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 Drezzal
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 1
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Living with parents... a turn off?Page 1 of 1    
I was just wondering on what peoples views are when they find out that a potential match lives with their parents? Is it an automatic turn off or would you look the other way?

The common misconception is that at 28 years old and still living with their parents, i must be broke, jobless, a loser etc. The truth is that i have a full time job and could afford to move out in the morning but i would rather help my parents out financially until i find miss right instead of using my wages to pay a landlords mortgage.

Because of my current housing situation, i am able to have a chunk of money in the bank, a bit in savings and can afford the luxuries in life as and when i please.

What are your thoughts on this specific situation while dating? In all honesty it's never been a problem but i'm weighing up the pros and cons at the moment to see if it would be worth getting my own place.
 LocaLexusLady
Joined: 11/24/2018
Msg: 2
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 12/30/2018 6:00:51 PM
Huge turn off esp for women like me who own their own home.

I met a cutie on here last year who is 45 and living with parents. Had 3 kids with 3 women. I was totally turned off by his whole lifestyle.

I’m finding it difficult to find a guy who has his shit together on here.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 3
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 12/30/2018 9:06:08 PM
Drezzal, I think that opinions will vary a great deal across generations as well as across cultures. I don't think it is considered that unusual for a young person to live with their parents these days. Mind you, I am from a very ethnically diverse city and this is very common practice for several cultural groups. Do you lead a responsible and independent life aside from your living arrangement? Personally, I think that is important. Buy your own things, including groceries and pay your portion of the rent/ mortgage and utilities and upkeep - your fair share, have a job you work hard at, that type of thing. To me, those behaviours demonstrate a person is contributing to the overall welfare of their immediate family. Nothing wrong with that to a lot of folks.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 4
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 12/31/2018 8:42:03 AM

Huge turn off esp for women like me who own their own home.

I met a cutie on here last year who is 45 and living with parents. Had 3 kids with 3 women. I was totally turned off by his whole lifestyle.

I’m finding it difficult to find a guy who has his shit together on here.


It's not an immediate turn off for me. I would need to find out his situation first before making decision based on this. Not all people that live with their parents are lazy, irresponsible, or don't have their "sh!t together".
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 5
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 12/31/2018 10:25:46 AM
Plenty of reasons why some people may live with their parents. Not all are bad. Perhaps they are saving up money to buy a house. Perhaps they are taking care of sick or elderly parents. Perhaps they relocated back to area or ended a relationship and needed a place to stay until they could find their own place. Overall that is becoming more common.

I was still living with my parents when I was in early to mid 20s because I was saving up to buy a house. Housing can be expensive in some areas. I didn't pay rent because my parents made a deal with me. I didn't have to pay rent provided that I finished college. I held up my end of the bargain. I did contribute to household chores though. Laundry, washing dishes, cutting the grass etc.
 jerseynative7
Joined: 10/26/2018
Msg: 6
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 12/31/2018 11:50:01 AM
If you want to be intimate with a lady, what do you do exactly? Sneak her in after midnight? That reason alone would be enough for me to want to have my own place.
 Drezzal
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 7
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/1/2019 12:23:39 PM
I don't do intimacy until i'm certain in a relationship. By that stage it's more of a "hey, lets go on a trip for the weekend" type of scenario.

It's more of a choice to be honest. Like i said, i've the money to move out no problem and have been highly considering it. On the other side of things though i'm able to take my hard earned cash and enjoy life a bit with trips away and even go as far as the occasional coffee out.

I did have my own place for years. Struggling to go for a lunch date with a friend as you are busy paying off a strangers mortgage was a killer for me. Not to mention returning to an empty house after work every night.

I've been weighing up the pros and cons lately of renting my own place, just wanted to know others views. Thanks for the comments, really appreciated.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 8
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/1/2019 2:03:09 PM
"Not to mention returning to an empty house after work every night."

This sentence speaks volumes.

You can either be a dependent or independent person in life. Your choice.

Some of us love living alone and nothing would make us change our minds.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 9
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/1/2019 10:24:13 PM
No, it's not a turn off. I have my own place and my boyfriend lives with his family. It'd be more difficult to get busy if neither of us had our own places but it works. I don't see a need to move out unless you are married/partnered or have a very good-paying job where you'll be financially secure & well-off. I am the latter. My family lives 1,000 miles away but I initially moved here in 2015 (with my then-fiance) for a lucrative position.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 10
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/2/2019 11:05:18 AM

I’m finding it difficult to find a guy who has his shit together on here.

I find it quite arbitrary where the line gets drawn for having their 'shit together'.

There are plenty of people who refuse to see someone surviving or thriving at a level lower than their own as being competent. The search for upgrades is constant and relentless. Basically, it's a security measure - anyone who doesn't feel good about themselves wants 'better' coming from their mate.

It explains why attractive douchebags and bimbos with abysmal personality traits get constant attention and dates - because faking it until you make it actually works.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 11
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/3/2019 1:11:25 PM
Dont worry about women who look down on living with parents.

My neighbour lived with his mom until he was about 33 and he was working as a cop.
I lived with my mom into my mid 30s so my mom wouldnt be alone in a big house. I also saved a ton of money and I have an awesome job .
Some women didnt want to date me because i didnt have my own place. Who cares. I had more money saved that some of them and the woman i did marry didnt mind at all as she has great family values.

Dont worry about what some women think it means for a man to "have his shit together" just live your life as best you can for yourself and the right fit will come along .

Lots of these women will be alone in their apartments or houses on and off dating sites for years claiming there are no good men left. While the good men go off and date and marry the actual good women out there.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 12
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/3/2019 1:12:50 PM
"Some of us love living alone and nothing would make us change our minds."

We men appreciate the women who live alone and dont try to change our minds. Its best for everyone in most cases.
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 13
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/3/2019 2:54:50 PM

OP: Because of my current housing situation, i am able to have a chunk of money in the bank, a bit in savings and can afford the luxuries in life as and when i please

Msg #7: Like i said, i've the money to move out no problem and have been highly considering it. On the other side of things though i'm able to take my hard earned cash and enjoy life a bit with trips away and even go as far as the occasional coffee out.

There are valid reasons for living with parents, such as getting through college and helping parents who genuinely need assistance from a live-in caregiver. Other reasons for a 28-year-old to live with his parents are less viable in the realm of adulthood.

Living at home to be able to afford "the luxuries in life as and when I please," is a self-centered motive, which would be a turn-off to me. I want to be with a man who is planning and preparing for a future with the right woman (for him, whoever that would be).

There's nothing wrong with having fun until that day, but if an adult man can afford to move out, yet waits for the right woman to show up before getting his life organized, his home situated, and/or his lifestyle habits in place (such as acceptance of the responsibilities of maintaining his own place, etc.), then he's usually not ready for an adult woman who has already done such things or is actively working on them. Mature adults are proactive in planning and taking on personal responsibilities.

A compatible couple might meet each other at any point in the process, which means houses aren’t necessarily secured ahead of time. In fact, that’s often how it works. The issue I have with the OP is his focus on self, as opposed to a focus on building a life that can be shared with someone else.

Full disclosure: My son moved out in his early 20s and then moved home again at 25 to save for a down payment on a house. At 27, he moved into the house he'd just bought. He lived with me for two years, but he was dedicated to a plan for a meaningful future. It’s not about the situation of living at home, per se; it’s about the mindset.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 14
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/4/2019 5:01:12 AM
Yes, it's a turn off, for me, regardless of the situation. OTOH, I am older than you, so I am thinking about this from my perspective and situations I have encountered. I've spoken to a number of men in the past older than me who are between homes of their parents/relatives or just moved out of an ex-girlfriend's home and looking for a new prospect: a few dates and then a complete move in. No, thanks. Some are taking care of ageing parents, and that I understand, but it's still a situation I don't want because they have very little time to commit to a full-time relationship.

That said...

You're waiting for "miss right" when, instead, you can move out, today, and live on your own and attract her as an independent man? How will your parents manage financially without you there - do you intend to keep up two, separate households, in two different residences? How will you finance that? Are you looking for somebody to pay half the bills or help shoulder the (financial) responsibility of your parents, so you can afford the "finer" things in life? Is Miss Right code for Sugar Momma (twenty years your senior)?
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 15
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/4/2019 7:52:54 AM
You can see the north american woman mindset in lots of these posts.

How dare you live at home and help your parents, you should be out making a comfortable nest for a woman to move herself into.....

Thats why i love european women. They understand the importance of family. They dont look down on men living with parents to help them and then move out when they get married and are going to start their own family.

If my dad didnt die and my mom wasnt alone i would have moved out a long time ago. But she couldnt keep up the work around the house.
Any woman who couldnt understand that , I was happy to say goodbye to.

Like the episode of seinfeld where jerry doesnt care if a girl dumps him because he knows another will come along, I learned the same in my early 20s. Doesnt matter if a woman leaves you for any reason, another will be along shortly.

Its funny how many women have come and go, and now that im married and starting my own life , looking back and seeing the aging single women who i once dated, still looking for a perfect man with "his shit together"

Do what you know is right for yourself
 Inner_circle
Joined: 7/11/2015
Msg: 16
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/8/2019 11:09:50 AM
If he is helping out at home and contributing, I don't have an issue with this.

I am not in that camp of he/she who owns the most square footage 'wins'.

I would want this man to be open to taking in my mom when she needs help down the road, so why would I shoot someone down for helping his parents?

BUT- If he is just there being a mooch off of his parents that aint gonna work for me.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 17
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/8/2019 11:55:14 AM

and even go as far as the occasional coffee out.


This suggests that you can't afford more than coffee on a date.


I did have my own place for years. Struggling to go for a lunch date with a friend as you are busy paying off a strangers mortgage was a killer for me.


This suggests that you couldn't afford to date when had your own place.

I wouldn't mind dating a man living with his parents if he were taking care of them. I would NOT be interested in a man living with his parents because he couldn't afford to live on his own.

A man who wasn't financially secure wouldn't appeal to me.
 Anthonyr876
Joined: 12/30/2018
Msg: 18
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/10/2019 7:37:32 AM
I've met loads of women my age who live with parents, have no car or job. Yet, If you do not have all three of those. Be prepared not to get a reply back. Double standards are insane.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 19
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/10/2019 12:48:55 PM

I've met loads of women my age who live with parents, have no car or job. Yet, If you do not have all three of those. Be prepared not to get a reply back. Double standards are insane.


If anyone, male or female, does not have a car or job they should not be trying to date.

RE: "double standards"...boo-hoo. Don't hate the player, hate the game. If men are still willing to date a woman with no job or car just because she's "hot", that's not on the woman, that's on the men who tolerate that foolishness.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 20
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/10/2019 1:22:04 PM

If men are still willing to date a woman with no job or car just because she's "hot", that's not on the woman, that's on the men who tolerate that foolishness.

"Did you lose your car keys, honey? That's OK - No - no problem. We can always get another car."
- Rob Schneider



If anyone, male or female, does not have a car or job they should not be trying to date.

That's a universal excuse for intolerant people who believe they should not have to deal with reality. Accidents happen. Layoffs happen. It's doesn't mean anyone is obligated to pull their profiles simply because it's inconvenient to your gold digging. You might as well be saying "boob job" or "trust fund" or "swimming pool" instead of Car or Job. Sorry NOT Sorry you have to wait in line for groceries behind someone with coupons.

When it comes to New Years' resolutions - instead of always striving to do something to better yourself, for yourself - maybe it would be better resolving to be a more tolerant person of others than an overachieving douche. Everyone needs a slice of Humble Pie once in a while - and NO, it's doesn't come in Dark Chocolate. The mere idea that you are 'average' and can always do better is ridiculously common and fundamentally laughable.

The "Game" of love is supposed to be played one on one, not based on the peer pressure of a billion other wannabe stars, magazine subscribers and watchers of the "E!" network..
 project_adventure
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 21
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Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/10/2019 7:45:54 PM
I don't agree that lines are arbitrary for having one's act together. If you're a white male living in America, coming from a "traditional" American home and wishing to date American women, the lines are pretty straightforward.

Yes, layoffs happen, but unless you're living paycheck to paycheck (in which case, you don't really have your act together), then a layoff should only be a bump in the road for a single guy in his late 20's. If you're staying home to take care of someone not able to take care of themself, that's another issue entirely. But living with mom and dad to "help them out" sounds suspect, especially if you can't afford the occasional trip or night out while living on your own. I would have to question, "is this guy broke or just lazy, or both?"

From the perspective of a white female who bought her first car (including insurance, gas, and maintenance) with her own money (earned from years of delivering newspapers and babysitting) at 16, moved out and rented a room with her own money (earned from waiting tables and pulling security) at 17, put herself through college with the help of a total of only $7,000 from mom and dad (and haven't taken a dime from them since the age of 20), moved out of state at age 21 making $6.85/hour in her first year of employment after college, worked 2 full-time jobs for 3 years and eventually bought a house with a $60k downpayment at 33 (and otherwise had zero debt), I'd say the lines are pretty clear:

Kids under the age of 18 and full-time college students: living with mom and dad is completely understandable.

Recent college grads looking for work: living with mom and dad is completely understandable.

People taking care of parents who are not able to take care of themselves: living with mom and dad is completely understandable.

People in their 20's saving for a downpayment on a house: living with mom and dad might be understandable, but the lines start to blur.

People (especially white males) in their late 20's and older, living in America, who don't have a set plan in motion, and are living with mom and dad out of convenience: massive red flag!!

If you want to date someone who's got her act together, then you need to legitimately project the same. Again, legitimately.

Others might not agree, and that's their prerogative, but you asked women what we think, and now you've got your answer.
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