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 beadventurous253
Joined: 10/16/2016
Msg: 1
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring mePage 1 of 1    
A little bit of background:

-She is a colleague in the same company, different department.
-She got my number from her female friend who I'm friends with at work. She has displayed SUPER high interest, even the people at the office have noticed and commented.
-Anytime I've backed off when she played hard to get, she would user our mutual female friend or food to come talk to me. Basically her friend would start a conversation, then she would come join, and her friend would leave the conversation within a minute or two. Or she would bring baked goods to me to have an excuse to talk to me, it was super obvious, even my coworkers and boss commented on it.
-I was busy dating other women so I took a few days to respond to her texts sometimes. She started mirroring me. If I texted her 3-4 days later citing that I had been busy, she'd respond that she had been busy too. We'd be talking about hanging out, and she would agree to hang out and I would drop off (BasedZeus and many other gurus, leave her wondering a bit, it works, girls do it to us all the time, I think she is gaming me now), text her some time later citing how busy I was (legitimately) and she would respond back that she has been busy too, and kind of play hard to get/back off just a bit almost as if she was taking two steps forward and one step back like so many of the gurus teach. She has game IMO. I think about her more than all the other girls I'm dating combined...
-For example, I invited her to happy hour, just the two of us. She was like, I'd let you know. A week went buy, then the day I had suggested she would text me at close of business and ask me if I was going to happy hour. I told her I had already left for the day, and she was like, oh yeah, I she already left for the day too, citing how she was so tired (yet she had texted me asking if I was still going to happy hour on the day I had suggested and that she had told me she would let me know about....a week later she texts me at happy hour time the day of, and claimed that she had already gone home too AFTER texting me to see if I was going or not and learning that I had already left for the day...lol. Totally mirroring me.
-So basically after this push and pull movement we hung out, it took a couple tries. She texted me minutes after the date citing how she had fun, etc. I suggested she cook us dinner, as a next date, that I'd bring a bottle of wine, etc. She agreed. Once again I dropped off in conversation so as not to text her too much. This was four days ago.
-So I text her today. Ask her if she has anything good to eat for our dinner, she says not yet.
-I tease her about what I'm going to do with her since she hasn't come up with anything yet, etc.
-She tells me (English is not her first language) that she has been very busy lately and that she is starting to exercise and take English classes, that's why she hasn't.
-AGAIN, let me emphasize that she has to date, always given me enough to keep me into her, then she will back off a little bit when I move on her; she will take two steps forward, one step back. I do the same with her. She is mirroring me actually. If I text her that I haven't responded in a few days because I've been busy, she will respond that she has been busy too. But she has to date always given me some kind of gesture (coming to talk to me, bringing me food, having her friend start a conversation with me that she then joins and her friend walks away from almost a minute into, etc.) to keep me engaging her when I don't contact her for a while. If she senses that I'm losing interest, she will give come forward a bit, then agree to cook us dinner, etc. and then back off a little bit when I engage her again. But so far it has ALWAYS moved forward.

Possible responses to her text about why she hasn't come up with a menu yet because she is very busy exercising and taking English classes:

A) I can help her get some exercise 
 and I can teach her English if she teaches me her language, etc. (I like it because it's ****y/funny/flirty and keeps me engaged rather than pouting and complaining).

B) I tell her that I'm actually pretty busy too and maybe we should just be friends, at least for now... (this is me walking away from her a bit). I don't think this has a high probability of success. I think she will just feel rejected completely by this.

C) Some combination of the above... Part A first then the addition of "but hey, maybe we should just be friends for now..." This kind of sends a mixed signal and keeps her guessing. In one breath I'm giving her an excuse to hang out in a flirty way, but in another I give the option of just being friends....

D) I tease her about how it's too early to play hard to get.

E) I wait for a while and see if she re-engages me.

Or? I'm open to suggestions....
 beadventurous253
Joined: 10/16/2016
Msg: 2
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/9/2019 10:37:37 PM
tl;dr





She gives me enough to keep after her. Moves things forward and just when she thinks that I think I have her, she will add some doubt. When she thinks she's added too much doubt and I stop talking to her, she easily schedules a date, telling me she is busy x days but free y day when she engages me again and I ask her out due to the positive vibe that has reappeared.

It has become a predictable pattern from setting up dates to during and after dates. Two steps forward, one back to keep me guessing. I fully expected her to put an obstacle in the way when setting up the second date a few days after our first date, despite the fact she agreed to cook me dinner after our first date ended. She always does this. It's a constant ebb and flow. Gives me signs of interest, moves forward, then gives some doubt. Never a no. Just not too easy when creating doubt. Then if I back off she will engage me again and I move forward, she'll agree. Two steps forward and one back each time.



Possible responses to her text about why she hasn't come up with a menu for our romantic dinner yet because she is very busy exercising and taking English classes (note, she started the busy thing after I did, and it didn't stop our first date. Just took 2 attempts):



A) I can help her get some exercise :) and I can teach her English if she teaches me her language, etc. and setting up a date and time (I like it because it's****/funny/flirty and keeps me engaged rather than pouting and complaining).



B) I tell her that I'm actually pretty busy too and maybe we should just be friends, at least for now... (this is me walking away from her a bit). I don't think this has a high probability of success. I think she will just feel rejected completely by this.



C) Some combination of the above... Part A first then the addition of "but hey, maybe we should just be friends for now..." This kind of sends a mixed signal and keeps her guessing. In one breath I'm giving her an excuse to hang out in a flirty way, but in another I give the option of just being friends....



D) I tease her about how it's too early to play hard to get.



E) I wait for a while and see if she re-engages me.



Or? I'm open to suggestions....
 beadventurous253
Joined: 10/16/2016
Msg: 3
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/9/2019 10:46:48 PM
She also constantly tells me how she's lonely here too...
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 4
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 7:57:44 AM
Date other women and you wont worry about why and what she does.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 5
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 8:12:28 AM
She is shit testing you. She isn't mirroring you. She is guessing how much she can get away with... like a 2 year old.

Your a big boy with a PHD??? But you can't see past your nose because your looking at her with your snake eye.

Dump her or F&ck her but stop playing stupid childish kindergarten games with her. Shit or get off the pot.

Take control like a man. Like a 34 year old man. Put the big boy pants on and ask her on a legit date. Time, place, date.

If she plays this game I call "go away a little closer" then DTB as in Dump That B!tch. Make it or break it but stop wasting time with
this infantile brat.

You would think with a PHD you would have some common sense... but I think you are getting some kind of satisfaction with
this cat and mouse stupidity. There is a pay off for you. Can't imagine what? Duh.

I think you would have more fun getting laid... but she enchants you more than "all the others"... Bull Chit. You like the challenge.

Grow the F7ck UP!!!
 beadventurous253
Joined: 10/16/2016
Msg: 6
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 8:23:02 AM
After reviewing her text, my own posts and the history of how our dates have progressed (two steps forward, one step back) and that she has always said the same thing (very busy) and that she is not saying no, just that this is her excuse as to why she hasn’t come up with a menu yet when I asked, I’ve realized that:


* I don’t want to over react and say something like hey, this is getting old, too unavailable half the time, etc. which would make a mountain out of a mole hill. She has historically done this two steps forward, one step back with me. She always gives me enough hope to move things forward again. Especially if I back off a little bit, she will come forward again and when I ask her out again she accepts. 


*I would likely be best off teasing her about how I can help her get a workout in her response to how she has started exercising, etc. 😉


*That after saying in a flirty way that I can help her get a workout so she can save time not going to the gym and hang out with me, that I have come forward again and that it’s time to take myself away in the same text right after saying that, so as to pull away a little bit and send mixed signals (which has historically made her come forward and be available when I contact her to hang out again).


 Something to the effect of: “I can help you get a workout 😉 Or maybe you’re right.” 


This is a flirty response combined with a sentence that leaves my interest somewhat vague. It makes it sound like I might be disengaging but also isn’t saying that I am, thus leaving the option of engaging again later.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 7
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 10:26:37 AM
Good God you are a simp. What kind of Tom foolery are you playing. You have no game. You're pathetic. A dolt.

She is playing with you like a yo-yo and you keep going back for more. WTF is wrong with you? You have no other
plates spinning? No one else to entice you? You're like a fifth grader with a crush. It's sickening.

You are stroking her ego. That's it. You do not turn her on. If she was wet for you she would be dropping everything and
seeing you on your time. Instead YOU let her waste your time and wait around stroking something else for yourself.

It's infatuation. With a PHD you should know what this means. If you are a doctor you should get a prescription for
GROWACETT!! as in grow a set already. She will never respect you because you are playing this game on her terms and
turning yourself into a RUG. Do you have a Dad to talk to? FFS.

You're still trying to create a script as to how and when you might win her over. It's ALL in your HEAD. She is playing the game
for different reasons. You are not the prize. Do you know what is???

You're interest will never be "somewhat' vague at this point. You have already failed every shit test and bought every lame excuse
for her to keep you hanging around. In the pool of men her ego needs to be satiated. You are if you are at all anything to her is her
"friend" and she is NOT reciprocating your feelings...

Otherwise you would NOT be reading this you would be watching her riding you like a pony. WAKE UP. Break it off, get over yourself
and whatever it is you need to prove to yourself by "winning" her over. She is not into you. You're making a fool of yourself over her
and dipping into the company ink.

You might as well jump out of that dating pool because if any other woman at work is observing the way you are allowing her to treat you they are going to label you a Wimp and you will deserve it!!
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 8
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 12:04:32 PM
but your taking a few days to respond. you planned happy hour a week ahead and didn't talk during that week, then you had other plans? who is playing who here? call her up and set up a date or move on and forget her!
 beadventurous253
Joined: 10/16/2016
Msg: 9
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 2:39:48 PM
Wow, what a childish response. Are you mad at people who have more than a high school education? Lol.

My degree is in business and I have more common sense and money than you will have in a lifetime. That doesn't mean I understand the random emotions of a single woman as if it's some kind of science. Get lost....
 beadventurous253
Joined: 10/16/2016
Msg: 10
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 2:41:07 PM
I didn't have other plans. I said I left already for the day because she had told me she would let me know but didn't text me until right at the end of that day. Reading comprehension....
 beadventurous253
Joined: 10/16/2016
Msg: 11
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 2:49:35 PM
Lol, pennyante never graduated from college as I suspected. Works as a doll doctor, lol. Profile pic is from your 20's yet you are 61. What a joke your advice is. Just jealous of others financial and educational success.

And the other guy can't read what I even wrote accurately...
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 12
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 3:19:44 PM

I didn't have other plans. I said I left already for the day because she had told me she would let me know but didn't text me until right at the end of that day. Reading comprehension....
reading comprehension? must be. granted she should of let you know sooner but you could of messaged her too. could be she is misreading your busy schedule as lack of interest. I certainly would not jump threw hoops for her but your both putting it on each other. just call her up and set up a date!
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 13
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 3:26:34 PM
You don't know my net worth and you don't know my education level. I won't dignify your idiocy with a response. It is none of your business.
I am not the one claiming to be a Doctor with poor grammar and misspelled words and no common sense when it comes to women.

The truth doesn't make me jealous of you in any way. You're being made a fool and you can't even see it. Date like a MAN. Not like a
pizza faced reject from high school.

Your being strung along for a woman's ego and taking the bait hook line and sinker like you are desperate INCEL. You need to lash out
at me because you can not take the truth. So be it. Go ahead. Think about some dreamy response in your stupid fantasy. I wouldn't let a
man treat me like that but I guess you like being a doormat.

When she is "busy" way too busy. She is probably juggling you with 7 others or the one she really wants to get it hard from. She will
use you for as long as you let her. So go and be stupid and then come back here to whine a bit more about your failure to score or asking
for another stupid strategy to get the attention from a woman that doesn't want you. Boo hoo.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 14
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 5:08:51 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMzd40i8TfA
 beadventurous253
Joined: 10/16/2016
Msg: 15
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 5:31:12 PM
Yeah penny whatever. I'm pretty sure that my net worth is far higher than yours and that at half your age. Not a ton of high school educated doll doctors that are millionaires.

By the way, looks like my PhD trumped your GED. My response worked just like I thought it would.

Your entire post was basically just a jealousy filled rant about my PhD and how you are such a genius with your GED. Lol. What a troll. Your advice wasn't even accurate.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 16
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/10/2019 6:53:09 PM
Your money means nothing and you should not care about mine.
I would give the same advice to a rich man, poor man, beggar man or a thief.
You're so rich but your hard up for a woman. Mangina much?

You can not buy confidence
You can not buy self esteem
You can not buy maturity
You can not buy your dignity back
You can not buy facing the truth
You can not buy your man card
You can not buy healthy boundaries
You can not buy time you are wasting
You can not buy common sense
You can not buy your co-workers attention
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 17
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/11/2019 6:33:35 AM
Playing hard is good, but can be overdone. It's more about not being too easy.

Also keep in mind that dating coworkers could be a bad idea - if you breakup, work is going to be a terrible place to show up to everyday.

Having difficulty making solid dates means it's probably not a match. People who are sane and want to see each other have no problem nailing down dates.

Keep dating other women.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 18
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/11/2019 1:43:17 PM

If I texted her 3-4 days later citing that I had been busy, she'd respond that she had been busy too. We'd be talking about hanging out, and she would agree to hang out and I would drop off (BasedZeus and many other gurus, leave her wondering a bit, it works, girls do it to us all the time, I think she is gaming me now), text her some time later citing how busy I was (legitimately) and she would respond back that she has been busy too, and kind of play hard to get/back off just a bit almost as if she was taking two steps forward and one step back like so many of the gurus teach. She has game IMO. I think about her more than all the other girls I'm dating combined...


I think her playing hard-to-get with you appears to be paying off for her. You've written enough about her to fill a small book. She gets to live in a big space inside your head rent-free. It must be quite the ego boost for her.

My suggestion is that you become even less available. Stop chasing her and asking her to hang out. Keep on dating other girls and up fill your time so that you're not overly focused on her. Who knows ... perhaps you'll meet another girl whom you like better, who doesn't play these immature, sophomoric games.
 jerseynative7
Joined: 10/26/2018
Msg: 19
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/11/2019 2:31:51 PM
This all sounds exhausting. If youre interested in her, just be interested. No need to play games about it. Youre not 18.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 20
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/11/2019 2:41:17 PM

she would agree to hang out and I would drop off (BasedZeus and many other gurus, leave her wondering a bit,
YOU are playing the game and upset because she is doing the same!
She got my number from her female friend who I'm friends with at work. She has displayed SUPER high interest, even the people at the office have noticed and commented.
she has chased you and your brushing her off, of course she is backing off!
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 21
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How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/11/2019 7:38:51 PM
She has game and you have game, but why partake in these games? It all seems like it has the potential for a lot of drama. At the very least, it seems like a lot of bother without a lot of payoff.
Like whiterose0 said, date other women. I would not continue to invest in this one. I just don't think you'll have reasonable ROI.
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