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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here      Home login  
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 MusiKyle
Joined: 2/4/2018
Msg: 1
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're herePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I just had to rant about how many women say they want someone that can "carry a conversation" when they can't themselves. In fact, it seems like half of these women want to find someone that behaves more like primetime television than a human being, keeping them entertained with mouth noises while requiring minimal or no effort from themselves.

Now granted I've had good conversations with more than a few women here, but I've been getting especially annoyed lately because I'll talk to girls that are *clearly* showing interest, but they kill the whole conversation so quickly it almost feels intentional (believe me, it's not, they just can't make conversation).

In particular, I'll send a funny message to a girl, she'll remark on how funny it is, I'll say something else funny, and she'll again make some short remark on it being funny. I'm trying to be playful with a girl and half of them lack the social awareness to pick up on it, forcing me to start asking really boring questions because they don't know how to joke and have a good time.

The reason I feel to the need to rant about it is because I know those women sit around thinking something dumb like "Man that guy was so funny, it's too bad he started asking boring questions". Like... ladies, take a second to look at how you respond to guys and see if you're crushing opportunities, because it happens quite a bit.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 2
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/5/2019 9:21:43 AM
I have been on both sides of that scenario. making small talk to keep it going but not knowing if your next comment will amuse or offend, so it stays light until one of you bales. I get tired of trying and would imagine some women do too.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 3
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/5/2019 10:24:27 AM
Well MusiKyle, One of the key ingredients to making a point is, "Know your audience".

Generally speaking, the majority of women who will read your post (rant)/respond, here in the Forums, are older than 35.
Generally speaking, the women here have no problem with, holding a conversation. We can and often do.
Generally speaking, we are greatly opposed to assumptions, stereotyping, and anyone who thinks they know ALL women, (or ALL men) from a very small / limited sample.


I suggest you do some research, do your homework. Look up, "Millennials". I'm sure at the end of the day you will have learned how to communicate, with a young woman in her 20's. Happy reading and best wishes!
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 4
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/5/2019 12:14:15 PM

In particular, I'll send a funny message to a girl

To you.

she'll remark on how funny it is

She is being polite.

I'll say something else funny

Again, to you.

and she'll again make some short remark on it being funny

Again, being polite. The shortness of the remark is your clue that she isn't interested.

I'm trying to be playful with a girl and half of them lack the social awareness to pick up on it

You think you are being playful. You lack the awareness to realize they are not interested. Trust me - a woman who is interested will banter back.

forcing me to start asking really boring questions because they don't know how to joke and have a good time

No one is forcing you to do anything.

It would seem to be you who does not know how to read cues. You are the common denominator. Either you consistently choose women who are not all that bright or you consistently choose women who are not interested. My guess would be that you write a decent first message. You seem harmless enough. They write back out of politeness hoping you will fade away when they don't show actual interest and you figure it out.
 MusiKyle
Joined: 2/4/2018
Msg: 5
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/5/2019 2:27:12 PM
That's really dumb. If they aren't interested they shouldn't show interest and that's still their fault. And if they don't think I'm funny it's just patronizing to think I need the approval of a stranger. I'm funny. I don't care if they think I am, and any woman who thinks I should is full of themselves lol. It seems like your point is somehow that I should be able to read minds rather than women being clear. Sorry, but it's dumb no matter how you phrase it.
 ontheotherhand
Joined: 6/24/2018
Msg: 6
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/5/2019 3:36:13 PM
I know it's a confusing, but women learn quickly on here that if they send a polite rejection they're more likely to get a vicious email in return than a thank you for being honest. Ignoring has the same effect as a polite rejection. Some women preemptively block, but my opinion is that blocking should be reserved for mega azzholes.

Be yourself. The women that get your humor and like it will respond in the way you'd appreciate.
 MusiKyle
Joined: 2/4/2018
Msg: 7
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/5/2019 3:42:34 PM
Lol I had figured that was the case in some situations. A lot of these seemed more like women that took interest and didn't know how to express it though, seeing as how they'd keep replying. And anyways I'm usually very upfront if I can't tell and they're still too immature to give an honest reply! Obviously I can handle it if I'm asking directly lol. I think what you're saying is probably right though lol. I think sometimes they are too afraid of just straight up rejecting a guy, and I can't blame them I guess, but that's not the kind of girl I'd like anyways lol. I have been in the preemptive blocking situation once which was really weird, because we had a great conversation that went on for a few days, soon as I asked about getting a phone number... blocked lol. And I was totally normal about it. Very weird.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 8
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/5/2019 4:05:08 PM

soon as I asked about getting a phone number... blocked lol. And I was totally normal about it. Very weird.


Likely some guy posing as a woman :) Some people will do some pretty mad things just to feel wanted even if it's a delusional lie to ones self.
 MusiKyle
Joined: 2/4/2018
Msg: 9
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/5/2019 4:24:48 PM
Lol I've seen that one too! Twice! Another fun one is women that have boyfriends but are here to flirt and share photos to boost their ego lol. I've seen that a few times too, at least the last girl was honest about why she was here lol
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 10
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/6/2019 4:07:03 AM

I know it's a confusing, but women learn quickly on here that if they send a polite rejection they're more likely to get a vicious email in return than a thank you for being honest. Ignoring has the same effect as a polite rejection.


- Yup. Rejection begs rejection. Welcome to the cat-and-mouse game we call dating.

Just ask for their phone number the second day of messaging. That will weed out the ones who are not interested in you - they will disappear.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 11
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/6/2019 7:57:03 AM

I know it's a confusing, but women learn quickly on here that if they send a polite rejection they're more likely to get a vicious email in return than a thank you for being honest. Ignoring has the same effect as a polite rejection. Some women preemptively block, but my opinion is that blocking should be reserved for mega azzholes.

Simply block a man when he gets mad because a woman didn't respond to the initial email or said "No thanks". Answering someone's questions or commenting on a joke when your (generic) aren't interested can give that person a sense of false hope and is just wasting that person's time and effort. That person may feel there is mutual initial interest when the interest is actually one sided.
 MusiKyle
Joined: 2/4/2018
Msg: 12
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/6/2019 11:38:51 AM
Exactly lol. Which is why I don't buy this at all. I'm sure it happens sometimes, but for the most part, these women aren't holding a conversation when they're not interested. I don't buy that that's something common. If it is, then it's on the women themselves to stop doing it.
 LeFouGamboj
Joined: 11/17/2018
Msg: 13
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/6/2019 4:01:55 PM
A few things to consider

First, you should know (if you don't know already), is that there are far more men than women in your age group on these sites....and that also women in this age bracket do not rely as much on OLD than IRL dating

This means that most women are receiving numerous messages from many men, and are trying to juggle multiple possible interesting prospects.......... the women who've responded did not seem overly interested, yet did not reject you outright......thus, it is possible that they are keeping you on the "back burner" in case more interesting prospects don't pan out!...........if so, then you just have to be patient and not get ansy.

Secondly, in your write up.....you state write off the bat that "your intelligence is your most important trait"....although this could be the case....but it does sound a bit haughty, and certainly could be a turn off to the women (which could be many) who do not feel as highly about their intelligence level as you do about yours

Thirdly, although you regard yourself as being funny......it isn't everyone who likes sarcastic and dark humor, as isn't necessarily going to like your brand of jokes...so you narrow your choices even more, in a crowded field.

assuming you are not looking for women in your age group....you might have more success with older ladies, who are more confident & mature (generally speaking) and can better tackle your particulars.

Otherwise, you might want to take more careful stock on how you come across and what your level of expectations are with OLD. Good luck
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 14
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/7/2019 7:08:18 AM

Exactly lol. Which is why I don't buy this at all. I'm sure it happens sometimes, but for the most part, these women aren't holding a conversation when they're not interested. I don't buy that that's something common. If it is, then it's on the women themselves to stop doing it.

Some people here are looking for a text/chat buddy to pass time when they are bored and have lukewarm interest at best. When I'm unsure of a woman's interest level, I will ask her out and put the ball clearly in her court. If she doesn't respond, says no, claims to be "busy" without an counteroffer, or evades question, then I will move on.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 15
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/7/2019 7:21:57 AM
I found this a lot when I was dating. Women had nothing to say. When on a date I had to keep the conversation going. Talking about all kinds of things. I would try to engage, bring up different topics and see what relates to them, but they had nothing.

One girl could only talk about the gym. When i tried to move the conversation to other things as there is only so much you can talk about the g ym, she had nothing to say.

One girl talked about travelling a lot on her profile so in person i brought up travelling and she talked about her all inclusive trips to cuba and other places where she swam in the pool, drank and ate ..... That was the extent of her adventures.

Other women have even less to talk about as they have never left ontario, and havent done much with themselves and dont have goals to do anything else.

When I met my wife, she had so much to talk about. Her travels over the years which none involved all inclusive, her studies, her family, her struggles , her goals and so on. to this day we still have great conversations. There is a lot of junk out there to filter through, but dont get discouraged, it makes it so much more rewarding when you find someone who isnt just another dime a dozen Kardashian worshipping drone.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 16
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/7/2019 11:19:35 AM

Lol I've seen that one too! Twice! Another fun one is women that have boyfriends but are here to flirt and share photos to boost their ego lol.


Lol, seems like you sure do know how to pick 'em....but lemme guess, it's always "their fault" as to why you're not garnering the results you think you should when it comes to online dating. Chatting with guys pretending to be women & with women who have boyfriends or husbands at home....yeah, you have a great picker!

I can hold a conversation with someone I am jiving well with...that ole thing we call "chemistry". If it's someone I'm not that interested in or we have little to nothing in common, we're not going to gel as well. It doesn't mean neither I nor him "can't" hold a conversation. We just didn't hit it off. It's very rare to come across a stranger, whether online or off, with whom our conversations are free-flowing & effortless from the beginning.

Take some responsibility for your approach & choices instead of blaming half the population.
 MusiKyle
Joined: 2/4/2018
Msg: 17
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/7/2019 2:37:38 PM

Take some responsibility for your approach & choices instead of blaming half the population.


To be fair, I'm ranting and trolling a bit with this post lol. But it's legitimate. Keep in mind, this is about women who say someone being a great conversationalist is important to them, when they themselves can't hold a conversation. I.e., they lack self-awareness. And in fact, what you and every other woman here has done is find really strange convoluted excuses for how it must be my fault lol. So if anyone needs to take some responsibility, it's the women. Unfortunately, too many men feel inferior and like they have to earn women's approval, so it's easy as a woman to simply blame everything on men and keep raising expectations ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . Those women will unfortunately be killing their own chances while they blame it on the men.
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 18
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/7/2019 4:01:39 PM
O.K.

Obviously, you do not have sisters.


You claim to be seeking a "relationship" (love, rainbow, unicorns farting popcorn), yet here you are ... assigning fault, blame, ranting, raving, etc. Claiming (hoping) that women are ruining their chances with ALL men, when they are simply not receptive to YOU.

Ahh, so young, and yet so bitter. Do you really want to proceed as if this is a combat situation?
You are a tender morsel on the verge of being gobbled up by the MGTOW crowd.

Have fun blaming women for your inability to attract them.


P.S. The jokes? Give it a rest. It just shows you are high maintenance and need continous affirmation that you are "funny." We have a regular poster like that. A lot of women find that exhausting, not amusing.


P.P.S. A mid-20s musician? For Gawd's sake GET OFF THIS SITE and enjoy your most valuable and productive "social" years. Go out in public to hear bands and jam, if you are not already in one. You are cute and should be able to pull gals in public, unless you tell them too many of your "funny jokes."

And quit the b!tching.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 19
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/7/2019 4:03:36 PM

Keep in mind, this is about women who say someone being a great conversationalist is important to them, when they themselves can't hold a conversation.


It IS important to them.

However, most likely that's because THEY aren't great conversationalists themselves, so they need one to keep the conversation going FOR them.

You know, someone who has what they are lacking, in order to "complete" them.
 MusiKyle
Joined: 2/4/2018
Msg: 20
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/7/2019 4:10:37 PM

Obviously, you do not have sisters.

Half-sister, and I just met her last year. Give me some time to soak in the wisdom 😂.


It just shows you are high maintenance and need continous affirmation that you are "funny."

I am funny lmao I don't try to be. I mean, I amuse myself anyways, as you can probably see.


For Gawd's sake GET OFF THIS SITE and enjoy your most valuable and productive "social" years.

I'm actively doing that at the moment lol I was finishing my masters degree so I didn't have much time.


And quit the b!tching.

😂😂😂

You're my favorite person ever lol.
 MusiKyle
Joined: 2/4/2018
Msg: 21
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/7/2019 4:11:42 PM

You know, someone who has what they are lacking, in order to "complete" them.

It's a definite possibility. I think I just felt like throwing some of women's "men need to impress me" juju back at them lol.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 22
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/7/2019 9:11:25 PM

P.S. The jokes? Give it a rest. It just shows you are high maintenance and need continous affirmation that you are "funny." We have a regular poster like that. A lot of women find that exhausting, not amusing.


All this time I thought I was amusing...
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 23
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/8/2019 7:55:58 AM
Of course YOU are amusing, cooldog, but at least you are good-looking, so it's not as much of a chore to laugh with (or at?) you.


Listen, Kyle ... I don't know why I am willing to try to "help" you, with most folks on here, it's just a waste of time, but you seem like a nice guy, and you seem to be still malleable. I am going to lay some truths on you ... not interested in a debate, just hope you will think about these.


There are a gazillion threads on here based on a stupid rant that "people won't behave the way I want." Most of these threads are from embittered older people (largely men complaining about women) that feel a) they have tried to do everything short of pulling a rabbit out of a hat in order to meet someone and get a date. They are also convinced b) they have what it takes to attract the other gender (looks, charm, wit, etc.). Long story short, they are often quite delusional, on both counts.

GREAT TRUTH(S):
1. You can't control other people. Learn that NOW, while you are young. It will save you much grief.
2. Ranting about other people not measuring up to one's expectations just makes a person appear like a clueless whiner.
3. Whining, b!tching and ranting is a bad thing to do on a website where you ostensibly want to get dates. Your user ID will likely be googled by prospective "dates," then they will see what you posted.
4. Most women are TURNED OFF by whiners. It is the antithesis of confidence, since it demonstrates that a guy is not decisive and in control/in charge of his thoughts, direction and his own life in general. It makes a guy sound like a hapless victim ... flotsam at the mercy of the currents of the universe. Don't you remember your own post #60 in the "What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?" thread? You said "Arrogance or complaining." "Ranting" is just another form of complaining.

STOP. WHINING. NOW.

Go read the advice of ohenryx at Msg 9 in the "Spam and prostitution" thread:

https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16736624.aspx#16736692

Henry really LIKES women, as does cooldog. It comes across, here in the forums, and I am sure IRL as well. In turn, it makes them likeable by the women.

Most of the men who post "rants" about what women are doing wrong simply see women as a necessary evil to be tolerated in order to achieve their goal ... SEX. These guys will always be the ones that will never grok the whole dating concept. They will be losers, as far as their relationships with women, for their whole lives. After years of frustration, they eventually come back to dating boards ranting about and touting the concept of MGTOW, and how they are so happy now. Of course, they never really "go their own way," they just become involuntary celibates (INCELs) and continue to blame women for their own inability to attract one. Don't listen to them.

Do NOT fall for a girl just because you feel comfortable with her (I know you engineers/IT guys). You are somewhat at a disadvantage, because you did not grow up around females, so you need to demystify the experience a bit.

MORE GREAT TRUTHS:
5. Dating is NOT a hostage situation. It is NOT about negotiating to get the kitty. It is about learning to like the other person (if they are likeable) and liking who you are when you are with them. The rest should fall into place.
6. RELAX. In your mid 20s, you have plenty of time to GET COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF. That is the key to making others feel comfortable with you.
7. AGAIN ... Attracting a woman should not be just a means to an end (sex), it should be FUN. Have FUN with women (not just telling jokes) and women will have FUN with you. RELAX, RELAX, RELAX. You have decades in which you, a male, are still able to raise a family, etc., so don't rush it. Learn to enjoy being with a woman, since, if you are lucky, you may spend the rest of your life in the company of one or more.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 24
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/8/2019 8:45:40 AM
^^^
+infinity for the (correct!) use of grok
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 25
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Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/8/2019 11:04:01 AM
OP, many young people on POF use their cell phones rather than their computers to message each other. That's one of the reasons why conversations tend to be short. It's not that they're not interested; they may just be bad at texting or typing on the phone. Have you ever attempted to type a message on your cell phone as long as the one you posted here?

My suggestion is that you try to steer women to phone conversation as soon as possible. You might find that they are better conversationalists on the phone than they are online. It's also a good way to gauge interest level.
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