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 travelguy1979
Joined: 7/21/2015
Msg: 1
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Dateing is all about racePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Just want to start off by saying that I decided to join POF in genuine interest to meet women via online and because I live in a area where it's hard to meet single young women of my own age.

Anyway, story short, over a span of months that I had this account I would periodically send out messages to different women that I was interested in but realized that 98% of the time I was being ignored.

I'm only looking for one woman to communicate with, but when you're getting no responses you want to figure out why so I did an experiment and changed my profile photo to a regular and rather bland looking male of another race and sent out the same messages with my same profile content and to my disbelief I received responses right away with women eagerly wanting me to reply back.

Bam! That was it and it sucks..

For you guys (and some girls) who are having these same issues the truth about dating is that your success will be solely dependent on race. If you're not from a certain race then you can just forget even participating in dating in a normal manner because the majority of people aren't even looking for you or even want you to speak to them.

I get that people have a preference, but I have been overseas and dating is much easier and less about race. And sadly, even if you do find someone, things still don't necessarily get better. I have a childhood friend here in the States who is happily married in a interracial marriage with 2 children and in 2018 they had to move out of her husbands home state because of all the racism towards their beautiful family. If they had the funds they would leave the United States completely.

It's truly bizarre how people obsess over race and how the most mixed country in the world probably inhabits the most racist ignorant people.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 2
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/14/2019 6:41:19 AM
Because people have preferences you are calling them racist? Thats a losers mentality.

You want to blame your lack of success on other people. You went looking for an excuse as to why you had no luck and you were looking for a very specific excuse and you found it. Oh poor you. Its everyone elses fault and not your own.... Poor victim.
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 3
Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/14/2019 7:39:49 AM
What Constitutes a non Valid Thread

The Following Are Examples of Threads that will be Deleted by either a Forum Moderator, Staff, or
Voted(deleted) off By the User Community - no warnings are given as the rules are here to be read.


9. Rants about your inability to make online dating work for you, are tiresome and have no merit.

https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1345738.aspx
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 4
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/14/2019 8:23:12 AM

It's truly bizarre how people obsess over race and how the most mixed country in the world probably inhabits the most racist ignorant people
I agree with your statement, however, YOU are the one obsessing over race!!! anyone that would go threw that much effort to 'create an issue' is truly racist and ignorant! this attitude right here is why racism still exists!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 5
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/14/2019 8:55:53 AM
This has been posted way too many times, usually totally made up most of the time, and usually removed by the owner.
 travelguy1979
Joined: 7/21/2015
Msg: 6
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/14/2019 10:33:04 AM
A response like yours is the typical American mentality which makes America such a hostile and antisocial place in that you bully and antagonize others at any and every opportunity instead of just listening and having compassion.

You're not exactly right, and I'm not exactly wrong, it's called life and we each experience this place slightly different because we all look and behave differently and have stereotypes attached to us.

If you told me you felt mistreated at a certain place or by a certain person I would believe you because that is YOUR experience not mine. I wouldn't gaslight you or try and make you feel even worse about something that happened to you but not to me.

Case in point, I had a wonderful time in France, but other people I know who have been to France didn't feel they were treated well in that country.

Nobody is racist for having a preference, but I often find in America that "having a preference" is used to disguise a person who is really just racist.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 7
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/14/2019 11:06:33 AM

...your success will be solely dependent on race...


Solely dependent?
Nah, I don't think so... but I read your lack of a profile.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 8
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/14/2019 4:45:04 PM

your success will be solely dependent on race..

I understand race can be a factor with OLD. But so are many other things including height and weight / body type.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 9
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/14/2019 5:14:52 PM

Nobody is racist for having a preference, but I often find in America that "having a preference" is used to disguise a person who is really just racist.
just date other men. your not homophobic are you? is your 'preference' just a disguise?
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 10
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/14/2019 6:13:16 PM
I spent five of the 10 years in the Navy in Europe. Was stationed in Sicily, Spain and Greece. I got to visit another seven Countries. Yes Europe is looser in somethings, and less so in others. So if ya aint happy here in the US, then take yourself back to BFE.
Ciao.........
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 11
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/14/2019 6:14:38 PM
So you're mad because you want to date a woman of another race, but they don't want to date you. darn. I've seen plenty of women of other races. They, except for a very few, aren't very appealing to me. It's my preference to not date them. Just because I don't, does not make me racist. You may think I am. Since it's my choice, and your opinion means nothing to me, then you can go take a flying leap.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 12
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/14/2019 6:26:01 PM
Please, I grew up in a racist home, I know the world is full of racism. I am a short, fat, ugly woman, people online swear up and down that no one like me can get a date...so much BS. Everybody has pros and cons working for and against them, blame whatever you want, pull silly little tricks on people, but rhe fact is, those who aren't interested in the real you...are not interested. Move on, stop trying to make up stuff and keep on trying, or don't try, but stop with the whining.
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 13
Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/15/2019 6:06:05 AM
If, as you claim, the 'real you' is getting a 2% response rate, you are luckier than many guys on this site.

Using people to perform your inane experiment just reveals your character and shows that you are NOT an honest, sincere, caring person.
No one is required to find you attractive, in spite of what you may think about yourself.


I lived and worked in Europe (not military) and while things are 'different,' racism still exists. If you are suggesting otherwise, you are just plain wrong.

Discrimination used to be a good thing ... such as "Joe has discriminating taste in wine."
People discriminate on many levels - what kind of food they eat, what kind of films they watch, what kind of books they read.

You are just one of many crybabies who thinks you have a trait that people are unfairly discriminating against in the world of online dating.

There are a million threads on here from men who rant about women who won't date short guys, "mature" women who belittle men as immature because they won't date women in their age range, fat people who proclaim those who won't date them are shallow, etc., etc.

You can rage against the machine of online dating all you want, but people are NOT required to find you attractive.

Whether it is because of race or not, you can't control the features which people seek in others. Does your absurd "experiment" involve depicting a man of a particular "persuasion" who is successful when he reaches out to those of the same type? Not surprising. People have a tendency to be most comfortable with those who are similar to themselves - income, education, hobbies and, yes, cultural and social background (which is often intertwined with race). I don't know your "race," but even school children realize that there is more to a person than their skin color.

Being a crybaby and portraying yourself as a victim is one of the most unattractive traits a person can possess. It usually bleeds through.

Most likely, THAT is why people find you unappealing. However, with the defensiveness you have shown of your one note agenda (as demonstrated by your thread title), I doubt you are open to advancing your perspective.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 14
Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/15/2019 6:06:39 PM

So you're mad because you want to date a woman of another race, but they don't want to date you.


Lol, exactly. No one is entitled to attraction. Most people date & marry within their own race. If you're actively seeking out people of a different race, get used to rejection more. A lot of women will pick up on your thirst and won't want to be treated as a "flavor of the month" or as an addition to your ____ fever. If you don't do well with rejection, date people of your same or similar racial, religious & socioeconomic background. Stay in your own lane. Simple.

According to OP's profile, he is Caucasian. There is no shortage of white women on dating sites/apps. Date your own race but with your attitude, I doubt that alone would make you successful.
 pfif
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 15
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/16/2019 6:09:20 AM
Caveat: This is a little bit rambling:

Different online dating sites attract different demographics
and express different results among those demographics.

The consumer base (worldwide) is still white majority,
just as it is in real estate in Connecticut where I live.

* * *

sidebar:

I personally found it shocking to see a map showing where
black people live in Connecticut. Shocking in that there
was virtually no representation outside of urban centers.

That was a recent map (I have it bookmarked somewhere;
source was the government).

To me, that said they weren't living in the nice suburban
towns; I thought things had changed more than they have.

* * *

Back to online dating - POF in particular:

This is a business. If people get dates here, that's a side-
effect of the business' purpose (to .. wait for it .. make
money).

There are definitely web sites that cater to other demographics.
I remember seeing one for disabled status. Another for people
of a very specific race and region of the world (catering to first
or second generation (legal) immigrants to the US .. and probably
Canada).

I never notice biases towards Canada - but none away from them,
either (maybe a resident of Canada could say better on this .. the
big deal between the two, online, seems to involve shipping and
handling issues. ;)

I haven't had my coffee.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 16
Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/16/2019 6:59:05 AM

According to OP's profile, he is Caucasian. There is no shortage of white women on dating sites/apps.


- it depends on where you live (and long distance relationships can be another problem)..... I'm not in the majority where I live.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 17
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/16/2019 7:39:57 AM

it depends on where you live (and long distance relationships can be another problem)..... I'm not in the majority where I live.

The OP's location is North Wales Pa which is a part of Montgomery County near Philly. According to the 2010 census, Montgomery County was about 80%. That being said, it's possible the OP had lived someplace else with a relatively lower percentage of whites.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 18
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Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/16/2019 8:34:29 AM
^^^^^^
Montgomery County was about 80% white.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 19
Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/16/2019 8:42:40 AM
I'm in the wrong town (for me). Less than 40% Caucasian here.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 20
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Dating is all about race
Posted: 1/16/2019 11:00:50 AM
"I personally found it shocking to see a map showing where black people live in Connecticut. Shocking in that there was virtually no representation outside of urban centers."

>>>i'm no expert on Ct history, but from what little i know...even tho the tiny state has three major river valleys (great for growing crops in colonial times, and shipping them to the ocean for sale), the soil is rocky enough (hence all the stone walls in what was once clear-cut of trees from border to border) that other than tobacco leaf farming, it seems like generally the farming was more about livestock than crops. what slaves there were, could have been more house slave than agricultural. and Ct history is a bit more about the amistad trial and the author of uncle tom's cabin, so there may not have been the ancestry roots of other states.

after the civil war, former slaves did migrate to states that offered jobs. if they traveled by land, i'd guess they reached NYC and found enough jobs to not bother traveling much further. in more recent times, people may have migrated to CT for defense and insurance jobs, which would have been found in the urban areas. in the eastern half of CT, there were mill towns, and as employees went on strike, the mills would import workers ("scabs", if you will) from Canada and Puerto Rico. Whether or not these fine folks traveled by land from city to city before reaching these old mill company towns, they were invited to go there, promised certain things, and so they probably arrive, settled, populated, and their ancestors may make up today's population in those areas. I'll take a wild guess, other areas of the country have the population breakdowns they have, due to economics. Detroit, for example, attracted workers from afar when Henry Ford offered $5 a day in the 1920's (big wages back then). it sure wasn't the snow :)

we like what we like, b/c we like what we like. some of that is our upbringing. most societies do look down on other members of it (the north-south conundrum, or any caste system, or hey, the movie crazy rich asians). we judge b/c we date in our spare time, and we can pick who we spend that time with, unlike the coworker you're sitting next to and probably won't see outside of work. those of us "past a certain age" may be particular for other reasons. if you're happy with someone, then you're happy with them, even if other people would not be. i wouldn't date a drama queen, but plenty will. for example.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 21
Dating is all about race
Posted: 1/16/2019 12:33:06 PM

it depends on where you live (and long distance relationships can be another problem)..... I'm not in the majority where I live.


I'm sure you know most places in the US have no shortage of White people. OP does not live in a majority non-White city such as Camden, Newark, Honolulu, Detroit, Flint or Memphis. Living where he does (suburban town in PA) and then complaining about wanting to date women of another race, boo-hoo. He's making his own dating life harder (as do a lot of people who use OLD with their unrealistic expectations).
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 22
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Dating is all about race
Posted: 1/16/2019 7:09:46 PM

I'm sure you know most places in the US have no shortage of White people. OP does not live in a majority non-White city such as Camden, Newark, Honolulu, Detroit, Flint or Memphis.
Even when someone lives in a majority non-white city, there are often many nearby suburbs and surrounding areas that are largely white.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 23
Dating is all about race
Posted: 1/17/2019 7:25:53 AM
I'm sure there are some people that won't date the OP due to race. But I doubt that is the only or even the primary reason. There are people that mostly contact others from the same race and get very few responses.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 24
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Dating is all about race
Posted: 1/17/2019 7:49:46 AM
Maybe the OP should try Match because Match has a section where users can put the race(s) they are interested in dating. A mutual search can mostly filter out the people that wouldn't be interested because of race. If he is still gets a very low percentage of positive replies to his initial emails, then most likely it would because of other reasons such as the competition or having a general poor quality of pictures.

Although most people do marry someone from the same race, I do think there are fair amount of people that are open to dating someone from another race. But had very limited chances to so do because most people in their area or social circle are from the same race.
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 25
Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/20/2019 7:48:22 AM
Dating is not all about race... it is about politics too.
If you are a Trump supporter at any level, some women on POF will block you immediately.
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