating Around - The Modern Way to Date?
Posted: 12/19/2018 11:36:36 AM

In the last few years i have had 3 meets, one of which progressed to a date, and not a 2nd date as i dont put out as quickly as he hoped i might?


OP, It is just the way it goes these days. TEXASCHICK isn't unusual. It could be that she met a guy who wanted too much too soon. Since she also ended her statement with a question mark, it indicates that she has doesn't really know. She plainly says that she doesn't care. She could be using the putting out business as an excuse for not caring. At the end of the day, whether you want her to put out or not, she doesn't care. You move on quickly because she doesn't care.

Then there are the sort who go down like an anchor because they care way too much. You can't date them for long either because they get demanding.

Then there are the checklist girls. You don't want to get involved with them or you get used...

These days, there just aren't too many people who have a balanced view of dating. There probably never were. In the past people met through trusted friends or a parent's suggestion. Now, people almost have to go on their own. Prospects not being screened by either friends or family. It's like the difference between selling to someone through an enthusiastic referral or selling though a cold call. The latter is always more difficult. If your sister introduces you to a girl then you can start with a little more trust than you can with a photo-shopped internet picture.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 8
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Dating Around - The Modern Way to Date?
Posted: 12/19/2018 3:36:02 PM
^^^^the internet has changed things forever. 30 years ago, whoever you met probably knew people you knew. behaving poorly would likely come back to haunt you. today, do whatever you want. you will never see them again and plenty more 'strangers' online to pick from. this way of thinking may seem like a plus when you meet someone who clearly lied to you but I think it carries over much farther. anything less than perfect can be discarded in a rude or nasty way and has little effect. while dating friends of other friends or relatives hasn't been all that great, at least most people would be respectful as they plan there escape.
 athenashelmet
Joined: 11/29/2018
Msg: 9
Dating Around - The Modern Way to Date?
Posted: 12/19/2018 7:17:10 PM
I agree that technology has ruined good manners respect, and etiquette for many. Even I forget how to be nice sometimes because its more socially acceptable today than it was 20 years ago. I never dreamed that having respect for others would become a slowly dying art.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 10
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You're replaceable.
Posted: 12/24/2018 2:15:59 AM
Keep in mind that you're always replaceable, in this cold world of casual dating; there is always somebody who is better, smarter, and more attractive than you.

You decide if this charade is really worth it.
 jerseynative7
Joined: 10/26/2018
Msg: 11
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You're replaceable.
Posted: 12/26/2018 9:40:08 AM
Sometimes it takes a few months of dating to see a persons true colors. I dont see anything wrong with breaking off a relationship and looking for someone else if things arent working out.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 12
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and the more "around" she is, the better
Posted: 12/26/2018 10:02:21 AM
"you decide if this charade is really worth it"

>>>i guess if he gets laid he's happy. otherwise, its the old question, "is it better to be jerked off by yourself or others?"
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 13
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You're replaceable.
Posted: 12/26/2018 10:59:46 AM

Keep in mind that you're always replaceable, in this cold world of casual dating; there is always somebody who is better, smarter, and more attractive than you.

You decide if this charade is really worth it.


- that's not always true.......especially if the other person is in love with you and you own their heart.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 14
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Dating Around - The Modern Way to Date?
Posted: 12/26/2018 9:12:53 PM
old wxman,, not really following your logic here regarding my statement???
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 15
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Dating Around - The Modern Way to Date?
Posted: 12/27/2018 5:07:36 AM
uhm....isn't that what dating is???
spending enough time with someone to decide if they are "forever" material???
If after a few months you don't see "forever" potential....you move on.

Could be they are too picky....or their picker is broken and they keep picking incompatable mates...
or they just haven't found "the one" that breaks the dating cycle.
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