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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person      Home login  
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 OhHaiMarc
Joined: 6/22/2018
Msg: 1
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Getting to Know a Great but Busy PersonPage 1 of 1    
Perhaps you've come across a really interesting person and there's chemistry, but know the caveat that their job greatly limits their availability. Maybe they travel a lot, work long and/or unpredictable hours but you also also respect their job choice greatly and find it attractive.

The question then, is: can dating or a relationship work out, if one puts aside much of the physical element? Contrary to the norm, it may be in such cases that texting and calling becomes part of the relationship. So, how much patience is a good amount? If one played the support, perhaps it could healthily develop, but I'd like to know others' experiences.

In my case, I've been chatting to a nurse, whom I had to plan a coffee date a few weeks ahead, which she fell ill around (part of her job) and then couldn't get a day off for bowling another time. She's great - to text message - and I enjoy giving her encouragement and cheer. Perhaps I'm naive and selfish to think it was going to be easy to actually date her.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 2
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Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/12/2019 12:34:43 PM

So, how much patience is a good amount?


With online dating, an unlimited amount should cover it.


Perhaps you've come across a really interesting person


Every time I look in the mirror.


The question then, is: can dating or a relationship work out,


Any relationship can work, and any relationship can fail.
It just depends on the 2 people involved.
2 couples in similar circumstances can end up with vastly different outcomes.
 gvjanet
Joined: 1/4/2019
Msg: 3
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Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/13/2019 3:05:51 AM
Don't chase someone.

If she doesn't have time for you, she's not that interested. Period.

If you enjoy chatting online, go for it.

But keep your expectations low.

Very low.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 4
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Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/13/2019 12:28:51 PM
Forget it man. She made her choice long before she ran across you. Just be thankful that you crossed paths with such a positive person. As much as you may like her... if it could be then it would be. Leave her to her chosen life.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 5
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Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/13/2019 1:41:37 PM
OP, IF you have not met this woman in person,...………..yet, …………..I highly suspect, you won't...………...ever.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 6
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Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/14/2019 8:02:59 AM
The chase is always fun, but the online dating chase is a losers game.
If you want to chat with her still , go for it, but go date other women. Dont get fixated on one .
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 7
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Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/14/2019 9:02:11 AM
If you're really keen then offer her to go bowling again. If you get let down again just delete that number of hers and never look back!
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 8
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Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/14/2019 9:10:28 AM

If you're really keen then offer her to go bowling again. If you get let down again just delete that number of hers and never look back!

Agreed. I get that people can go thru busy stretches of their life due to work, family, school, being on vacation etc. However if someone rarely has free time in general or doesn't give an estimated time for when (s)he would be available, then I would move on.
 jerseynative7
Joined: 10/26/2018
Msg: 9
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Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/14/2019 10:03:51 AM
People dont fall in love over text messages and phone calls. Spending actual time together is necessary. If she works that much and cant make time for a coffee date, what makes you think she will have time for a relationship with you?
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 10
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Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/14/2019 11:35:50 AM
@OP "Perhaps you've come across a really interesting person and there's chemistry"

I could never judge if their was "chemistry" with just texts. I don't think that develops electronically.
I have to meet someone in person, in the flesh to even know if there is "chemistry" or not.
I think chemistry is rare.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 11
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Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/14/2019 2:35:03 PM

she's great to text message with


^^^ I'm of the opinion that " text " messaging is the greatest thing since sliced bread ! There is no comparison to a phone call, for example - where vocal spontaneity can result in misunderstanding & an accidental lack of meaningful discussion.

....... If you are reasonably good at putting your thoughts down on paper ( so to speak ) and also have a good understanding of people and the way they communicate - a HUGE amount of information about each other may be gleamed. As far as chemistry goes, I have to disagree with Penny ( the first time ever, col ) ... I think more chemistry can be traded back and forth via writing, then any amount of dating . I understand though, looks & physical mannerisms, play a huge part in a relationship. It's sort of a shame though, but the adage " true beauty lies within " > rings true .

........ Soooo much of who a person is inside, can be obtained from text discussions. I personally got to know a woman, better then I know my own brother. When we finally met after a year or so, we knew each other like the back of each others hands. It didn't work out for several reasons, but it wasn't that we didn't know each other very well.

... heart / text / sun
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 12
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Posted: 1/14/2019 2:58:13 PM

people don't fall in love over text messages


.... ^^^ Oh, I think they can and do .... It seems to me > frequent texting can lead to much more information about one another then, the brief amount of date time spent physically together. And " chemistry " in theory, is not a physical thing ( being together on dates ) but a mentally shared compatibility . Written valid nuances may often come more frequently from writing, with the extra time to think and examine ones thoughts.

^^^ just an opinion, nothing more ~ nothing less ...
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 13
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Posted: 1/14/2019 5:13:34 PM

People dont fall in love over text messages and phone calls. Spending actual time together is necessary.

Every now and then, I hear stories about people who got married without meeting each other first. Usually people that used text, phone calls, or maybe Skype for several months or years because long distance. Not sure how these marriages turned out. That being said, it's not something I would do or recommend. Most likely this wouldn't work for most people either.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 14
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Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/15/2019 1:40:54 AM

In my case, I've been chatting to a nurse, whom I had to plan a coffee date a few weeks ahead, which she fell ill around (part of her job) and then couldn't get a day off for bowling another time. She's great - to text message - and I enjoy giving her encouragement and cheer. Perhaps I'm naive and selfish to think it was going to be easy to actually date her.

It's a lack of interest. Plain as day. Realize that. You're not someone she knows IRL. You're someone online.

Decent people will do this to some extent, and believe they're not lying. Because if they had tons of free time, they believe they would. But it's not that she never has the time to meet you. It's that she doesn't want to enough, to overcome a doable option. The classic "I'm busy" line has truth to it -- you just rank low on the list. Plain. As. Day.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 15
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Posted: 1/16/2019 8:22:40 AM
If you can't set a date within a week or so, they are either too busy for a relationship or not into you. Keep fishing.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 16
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Getting to Knooooow you....getting to blow you....offfff
Posted: 1/16/2019 11:18:48 AM
back at university, i used to invite the prettiest girls in class to study sessions before exams. for a intro to law class, i invited a cutie who was as much social butterfly as cute. when it came time to let her know when we as a group were going to meet and where, i called and her roomate was screening her phone calls. (isn't it wonderful to hear "can i say who's calling?" and wonder if you make the cut?). i just wanted to leave a message, but lo and behold, i was on the list, and i got thru. that simple thing felt really nice--i was important to the busy person! whoo hoo!

but let's say you really want to be around this person for other reasons. if you want to make it work, then...well, you can handle your part of it. but the person who controls the schedule, controls the relationship. i can say, if you're hot, they magically make the time for you. and if they deal with a lot of people, the worry-monster in you will wonder if they're too busy meeting your replacement (i had one friend tell me she was coming up with reasons to not see her bf, and that was her sign to herself she was ready to break up with him. but first....she wanted to try out dating me). so, let's say you can deal with all that.

the more you invest, the more you have to lose. its probably better to chase other options. sometimes, we're the dog chasing cars, and we look at any little scrap, as evidence that things are going well, when they may actually be the brushoff. but, when she's into you...you won't have to wonder if she is. you'll see it in the ratio of "how many times you initiate" versus how many times she tries to make it work.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 17
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Getting to Knooooow you....getting to blow you....offfff
Posted: 1/16/2019 12:54:31 PM

they are either too busy for a relationship or not into you.

Being "too busy" = not into you. So they are either not into you or not into you. It's just a specific reason that's claiming to be Playing a Role as to why they're not into you. You don't have to wait weeks to meet, if you live in the same city, where one person has their schedule open. Not being Able to is 100% BS. Otherwise, they wouldn't be online and able to talk all the time. It's about not Wanting to, even when they are pretty busy, as other things including "me time" and comfort-zone routines take priority over said guy.

i can say, if you're hot, they magically make the time for you.

Yep. If they have Solid Attraction about you (you don't need to be hot, per se) -- suddenly changing their routines on a Wed/Thurs isn't such a chore. :)

I think we realize this from our own experiences, whether we have an epiphany, or a friend calls us out:

Bob: So, you weren't that into Martha who we introduced you to a couple weeks ago?
Jim: No, it's not that. I mean, she seemed cool. We texted, but it fizzled because, dude, I'm really busy.
Bob: Okay, so you're not That into her... I mean, you never wanted to go out on a simple date, even...
Jim: No man! She's cute, she's fine. I have just been Really busy, man! Trust me!
Bob: Alright, alright. (time passes) So, who are you texting there?
Jim: Oh, this hottie, Susan! (shows pics) I'm going out with her again on Thurs night!
Bob: Aren't you too busy to meet her?
Jim: No, this one's really cool and really hot. It's... uggh, dude, it's different. It's different.
Bob: Because it's not Just a girl who'd be worthy of a 100% "spare time" date.
Jim: Exactly!
Bob: Yes, that means you Are into her. Martha, you weren't. You're not cancelling a flight to see Susan. You're shifting your routines because you Want to see her. Martha has to be Very convenient to your routines, to see.
Jim: Yeah, well, uggh, dude, you're making me look like the bad guy here...
Bob: You're only a bad guy if you erroneously stick it to something else so much. Remember Sally from last summer? How she was 'too busy' even tho you two texted? And we bumped into her at happy hour that one time + that one Sat night with her gal pals?
Jim: Sh!t. You're right. I mean, I have been truly busy. But yeah, you're not Actually Into someone if you Only desire them on the 100% "spare time" date level.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 18
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Getting to Knooooow you....getting to blow you....offfff
Posted: 1/16/2019 3:55:24 PM
.
they are either too busy for a relationship or not into you..

.

Being "too busy" = not into you. .


- in the majority of cases, that's correct. Everybody has to take meal breaks, most people, even if they are busy, can make a dinner or coffee date - but only if they want to.

People who like you make the time.
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