|Help ASAPPage 1 of 2 (1, 2)|
|A woman that I met here around 3 years ago. We were in "love" but I did something stupid. It caused some drama for her and we were done. I got on line a few weeks ago and she thought I had found someone. Well we started "talking" on here again. After about a week I asked her if she would go out for lunch with me... SURE. WOW. I was knocked off my feet!!|
It has progressed a little bit. I need to make sure that I ask questions. I know she has several man friends on here. She said 6 male friends, I don't k now if they are near by or just in here. Thats not the real problem.
I have learned from my mistakes, I am a different man that she knew back then.
Our date is Saturday for lunch!!!
What do I do?
Should I am sorry for the mistake or dumb thing I did? Say that I am a different man? Ask her forgiveness or if she could forgive me.
I really don't want to mess this up. I am 65 and she is 71. Not that matters. I must have been 63 and she was 68.
Please help me not screw this up
Posted: 1/16/2019 8:04:50 PM
... First thing is calm down, collect yourself & consider the good fortune. It's a lucky thing, that this is even happening . Don't forget though > you are a good person who has made mistakes, you are not alone. Be confident and fall back on your natural personality , be yourself .
... I wouldn't bring your mistakes up right away, when or if she mentions it - weigh what she says and react calmly. I wouldn't immediately bring it up - or make a huge deal over it ( you've got plenty of time for that, col ) ... In the future you two can speak further, work things out. This is what mature couples do, for now have faith and be confident & secure in who you are. You'll soon find out what is on her mind, go with the flow ...
... I'm sure you'll get loads of good advice here, you've come to the right place ...
... & ps > IX - NAY to the you mentioning the herd of men ( lol ) I would let her bring that up, if and when she so desires
... heart / be yourself / sun ...
Posted: 1/16/2019 9:26:27 PM
|I am not quite as unnerved as I may have sounded. I tend to over think things sometimes. I am lucky to have her show interest in me again. She was the one that showed interest in me the first time. I actually went to her house to help her mow grass. lol. corny I guess. She came up to my truck when I parked next to her house. Came up to my truck and was going to give me a kiss, I thought it was a kiss for my cheek. So I turned my head for that. We talked about that at a later time. I guess I was the shy person. Out of the dating world. I was married for too long I guess. Over 40 years. I had not dated in a long long time.|
On a few dates since then, One relationship with a younger(10 years) woman who turned out to be a real nut job.
So I really want to cross my T's and dot my i's.
So thanks for the help and advice...
Posted: 1/16/2019 9:44:11 PM
|Well OP, Your first problem is ……...You are from Texas....You know...…..everything is bigger in Texas. Just like your dilemma ………….is bigger than it actually is...………..Yes, you are overthinkin'. |
If this woman is willing to see you again, that in of its self, tells you she is willing to forget and forgive, although YOU should forgive yourself. Let it go. To learn from one's mistakes means, don't screw things up again. Move forward.
Enjoy the date, good luck, have fun. When you're older you have less time to make up for!
Posted: 1/16/2019 9:57:07 PM
Both of use are Fire Signs. I am Aries, she is a Leo. It says we are a great match..
Posted: 1/17/2019 4:25:14 AM
|I would expect an explanation and an apology right from the get go.|
I would also expect for you to be the one to bring it up....or I would think you really don't think what you did
was a big issue. And it was obviously big enough to make her end things.
Own it....explain it....and don't make excuses.
She might be interested in seeing you again....
or she might be interested is seeing what you have to say for yourself....
"What" you say is going to make the difference in those two.
Posted: 1/17/2019 5:56:44 AM
|I just wrote about this yesterday. After a breakup, especially one that lasts so long, the love is gone and rarely returns. It's called ghostly lover syndrome. You fantasize about the good times but forget reality. You guys broke up for a reason.|
- we call them breakups because they are broken.
- you can't go back.
- you get one chance per-person, per lifetime.
The only place you see love return is in the fantasy world of movies and TV.
It's okay! - find a new girlfriend.
What mistake did you make?
Posted: 1/17/2019 8:14:31 AM
What mistake did you make?
how else can people here give you acurate advice
Posted: 1/17/2019 8:29:38 AM
|what was the 'mistake'? forgot to put toilet seat down or had sex with her kids and/or pets? was it rude or inconsiderate, insulting or broke her trust? how long did you date? a few more details?|
Posted: 1/17/2019 8:37:32 AM
If this woman is willing to see you again, that in of its self, tells you she is willing to forget and forgive, although YOU should forgive yourself. Let it go. To learn from one's mistakes means, don't screw things up again.
This right here. She has moved passed it and so should you. If she hasn't then I'm sure it wouldn't be long before something gets said.
How about start planning how you're going to woo her and enjoy your new found chance ;)
Posted: 1/17/2019 10:27:53 AM
|If you've already apologized for whatever it was you did in the past and she broke up with you anyway, I don't see the need to apologize again. If she wants to discuss said problem, I'd let her bring it up. I'm not a big fan of someone bringing something up from the past and continually expecting the same apology over and over again.|
With respect to the number of male friends she has on here or elsewhere, that's something to discuss if you want to just be one of many male friends as well or if you're looking for an exclusive relationship with her. She may just be looking for a number of male companions to do things with and you're one of them - taking turns doing things with x when y is busy. I'm sure an open discussion will make this clear to you - just don't make it your opening salvo. At a slow point in the conversation, simply tell her you're curious why she agreed to meet with you again, after the way things ended. From there, you'll see if she's going to expect an apology (or further apologies) and you can ask her what she's expecting in the way of a relationship - just friends with you and others or exclusivity at some point down the road.
Posted: 1/17/2019 12:40:24 PM
|It would totally depend on what the mistake or problem was.|
I figure most people at this age (mine) should know the difference
between right and wrong and should know how to behave in most
if not all situations. I also think most people know when they're doing
something wrong, and something about them or the situation makes
them think it's okei to do it anyways.
I'm not one for second chances this late in life. Most of us have already
had second, third, fourth and sometimes even more chances to get things right.
Not perfect, just right enough someone doesn't decide they need to run
So, I'd be curious why she's interesting in seeing him again.
But that's just me.
Everyone should do what they think is best.
I won't be around to say I told ya so.
Posted: 1/17/2019 3:40:26 PM
|I was a a$$. drank a little to much and went to bed mad. We both were drinking some strawberry tequila in a can like a grape juice or V8 juice. I basically do not drink anymore. |
No long term relationship since then. She is still looking on her profile for a serious LTR.
I have tow female friends, one from High School, no past dating experance, Divorced 3 times and on her own for a while, but basically does want a relationship.
Another friend from High School, I was a freshman and she way a junior, but no dating at that time. Divorced 3 times and she has been on her own for awhile, but same thing. We go to the same church, but that's about it.
I had a relationship with a woman 10 years younger than me for over a year. But she was a real nut case.
No younger women for me!!!!
Posted: 1/17/2019 4:24:28 PM
But she was a real nut case.
No younger women for me!!!!
That quality is not confined to younger women.
The mercury poisoning in the pond cuts across the entire spectrum.
Posted: 1/17/2019 9:11:05 PM
|We said a few text messages on POF.|
Good news. She asked me do I remember why we broke up. I then went in to my : I was a stupid. I had too much to drink that night and went do bed mad. I said that I was very sorry for what I did, and I hoped she could forgive me..
And that I was a changed man.
Next thing I know she is calling me on the phone. WOW.
Know what? She didn't remember why we broke up. Seriously. Nice phone call. She remembers some things but not why. She did remember that I was easy to get mad. She doesn't remember the drinking thing. She asked if we were still on for lunch Saturday. I said yes. And probably a few other things. We both laughed a lot. Some of a few bad things that have happened since then. A crazy man in her life too at one time.
Boy I am one happy camper that we hit it off so well again.
Be still my beating heart. It beats too fast. or get the butter flies out of my stomach.
Posted: 1/17/2019 9:29:45 PM
|I have a big fault. I remember everything. Curse. I remember the every one I kissed, the first person I made love too. |
I met a old flame on Facebook and I could remember everything. Going out together, how she wanted to have my children and so forth. I even bought her a ring. Nice guy that I am I never would go past anything that the other person wanted. Later I found that at the same time she was seeing someone else(long story) and got pregnant.
What can I say? Just me.
But damn I am a happy camper.
Posted: 1/18/2019 3:24:05 AM
forgot to put toilet seat down or had sex with her kids ...
If she is 71, I would say her kids are much older than necessary to have sex with. OP might be better off dating one of her kids. Just saying.
And on POF, many young guys are just dying to date much older women. So she would have no problem finding younger guys on POF too.
Posted: 1/18/2019 6:57:02 AM
|I find it interesting you pointed out the age range and that she is older , an age difference which is nil, given that both of you are in advanced age and only a handful of years apart. It shouldn't make a difference, either way, but you sharply pointed it out.|
OTOH, I love the fact that she's 71 AND exploring her other options. I hope she enjoys her dating and sex life and considers the most suitable partner for herself if monogamy is something she's still interested in, at this stage. Go her!
Posted: 1/18/2019 8:15:21 AM
So I really want to cross my T's and dot my i's.
I think that spells "tits"!
Posted: 1/18/2019 1:45:25 PM
And on POF, many young guys are just dying
Hmmmmm, I never read the obit page here.
Posted: 1/18/2019 8:12:38 PM
|Hey fellow Texan, all the best to ya in the "new" you/ renewed romance|
Posted: 1/18/2019 11:21:52 PM
|Don't apologize. You are already forgiven.|
You are a good guy and good guys own up to their mistakes. I get that. Thing is that you have a positive response right now. Take it. You quit drinking. Your future actions should be all of the apology you need. Bringing up a dead issue only shuffles a joker into the deck.
As to the age thing. I had a relationship with someone her age for close to ten years when I was in my 40s. Most rewarding of my life.
Sincere good luck, OP.
Posted: 1/20/2019 6:33:19 AM
|When I was a newbie to relationships (and not married yet), I had dated 2 women who were about 10 years older than I was who had 2 kids. |
They both tried to discourage me from having kids: that was very selfish of them.
I'm glad I didn't end up with them.
Having a kid Trumps everything else.
So watch out for older people's personal agendas that might not be in line with yours.
Posted: 1/20/2019 6:56:33 AM
|How did the Date Go OP? Btw both of you will realize if there is any reason to revisit the past and or try to resurrect it-and from what little you have said-it appears she will keep her cards closer to the heart (I did something that caused her drama)-so remember that if you do proceed forward.|
Posted: 1/21/2019 7:15:43 AM
|Date went great:|
Went to a Mr. Gattis Pizza, her choose. 2 senior meal's lol. From 12:30 till 8:30 we sat, talked, laughed. Ate a little, drank some non adult drinks, ate some more pizza, drank, pizza. No pigging out, small slice's every now and then . They even made a fresh spinach Alfredo pizza. We did talk a little about the breakup. Not a big focus.
We then went back to her house, just a few miles away, and talked some more. I left around 1 AM. Some in-depth conversation. Past, possible future. Just a little romance. But I asked before I left " Where do we go from here?" Baby steps.
We are going to do POF and talk, another date. But I think it went very well.